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rapture ch.3 the recovery

ch.3
recovery

i got released from the hospital that monday. the 23rd. jared and leroy picked me up and helped me into the backseat. jared and i stay together for the rest of the month, until i was cleared to return to school and him to california.
”becareful please jem, i love you”. ”i will daddy”. jared kissed me on the lips, and i watched him leave the apartment.

every other day, someone from the home health agency came over to look at the skin graft and wounds to dress and clean them and to help me into the shower. the last on my leg was removed i was able to bare weight on it now and i didnt really have a limp.
i talk to nikki every day on the phone. she told me she had to wear a special helmut because of her head injury. she had surgery on sunday to remove the balloon or something they put inside her chest to reinflate her lungs. she has a big scar down her torso. ”i look like frankenstein”. ”i cant wait to see the scar”. she’s up and walking around now too, only the doctors want her to wear her helmut everywhere. she was released from the hospital on oct 5th.
”i am finally home, it feels so good to wear my own clothes and sit on the couch”. ”yeah same”. ”my legs kind of hurt if i stand up to long but my therapist was telling me to do my leg excersizes and i want to try to do some yoga”. ”me too my home health people come everyday, to check the wound and the portable monitor i have on me, i wear it around my waist like a cool belt belt jem. i am think about sitting outside in the yard later tonight to get some sun and fresh air”. ”that sounds so good nikki i am so glad you home”. ”when i am upto it i am going to come uptown and see you”. ”please and same”. ”alright well i am going to go, this t.v wont watch itself”.

getting back to school was sort of different. everyone looked at me strangely. i felt like they felt bad for me. i didnt really pay attention to the girls or kids in my school as i walked down the hall holding my books, in one arm and my cane in the other. i walked to my locker to put my things away. they told me some of the kids that went didnt make it back.
in my locker i check my phone. i got a few message from jared and one from nikki, a picture of her dressed up with the message that said first day of school. i text her back and said ”you look amazing have fun”.
then i looked at jared’s message. ”the video looks so good, were going to be on mtv, tomorrow baby. i miss you i love you i will see you at the halloween party”. ”i love you too and ill see you then”.
i text nikki, ”feeling up to going to jared’s halloween party”. i put my phone back into my purse and closed my locker.

after school, i carried my books and purse on my shoulder out to the car. leroy was waiting for me. ”hi”. ”hello hello”. in the car i sit back put on my seatbelt. nikki is feeling well enough to come uptown to see me tonight, i am excited i am going to make dinner for us.
were going to do our homework and nikki is going to show me her monitor. i bought so movies for us to watch and some games for us to play.

nikki arrived at five pm limping through the door to the elevator, her back pack on her shoulders along with her purse. ”well well well if it isnt the girl in black back on her feet”. the door man said letting her in. ”rose from the dead too like the phoenix”. ”welcome back nics”. ”hi”. everyone greeted her as she walked through the lobby to the elevator.
we sat at the glass dinner table and ate our food, did our homework and talked. ”they told me in school today that not everyone came back, some kids didnt make it”. ”yes they told me too” ”they told me there were little kids there too”. ”i know all we can do is pray and figure out how to help those people who lost their kids and loved ones”.
”oh jemma i have some ideas for costumes for the halloween party”. ”ok great lets hear it”. ”so for me i was thinking, vampira, or morticia addams and for you i was thinking a bouncy ball or a muppet”. ”a bouncy ball”. ”yeah i can make the coustume” ”oh my god that is so funny a bouncy ball”. ”why not we already have the limp, actually i might be the muppet”. ”i dont think there are any dark muppets”. ”there will be if i make it”. nikki countered, ”this i have to see”. ”ok bouncy ball”. she and i laughed so hard at this idea. ”ok muppet”.

jared’s halloween parties are legendary. they take place every year in either new york or l.a whereever he happens to be and this year it was going to be here because we were not cleared for travel yet. the party was going to be held at the 21club.
jared got in the 29th, while i was sleeping. i crawled into bed next to me and kissed me on the cheek. ”hi my baby”. ”hi daddy”. i whispered back to him, i rolled over to look at him. ”i missed you”. ”i missed you too baby”. he held me in his arms until i fell asleep again.

but right now on the night of halloween he has all this party make up stuff everywhere. he is going to be a spooky skeleton, and shannon his brother who i have never really sat down with is also here. bout of them are laughing and giggling. nikki is texting me tutorials on how to do cat eye make up because i want to be a kitten. i am wearing a catsuit with a tale on the end of it, i have a head band that has cat ears on it. i did my foundation like my normal make up. nikki told me to use the dark eye brow pencil to paint the dots on my face and the whiskers and how to make the dot on my nose. i brushed my hair and put it in a pony tail. now i was putting on the boots nikki let me borrow, and getting my things together for the party. i am bringing a little clutch kind of bag, that only fits my cell phone and the debit card in it. i grab my caine that a friend of mine in the theatre department of my school bedazzled for me.
i open the bedroom door into the living room and foyer. i take a few steps out, reach up to turn off the lights and shut the door behind me. in the kitchen jared is put the white make up on shannons face. i smile for a moment, i dont think i have ever seen them together like this.
shannon stops and jared looks over his shoulder. ”wow you look great, my little kitty cat”. ”thanks, you look good too”. ”are you ready”. ”yes i just have to get my coat”. i limp and hobble over to the coat rack and put on my coat.
jared and shannon follow me, and put on their coats too. ”is nikki meeting us there”. ”yes they are on the train right now, she is bringing michael”. ”ok let’s go”. jared is driving tonight, we walk to the garage and get into the car. i sit in the front seat next to him and shannon is in the back seat. ”jemma can you hand me my cigarettes, they should be in the consul in front of you”. ”sure”. i hand them to shannon in the back seat who cracks the window. ”what is nikki going to be”. ”a muppet”. ”oh i cant wait to see this”. jared says getting the car started. i have my clutch in my lap, my caine next to me.
jared pulls the car out of the garage and now were driving on the main street. theres a toll road on the way there. ”can you get me 5 dollars for the toll”. jared asked, i pull open the middle compartment, where jared and leroy keep the toll cash. ”did you say five jay”. ”yes”. he says as we pull into the toll booth.
once were through the toll, it takes us about 30 minutes to get to the 21club. jared and shannon are talking to each other while i read my texts from nikki. ”jemma we just got off the train we are a few blocks away how far are you guys”. ”how far are we”. ”bout 15 minutes”. ”ok were going to go inside then”. ”ok ill see you there”.

”jared, mom is already there”. ”oh ok tell her were almost there”. ”ok”. i am looking out the window at the lights on the builings. the streets havent been cleared and most of the are blocked off so we have to take a detour. i am quiet and mostly let the guys talk. ”your so quiet” jared says in a lone voice, he reaches for my hand and kisses it. ”i am letting you talk to your brother”. ”i want to talk to you too”. a sharp pain shot through my legs. ”oww”. i i stretched my legs and look down. ”are you alright”. ”yes this random pain shoots down my legs”.
jared parked the car, when shannon handed him something from the backseat. ”oh yeah”. he opened the small baggie, that had 3 pink pills in it, he gave me one, he took one, and then gave the other to shannon. ”whats this” xtasy”. i shrugged my shoulders and put the pill in my mouth and swalloed it down with a bottle of water we shared.
shannon got out of the car first. jared however grabbed my hand and said ”wait”. i sat back for a minute watched jared take off his seat belt and kiss me roughly. ”tonight with that x is going to make you so horny, when we get home i am going to fuck you”. my cheeks blushed a little as he got out then came around and opened the door for me. he helped me out of the car, and smacked he hard on the rump. ”jay”. i said as he took my by the hand.
in the busy 21 club, i looked around and saw nikki. i waved and made a bee line to her. she was sitting next to an interesting looking man in a very elegant pinstriped suit. i hugged her and sat down next to her. ”jemma, this is my friend crispin glover. he’s an actor”. ”hi crispin”. ”nikki was telling me about you”. ”really like what i asked”. ”well that you too a close friends and spend alot of time together”. ”your costume came of great”. ”and yours too such a clever way to hide the helmut”. ”i know right, i covered it the the top of a foam ball, and then went from there”.
”nikki do you want to dance”. ”no not until they play the time warp but you go ahead”. crispin left us alone and i scooted closer to nikki. ”where is michael”. ”over there he met some dark haired model girl and they started dancing, wheres jared”. ”oh he’s over there with shannon and his mom, in the car car they gave me something called xtasy”.
she made a face, and giggled. seems like someone is trying to get fucked tonight”. ”he also said that too”. nikki laughed, ”well good lucky cos x is the way to get there, do you want to dance”. ”no, i am going to sit here and wait for jared”. ”ok, ill be back”. nikki went into the crowd to dance with crispin and another guy. thats when jared came back over to me. ”hey baby”. ”hi daddy”. ”do you want to dance with me”. ”yes please”.
during the dance to michael jacksons thriller, i think that xtasy must have kicked in because jared pulled me closer to him tightly. ”i need you to kiss me right now. he got me off the dance floor and to someplace quiet and dark, where he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. he had a hand on my neck kissing me roughly and holding me into position. ”i want you right now”. he said pulling me back through the dance floor and out the front door. we get into the car. ”home is thirty minutes away”. i say as he looks at me with lust in his eyes. ”there’s a hotel over there”. ”fuck, ok come on” he says, opening his door and then comming around to open mine.
we walk across the hotel. i wait on the side for a minute while jared gets the room. once they hand him the key he grabs my hand and takes me to the elevator. the door closes and he gets me in the corner kissing me feverishly. when it opens on our floor he grabs my hand and pulls me through the hall to our room. i go inside at first and wait for for him for a minute when he closes and locks the door. then he grabs me roughly and pushed me up against the wall. ”kiss me”. he demands as he crushes his lips to mine, our tounges dancing in unison. then he picks me up and carries me into the bed area. ”i want you to suck me now baby”. he pulls down the jumpsuit hes wearing and lays back on the bed, ”dont take that costume off kitten, come up here and suck my cock right now”. he demands, so i climb on the bed between his legs and just like i read in the book i take his cock into my mouth.
i hear his breath catch in his throat. ”look up at me kitten while your suck me”. i roll my eyes up to look at him while i struggle to fit my mouth around his girth.
”yes kitten, my sweet baby girl. suck me”. he demands again, hes moaning and panting getting so turned on watching. i hit the right spot because i feel him tense, ”oh yes baby thats it right there, suck dady’s cock like a good little girl”. this talk is also getting me turned on, i can feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter by the minute. ”oh yes baby, stop please stop i dont want to cum up”. i stop and then i wait. ”how do i get this off of you”. it has a zipper in the back”. jared pulls the zipper down but he cant wait to touch me. he runs his hand down the suit, touching my breasts and then my pussy. i moan his touch is kinda of rough and feels so good. ”is that pussy nice and wet for daddy”. ”your my little fuck toy, my sweet virgin bride”. he says kissing me again roughly and biting at my neck. he pulls my suit down until its at my ankles.
i kick off my boots and kick off my suit. ”that good baby come here”. jared sits me on top of him. i reach back and stroke his cock. ”no baby, were going to fuck right now”. he rolls me over, hes on top of me now. he holds my hands over my head and roughly kisses me again. showing his tounge all the way into my mouth. placing a hand on my check the way we like it, he spreads my legs, and pounds into me. this time he is fast, very fast. its not slow and calculated this time i am wet and also turned on but jared is so big and isnt giving me time to get used to him.
”your my sweet baby girl” he moaned with every thrust. ”yes yes daddy or ill spank you”. the first time i dont say it, but then he spanks me hard with his hand. ”say yes daddy”. ”yes daddy”. ”good, good baby girl girl who likes to please her daddy”. ”yes daddy, i like to please you”. still holding my neck tightly he leans down and kisses me again. fucking me harder and harder. the sensation is making me arch my back. i am in pure delight feverish and frantic. ”dont you dare cum before your second orgasm”. ”ooohh daddy”. he spanked me again. ”what did i say”. he spanked me again. ”i asked you what i said”. ”say yes daddy”. ”thats right baby, say yes daddy when i am fucking you”. ”yes daddy”. i can hardly stand it my orgasm is so intense. i want to cum so bad, i am trying desperately to hold on to control myself. ”dont cum yet baby, i told you do you dare”. ”yes daddy, it feel so good i cant help it”. he spanked me again. ”control it, hold on until the second orgasm”. i bite my lip and moan, jared forces his tounge into my mouth, kissing me. he lets go of my neck and puts my arms over my head again, with with only one hand. while the other he rubs on my face. ”suck my fingers baby”. ”yes daddy”. he spanks me again. ”i didnt hear you”. ”yes daddy”. he’s going so fast my orgasm is so intense, i feel the urge to cum to let go”.
”oh i wish, we werent on the pill i’d get your pregnant tonight”. this kind of turned me off. ”what how can you say that”. he spanks me twice this time. ”what did i tell you”. ”say yes daddy”. ”thats my good girl, my sweet little baby girl. my sweet virgin bride”. he says in hurried kisses again.
his hand goes back to my neck and he increases his speed faster and fast now, and ever more rough. ”daddy i am going to cum, i need to cum”. he spanks me again and says ”do you dare cum or daddy will have to punish you and spank you”. ”but i cant hold on any longer, and i come”. ”’oh yes daddy” i cry out in pleasure. he knows i have come. he spanks me hard again and pulls out of me. he reaches down for the belt on the floor. ”you disobeyed me when i said not to come before your second orgasm. he rolls me over onto my belly and spanks me with the belt.
”let try again this time dont come until your second orgasm, now be a good girl for me and what do you say”. ”yes daddy”. he was more aggressive this time, choking me and fucking me even harder. ”oh yes daddy, fuck me fuck you baby girl”. i moaned in pleasure. ”yes your my girl, my sweet baby girl, taking all of my cock so good”. ”oh yes i need it daddy, i need your cock inside of me daddy”. ”i am fucking my baby girl, my sweet girl”.
spreading my legs even further, jared fucked me even harder. ”yes baby, yes baby you make daddy feel so good”.
this went on for hours our rough fucking. after about 2 am. i couldnt hold on any longer, i came hard on the bed. jared came so hard inside of me and let go of my neck but kept on kissing me. ”you have worn me out baby”. carefully he pulled out of me”. my legs were so sore, so was my torso and pussy.
i caught my breath and got out of bed. i went into the bathroom to clean myself off. the bite marks on my neck make it look like i had been bitten several times over by a vampire.
”baby, come here and lay down with me”. jared pulled the blankets back for me. ”i want to fuck you like this all the time”. ”yes daddy, it felt so good”. ”there are so many things i will teach you if you willingly become my sub”. ”sub”. ”my submissive, that means you let me do things to you in the bedroom”. ”like what”. ”tie you up, spank you. use the vibrator on you, hand cuffs and nipple clamps that sort of thing” ”yes daddy i want to learn how to please you”. ”remember i told you about the rules, well these are the rules you have to follow, to learn to submit to me in the bedroom”. ”yes daddy”. ”hey werent we supposed to be at the party”. ”yes but i wanted to fuck you like this all day”.
jared pulled me in tighter to him. he pulled the blankets over and we we fell asleep. we didnt wake up until 11 am check out the next morning.
in the middle of the day light crossed the street and went back to the car.

in the car, i check my messages. ”hey where did you get off too did you and jared leave, oooohhh call me later”.
i text nikki and said ”yeah we went to the hotel across the street”. ”oh my god girl, yes did you remember everything i told you”. ”yes it was so good, we finished at three and just woke up right now, how was your night”. ”kinda of nice, crispin kind of had a moment, i dont know but whatever i am happy for you, see you later enjoy your time with your dude”. ”i will bye”.

jared was fumbling around in the middle compartment looking for something. ”baby i got you something, i wanted to give it to you last night but i forgot”. he opened the blue tiffany box, my new wedding ring. he placed the ring on my finger. ”dont loose this one or i will spank you”. ”do you promise”. ”i do promise”.

walking into our apartment jared closed and locked the door. maria was off on the week ends. i went into the bedroom and started taking off my things. ”leave it on for me”. jared said standing behind me. ”i am going to teach you how to be my submissive, i dont want that kind of patriarchy bullshit, i want you to be my submissive to like pain the way that i like pain, but i also want to teach you how to control your body”.
i sit down in the large chair with my legs open. i sit back and say ”how do i learn that”. jared walks over to the vanity. he pulls something out of a drawer. ”you learn with discipline and control”. calculated and with though jared walks over to me he’s holding something shiny.
at first i am not sure what to think of this, i am still figuring this whole thing out as i go along. now jared is standing in front of me. he holds out his hand to allow me to see the shiny object. its made of stainless steel its about 5 inches tall and has 2 inch metal balls on it. i am confused as i hold it. ”what is this”. ”these are balls”. jared said choosing his words wisely. ”what do you do with them”. i asked carefully, jared clicked something in his hands, and the balls starting pulsating. the sensation startlet me at first, but then it started to tingle.
”these go inside your pussy dear”. i drop the on the floor at my feet, jared leaned down and picked them up. ”this will teach you how to control youself during and orgasm, and not to come until i tell you too”. ”what your going to do, is every morning before you leave for school this week you will wake up, go to the bathroom and come out naked, ill be sitting right here on the chair. you will come and sit on my lap, you’ll kiss me, then you will get up slowly and walk to the edge of the bed, i want you to lean forward of the edge putting both hands on the bed and youll stand with your legs spread. i ll come over to you, put a gentle hand on the small of your back, ill run my hand over you ass, i give you a hand spank first and then ill put them inside of you, you will go about your day with them inside of you. when your on lunch. you will go to you locker and text me, when your text me i want you to say yes daddy. then when you come home your going to repeat and i will ask you how man times you came, and for everytime i will spank you. do you understand me”. i was titilated, and said ”yes daddy”. ”good baby, now come here and kiss me”.

after things have calmed down a little bit from our sexual excitment. i changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. i sat on the couch next to jared, resting my still wounded and stitched legs on the ottomen. i held my phone in my hands reading the text messages and emails. shannon comes out of his room, wearing only a pair of jeans, with his arm around a girl i have never met. ”hey hey there you are, what happened to you last night were did you too get off too”. jared crossed his legs in front of him and said ”the hotel across the street, how was the party”. ”oh man you should have been there, ”you need to call your friend because she got into an argument with her brother last night and took off, but other then that it was a great party”.
i send a text to nikki. ”hey shannon told me you had a fight with your brother are you ok where are you”. ”i am at the hotel across from the 21, i will not go home”. ”geez what happened, come over here please”. ”no jemma i cant impose on you and jared, i know you have a house full”. ”your still recovering from the attack you have a massive head injury you need to be somewhere you can be safe, but tell me what happened”.

on the dance floor in my muppet costume, i danced with cripsin the best that i could, until i looked of at my brother michael, he was surrounded by a bunch of people, then i saw 2 big fat black guys(not racist just an observation)comming in behind him. the black guys, had something in there hands. they then stood in front of my brother toe to toe and started to beat him up. the crowd on the dance floor seperated and i hobbled over. ”leave my brother alone”. i screamed swinging my cane, but shannon grabbed me. i kicked him away and went back to the dudes attacking michael. ”get back this is not about you”. they warned but i went crazy and started swinging and trying to get them off of michael. but one guy grabbed me and the other grabbed michael and dragged us outside to the parking lot.
”you stay back he owes us money”. one guy screamed in my face. ”how much money”. ”5 grand little girl”. ”for what” i screamed again. ”heroin stay back”. he then started hitting my brother again and again. it took a minute to process, in the whole fog of the night. ”i have money ill give you the money but leave him alone”. ”the guys stopped and looked up at me”. ”ill give you all the money i have but please leave him alone”.
”what do you have on your right now”. ”i have cash, and my cards”. i took out my wallet and gave them all the cash i had on my person, 200 in cash. ”how much more do you have and long can you get it”. ”i can write you a check see”. ”how do we know its good”. ”put it in the bank and find out it takes 2 days for a check to cash”. i put the check book on the top of jared’s black ferrari. i wrote out the check for 4,800 dollars signed it and gave it to them. they got michael up off his feet and stood him up against the car. ”dont ever think you can get away with that from us again”.
michael was now wiping the blood off his face. i on the other hand was so pissed off. ”you shouldnt have done that, that is your money”. i was so angry trying to not make my condition worse. ”how long has this been going on”. ”what”. ”heroin michael, how long”. ”i dont know, like a year or so”. i cleared my throat, ”i didnt almost die to be caught up in this shit, michael this is why i left cali. i dont want to do that ghetto shit here and yet here you are, this explains everything. maybe it would have been better if i did give up and died you dont care about me”. ”nikki dont say that i am your brother, i love you. your the only thing i have in this world”. ”you dont care about me michael, how could you do this to me”. ”i am sorry it just got out of control”.
he reached out to try to hug me. ”dont touch me michael, you know i dont fuck with heroin, i will not go back to the lower east side with you, you can go home by yourself”. i walked back into the club, and sit down again. my chest hurts so bad, its hard for me to breathe. i fumble with my bag to find my inhaler and meds. ”fuck”. i say as crispin come back over to me. ”nikki, who were those guys”. ”drug dealers”. ”are you ok, can i help you with anything”. ”can you help me open this bottle please”. i hand him my pill bottle. ”here”. shannon comes over with a closed bottle of water. other celebs are there too, they all come towards me. selma hyack, helps me open the bottle of water. jennifer conally is wiping the sweat off my face. crispin takes the helmut off the top of my head, so that i can get some fresh air. ”can we help you with anything”. ”no i am just going to go”. ”i put the helmut back on and stand up, i take some wobbly steps outside the 21 club, i go across the street and check into a hotel.

”oh my god, where is he now”. ”home i guess i dont know”. ”nikki why didnt you tell me this earlier”. ”you were busy and its ok i am going to figure something out”. ”shannon will leave tomorrow come here”. ”i cannot come up that way i have to stay close to the lower east side, because of school jemma”. ”what’s going on is she ok” jared asked looking at me. ”shes at the hotel across from the 21club, michael was attack by drug dealers over heroin”. ”thats sucks”. ”to nikki its the vilest drug on the planet”. ”is she going to come here”. ”no she has to stay close to her school”.
”ok, do you want me to make a call i can get her something nice”. ”no she doesnt like that sort of thing to owe something to someone”. ”ok”. jared left the issue alone and left me to finish our convo. ”ok well stay safe please and ill see you later”. ”k bye”.
”i am just going to say goodbye to shannon baby ill be back”. ”ok”. i turned the t.v on and sat on the bedroom floor. i got a really sweet email from my sisters, jana, jill, jessa and jinger. ”we love you jemma, when are you comming for a visit. we miss having girl talk”. i opened the email browser and sent the following.
”hi sisters, i wont be able to come to for a visit, i am not cleared for travel because of the recent terrorist attack. however as soon as i am cleared i will let you know. miss you all so much cant wait to see all of you”.

walking shannon out to the car where leroy was waiting for us. i said ”hey i need a favor can you come back here and pick me up when you are done”. ”of course, whats wrong”. ”nothing is wrong i just have to run an errand”. ”ok ill see you in a few minutes boss”. i watched him drive the car away before i walked back into the apartment building. i took a deep breath in the elevator, it dinged on my floor and i went back inside.
jemma was sitting on the hard wood floor, in the bedroom watching t.v. ”everything ok jay”. ”yes, hey listen i just have to run an errand really quick, it wont take me very long leroy will come back this way to pick me up”. ”oh ok, is everything ok”. ”yeah baby just some unexpected business that popped up”. ”oh ok, hey my sisters sent me an email do you want to see it”. ”yes”. jemma gave me the phone. ”thats nice, maybe you can invite them over for thanksgiving in los angeles”. ”can i really”. ”yes they are your family, i am sure your sister would have a good time in the pool”. ”yes jared it will be so nice to see my sisters again”. ”yeah see, invite them over for thanksgiving i would love to host them”. ”thanks daddy”. jemma kneeled and kissed me. ”good baby, leroy is here ill be back in a while lock the door i have the key”.
”ok see you in a little while”. ”bye baby”.

i opened the email browser on my blackberry again to write to my sisters.

”girls, jared and i would like to invite you to have thanksgiving at our house in los angeles, i will include the address shortly, love to you and everyone and to mommy”. i sent the message then put my phone back down on the floor next to me face down. the thought of seeing my sisters again for thanksgiving made me so happy.

”take me to the house on st. charles”. i said to leroy who turned serious, he and i both had experience there. ”girls drugs, guns, money and sex, the people who we used to be.i havent been to that house in over 10 years, i left it behind me when i made the effort and choice to be an actor and change my life. when i was on the come up i remember the deal i made, i paid off my debts and got power and privledge this time was different. i wasnt going to get drugs or girls or guns or money. this time i come as power, and privledge. i come to settle a debt and score and to make it know this is my issue.
i could not let this happen. ”you want me to go inside with you boss”. ”no leroy i can handle this myself”. i unlocked the car door. there was alot of foot traffic comming in and out of the house.
at the front door the bouncer says ”well well well if it isnt jared leto”. ”hey i need to speak to darius”. ”he’s inside holding court”. i did the secret hand shake with the bouncer as i walked into the smokey house.
”well well well, i never thought i’d see you in this house, whats it been 10 years”, ”just about”. ”what can i do for you, you needs girls, you need guys, drugs, guns whats your pleasure”. ”i am not here for that man”. i sat next to darius who passed me the blunt. i took a hit and said ”my party last night”. ”yes it was a great party i saw you and that fine looking young thang”. ”thats my wife”. ”congratulations man, now tell me whats on your mind”. ”your boys last night manhandle my girl”. ”are you talking about the the girl dressed like a muppet”. ”yes that one, shes one of my girls”. ”that wasnt about her man, her brother owes us alot of money”. ”she’s my girl, and i dont like my girls mistreated by anyone”. ”i told you it wasnt about her, she got in the way”. ”she give them any money”. ”200 in cash and a check”. ”i want it back, with an apology”, ”cant do it man”. i pulled out a large wad of cash from my pocket. ”how much is here 5k now give me back the money she gave you”. ”sure brother were all cool were my sincerest apologies”.
”dont ever come near my girl again otherwise i might talk in my sleep”. ”yeah yeah yeah, she was such a pretty girl too”. ”i dont like for my girls to be mistreated”. ”we just roughed her up abit”. ”still, stay away from her”. ”and the brother”. ”he’s fair game, dont touch my girl”. ”you got it”. he shook my hand, and i left.
i got back in the car. take me to the hotel across from the 21 club”. ”sure boss”. ”dont call me boss, how long have we known each other”. ”14 years, ”then call me jared”. i said as i took off my long coat and put it on the seat next to me.
leroy pulled the car to the curb, i got out and went inside the hotel. the man at the frost desk remembered me from last night with jemma. ”hello mr. leto back so soon”. ”listen i need to see nikki glacier”. ”i am sorry we cant give out that kind of information”. i took out a 100 dollar bill and slid it across the counter to him. ”right away sir ill get you a key”. ”thank you”. he gave me the key, i walked to the elevator.
on her floor i looked down at the room number, finding her door i knocked. i didnt get an answer until i said ”nikki open the door its me jared”. nikki opened the door for me. ”can i come in”. ”sure”. she moved back from the door and faced the window. ”did jemma ask you to come here i dont need help i dont like to owe anyone money”. ”you wont owe me any money, i want you to come and live in the apartment with jemma”. ”i cant because of school”. ”i can take care of that”. ”but why would you help me you dont even know me”. ”because i know what its like, and i know that jemma would be so happy to have you there and i kind of like you too, oh here i got something for you”. i reached into the pocket of my jeans, and took out her cash and folded check, i handed them over to her. ”how did you get this jared”. ”i know a guy”. ”wait a minute, those guys were already at the party, do you know them”. ”let me just say i invited them”. ”did you know what they were going to do”. ”no and i am sorry nikki, have you talked to michael”. ”no and i dont want to, i dont fuck with heroin addicts they steal and lie” ”i know but he’s still your brother and its a disease”. ”no jared, a disease is something i have with my asthma, he chose to put that needle in his arm and i wont set foot back in that house ever again its why i left home”. ”come now nikki, get your things let’s go”.
she grabbed her jacket and put it on, along with her fuzzy covered muppet helmut. ”the car is waiting downstairs”. i watched her grab her caine, and walk towards me. ”thank you”. i said to her helping her into the elevator.
”jemma and i really care for you, i just want you to be happy and have a good life. i can tell your a really good person”. ”what the fuck jared, dont make me cry when i am dressed like a dark muppet”. ”come on nics lets go home”.

”honey i am home”. i yelled in the apartment, helping nikki inside. jemma came out of the bedroom. she saw nikki and threw her arms around her. ”i am so happy your here, come on i am watching sabrina the teenage witch. ”oh hold on”. jemma said nikki was still wearing her costume. ”i got some jammies you can put on”. jemma took her into the bed room i gave them a few minutes before i went back into the bedroom. i took of my shoes and sat on the floor . the girls came back into the room, both sat on either side of me. ”my sisters sent me and email nics look”. nikki took jemmas phone, looking down at it carefully. ”wow is that the first time they sent you an email”. ”i think so, nics just wait til you meet my sisters i miss them so much”. nikki made a face and said ”ok ill meet your sisters”.

nikki said good night to us as we laid in bed together. jared cuddle me in his arms, i rolled over into my favorite position facing away from him. eagerly awaiting our new morning game.

the alarm sounded at 5am, i felt jared get up. i heard some noise in the bathroom. i didnt have to wake up yet until 6:30 am to get ready for school.
”baby, i am going for my morning run”. jared said kissing me roughly on the mouth. i moaned as he left the room. trying to stay asleep but so excited to play his game.
when the alarm sounded, i sat up in bed and looked around. i went into the bathroom, sat down on the toilet for my morning pee. i washed my hands and started brushing my teeth, as i began to undress. i put my tooth brush back into the cup on the sink. i took of the t-shirt i was wearing and lastly i took off my panties.
i open the door, there is jared sitting in the chair his eyes focused on me. i dont say anything, i just walk sloly towards him, i sit in his lap place my head on his shoulder, i put my lips to his, he holds me like this for a moment kissing me several times, then i stand up and go to the bed. ”thats right baby”. jared proclaims, i put of my hands on the bed and spread my legs. i feel jared put his hand on the middle of my back. the other hand and moving over my rump. ”that’s my good baby”. then he slaps my ass hard on both sides. ”is that pussy wet for daddy”. i didnt reply as i felt him touching my pussy. ”good baby your nice and wet already for me”. then i felt the cold metal pulsator inside of me.
jared helps me up. ”can you feel it”. ”yes”. ”god this is going to teach you how to control yourself”. ”kiss me”. i put my arms around him, ”now get dressed baby”.

at school, i was on my way to lunch. i walked fast to my locker, the metal beads kind of hurt inside of me. i find my phone and text jared ”yes daddy”. i dont really feel anything until when i was in science class, i almost fell of my of my chair. i cross my legs and bit the bottom of my lip. it felt so good and nice. i wanted to take a minute to moan. but there were to many people around. ”are you ok”. the teacher asks looking at me. ”yes i am fine, may i please get a hall pass”. she hands it to me and i hurry into the bathroom. i lock the door and hold on to the wall. ”oh, oh, oh my god yes”. i said as i tried to breathe through it. however i couldnt hold on i knew i had to come. i felt the release i felt so good as the pulsating started over again.

walking into the apartment a few minutes before nikki, who told me not to wait up she was going to the movies. ”i am home”. i put my backpack on the table in the hallway. i walk into the bedroom where jared is waiting for me. in his hands is a leather paddle. ”hi baby”. i lean down and kiss him.
”get into position”. jared stands up from the chair, i lean over the bed. ”take off your clothes now baby, not your panties”. i take them off the way he says, then i lean over the ledge of the bed with my legs spread. jared run the leather paddle down my back and to my ass. ”how many times did you come today baby”. ” 2 times daddy”. the paddle hit my ass hard the first time, then the second time. ”tomorrow try for 1 ok baby”. ”yes daddy”.

jared went back to california, and nikki and i were alone now in the apartment. its the begining of november. ”jared wants you to come to thanks giving too”. ”of course”. nikki is focused on her homework sitting next to me in the kitchen.
”nics i am so excited to see my sisters for thanksgiving”. she took a deep breath and sighed. ”jemma listen to me, are you sure about them comming for thanksgiving, how do you think jared is going to handle it”. ”he asked me to nic”, ”jemma thats not what i mean, heres the thing see”. i turned and looked around the room, getting out of her chair she goes over to this purple photo album i brought from arkansas. she sat down next to me and opened the book. ”this is what i mean jemma, look at them and look at you. you have changed and become more wordly, you wear jeans and do your make up and your wearing jared’s band shirt. the god squad over here is going to start putting things in your head and its not that way”.
i got upset how could nikki say this, these are my sisters and i love them. ”how can you said that nics i thought we were friends”. ”hey are jem, i am on this trip too, i have my messed up shit i see me therapist for but you’ve made such progress to have this trash sweep into your life”.
”nikki you’re just jealous that i have my family”. ”jemma that’s not true, i am telling you this because i can see this happening”. ”i cant believe you nics i thought you were my friend”.
”jemma and man who can touch his child, and sends them away for tempting them is a piece of shit at the bottom of hell and i will not be respectful to him at all”. ”i know nikki what he did but he’s still my dad”. ”dont you dare jemma, dont protect him he deserves to rot in jail and so does your mother for not believing you”. nikki had made me so angry i was crying now. i put away my books and stormed out of the kitchen in a huff.
nikki folded her arms, and took a heavy sigh following me into the bedroom. ”jemma i am not jealous all i am saying is that i just think you need to make sure you are ready for this, this is going to be your home and if you family cannot and will accept that, that is there problem” ”its just my sister nikki they are comming to thanksgiving, i just want you to be happy for me”.
”ok jemma if thats what you want then ill be happy for you, ill be right there when you open the door and hug your sisters for the first time ok”. ”thank you nics”. i hugged my friend tightly.
”nics i want to show you something”. i went over to a place where i kept some of the handwritten letters i’d recieved, from families and people who were in the tower with us. they had gotten my name from the news.
”whats this”. ”this letter is from a women who’s husband worked in the tower and did make it out”. i swallowed hard, i had gotten some of these letters too.
”dearest jemma,

i hope this letter finds you well. i have to say how proud of you, that i am. you have reached out to us like your friend nikki, you have been concerned about us and our families and wanted to know how to help and if there was a way to help. me and my kids are doing fine however there are so many families who have lost income and wages and have no where else to turn and its for them that my heart breaks. i dont want you to worry about me and my kids. i want you to know that i wish you well and happiness and that fact that you have sent us letters and emails as to your progress has me astounded. i know your a teenager and may not fully understand the ways of life yet, but its so nice to have someone to talk to who understands. as always i look forward to your next letter me know how you and your friend are doing.
yours
amelia

i sniffed loudly and wiped the tears from my eyes, jemma hugged me and rubbed my back. ”ive gotten so many of them jemma”. ”i have too, i keep them in a box in my room, i take them out and look at them when i feel sad or hurt jemma, this is something we will never forget and we cant let the world forget about it either”.

on november 20 2001 nikki and i boreded a plane to l.a.x. a few days before we were set to leave, nikki went into the city to whole foods to get some snacks and food we could eat with us on the plane. ”are you excited to see jared”. ”so excited i miss him like crazy when he’s gone, are you going to see your mom when your home in los angeles”. ”yes and i am going to see crispin too”. she gave me a look and smirk and it kind of made me feel bad, at the time i wasnt so in touch with those feelings. the actual feeling being jealously. ”whats wrong jemma”. ”nothing, i cant wait for you to meet my sisters”. ”i am so excited to see them jemma”.

when we got to the airport, nikki hugged me and said she would meet me at the house, because crispin was picking her up. ”wait arent you going to say hi to jared”. ”ill say hi when i get back in, have a good time”. nikki screamed over her shoulder as she ran off towards the exit. in a huff i dragged my luggage out of the baggage claim, and then looked down at my phone. jared told me to come to the car. when i got outside i saw jared in the car in the front, he got out of the car and said, ”who did nikki get out with”. ”crispin, she will meet us at the house later”. ”ok, how are you baby”. jared hugged me tightly before opening the car door and helping me inside the car.
”daddy i am doing well how are you, how did that thing go”. ”good baby, not as good as i am with you but i need someone to take care of me when your not here, how about you any boys trying to get close to you or any girls maybe”. ”girls, no what are you talking about why would say that”.
”i just did i mean you and nics are very close”. ”are you kidding me, my parents already punished me by having to marry you they would kill me if i went to the other side”. jared raised and eyebrow and looked at me. ”theres noting wrong with experimenting jemma, i have been around with a few guys, i used a condom i am not crazy but i am just saying to be a little more open”. ”i am very open jay, i am open”. ”then admit it, you have feelings for nikki”. ”of course i do but i would never act on it”. ”i am ok with it, if you want to explore and experiment baby, in fact i enjoy thinking about it, i might even join in here and there”. ”can we stop talking about it please jay, i do not have feelings for nikki”.
”baby i told you its ok dont deny it i already know and its ok with me”. ”can we not talk about this right now”. ”fine baby, but daddy is going to bring it out of you just wait because i can see it, and it kind of turns me on the thoughts of the two of you”. ”my family would freak out if they found out i had ever been with a girl, or thought about it”. jared smiled at me, he pulled over the car. ”why did we stop”. he took off his seat belt and reached across the seat, to kiss me deeply and passionately. ”good baby”. ”your going to see baby, i am going to make it happen because i want you to experiment and try new things”. jared kissed me again before we drove off.

i took a deep breath standing outside the leto house. i just sepnt several hours in a rather cool sort of threesome with crispin and the model coco. i opened the door to the house with my luggage on my shoulder. ”nikki”. jared says surprising me at the door. ”where are you guys”. ”in the living room, weer about to take some x and see where the night takes us”. ”ok”. i put my bags down on the floor, and sat on the couch, jemma was on the floor and had the pink pills all laid out, along with a plethora of other drugs. ”daddy wants us to take a pill first, then the second round will be a line”. i put a hand on jemma’s shoulder. ”ok i am in”. ”how is crispin” ”he’s doing really good, he took some pictures of me on his medical table i cant wait to see how they come out”. ”thats good neither can i”. i swallowed my x with a bottle of water, jared came over and sat next to me. ”would you like a glass of wine, i got so many party favors for us tonight”. ”ok sure”. i said as he poured me a glass and refilled jemma’s glass and his glass.
”how about some music for us”. jared gets up off the couch, careful not to trip on jemma. at the stero he puts on a cd. its nice and easy to dance too like 90’s music.
i start to sway and move my hips to the music, my cheeks are red and flushed i am getting hot, ive been hot and cooled down with crispin and coco in a naughty photo shoot.

all of us were dancing when the took over, i felt invincible like nothing could touch me. ”do you want another drink”. jared said, this time he was standing really close to me. ”i held out my glass for him”. then he caught me by surprise by forcing my kips to his, he roughly shoved his tounge down my throat. i didnt exactly pull away from him, but kind of watched as he pulled jemma in and then kissed her. ”good baby”. i heard him say ”is it ok if daddy kisses her again”. ”yes daddy”. this time jared put a strong arm around me and held me tight while he roughly kissed me. i could feel his large cock from his jeans the sensation of all of this was getting to my head when jared said ”come here baby, come kiss nikki, kiss her like i just kissed her”. jemma came over and put a hand on my neck and kissed me, deeply passionately, lovingly. it was in these moments i think i found my place and footing in all of this.
jemma pulled away and jared came back he kissed me again, trailing kisses all down my neck and my face. ”is that pussy wet kitten”. ”yes”. jared spanked me hard, turning me around to face jemma, he roughly held one arm behind my back while having my head in a tight headlock. ”no kitten, you always say yes daddy, and call me daddy now be a good girl and tell me what you say”. ”yes daddy”. ”thats my good little kitten”. i was taken a back in the moment, i had been in some hairy situations before but that was a little weird, however when jared saw the look on my face, he kissed me again. i stood for a moment watching his kiss jemma over and over again.
i’ll end this right here because what happened afterward left me feeling a little confused at first.

on thanksgiving i woke up early, went downstairs to the kitchen to start prepping everything for thanksgiving. jared’s mom connie had come over the night before as his assistant emma and were already in the kitchen wrapping the potatoes in aluminum foil. i took the turkey out of the fridge, i put it in a bucket in a bag with the brine the night before. i put it down ont he floor next to my feet while i looked for the roaster. nikki wasnt awake yet but all i could think of was the night the three of us were all together and had sex. i stopped for a moment and smiled when i heard jared comming down the stairs. ”good morning baby”. ”good morning”. he kissed me and then his mom on the cheek. ”is nics awake”. ”no not yet” ”ok, i am going to open the door for shannon”.
i tried to hide my excitment about seeing my sisters, everything was all set, i wired my mom the money for the plane tickets for my sisters. i got the confirmation she recieved it and everything was going according to plan, but at the time what i didnt realize is that my mom and dad would never allow my sisters to travel alone, at the time though that is what i was under the impression would happen. also at the time i didnt ask alot of questions, but still i should have known, because nothing my parents do is ever really for me or my siblings but you will hear about that later.
i took a deep breath, my sisters would be arriving at 8am. i just had to get through this until 8am when they arrived. i was also under the impression they would call me when they got here. ”what time do you sisters get here”. 8am”. ”are you sure baby, its 5 minutes after 8”. jared showed me the time. ”yes i am sure, let me check the airline schedule”. i went over to the computer to check the information. it looked to me like the plane was arriving on time with no delays.

i stretched and yawned waking up. i looked at the clock on the bedside table next to me. ”8:15” shit, i over slept i need to get downstairs to help jemma with her sisters. i took a deep breath looking myself over in the mirror, i wouldnt wear my helmet today, i would put on my beanie instead. i put on nice black jeans, because i figured we would be playing with them. i sat on the edge of the bed and put on my black sketchers sneakers, lastly i put on my new thirty seconds to mars shirt with the album cover on the front. i put on my make up the way i usually did, then zipped up my hoodie and went downstairs.
there seemed to be alot of chaos happening, everyone cooking. so i busied myself by putting all the beer in the cooler. then the doorball rang, i remember looking up for a moment and see shadows in the doorway. we all kind of looked at each other before jemma went to the door with jared, jared reached out and opened the door and to me outside i could see them. jim bob and michelle dugger, i cant even begin to describe it so i am going to give it a try. michelle had the biggest curly hair i had ever seen, the bangs were piled high on her head and the rest was in a ponytail, she was wearing the offal floral dress, it was white with pink flowers puffy sleeves and she was big, big i mean pregnant. jim bob had the weirdest hair cut i had ever seen, like if the ken doll was real and jim bob had his hair, then several kids ran into the house and passed me, at first i counted them, but lost count after 8 if i had to guess maybe there were 11 or twelve.
at the point, jared looked at jemma and she looked at me and i looked at them. then jim bob spoke and to this day he makes me want to puke sorry jem, but i still hate him. ”hey jared thanks for inviting us to thanksgiving we packed up the r.v and here we are”. i choked in my mouth a little, i could see jared’s anger slowly creeping up. shannon came and stood next to me ”should we do something”. ”not yet i wanna see how this goes”. both of us stood there are mouths wide as both jim bob and michelle came into the house.
”oh ..er. yeah come in”. jared made a face closing the door. his patience was on thin ice. ”this is such a nice, big place you got here”. ”thank you, i could fit your whole house in my swimming pool”. jared said behind gritted teeth. from that point on everything that came out of their mouth’s were so fake and meant to sting. ”let me introduce you to my mom connie” i watched them give her an akward side hug”. ”you know my assistant emma”. emma didnt say anything but they gave her an awkward side hug. ”this is my brother shannon”. ”and this is mine and jemma’s friend nikki from new york, she lives with us”. they gave me a fake awkward hug too, ”and lastly this is tomo, he’s in the band with us”. ”oh you have a band what intrument do you play”. ”the guitar”. jared made small talk.
everyone was sort of quiet for the most part unable to believe that the duggars were in our house after what they put jemma and jared through. but jared isnt one to back down from a challenege. ”jemma didnt tell me all of you were comming, we thought the girls were comming”. ”what kind of parents would we be if we let our girls travel alone”. jared took a deep breath looking at jemma. ”oh my gosh jemma what are you wearing”. her mom in that fake sticky sweet soft voice says looking at her daughter in jeans and t-shirt. ”um jeans and a shirt, why mom you dont like it”. then jim bob opens is stupid mouth. ”mama dont worry she no longer belongs to us she is jareds now and if this is how he wants her to dress”. ”belongs”. i wanted to punch him in his face so bad. ”uh jim bob, she’s my wife and i encourage her to do what she wants and feels, tell em babe”.
”oh yes, i am in school now and in the summer i am taking drivers ed. ”oh school now jared thats good, train her up to be really smart, before shes barefoot and pregnant”. jared almost had a heart attack.
”actually she and i use contriception we both agreed we are not ready for children”. jim bob and michelle looked at each other, like their heads were about to explode.
”you know god never gives us more then he think we can handle and in time you will see the value in creating life for gods army”. then emma stepped forward, ”jared, jemma can i talk to you for a minute”. ”yes”. they all went to the bar located behind door on the side of the kitchen.
the kids were running all over the house, with muddy shoes to boot. jared is a pretty relaxed guy, but i didnt think it was fair the housekeeper would have to clean up after them.
”nikki”. jared called for me holding the door open. i closed it behind me after i hurried in there.
”what the fuck jared, i didnt know the whole damn family was comming”. ”i didnt either, jemma did you know they were all going to come”. ”no jared i swear i didnt know”. ”we dont have no where near enough food to feed them all, someone is going to have to run to the store”. ”i think the stores are closed”. ”what do we do” ”we send them to the store”. jemma said as we all nodded. ”there are some stores open like wal-mart and target”. i chimed in standing in the huddle. ”alright we send them, but jemma listen babe i need you to keep your dad away from me, that crack he made about now you belong to me, i could have punched him in the throat for that”. ”i ll try daddy”.
on the way out of the room i went last and closed the door. ”mom, we need for you to go to the store, because we werent prepaid for all of you to come”. ”oh dont worry about we already stooped by the store and picked everything up”. ”oh thats so great”. jemma said trying to hide her displeasure.
”jemma whats that on your arms”. her father asked looking at the wounds from the attack. jemma snatched her arm away from him and said ”nikki and i were in the world trade center during the terrorist attack and i dont remember you even sending me a card”. ”well honey money has been tight and everything at the carlot has been very slow but you understand”.
”yes”. jemma then walked away to talk to her sisters, i remember thinking about how for being 11 through 7 they seemed very mature.
then i saw him, the boy who had a hand in the sexual abuse of his sisters and jemma. i sneered at this kid he was 13 years old and so smug about everything like he was a know it all.
”why is your head shaved, why are you all in black are you a boy or a girl”. he peppered me with questions. ”listen kid, i dont know you, and its not really any of your business why i am dressed like this and i dont really know i am, and i have my head shaved because i was in an accident”. then he continued. ”you know the bible says, hey can i show you something”. ”no thank you”. i walked away from him, he made me feel so uncomfortable.
”who wants to play in the pool with me”. jemma asked moving something out of the way. ”i do”. i said finally ready to move the hell on from this.
jemma put on a cute colorful bikini while the rest of them put on whole swim wear that was basically dresses made of swimming material.

jared sat at the head of the table, jemma to his right and his mom at his left, i sat next to jemma and the duggars were seated next to connie jared’s mom. dinner started off with them leading us in prayer, however after that it went downhill and fast.
”so jared how long are you going to wait before you and jemma start having babies, they are a blessing from god you know”. ”i dont know yet we havent really decided yet”. ”dont wait to long she is still in season, flowering just right”. jared slammed his fork down on the table, this got to jared. jemma put a gentle hand on his arm and this calmed him down. but as jim bob continued his anger grew.
”jemma do you like school”. ”yes of course i like it alot”. ”you know all that stuff they teach you in school isnt always acurrate”. ”i know so i use google alot to look things up or i use then encyclopedia’s”, did i tell you how nice the apartment in new york is”. ”oh new york, thats very fancy jemma”. ”are you going to study to be a mid wife”. ”no actually i was thinking bio chemistry”. ”theres good jobs there, but why not consider a job in the church, like maybe in the rectory or the iblp i know they have alot of great jobs for girls there”. ”no i dont want a job in the church, i think we might be doing work for jared in the summer or maybe we will get job somewhere it will be fun, plus i think jared’s band is going on a summer tour so they will need help there”. ”traveling, are you that is a good idea jared, she might get some pretty crazy idea’s am i right you cant have disobeying”. jemma’s eyes went wide, but then she kind of bowed her head, this man her own father was talking about her as if she is owned by jared. seeing this happen to jemma pissed jared off.
”ok listen i have dealt with this all day, but this is where i draw the line. i will not have you come into my home and disrespecting me and my wife in this way, if you dont like my life choices or the choices i have made for my wife then you can get the fuck out of my house”. jim bob and michelle looked at each other then to jared who was standing. ”its one thing to treat me like shit but when you come in here and constantly put jemma down i wont have it, get out of my house now”.
”man you cant do that, i was just asking questions”. ”i said get out now”. jim bob was standing now. ”i am asking you questions because we dont think you are adequately taking care of our daughter look at her”. ”i see her and all of this is because of me, the jeans the hair color all of it, get out now”. ”were not going anywhere until we discuss this”. ”you and i dont have anything to discuss, you did all the talking with my attorneys when you tried to claim i assaulted jemma, you made me marry her and i am glad i didnt so she could get the hell out of that crazy ass house”. ”
”she would be better off at home with us, with people who really love her”. ”oh cut the bullshit with the fakery you think i dont know what you did to her, i know about all of it the beatings, the rape, the backpack with rocks dont you forget that, one call to the authorities and its all over for you”.
”everything i have ever done was for my daughter, she had to be discipilined”. ”not that way you did to her and to me”. now jared moved from the table. ”i dont care if i have to spend the rest of my life telling everyone the truth about me and jemma, but as for you the next time you plan on comming you need to let me know first, because i dont think you are a good influence on my wife and have embarassed us enough”. ”were are we supposed to go”. ”dont know dont care, but you cant stay here allow me to show you to the door”.
jemma was crying now, i know how desperately she wanted this to be a happy day. instead these fools. i hugged my friend tightly as her mother with that fake sweet voice gathered all the children and left. jared slammed the door and locked it behind him. jared took a looka round the room and the table, where he came back to where me and jemma were sitting. ”i am so sorry about that baby, are you ok”. ”mmhmm”. she said wiping the tears from her eyes. jared hugged her and kissed her. he reached out and squeezed my hand. but i just sat silent my nerves were shot from walking on egg shells on day long.

this is was the first time anyone had ever really been on my side. had believed me when i told them the truth about something, had stood up for me, and who actively gave me a voice i could speak from. he gave me the confidence in my self to try the things i have always dreamed of. this was the begining. this was the begining of my seeing the way my parents were, they way they treated me and the first time i had ever heard any one say the things they did to me were not ok.
at this point i didnt tell nikki about the beatings, the rape she knew a little bout, she didnt know about the punishments like the rocks in the backpack. in the writing of this book, my heart hurts so badly thinking of doing these things to my own children. however after dinner that night, i was sullen and quiet inside of myself. this was the first time i had ever laid my cards on the table. i was and abused child i couldnt hide it anymore.
i felt like everyone at the table had eyes on me, like they were looking right through me. ”i am not hungry”. i said throwing my napkin to the plate and leaving the table. ”jemma”. jared called after me, but at this point i couldnt breathe and i felt so self concious.
jared was outside the door. ”jemma are you ok”. i didnt answer him as i laid on the bed in the fetal position. he came into the room anyways. ”baby”. ”i dont really feel like talking right now”. i felt the bed move jared was sitting down next to me. ”ok we dont have to talk, but is it ok if i lay here next to you and hold you”. i didnt answer him, but moments later i felt him pull me in closer to him. ”its ok if you dont want to talk to me. ill just hold you here in my arms”. ”you always make me feel safe”. i mumbled, jared had his fingers in my hair, idily running his fingers through it. ”i dont like what happened today, i want you to have fun and see your sisters and family”.
”how did you know about the rocks in the backpack”. ”when i was packing your things that night your left for new york, i found your notebook folded into your clothes, i saw the page where it had a count of all the days you were forced to wear the backpack with rocks, i closed it and put it back i figured when you were ready you will talk to me about it”. ”what do you see when you look at me am i broken”. ”no of course not jemma your not broken, you are here with me, i love you and nikki loves you. you are safe in my arms”.
we must have fallen asleep because, when i woke up jared was also asleep. the house was a little darker then normal, it was 6:30 in the evening.
i raised my head to look around the room. i had the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom, so i crawled down off the bed to go to the bathroom. when i came back into the room, i saw jared laying there sleeping, it seemed like the first time i ever really looked at him. he shifted in bed, then called for me, opening his eyes. i kneeled next to the bed and said ”i am not going to be joyfully available to you, or obey you”. ”i dont always expect you too, unless its here in the bedroom then i want you to obey me”. ”no not even then”. i said as jared pulls me back into bed.

the events of the night we all got fucked up, weighed a little on my head. i felt confused because while i dont mind experimentation or anything. neither jemma nor jared actually talked to me about it after that, and i didnt say anything because i just thought it might have been just trying things out.
so i made my appointments with crispin and coco and other suitors who wanted to spend time with me while i was in l.a. look i know what your thinking about me being fifteen, well i was very selfaware. i knew what i was doing. eloring and experimenting. i think its perfectly normal to do so at this age.
yet when i got back from seeing coco on that saturday, i came back into the house and put my bag on the kitchen table. i had no idea that the following conversation had already been discussed before, or part of it.
”hey can you come into my office”. ”sure jared”. ”the office”. i thought as i walked behind him wondering what the hell was happening. when i got to the office, jemma was already there smiling. ”hey jemma whats going on”. ”we want to talk to you”. i sit down in the chair kind of comfy. jared sits down behind the desk. ”hi”. he says focused on me. ”what the hell is going on your freaking me out”. ”jemma and i were discussing the events of the other night”. ”i see, that was kind of freaky but i dig it. i have fun”. ”as you should, but the real reason we were duscussing it is because”. jared stopped for a moment to look at jemma. ”jemma and i were discussing making this a threesome”. ”what like sex”. ”no, actually being in this realtionship with us”. ”oh wow i”. i paused for a moment loosening my collar. ”we want you to be our girlfriend, not just for sex but in our realtionship eclusively”. jemma said reaching over to hold my hand. ”but i hardly know you jared”. ”thats the thing, we can all get to know each other, to bring our bond closer”.
”so your saying that the both of you want me to be in this realtionship too so like a sister wife type of thing and what about sex and all that”. ”i was thinking we could all share the same bed”. ”i see, jared’s bed is pretty big, would there be access to money and leroy”. ”yes i would add your name to my bank account, you will travel with us during the summer and i would train you for the play room too”. ”what is the playroom”. jemma smiled and said ”you will see”. ”also one last thing, i want to make sure everyone has equal footing, i dont want to do something and be told i cant because i dont have an official title, oh and is this like a cult i have heard about them almost got recruited by scientology, but i refused to sleep in the bunk beds”. ”yes our on little love cult”. ”cool”. ”so what do you think nikki”. ”alright i am in, so are you and i going to go on dates and things”. ”yes”. ”well jemma come too”. ”sometimes, in the begining no we have to get used to each other”. ”ok i understand jared”. ”there are a few things though”. ”ok”. ”you will be given a list of rules that apply to your training for the play room, also whatever you have going on with crispin has to end, because now you are in this realtionship, ill give you a few days to finish things off if you know what i mean”. ”i do and rules, i am not so good with rules, i am already getting a rash from it”. ”yes there are rules but trust me when i say its for your pleasure”. i laughed ”ok then so what happens now, do i have to sign something”. ”no”. ”ok cool”. ”what kind of pictures did crispin take of you and coco”. ”i was modeling in a bikini in front of a car”. ”alright”. ”so what do i do now”. ”we make use of what little time we have left before you have to get back to new york”.

so we spent our last day together playing around in the pool, until dark. then we all went to sleep in the same bed. i liked it we didnt have sex, but it was pretty nice.

0

Rapture ch. 2

ch.2
9/11/2001

nikki and i started school at the end of august. on my first day i got called into the princeispals office. the princeipal was a tall african amaerican women, wearing a red skirt and matching blazer. ”hi jemma, its nice to meet you, i am princepal thurston and i wanted to ask you some questions”. ”sure”. ”i have been going over your home schooling transscripts and everything looks good, but my question to you is a concern we have for you, on your enrollment package you listed one jared leto as your husband”. ”yes”. she folded her arms in front of her on her desk and said ”is this true”. ”yes ma’am”. ”your age is 15 is that correct”. ”my question to you is this a joke, why would you put something like this on your enrollment forms, there are serious implications for this kind of behavior”. ”i am not lying, i am married to jared leto”. i showed her a pictures of us taken together from his last vist earlier in the month. she put the picture down on her desk she didnt seem impressed. ”in the real world there are people who want to take advantage of young girls like you”. ”he didnt hurt me and my parents sign our marriage certificate”. i had it with me and took it out. ”i dont know what things are like in arkansas young lady and i do believe you, but this is not ok and i dont condone it in the slightest, have you been examined by a doctor”. ”yes”
”how did this happen”. ”well mrs. thurston, i grew up in a strictly conservative household, i has 12 siblings, we lived in a 2 room house on the car lot my family owns. were an oddity in our town. there are several people like us. evangelical or whatever they call it. my family name is duggar we were on good morning america when it happened, jared leto was there promoting his film, we started talking and having a good time cutting up, he made me laugh. he held my hand and kissed my cheek and this angered my parents who wanted to press charges against him because they called it and assault or something, they wouldnt drop it until he did right by me and married me or they were going to go public, so my parents arrainged it and we were married after my 15th birthday with their permission. only i was supposed to go back home with my family but jared dragged me away and i havent seen them since”.
the princeipal had tears in her eyes. ”i am so sorry that happened to you are you ok, have you seen a therapist”. ”i am seeing one, thank you shes very nice”. ”what does jared have to say about all of this”. ”he’s ok with it, he lives his life in california, he sent me here because he wants me to finish high school and college, he wants better for me”. ”are you sexually active”. ”with all due respect i dont think that really any of your business”. ”fair enough, i am just worried that you may become pregnant or worse”. ”i am on the pill, jared insisted on that”. ”well alright, however i just want to make sure you are alright and i want you to know you can talk to me about anything”. ”thank you mrs. thurston for your concern but i am alright”. ”ok”.
i left her office, and wished desperately nikki was here. since i was the knew girl and didnt really know anyone. i sat alone to eat my hot lunch. this hot lunch was so much better then anything i could have back home even tatortot casserole. i text nikki at the table. ”i am on lunch the princeipal was asking me questions about jared”. ”i told you i had a feeling it would happen is everything ok”. ”yeah she asked me if i was ok and new i had options and if i was using contreception”. ”you are right”. ”yes i am on the pill, jared insisted and i agreed because it also helped regulate my cycle”. ”ok i gotta go 6th period is about to start ill see you later”.

our econmics teacher sent out a permission slip, on sept 11 we were going to visit the world trade center to learn about how the finalcial world works, as it turned out nikkis class would also be going on that same day.
”thats cool, we can be together there, i have never been to the world trade center”. nikki proclaimed in my apartment.

its funny how the 2 of us were so excited for our field trip. how we spent the night together before she went to her school and then me to mine. the school bus was waiting for us at 7 am when i got there. i packed some fruit because i didnt have breakfast. i sat in the back of the bus and text jared. he was arriving tonight its friday and he would stay until the following sunday. ”hey hows it going”. ”i am already on the bus where are you”. ”in the studio record the album”. ”cool, today is going to be so fun ill show you all the pictures we take today”. ”ok baby, see you tonight and where that cute outfit i bought for you”. ”i will for you daddy”. i said taking a bite of my apple.
nikki being the rebel was waiting for me when i got off the bus. there were so many of us there at 8 am. we entered the building and each school took turns getting into the elevator. ”i am so excited i cant wait to ask all the questions”. nikki whispered to me on the elevators. ” me too i am dying to see how the swtich board works”. on our floor the 48 floor, we all got out of the elevator and waited for our teachers instructions. ”can i stay with my friend jemma from the other school”. nikki asked as her teacher said ”ok we will meet back here at 10am dont be late”. ”i wont nikki said turning back to me and giving me a high five.
its hard for me, because of the ptsd we both still have but, she and i stayed close to each other as we looked around and out the big windows.
i remember looking at my watch when it was around 8:43 nikki looked at me confused. we continued to look around, we had to wait to ask question until after the presentation. when all of a sudden we heard a loud explosion that shook the building. i grabbed nikki’s hand, smoke enveloped us as we heard even more explosions, the someone yelled ”fire, there was an explosion”. ”oh my god” nikki said taking me by the hand, everyone started running around to the elevator but it wasnt working. ”this way the stairs”. nikki said as she opened the door, she held my hand and with the other gripped the railing. the smoke was getting worse and i couldnt see, jemma pushed the door open to the 47th floor and thats where we saw the fire. ”come on we have to try to get down even farther”. but just as soon as we said that a bunch of people came towards us and started running down the door screaming. ”close the door, close the door, a plane crashed into the tower get out now”. ”what” nikki said looking ad me as we went down the stairs, the we felt another explosion. this one seemed to be further away. then with out warning the stairs disappered and all i saw was things falling. nikki was still holding my hand. ”are you ok”. she said coughing. ”yes”. ”its collapsing we have to get out now”. she said as used her sleeve to wipe the blood from her face. we kept running as fast as we could down the stairs holding each others hand. we got too the 15 floor, nikki stopped for a moment. ”i cant breathe”. she said leaning forward, trying to catch her breath i stopped with her for a moment, we could hear the sirens now, we could hear people yelling to get out as fast as you can.
”ok come on” she said still panting and clutching her heart, ”were almost there the numbers on the wall are going down”. ”when we get out i want to go home”. she said as we kept running down the stairs, then we got to the ten floor and there were no more stairs, there was heavy smoke, and debri every where. ”what do we do now”. ”we have to keep going, climb over it, but becareful its still smouldering”. nikki said as she and i began to hop skip and jump of things in our path until we came to the 8 floor where the stairs were still in tact.
the smoke was toxic now. ”i cant breathe, i cant breathe” nikki kept saying holding my hand. she had her inhaler in her hand. ”keep going”. ”shh what is that”. she said listening for a moment. ”its the fire brigade were almost there”. i covered my face with my sweater and then turned to help nikki cover her face, the smoke was so dark and i didnt want her to pass until until we were outside.
i looked at my watch now, it was 10;15 we had been running for over an hour the stairs were big and wide, we couldnt run very fast because there were to many.
on the fifth floor nikki stopped again. ”i cant breathe jemma”. ”its ok were almost there”. i said as she sank down in the stairs. her head rolling around in a dizzy spell, then she completely fainted and fell forward down the stairs. i didnt want to leave her, i could hear the firemen, comming down the stairs towards us. ”help, help us please, were in the stair case” i yelled, i saw a fireman look over the railings and hurry down towards us. he sat nikki up and hit her face a little. nikki opened her eyes. ”come on”. he said to the both of us, he carried nikki in his arms. then thats when i heard the last explosion and suddenly everything started crashing down on us. the tower had collapsed and enveloped us in her firey clutches. by the grace of god or whoever, i pushed something off of me and started looking for nikki and the fireman. both were huddle in a corner. ”come to me slowly and carefully”. he said as i reached for him, he pulled me to him and we waited for everything to come down for us to keep going.
it took ten minutes before we kept going. i sa3 the third floor now covered in dirt, toxic smoke and debris, but i also saw a place where we could get out onto the street.
”ok were going to go to the opening”. the fireman said as we ran forward through the smoke and flames, he held my hand until we could see the street, we were pretty high off the ground and i could see cops, and fire fighters down there. he put nikki down on the ground next to us. ”your going to use this rope and i am going to lower her down first and then you”. ”ok”. i said as i watched him attch her to the rope. i carefully lowered nikki down to an ambulance who was waiting. we could hear more people screaming for help behind us. ”ok go now, i have to try to help as many as i can”. he was helping me attach the rope when we saw someone comming towards us, the threw something at us, it had smoke comming out of it. ”its a grenade, get out now”. he said give me a hard push with the rope before the explosion burned the rope and i free fell to the ground below.

i was at home in los angeles watch t.v the news was on low, i was in the middle of a meeting with shannon and tomo in reguard to our bands first album. thirty second to mars my band the band i had always wanted to start with my brother. my mind was on jemma and nikki, about the trip to the world trade center, i happened to glance at the t.v when i saw the t.v change and say ”breaking news, a plane has crashed into the north tower of the world trade center”. at first i didnt really think about it, but when i saw the footage of the plane hitting the tower, i ran to the tv and put it louder. the l.a reporter was crying and was hard to understand. then she said ”a terrorist orginazation has hijacked planes headed to california and crashed into the world trade center north tower. ”jemma” i said as i raced to the phone, now emma ran into the room. ”jared did you see it, have you called her”. my hands were shaking, trying to dial the phone. i put it on speaker, it rang and rang. until the messenger came up. ”hi this is jemma, i cant take your call at the minute leave a message and ill get back to you as soon as possible. ”jemma, its me jared are you ok call me back i saw the t.v”. i said as i sat down and starting crying hysterically. shannon came over and hugged me tightly. ”its ok jared just hold on i am sure she will call you, maybe she cant hear her phone”. i got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as i watched the events unfold, then i saw the the tower collapsed and fell to my knees my brother holding me as i cried and cried. ”all flights has been grounded and halted”. the reporter said as i heard emma on the phone, please cna you see whos gotten out, ”jemma leto, she might be with another girl ”nikki glacier please”. she hung up her phone and said ”ive got people on the ground helping trying to see if they have been located.
my mom came over now and was with me, she put her arms around me and said ”jared are you ok, have you heard from jemma or nikki”. ”no i dont know what happening, the tower has collapsed now”. i said as i cried hysterically. my mom got up to talk to emma who was on the phone. ”keep me posted please”. the hours went by no news, no call. the tv turned to cnn who had real time coverage on almost every channel. ”few people have been found and taken to nearby hospitals, there conditions are not known”. the reporter said as emma came into the room. ”nikki has been found and identified, she is in the hospital”. ”where is jemma”. ”i dont know yet jared”. i ran my hands over my face and watched the footage until i fell asleep.
still no word on jemma or her whereabouts. shannon, mom and emma. stayed with me all night. ”try to eat”. my mom placed a plate in front of me but i couldnt eat or do anything, i was so paniced and worried. i wanted to get on a plane but the airports were all on lockdown no one was allowed to come in or out. emma went into the hall to take a call.
”jared, i have a guy who thinks he helped jemma”. emma said comming into the room. ”jim are you there”. ”yes emma, i am here”. ”you think its jemma”. ”it might be, shes wearing a school uniform, she didnt have any id on her, she was pushed out of a third story window with another medic after she had been spotted by a terroist who threw a live grenade, the only thing i know is that girl has been taken to mercy hospital in manhattan”. ”ok thank you so much jim”. she said looking at me. ”do you think its her”. ”could be anyone”. ”i need to get to her, i need to be on the ground there”. i said getting up from the couch. ”how are you going to get there the airports are closed”. ”private jets”. ”cruise is gathering supplies and flying out this afternoon, shall i ask him”. ”yes please”. emma left the room again and when she came back she said ”cruise said yes, come on he’s wheels up in one hour”. i grabbed my car keys and ran out to my car. i drove so fast to the house of tom cruise. i never liked him but played nice. ”hey man, are you ready, emma told me about your wife and i am so sorry, but i can get you there in about an hour”.
tom landed the plane a kennedy airport, he had police permission because he brought supplies to help the front line workers who were waiting on the tarmac. i called leroy. ”the streets are all dead locked i cant drive into the city right now have you heard from her”. ”no i dont know anything yet”. ”oh my god jared i am so sorry i hope both of them are alright ill keep you all in my prayers call me as soon as you hear anything”. ”i will”. i put my phone down in my pocket. ”jared i got a guy going to the front lines with supplies i can get you in to help out and see if you can get news on your wife”. cruise said taking me to the police car who took us all to the front line.
in the car, i got a call from a number i didnt recognize, i picked up. ”jared it michael pitt, nikki is my sister”. ”yes did they find her was jemma with her” ”all i know is that they were together”. i could hear his shakey voice on the phone. ”where are you”. ”the lower east side”. ”i looked around. ”ill come to you”. ”ok”. ”i am going to get out at the next stop”. i said to the officers driving. the let me get out, i met up with michael who hugged me. ”did you get any news”. ”only that your sister niki may or may not have been taken to a hospital in queens”. michael sat down on the bench and started crying. ”she my best friend my everything i dont know what i will do if she doesnt make it”. ”i know how you feel jemma means so much to me, i have been so bad to her and now i dont know where she is or if she is ok, i have never seen anything like this in my whole life and i am from the projects”. ”come back to my house”. michael said as we walked the block back to the house.
he poured me a drink and held the phone. ”i want to make sure i am right by the phone if she calls me”. michael handed me a cigarette then took one for himself, his eyes were so red from crying and his face was so puffy. he handed me a lighter and all we could do was wait for any news.

when i woke up my whole body hurt, there was a mask covering my face. i opened my eyes and looked around my room. i was in a hospital, i looked down and saw my left leg in a cast, a cast around my chest and bandages on both of my arms and my right leg. i say i’v’s in my hands, and i looked up and saw a machine next to me. i am in a hospital i said as i started to remember what happened. ”nikki”. i said as i pressed the call button. a nurse hurried into the room. ”you have to help me where is my friend nikki”. ”was she with you in the tower”. ”yes they lowered her down in to an ambulance, and i saw them take her away”. ”ok can you tell me your name and her name my name is jemma elizabeth leto, i am married my husband is the actor jared leto, my friend is nicole glacier she likes to be called nikki she was wearing black jeans a nirvana shirt, black doc martin boots, her hair was in a pony tail and she was wearing a black leather motorcycle jack that had a phoenix on it and it said be bop a lula”. ”ok ok thats great just wait right here ok mrs. leto i am going to see what i can find out”.

it was late at night about 1 am when my phone wrang, i fell asleep on the couch when, emma called me. ”jared i need you to wake up and listen to me please”. ”hmm”. i said into the phone, ”jared a nurse called from a hospital in queens they, she told me a girl i’d you as her husband”. ”what”. i stood up from the couch. i looked around, ”whats the address”. ”i have some other news, she also told me nikki might be there too, where are you”. ”hold on”. i ran down the hall. ”michael,michael”. i screamed for him. ”they found them they found them. ”i am with michael”. ”the hospital is 2457 68th street in queens”. ”ok were on the way”. ”i have a car”. ”you are not drive you are intoxicated”. i said taking the keys from michael who zipped up his hoodie.

the nurse came back into my room. ”i was able to get a message to someone i think might know your jemma, emma ludbrook, as for your friend she is in the icu, she suffered bad smoke in hilation and sever 3rd degrees burn on her legs and arms”. ”oh my god is she going to be ok”. ”i dont know, she was unconsious when she arrived, she remains in critical condition”. ”oh my god”. ”can i see her”. ”sure”. she said as she left the room. she came back in with a wheel chair, she helped me out of the bed, and wheeled me down the hall. nikki had her own room. in the i.c.u. she pulled the curtain, she was covered with bandages up to her breasts. an oxygen mask covered her face. the nurse rolled me forward. my pain didnt stop me from reaching for my friends hand. i held it and said ”i am here nicks, i am here”. i held her hand and talked to her for a little while until the nurses came in to change her i’v bag and give her medication.
my nurse helped me back to my room. ”she kept saying she couldnt breathe, she had her inhaler”. i told the nurse. ”she has asthma, she must have been in so much pain”. ”when we got to the fifth floor, she fainted. i couldnt wake up her, she leaned forward and rolled down the stairs”. i heard the firemen comming, i screamed for them”. ”oh sweet heart she knows your her best friend, i know she will fight hard to come back to us”. ”i tried to get her to cover her face but she kept saying no i cant breathe”. ”sometimes things arent clear when your in an emergency situation, here why dont i get you something to help you sleep”. she said leaving room and comming back a few minutes later with a blue pill in a small plastic cup. ”ambien it will help you sleep”.

it was 2:45 am when we got to the hospital in queens. ”i am jared leto and this is michael pitt, my wife and his sister were admitted after the tower collapsed”. ”your wife is in room 847, and michael your sister is in the i.c.u in room 827”. we nooded and headed for the elevator, we walked in seperate directions, until i finally got to her room. ”jemma leto” the outside room said as i pushed the door open. the room was empty, and a curtain covered the dark room. in the room i pulled back the curtain, and i saw her jemma was sleeping. i pulled back the blanket to see her injuries, her chest and breast were covered with a cast, her left leg covered with a cast and bandages all up both arms and on her right leg. he long brown hair was a mess and her hands were wrapped with the tape from the i’vs. ”i kissed her forhead and sat down in the chair beside the bed, i held her hand in mine for a while. i was lost in just sitting there looking at her, watching her sleep. lost in holding her hand in mine, i didnt notice when the doctor and nurse came in. i must have dozed off because they started me when i heard them talking.
”jared, mr. leto”. the female doctor said gently prodding me to wake up. ”yes”. ”hi jared”. ”hi”. ”we have to take jemma to clean her wounds, we need you to wait in our waiting area”. ”oh where is my friend michael”. ”i think he’s still in with his sister you can go say hi”.
i knocked on the door. ”come in”. i heard michael say, i pushed the door open and came inside. i saw him sitting there, next to the bed, his eyes blood shot red from crying, she was on a ventilator, nikki was covered in bandages and casts. ”i walked forward to stand next to the chair, i put a hand on his shoulder, ”i am so sorry”. ”the doctor said she fainted on the fifth floor and fell down the stairs, she has a bad head injury they are taking her into surgery, they told me its a small chance she could make it, jared what am i going to do with out her”. i leaned down and hugged my friend. ”we have to pray that she will come through this”. ”she has asthma, the smoke was toxic. they told me she may not be breathing on her own”. ”michael, all we can do is pray, when is the surgery”. ”as soon as possible, they are waiting for the surgeon to arrive”. then the machine and ventilator started beeping very loudily, a nurse came in and looked, ”i need you both to leave”. she pressed a button and a call was made. ”we have a code blue to room 827, code blue, code blue to 827”. they closed the door and curtain in the room, they pushed out into the hallway. we waited for a moment and watched as several doctors and nurse ran into the room.
we stood outside the door shocked for a moment, we heard them say cardiac arrest”. then the door opened and they pushed the bed out of the room. the doctor was giving her chest compressions, trying to restart her heart. michael lost it, i helped him to the lobby. i looked around the room, several people were distraught. then a nun came over. ”are you here for someone from the attack”. ”yes my wife and his sister”. she held both of our hands and said a prayer, she gave us some nice plastic rosaries.

we waited for almost three hours when the doctor came out. ”leto” i got up to talk to him, ”are you jared”. ”yes, jared you wife has suffered third degree burns to her chest torso arms and legs, shes alright. she has some broken ribs and a broken leg. we took her to clean the wounds and re bandage her. she just woke up and were taking her back to her room, ill have someone come and get you when shes back in her room”. ”thank you doctor, is she going to be ok” ”yes her prognosis is looking good, she will have to stay in the hospital for a week at least so we can monitor her, i wont lie to you jared anything can happen she was exposed to dangerous chemicals from the fire and smoke and the plane fuel, possible carcingins”. i nodded my head, he shook my hand and ”is nikki going to be ok”. ”is that her brother”. ”yes”. the doctor walked over to him. ”hi michael, ill see if i can get you any information on your sister”. ”thank you doctor”.
”i am going to go to the chapel, if they are looking for me ok”. ”ok michael i will let them know”.
michael had been gone for almost an hour when a female doctor came out and said ”the family of nicole glacier”. i got up and said ”her brother went to the chapel. i watched to the doctor walk to the chapel. i took a deep breath and sat back down. thats when the nurse came and got me, and told me i could see jemma.
jemma was awake and sitting up in bed, ”hi sweetheart”. ”hi jared”. she said reaching for me. i hugged her as gently as i could. ”did you see nikki”. ”i did”. ”is she ok”. the curtain was open behind me, i saw the doctor walking with michael. ”i dont know she’s is in intensive care”. the door to jemma’s room was open, i heard a loud scream, it startled me and jemma, i grabbed her hand and saw several orderlies and security pulling michael down the hall. ”oh my god jared”. ”ill be right back”. i went to the door, i saw michael be dragged out the door. ”i am going to see whats wrong”. jemma nodded and i left the room. i followed the commotion to the elevator. michael was fighting. ”you cant do this to me, she is all i have left please”. he screamed, i got into the stairs case and ran as fast i could, i waited by the door, where i saw the police cars waiting. the police came in through the doors, the grabbed michael and said ”listen buddy you have to calm down”. thats when i stepped in, michael went down to his knees in the middle of the front entrance, he banged his hands on the floor. ”i cant do this, please”. ”michael”. i said making him look up at me. ”her lungs collapsed, they want me to start making her funeral arraingments they dont think she is going to make it through the night, jared what am i going to do with out by best friend”. ”oh michael”. i said kneeling next to my friend. i put my arms around him, to comfort him. he was crying, i was crying this could very well be me, this was me a few days earlier. ”i dont have any words to say to comfort you, but i will do everything in my power to try my best to help you make any plans i can”.
i looked up and saw the police come closer to us. they helped the both of us up from the floor gently. ”come on sir, we will help you back to your home”. and just like that they took michael away in the back of the car.
i wiped the tears from my eyes, and went back to the elevator my heart breaking for michael. ”is she ok jared”. ”michael told me, her lungs collapsed and they dont think she is going to make it through the night, she has a tramatic head injury. they told michael to go home and make the arraingmentst”. jemma started to cry. ”oh baby please dont cry”. ”she kept pushing me, holding my hand leading me down the stairs, the smoke was comming from everywhere, we opened one day and there was flames there, she got burned, we go to the fifteenth floor and she stopped she kept saying she couldnt breathe, she took out her inahler and tried to catch her breath”. she told me we had to keep going. when we got to the either floor she let go of my hand and was leaning against the wall, the ceiling collapsed, we fell forward. i got up first and then i saw her get up. she was coughing and gasping for air”. i gave her some water from my bottle. i covered my face and hers. we got down to the fifth floor. she sunk down, panting gasping, she was so pale, she said she couldnt breathe. i kneeled next to her and told her we were on the fifth floor. thats when she passed on, she fell forward and down the stairs, i ran down to her. i heard the firemen comming down the stairs, i called for him, he started giving her cpr, but said we had to keep going. when we got to the third floor i could hear people screaming. the door was open and we could see the outside, the fireman carried her and held my hand as we ran throught he fire and smoke. once we got to the window, i watched him lower her down to the ambulance. while he was attaching the rope to me, someone threw something at us. there was white smoke comming out of it, the fireman pushed me out the window, and he jumped. when it exploded and burn the rope. it broke and that was all i remember. jared i didnt get to tell her goodbye”.
”oh baby, i think she knows how much you loved her, that you were both together”. ”i cant live with knowing i get to live and go on and she doesnt”. ”jemma dont think about it like that,there are so many things to live your life for”. ”i cant live with myself if i get to walk out of here”. i leaned down and hugged my wife.
when she fell asleep, i left the room i wanted to look in on nikki again.

i opened the door to her room. i opened the curtain. her long black hair and been shaved completely off her head was covered in bandages and i sat down next to her. i looked down at her bandaged hand, i held it in my own. ”hi nikki, i know you dont know me so well, i am jared, i saw jemma and sees awake she told me what happend, i am so glad you were there with her and for her. she has told me so much about you and while i dont know you so well i do know one thing, your brother is beside himself, so now is your time to decide if your going to fight for your life and wake up because if you choose to leave this world, it will break his heart and jemma’s there is so much more life to live for you and her, and i dont really want to go to your funeral ok, so please try to fight you have 2 of the most strong willed people in your corner and me too, and i want to know you. i want you to be in my life and jemma’s too”. i kissed her forhead and sniffed loudly. before i turned and left the room.

i sat in the room with jemma, holding her hand, enjoying these moment with her. the nurse came into her room. ”jemma, they are going to take nikki off the ventilator and life support, would you like to see her and michael while they do”. she looked at me and said ”yes please”. ”ok ill get your chair”. the nurse and i got jemma out of bed and into the chair. i pushed her down the hall. michael was outside with tears in his eyes, with the nurse. pushing her into the room, where the priest was giving nikki her last rights.
i pushed jemma up to the bed. ”i am going to see michael, ill leave you alone”.

i looked at my friend, they shaved all all of her long black hair, she was so pale. i reached for her hand, most of it was covered in bandages, but i could see her long black nails. i held it in mine. ”do you think she can hear me father”. i asked the priest. ”they say the hearing is the last thing to go, so talk to her”. ”nikki its me, you were so brave, we were brave. we made it to the end the street. in the short time i knew you, you taught me so much. i cant imagine what my life will be like without you, i never thought about it. but i guess now is the time. i am going to miss you so much, but i promise you i will do everything i said were going to do together, like disneyland and dollywood and being a famous movie star. i’d give anything to have you sit up and talk to me right now, but its ok i understand that this is your time and god really wants one of his brightest angels to go home to him and no matter how much its going to hurt me and michael its ok because you will be loved and in peace. i dont want to remember you this way, ill remember you like the day i met you on the plane, the real life morticia addams. so attractive and worldly, not some backwoods hick like me. so go now be with the angels, even though we arent sisters in real life i consider you my sister i will never forget you”. my tears and hurt clouded my eyes. jared was behind me now, he put a hand on my shoulder and rolled me back. the doctor, a nurse, the priest and michael all came back into the room. ”i want to be holding her hand”. he said as he sat in the chair, taking her hand as the nurse began to shut off the ventilators and life support system. ”i want to go now”. i said to jared who rooled me out of the room.

we got back into my room, and watched michael leave. i didnt have the heart to say goodbye to him, i just stayed there in the chair facing the winddow with jared holding my hand. ”jemma please talk to me”. i turned my face to look at him. ”he molested me”. ”what”. jared turned the chair. ”my father, and my brother, thats why i freaked out that day i was so scared and confused, i had always been told it was my fault, they shamed me and sent me away to a labor camp. i was the one who was bad but they did it to me and my sisters, i told nikki that”. ”jemma, i am so sorry”. ”do you think i am a lesser person”. ”no jemma of course not, people who do that are monsters, they are so repressed with their own insecurites with what they have done with their life”. ”nikki said the same thing to me, she took me to the book store and we bought all these books about sex and positions, she wanted me to see it could be fun and that it was normal”. jared reached out and hugged me tightly. ”it is and i will teach you so much”. ”jared how am i going to live with out my best friend”. ”you have me, and i wont leave until your better”. i started crying again uncontrolably.

in 827 with the ventilators and life support shut off, the heart machine still raced, slow at first then a little faster and faster, the machine never beeped. everyone left the room because they didnt want to see her die. michael held her hand and thought it was all over. but when the heart machine never stopped they assumed it was just the effects from the machine. they never ever thought nikki was breathing on her own. fighting her hardest to stay alive. she could hear everyone her brother, her best friend, and jared. inside she was screaming. ”i am still here why are you crying, i am not going to give up i am breathing”. but with each passing moment, nikki fought harder and harder, to move, to wake up. to breathe.

jemma was sleeping, i was leaving, the nurse and doctor told me i could stay visiting hours were over. i kissed jemma goodbye, i didnt want to wake her. the doctor and nurses had made an exception for me to stay but now i had to leave. when i got to the door, i looked across the way. the door to nikki’s room. i thought about it for a moment. i dont think i heard the machine beep. for a moment i thought about it, but then i shook my head and said no, but as i walked to the elevator, something told me i had to take one last look at nikki. i never heard the machine beep. i looked around for a moment. finally i went to the receptionist. ”hi mr. leto”. ”hey i have a question”. ”sure”. ”i am not a medical professional but i dont think i heard the monitor beep when they shut everything off”. ”thats because it doesnt happen right away sometimes it takes a few minutes”. ”a few minutes”. ”i looked at my watch, its midnight its been 4 hours”. ”its takes a while, its not always fast”. i didnt argue with her. i walked back to the elevator.

i got a taxi back to my house and tipped the driver very well. i got into the apartment, everyone asked how jemma was doing”. ”shes doing good shes awake”. ”how is nikki”. ”they had to switch off her life support and ventilator, she wont make it through the night, they asked her brother to make the funeral arraingments”. i told maria and leroy and the receptionist. ”oh man thats so terrible, will you let us know when the service will be so we can go, nikki was such a nice girl, always very respectful she didnt seem bratty or snotty like the other kids in the building”. ”i will let you know when i talk to her brother”. everyone nodded wiping the tears from there eyes.
inside the apartment maria hugged and and said ”welcome home, how is she”. ”good ill tell her you asked about her when i see her tomorrow, were there any calls”. ”yes from shannon, your mother, and emma”. ”ok thanks maria”. ”are you hungry i can make you something to eat”. ”no maria, i am going to call michael and see if i can help him with the funeral arraingments”.
maria nodded her head and brushed the tears from her eyes. ”dios mio”. the phone in my pocket rang, it was the hospital. ”hello”. ”hi mr. leto this is dr. stockwell jemma’s doctor, i am just calling to let you know we have moved your wife to the burn and trauma unit she will be on a different floor”. ”oh ok thank you so much, ill see you tomorrow”.
i hung up the phone, and poured myself a drink. i called michael and got no answer, i left a message. ”michael its me jared, i am calling to see how i can help you, did you get everything set up. i know the people at the campbell if you want me to call and make the arraingments, i can go with you tomorrow if you’d like, call me in the morning”.

the paperwork for nicole glacier had already been signed, when the nurse went into the room. she was taking off the machines and i.v.s this was it. the coroner would be arriving in a few minutes. the nurse covered her face with a sheet. but nikki was scared now, she saw the darkness come over her. she was looking down and herself on the bed, with the sheet over her face. ”i am breathing, she was screaming inside, i am breathing, make this stop”. suddenly there was a jolt like something fell ontop of her. it was dark again. she could feel the coldness in the room, she could hear the voices. she felt the movements of the people touching her, the pain she felt. ”i am breathing, i am still here why cant you see me, why wont you help me”. she screamed inside herself. the bed she was on started moving from side to side. then she felt them left her off the bed. then someone pulled the blanket off of her face. nikki was screaming louder and louder on the inside. ”pleas help me i am still here cant you see me”. the coroner was filling out his paperwork when nikki finally found all the strength she could muster, her whole body shook with convulsions, the coroner looked for a moment as the seizure continued. he ran to the door and called the nurse. the nurse came in and saw nikki violently colvulsing, foam comming out of her mouth. then several doctors came into the room. i need to monitor again stat. they ripped off the gown she had been wearing, ”she convulsing”. they said waiting for a moment, baffled until the main doctor came in and took charge. i need the charge stat, get me back online with the monitor”. talk about the miracle of life this girl is fighting”. the coroner left the room and the doctors moved nikki out of the room to the operating room.

i woke up early in the morning at 5am to go for a quick run, then shower. i wanted to be at the hospital by 8’o clock so i could sit with jemma, while she was awake, today they would be cleaning her wounds and changing her bandages again. i checked the messages on my phone. michael didnt return my call so a i took my morning run, i tried calling him again. i got no answer, i was worried sick about him. i checked my watch. it would take me about 30 minutes to get to the lower east side. so after my run, i got the keys and the car and drove the thiry minutes to the lower east side.
i walked up the path to the house i knocked on the door. i rang the bell i didnt get an answer. ”michael its me jared open up”. i called out peeking through the windows. i got worried about him so i broke the window with a large rock i found. i climbed in and looked around. the house was dark and damp. cigarette smoke lingered in the air. i found michael face down on the floor a bottle of jack daniels and a needle next to him. ”shit’. i said as i turned him around. ”dont you dare die on me”. i said as i listened to see if he was breathing, he was i hit his face. ”michael wake up come talk to me”. he was moaning, i dragged him into the bathroom i got him into the tub with me and ran the cold water. it woke him up, no ”let me die”. ”no michael come on wake up”. ”go away jared, you get to have your wife”. ”wake up michael, we have to plan a funeral”. ”go away jared, let me die”. ”i wont let you die, i am going to call 911”. he moaned and started moving around. ”i think he’s over dosing”. i said as i held him in place. the medics arrived with in moments and had michael on the floor with a shot of narcan.
after he woke up they took him to the psych ward, its common when someone over does and tries to kill them self they get put on a 72 hour hold.

once i knew michael would be ok in psych for the three days, i drove back to the apartment and showered. i grabbed some fruit and bottled water. i put them in my back pack and got ready to go to queens. i arrived just before 8:30am.
jemma was already awake. ”good morning baby, i had to stop and see michael”, i didnt tell her about what happened she had enough stress already. ”ok”. i sat my things down on a chair, i leaned down and hugged her and kissed her passionately. she took a deep breath. ”is michael ok”. ”yes”. ”i wish he would come and talk to me”. ”i know know, but its ok he has to grieve and sometimes its hard”. jemma tried to sit up in bed. ”the nurse said she is going to let you take me outside so i can see the son”. ”oh ok great, theres an area for us to sit outside”. the nurse came in with the wheel chair, i helped her, with jemma. ”it so nice to be able to go outside and breathe the fresh air”. jemma said as i locked the wheels of her chair. i sat down next to her. ”i brought some pears from home, would you like one”. ”sure”. i moved closer to jemma. i took the pocket knife out of my bag and cute the pair in four pieces for her. ”i woke up a little scared this morning because i wasnt in my room”. ”yes they told me they moved you because you have your skin graft today, so i wanted to come and spend some time with you before they took you into the surgery”. over head we heard the helicopter, over head. but it was to high for us to see what was happening. ”its so loud”. jemma said holding my hand. ”your not wearing your ring”. ”it slipped off when we were running i felt it slip but i couldnt see where it went”. i kissed her hand. ”ill get you a knew one”. ”that will be nice, will you get me one with the pretty stones on it”. ”anything youd like baby”. ”oh and a new bag, i dont know what happened to mine or nikki’s, and i am so sad my phone was in that bag”.
”ill get you a closet full of handbags, and ill have emma replace your phone as soon as possible”.

on the roof top, nikki was being transported to the queens heart and head trauma hospital. several doctors and nurses had been with her. the siezure had subsided but her head injury was still very severe. she had to be moved. the doctors and hospital were trying to reach michael with the news, however he could not be reached there wasnt enough time so the doctors went ahead and moved her anyways. ”i am here, they see me”. the nice handsome doctor held her hand. ”nikki we had to move, you to a different hospital. your such a fighter and so brave, it wont be long”. he talked to her. his voice was calm and soothing, she felt like she could see him. his hands were soft. so nikki squeezed his hand. he looked down and then back up. ”yes thats it keep squeezing my hand as hard as you can”. she squeezed again. ”that’s it stay with me, we arent far”. i could hear the blades of the helicopter whirring overhead. i could feel the shaking of the bed strapped to the hospital helicopter. it was like i was waking up. i couldnt open my eyes just yet, but i could hear and feel everything. first i wiggled my toes, then my left leg, i kicked a little, my feet were secured with a leather strap. ”shes moving”. someone said. ”that’s my girl, your going to be ok were here now”. i felt the moment the helicopter hit the ground. i heard the voices of the people and felt the bed rolling. i felt the coldness, i could see the shadow of the light.
the doctors put nikki in a room in the trauma unit, attached to a monitor to check her brain activity. brain swelling but the brain was active, cosing motor function, she was able to move her legs and fingers. she was also placed on an oxygen tank, she need to keep breathing and filling her collapsed lung. the surgery had worked, to reinflate her lungs worked, her heart was pumping. blood was flowing her blood pressure was stable. now she had to be monitored. the brain swelling was the reason her head had been shaved, they had to shave her head to remove a piece of th skull to relieve the pressure of the brain swelling.
but nikki had always been a fighter, she was fighting inside right this very moment. ”she is very brave and a survivor, we switched off the ventilator and life support and she didnt slip away, instead she had a siezure, all of her vitals came back to normal, in all my eyes of being a doctor i had never seen it”. the doctor said to the specialist. ”shes a fighter, she will be better in no time”. i felt the doctor let go of my hand. and heard the other man’s voice. he was examining me, he squeezed my hand and i squeezed his.
i want to open my eyes, but i couldnt yet my body wasnt strong enough just yet.

jared pushed me through the garden an hour before my surgery. ”will you be here when i wake up”. ”of course darling ill be here when you wake up”. ”ill wait for you”. ”good i hope so”. the surgery went well. i got to sleep alot. and sure enough jared was there waiting for me to wake up. he leaned down and kissed me. ”i missed you baby”. ”i waited for you jared”. ”i am so happy to see you”. ”me too”. the nurse knocked and said ”visiting hours are over”. ”alright baby ill get you get your rest, i love you”. ”jemma, tomorrow is the week end and their will not be any visits until monday”. ”i know its ok”. ”ill see you monday darling”.

in the apartment i laid on the floor in the bedroom. my back was hurting so badly. ”maria”. i called to her”. ”why are you on the floor”. ”my back hurts, can you get me the heating pad, and some norco”. ”sure”. she left me alone for a few minutes. she came back and helped me stand up, then helped me lay down on the bed with the heating pad. then i took the two norco’s. maria brought me the package that had arrived, nikki’s new white blackberry. i opened the box and put the phone together. i put the boxes and things on the floor. and settled into bed, pulling the blankets over me.

my arms hurt so bad, but i wanted to move. i ran my hands over my chest and down my stomach. there was something there i didnt feel my skin, i felt something else. it felt kind of hard and rough. nikki was comming to. i held my arms up over. they both hurt me. my legs hurt, my chest hurts. it hurts me to breathe like my chest is on fire. i wanted to open my eyes but my head hurts too. i can hear voices, i can hear them more clearly then before. someone is here, i can feel their movements. they are doing something to my arm. ”ouch it hurts me so badly”. i am trying to say it, my mouth is so dry and feels like sandpaper. there hands are soft as they touch my arm. i feel the prick of the needle, i think they are taking my blood. then a thought occurs to me. ”where am i, where have i been”. i can see the school bus, i see my best friend jemma clearly, she looks pretty in her fancy school uniform. i am wearing my favorite pair of jeans and my nirvana shirt. we are holding hands looking of the big window. i look up and see the bright orange exit sign above my head and its the door to the staircase. i turn around to talk to jemma, and that when i heard the loud crash. there is chaos all around us, i grab her by the hand. ”we have to run down the stairs, the elevator wont come”. i see the dark smoke, i feel the bumps from the plastic coated stairs, its so loud in the stair well, the running is making my asthma flare up so badly, and the toxic smoke. its not cigarette smoke this one is worse it smells like burning fuel, and metals. the smoke is black. one door we opened has fire behind it. i felt the sting and my skin bubble. ”i cant breathe”. i say when we get to the 15th, i put my bag down to grab my inhaler i take a puff the inhaler is still in my hands. i left my bag there, its weighing me down making it harder to run. were at the either now. my chest is pounding. ”i cant breathe”. i say again. jemma tries to help buy covering my face. but it doesnt help. i fumbled with the inhaler only i drop it as we feel the building shake and hear more explosions.
i can see the fifth floor door, i have to sit down i am so dizzy. i cant catch my breath. ive lost my in haler. nikki is kneeling in front of me. but thats the moment were i pass out. now i am jolted i open my eyes. i can hear jemma screaming for help. my vision is fuzzy the room is dark, i move my head slowly. i see large black nurse, she’s looking down at me smiling, she is holding my arms, but i dont see skin, its covered with bandages. i lick my lips and feel the saliva, i want a drink of water. there is something covering my mouth and face. the nurse is still looking down at me. ”where am i, where is my friend jemma is she ok, i hear her screaming”. the nurse smiles at me. ”hello dear, we have been so worried about you, you are at the queens heart, lung, and brain trauma hospital”. ”where’s my friend jemma, she was with me. did they find her did she make it”. ”honey, calm down you have been through a tramatic event, there was an attack on the world trade center”. ”i can have the intake nurse come in a speak to you after the doctor”. ”yes please”.
she leaves me alone, alone to feel the terrible pain. i want to sit up in bed. but its so hard to move. next i see a tall handsome doctor come into the room. ”hi nikki, so glad to see you awake”. ”hi”. i say my mouth is so dry. he moves the bars of the bed. ”can you help me sit up please, and can i have a dink of water”. ”sure”. he helps me sit up right. theres a pink plastic tub on the breakfast table, on it a picture of ice water. he pours me some and puts the straw in it. he hold it for me to drink. the cool water feels so good in my mouth and rolling down my throat. i can talk now. ”can you tell me if they found my best friend jemma leto”. ”is she the girl you were with, do you remember anything that happend” ”we were on a field trip to the world trade center, for our economics class she was from the fancy school i am from p.43. but my teacher said i could go with her. we heard an explosion people were running and screaming, i couldnt breathe”. ”thats right”. ”what happened did someone get shot”. ”no, there was a terrorist attack on the world trade center, you are very brave and lucky, they are still finding bodies and clearing debris”. ”what, what day is is it”. sept 21st its been 10 days”. ”wait ten days, where is my brother where is my friend”. ”is that your next of kin, what is his name”. ”michael pitt”. i say as the doctor takes down the information. ”ok i am going to make some calls and ill be back in a bit ok, i am going to have the burn unit come in and take a look at those wounds”.

michael had been under suicide watch for 72 hours before he was released in the early morning of the 21st. he was given his phone back and his cigarettes and things. walking outside in to the cool morning air he lit a cigarette. he looked down at his phone. it was off or not charged he couldnt tell which. he took the train back into manhattan to the lower east side house. the house was so empty it was like he was stuck in a sick nightmare that didnt want to end. walking into the house, he saw the broken window. he shook his head. unlocking the door he went into the kitchen plugged in his dead phone and made coffee. while the coffee was brewing, he went out to the garage, he need to find something to board up the window. until he fixed it. his head hurt. he took an overdose of heroin, he tried to kill himself. he signed the papers on the 18th and today was the 21st.
he boarded up the window, then went into nikki’s room. he took a look around the empty room. he sat down in the chair for a moment. he wept for a moment, then went to the closet. he had to pick out a dress for her to be burried in. he found the pretty black dress, she wore to her spring formal in april. he put it in a bag and wiped his tears. after he had a cup of coffee he would take the back with him to the frank e cambell funeral home and make the arraingments. he left his phone charging on the kitchen table. grabbed his wallet and bag and locked the door behind him.
the funeral home was five miles enough, an easy bus ride. so michael went through the motions of sitting down and waiting for the bus. when it arrived 2 minutes later he sat in the back clutching the bag to his chest.
the frank e campbell funeral chapel, was on madison ave. he walked in in and spoke to the funeral director. he picked the pretty black coffin and the plot and headstone. he paid for everything and gave the undertaker the dress. ”we will handle everything for you sir”. ”thank you so much”. michael said again going through the motions. he had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. he walked back to the house. he was a nice walk it cleared his head. the house was so quiet and empty and filled with all of nikki’s things.
all the while the phone downstairs was still powered off and on the charger. michael went to his room and closed the door, all the shades and laid in bed. wrapping himself in the covers, crying to himself.

jemma was still in the hospital. the skin graft went well. the pain wasnt as bad and she and i were getting closer and closer by the day. i helped her eat and brush her hair. i helped the nurse give her a sponge bath. and when she was able to stand on her own, i helped her take a few steps everyday. she was doing so much better.

across town.. it seemed like hours until anyone came back to my room. the nurse, the doctor and an officer came into my room. ”nikki the is officer gonzales from nypd”. ”hello nikki”. ”hello officer, why are you here”. ”nikki, you said you have a brother michael”. ”yes”. ”we havent been able to reach him, we need to know your address”. i furroughed my brows, thoughts were kind of fuzzy. ”the lower east side, 68th street”. i said as the officer wrote things down”. ”623 e. 68th street, officer you will tell me if he is alright”. ”absolutely miss nikki, you just rest and we will try to locate your brother”. the officer left and then the doctor said ”your friend jemma, is fine. she is at a hospital not far from her, she suffered sever burns”. ”oh my god, i want to see her”. ”not just yet your not out of the woods yet, you have a severe brain injury and we dont think it’s safe for you to be moving around unassisted”. ”ok fine, but will you at least help me to the bathroom”. the nurse and doctor helped me to my feet. the only part of my body that didnt her. she took me into the bathroom. man it felt so good to be in the bathroom.
”can i sit in the chair”. i asked as she helped me into the large chair.

”i will be back on monday before you wake up baby”. ”ok daddy”. i kissed jemma, and left for the day. i checked my phone. i havent heard from michael. i tried calling i didnt get an answer i thought he still must be at the psych ward. i had to go back to california for a few days, to finish work on the album. i wanted to try to be back before sunday evening so i could see jemma in the morning.

the undertaker got into his van to go to the hospital. he gretted everyone as he had before. ”i came to retrieve the body of nicole glacier”. he said to the receptionist. ”she has been moved across town to the heart, lung and brain hospital”. ”ok ill also be needing the time of death”. she didnt pass sir, she had a siezure and stablized and was moved. ”i understand there must be a mistake”.

michael was sound asleep, he didnt here the police ringing the bell or knocking. ”michael its the police, we are here for a welfare check”. the officer called out as he flashed his light into the window of the door. waiting for a few minutes with no answer, he and the other officers made the call to eneter the home. the officer broke down the front door. ”michael pitt, we are here on a welfare check he called looking all over the house. finally he found the two closed door. the first one was empty, then the second. he opened the door, and found michael sound asleep. the officer shook him hard. ”michael wake up, we need to speak to you and ask you a few questions”. michael woke up, his vision blured from crying. then he saw the officer clearly. ”we have been trying to reach you in reguards to you sister, we have a few questions we’d like to ask you”. ”ok”. ”the hospital has been trying to reach you, hours after nikki was removed from the ventilator she had a seizure, and began breathing on her own. they needed your permission to move her however they could not reach you”. michael was trying to process everything. ”they moved her because her injuries were severe enough to warrant the move, she woke up this morning and the hospital has been trying to reach you, she wants to see you”. michael covered his face, he began to cry. ”are you serious”. i have had my phone off, its chargin downstairs. i made funeral arraingments this morning”.
”you wont need them michael”. ”where is nikki now”. the officer wrote everything down and handed it to michael. ”dont make any foolish mistakes, she is very lucky so many kids and people wont be waking up”. ”thank you so much”. michael jumped out of the bed. elated he could hardly think straight. the police left the house. michael gathered his things together. fixed the door then got his phone. he turned it on and shoved it in his pocket, as he raced to the car.

jared had no idea, about what had happend. ”emma can you check todays paper for an obit please”. ”sure”. ”jared”. ”what did you say she passed”. ”the 18th i think why” ”there isnt and obit, yet are you sure”. ”yes i am sure i was there”. ”thats strange”. i thought again about not hearing the machine beep. as i went back to the studio.

michael parked the car and ran as fast as he could inside the hospital. ”i am michael pitt i am here to see nikki glacier”. ”she’s brain injury wing, on the 6th floor”. ”thank you”. michael got into the elevator. to him it didnt move fast enough. finally the doors opend to the sixth floor, reception area. ”my name is michael pitt, i am here to see nikki glacier my baby sister”. the nurse turned around and whispered to the doctor. ”wow your a sight for sore eyes we have been trying to reach you”. ”we can talk about that later i just want to see my sister”.
”wait here”. he said knocking on a door.

nikki was sleeping but heard the knock. ”come in”. hi nik. are you awake”. ”sort of”. ”theres someone who wants to see you”. i turned my head and looked. sure enough tere was michael. ”michael”. he put his hands over his mouth and came to me. he threw his arms around me. ”why are you crying”. ”i am so happy to see you niks”. ”i am happy to see you to mike, where have you been”. ”it doesnt matter nicks, i am here now”. ”michael did they find jemma, i cant really get a clear answer”. ”they did find her, the both of you were together”. ”where is she can i see her”. ”not yet i am afraid”. ”shes across town in queens”. ”michael how bad is my head it hurts so bad”.
”you have a scar all the way to the back of your head”. ”i figured”. ”i really want to go home and see jemma”. ”do you want to call her”. ”i dont think she has her phone we lost our things, they were slowing us down”.
”ok we can still try”. i found the hospital phone. ”do you remember the number”. ”no”. ”oh hold on i think i can find the number on my phone”. michael took the phone out of his pocket and scrolled through the contacts. ”i have it”. i dialed the number.

jemma was working with the therapist, he was making her stand up and trying to walk with her cast. ”you doing so much better”. the woman said as she held her hand, while jemma walked down the long coridor. ”if you keep up like this you will be able to go home on monday”. ”really, i miss home so badly”. the new phone jared had replaced was in her pocket. ”i think its my phone”. sat down in the chair in her room. she saw michael flash across a painful reminder. she clicked the green button. ”hello michael”. ”hi jemma, how are you”. ”i am ok considering, why didnt you come to see me”. ”jemma i am so sorry”. ”but i have some news some one wants to talk to you”. ”ok sure”. i rolled my eyes and sat back in the chair. then came a voice i recognized. ”hello jemma”. ”nikki”. i screamed i couldnt believe it. ”is this a joke” i ask first. ”no its me”. ”what i dont understand, i saw you, saw them switch off the machine, where are you”. ”in the hospital you”. ”i am in the hospital, i am doing my physical therapy, i cant believe this. this has to be a miracle”. ”maybe, i really want to see you”. ”i dont think you can cos you hurt your head when you fell down the stairs”. ”i heard you talking to me”. ”did you, i meant every word”. ”hell yeah were going to disney and dollywood, lets plan it for when we get outta here”. ”promise me jemma, your going to walk out of the hospital”. ”i promise nikki, only if you promise me you will too”. ”i want to but they wont let me”. ”listen i have to finish this but call me tonight ok”. ”i will”.

i text jared right after the call. ”shes alive, she’s alive she made it jay”. ”what”. ”who”. ”nikki i just talked to her on the phone and she is with michael”. ”oh dear god, thank you”. ”i know”. i put my phone down, i may not have had much faith but after this i knew things really do happen for a reason.

0

Rapture, a jared leto and ofc

 

 

 

 

 

ch.1
til death do us part

”she takes the keys’s he breaks the door, he not in love with me any more”. the madonna songs plays on the highest setting on the radio. its been driving me crazy, i feel like i ruined his life, i know he hates me. i am so sorry, i cant keep up with him or this life, i know how he gets so frusterated with me”.
this is my headspace after the thrity seconds to mars show back in 2005, we had been married about 4 years at this point, its not what he wanted but then again jared always gets whats he wants.

it was 2001 when it happened, my family, or rather my parents jim bob and michelle duggar. let me explain a little before i was raised in the patrichy cult known as the quiverfull movment, allthough they wont really admit it and will deny it, but thats is what my father jim bob does to protect his famous image. as i grow up and learn that everything wasnt true and that i have my own voice,
but this all started so innocently, it was just having a bit of fun. just being a young girl, but to my father there was no giving in so join me as i tell my story.

it all started in 2001, my parents and i as well as my 12 siblings were guest on the today show in new york. also on the show that day, were kristen stuart who was also like 15, jared leto and jodi foster promoting their movie panic room. we were never allowed to watch movies, so i had no idea who he was, i did notice he was so cute, i mean who wouldnt i know now that this was just a little crush. but as he came onto the set with us and started talking, he was sitting beside me and he started touching me, like grabbing my hand and kissed me on the cheek. my father was so pissed, afterward jared said he would like to host us at his new york penthouse to get the know my family and ask my father questions.

it was during this party that jared and i started talking, and again he held my hand and kissed my cheek, at this point my mom and dad had enough they made us leave and my dad threw a fit, he called the police and started yelling saying that jared touched me inappropratly and told the police that he was a man of god, the police questioned me but i was confused and i didnt understand, i kept my head down and i was crying and hysterical because of the fuss my dad was making. jared was arrested and taken away and we left happily. however that wasnt the end of it because we had to appear before a judge and because i was scared and confused and i couldnt tell what happened, the judge dismissed the case. my dad however sued jared leto for 10 million dollars and pissed jared off to the point where in mediation my father said ”you have sullied my daughters reputation and she will never have a decent life and because of it now you have to marry her”. jared and his lawyer protested but my parents lawyers insisted and they made me leave the room and i would later find out they raked jared over the coals but jared had other ideas and notions. a contract was drawn up and an arraingment made. a shotgun wedding in name only with a wedding band and live in arkansas with my family and no one is the wiser.

however jared added a note to the fine print of which we were all about to learn the hard way.

on ”my wedding day”. jared’s lawyer, his assistant emma and his mom and brother shannon met with me and my dad at the arkansas justice of the peace at the courthouse for the wedding. they signed the marriage license as did i and then we said our vows. then my dad pulled me away but just as he did jared’s lawyer said ”jim bob duggar, she has to come with us its part of the contract, that once she becomes his full and legal wife she is to live in his home”. jared grabbed me by the for arm and dragged me out the side door. i kicked and screamed and jared held me evn tighter. there was a moment i broke free, but jared grabbed me and swept me off my feet carrying me into the elevator. i remember watching the elevator doors closing and freaking out even more, jared put me down and held my forarm. ”be quiet”. he said walking me out the door and shoving me into the backseat of the car.

that was my rude awakening into the real world, a world i had been so sheltered from.
jared then turned to emma, he gave him some pills of some kind. ”take these”. he said giving me a bottle of water. i took the pills and swallowed then down hard, they made me feel sleepy and dizzy. i dont remember walking through the airport, i remember being dragged off the plain in a haze and feeling nauciated. i had no idea where i was or where i was going. everything seemed to be going in slow motion kind of fuzzy, i could hear emma saying something like” stay in this room until i come back”.

jared was pacing in the living room. ”is she settled, and ok”. her head is spinning but i helped her undress and into bed, she will have a bad headache, jared you owe me big for this”. ”emma ill write you a check”. ”jared this is so crazy she’s only 15” ”i know emma, i didnt expect this to happen to me, but her father accused me of something and i had to show him”. ”jared, i told you to let the lawyers handle it”. ”what and mark me as a sex offender for the rest of my life”. ”jared so battles are not worth fighting”. ”emma i wont be made a fool like he wants to show me, i have more power and money then he does”. ”you will get bored with her jared she isnt worth it”. ”emma, i need you to take this money and get her some differnt clothes, and burn that offal dress”. emma grabbed the dress she left in the room, on the chair. then left the house to follow jareds orders.

i laid in the darkness of the room unsure of the time or place. my head hurt and my stomach hurt. i rolled over in bed where the green silk sheets beneath my naked body almost slide off the bed. then a knock at the door. ”jemma can i come in”. emma came into the room with a few bag. ”my name is emma ludbrook i am jared’s assistant and i run the house, i have a list of rules for you”. ”rules for me”. ”jared asked me to sit with you and discuss the rules of the house and the rules he has for you”. emma handed me several sheets of paper. that read rules of the house,
1.not eating in the bedrooms, eating is to be done in the kitchen
2. all meals will be consumed with jared
3. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ACCOMPANIED BY JARED ALL ALL EVENTS AND TIMES
4. at this point my head hurt, these rules were almost the same rules i dealt with at home.
4. a person from the school board will evaluate you and determine your correct grade as education is important.
5. you will be given a quartley allowance, for person items.
6. you will have a driver and bodyguard for time you are alone.
7. all contact between you and your family will be limited.
8. jared wishes for you to see a licensed and accredited therapist of his choosing.
9. you will stay and sleep in this room unless otherwise told by jared

i put the papers aside and sighed, ”what am i supposed to do otherwise”. ”well anything take walk a class or, oh and i bought you some clothes i though you might like”. she throws the bag at me. jeans, t-shirts, ”i cant be modest in this”. ”modesty isnt what you wear, its how you conduct yourself”.
i changed into a pair of pajamas i found it the bag, and then lay back again in the bed. i move the rules to the bedside table.

jared was pacing the floor again when emma came back down the stairs. ”is she ok”. ”yes she still groggy, listen i am going to head out now or do you want me to stay”. ”no i think it will be ok”. emma left the house for the night and thats when jared went up the stairs and peeked through the door, jemma was sleeping quietly in her room.

the next morning when i woke up,my still ached like i had been hit over the head with something then again it wouldnt be my first time. i crawled out of bed then went to the bathroom. after washing my hands and face, i slowly desent down the stairs where jared is standing at the stove. ”good morning darling, are you ready for breakfast, i am making pancakes”. ”this whole thing is so strange i mutter as i sit down at the bar in a stool, shouldnt i be doing that for you”. ”no i woke up early and i thought i would make us breakfast”. i watched jared pour me a glass of orange juice. he placed the glass down in front of me, a glass an actual real life glass, it was pretty and heavy and i stared at it for a minute. ”whats wrong you dont want orange juice, i have almond milk, or apple juice”. jared said opening the fridge. i stood next to him for a minute gob smacked at how much food was in there, good food, expensive food brand name food. no pickles insight. ”wow”. i say aloud just standing there, then i see it it looks soo good. ”can i have this”. jared looks at me like i am crazy, ”of course you can its your food too”. i take the cheese, yes i think its cheese and i sit down on the bar again.
then i think of a knife, i get back up and walk over and start looking through the door, silverware, pretty silverware heavy expensive silverware, ”i think theres a cheese knife there” ”you have a cheese knife”. i exclaimed estatic.
jared looked at me funny, and pulled the knife out of the drawer for me. ”here sit down at the table. he said holding the plate of pancakes in one hand and then setting it down. ”sit”. jared then goes back over to the stove, i kind of sit and wait. i am floored that he is cooking and i am eating first. then jared comes back to the table, he puts his plate down and his glass of juice.
”we have a very busy say today, first i am taking you to a clinic the clinic i attend, for all your shots and blood test and physical, then were going to the high school education is important and i want you to be smart and succeed”. i felt sheepish after that i tucked into my pancakes.
”then i were going to the studio for recording”. i smiled it made me feel somewhat better.

at the clinic, jared handed me the paperwork, then stay at the counter giving the payment or whatever. filling out the paperwork was hard, it asked if i was pregnant, if i had all my shots. things i didnt know the imediate answer too so i said i didnt know, or remember.
inside the exam room, i had to put on a gown and sit on the table, when the doctor came in me made me pee in a cup becase you have too.
i got a bunch of shots, then they made jared leave the room to give me a pap smear. then the doctor asked me who jared was ”my husband”. ”are you sexually active”. ”yes”. i squeaked the doctor wrote something down, then left the room. when he came back he had a female nurse with him and said that for the pap smear she had to be present.
after that, jared came back into the room and stood next to me. ”are you alright”. ”yes i am fine”. he held my hand, as the doctor went over my chart and my birth control, he explained to me how it worked. ”the sunday you start your period, you start taking it”. birth control is not something that happens in our house, my cheeks were red and i was confused.

the school didnt really pan out, instead i got a tutor and did an online homeschooling thing they thought would be easier for me since i had to be with jared most of the time.

when we got back to the house in the evening, jared left me alone and i just wondered around the room, then down the side stairs that lead me outside to the pool, i walked up the path to the guest house, that was locked. so i turned around and walked down the path to the driveway. there i saw the pretty blue jeep with the flames on the side. i saw a moter cycle then several other cars, like a mercedes and a bmw. then with out question i continued walking down the long hallway, to where i saw the door opened, it was to the secret room jared told me to never go into. i looked around behind me to see if i saw emma, or jared or shannon who lived in the apartment just over the garage, across the pool. not seeing any around i took a few steps into the room.
the light hurt my eyes instantly, a red light, red paint on the walls and several objects from around the world i had never really seen before. a wooden rack in the middle of the room that had a velvet rope with circles on the end of it, it looked like excersize equipment. in the middle of the room a large california king sized canopy bed, that had these leather straps on all four sides, the pillows were covered in satan or a silky material. i ran my fingers over the soft buttery fabric. it felt so soft and nice on my hands. i got so carried away and entranced that i didnt noticed jared standing in the doorway getting angrier by the second.
”what are you doing”. i jumped back a few steps as jared came closer to me. ”nothing”. i said to which he grabbed me by the forarm so hard. ”yes you are you know your not supposed to be in here i told you that”. dragging me to the door, he teeth gritted and makeing me so scared. ”you are never supposed to come in here ever”. ”jared i am sorry i didnt know, what is that room anyways”. ”the pleasure room and you wouldnt understand”. he said letting me go in the door way of my room. ”what wouldnt i understand”. i screamed back at him. ”you wouldnt understand and its better that way”. ”dont treat me like a child i am your wife”. i pleaded just as jared again grabbed me by the for arm and said ”i know and you will be punished”.
i pulled away from him, ”what i am a virgin i”. i didnt understand what he had meant, but jared seemed to soften and looked at me cooly deep in the eyes.
”what did you just say”. ”i am a virgin, i have been punished all my life”. jared sat down in the chair in the hallway. ”i am so sorry”. jared said taking me up in his arms, then without warning or question he hugged me tightly then kissed me on the mouth. ”its ok ill teach you”. he held me like this for a few minutes before he took me by the hand and walked me down the stairs. ”sit, i want you to tell me everything”.
jared and i must have stayed up all night long and talked about my life and the patriarchy. ”i would never treat you that way ever jemma, i am so sorry about that jemma”. jared held my hand the entire time. ”i promise that ill take care of you and protect you jemma, but please dont go into that room until i tell you too”.
”ok jay i am sorry”. he kissed my cheek and left the couch. to go into the kitchen. ”i am going to make some pasta are you hungry”. ”yes kinda”.

its hard to describe the feelings i had at that time, it was so mixed like love and hate and confusion.

jared and i ate our dinner together, i didnt talk a whole lot because i wasnt sure what to say most of the time, jared was so smart and cultured and i felt like i couldnt contribute to the conversation. ”are you alright”. jared asked lovingly touching my hand. i nodded my head, as jared moved my long brown hair out of my face.

after dinner, jared took me by the hand. ”let’s go to my room and watch a movie”. leading the way down the long coridor to his room, of which i hadent set foot in as of yet. i remember looking all around the room, it certainly was bigger then my room at home, and wider. the windows were big and opened. i casually walked over to the open window, to see the pool. ”wow you can see the pool from here”. ”yes baby, you can also see the hills from here too”. he stood right behind me now, i could feel his breath on my neck. it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up, then roughly jared stood behind me, i could feel he took his shirt off, my knees buckled and i almost fell to the floor, however jared caught me in his arms and carried me to the bed. gently laying me down, jared kissed his way up my leg. then he stood and stood in front of me, pulling down his jeans and briefs. calmly he sits down in the large comfy chair. ”come here baby”. i get off the bed and walk over to jared, he pulls me down onto his lap. after a moment of hurried kisses, he takes my shift off over my head, followed by my bra, now i am feeling flushed in my face and cheeks like i am doing something bad and will be caught soon.
then jared tugged on the middle of my jeans, stopped kissing me to look down, he unbuckled them then pulled the zipper down slowly. lastly he tugged my panties down to my ankles, then roughly pushed me back into his lap. ”baby i am going to teach you how to please me, kiss me”. jared said running his hands all over my torso. then he makes me spread my legs, i look at him for a moment as he takes his hand and rubs it up and down my pussy.
i took a deep breath, so scared and frightend. how do i speak up and tell him i dont want to do this it makes me feel scared. see back then i didnt know how to be open to talk about the things that happened, to me. all i told him before this moment was about the beatings and the church things, but i had never told him about the sexual abuse, how confused i was with all of this. but in those moments when he forced me to kiss him, i broke down crying, sobbing hard. so hard, it made me jolt and stand up right, i turned my body away from him and hicupped covering my face with and arm like a child.
”jemma, what happened are you ok”. i couldnt look at him, i couldnt talk. he came over to me putting his arms around my waist. ”jemma whats wrong did i hurt you let me see you”. he tried to pull my arm away from my face, but i turned around again and hid in the corner. jared put on a robe and said ”i am sorry i didnt mean to hurt you, look at me please”. crying hysterically now, i just remember falling to my knees and screaming no at the top of my lungs. jared stood with hands up in the air, ”jemma, i am sorry tell me how i hurt you i didnt mean too”. now there was a knock at the door, jared’s mother connie and his assistant. ”jemma, jemma whats wrong”. they were yelling trying to get the door open. jared unlocked the bedroom door for them to come in. emma came over to me, she kneeled beside me as connie yelled at her son. ”what the fuck shes only 15 what did you do”. ”nothing mom she and i were having a moment then she started going crazy she wont talk to me”. emma went to the bathroom and grabbed a robe for me, she wrapped it around me and helped me out of the room.

emma sat me down on the bed, before she went into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. ”whats wrong, are you ok did he hurt you”. finally taking a choking breath i said ”no”. ”ok, tell me what happened”. ”jared is so sweet and kind to me, but i am a monster, i am spoiled he will never want me like this”. emma furroughed her brow. ”i dont understand”. ”can you leave me alone please”. she left the room, i slumped into bed and cried myself to sleep.

”jared what the hell happened”. emma slammed the door in jared’s room. her poured himself a drink. ”we had a moment, we were kissing and about to fuck and i started to play with her and then she started crying, is she ok, did she say anything”. ”she said she was a monster, spoiled and that you would never want her”. ”what the fuck does that mean”. ”i dont know jared, but i have a feeling its about her family, i didnt like them from the minute i met them”. ”i didnt either, her father seems so weird they all do. what do you think i should do”. ”jared do you love her, do you feel anything for her”. ”yes shes very attractive and i like having her around me, but you know i have my rules and my life emma”. ”dont you still have that apartment in new york”. ”yes why”. ”listen what if we got her into a nice private school in new york and she can live in the apartment, and you can see her a week of every month”. ”shes my wife, i dont want her to leave me”. ”jared think about it for a moment, she wont ever really be happy here with you, she need to expierence the world first hand by living in it”. ”shes not a puppy to give away emma, i really love her”. ”then set her free, i know you did this to punish her parents but give her the gift of the world”. ”what kind of man does that make me”. ”it makes you the kind of husband, that can learn to grow and not do things out of spite and anger”. i took a drink of my whiskey. taking a deep breath as my heart broke. ”she also needs intense therapy i know she has been through something traumatic in that house, i can set everything up”.
”fine, but if anything happens to her i will hold you personally responsible, and ill fire you”. ”i know jay”. i finished my drink and put the empty glass down. ”ill get started on it right now”. emma left me alone, and i went to the piano, its the only thing i could do, to hide my heartbreak and sorrow, what the hell have i done, what have i gotten her into”.

a while later, emma came back to me. ”i have everything ready to go”. ”wait”. i said going back to my room. ”i want you to give her this” jared this is your bank card”. ”ive added her to my account as an authorized user, i dont want her to be broke in the city”. ”you dont even let me have your bank card, not even shannon can touch it”. ”oh yeah dont tell shannon”. i went back to banging away on the piano.
i couldnt sleep that night, i laid awake looking at the empty space beside me, where jemma would have been. it makes me feel sad she cant and wont talk to me, i want to know her hurt her so i can hurt them too”. i thought to myself trying to figure it out. the only thing i knew for sure was about the beatings, she showed me some of her scars on her back and legs.
i wish i could tough her right now, to wipe the tears from her face but before bed, i knocked on her door and she didnt answer me.
in the morning, i am going to talk to her. but right now i get out of bed, i go to the drawer where i keep the key to her room. i open the door, and stand next to the bed, she wraped in the blankets, i want to reach out and touch her so badly, i resist as i go to her closet. i pull out her luggage and start to pack them for her. one nice thing i can do for her before she leaves me.

i took a deep breath in the morning, i took a valium and whatever other drug i could find to dull the pain and wash it down with two glasses of whiskey while i waited for her to come downstairs. i had her luggage at the door staring at it. i swallowed hard, as i watcher her stuble down the stairs, wiping her eyes and yawning. ”jemma will you come over here and sit next to me please”. ”sure jay what’s up”. i take a deep breath and exhale, ”i got you something because what i have to say isnt easy” jared handed me a large box. ”jared you dont have to get me anything”. ”i know but jemma, are you happy here with me”. she looked up at me, sort of confused and bewildered. ”yes” she said with a slight wince studying my face telling me what i wanted to hear. ”no jemma, your not and its ok because i want you to be happy even if it means your not always with me”. she looked at me, i could see the tears in her eyes. ”i dont understand”. ”i know its hard to understand me right now, but i have made arraingments for you to live in my apartment in new york. to go to a nice school, to have a life that doesnt always include me”. ”are you telling me you want a divorce”. ”no not at all, we will still be married and i will visit you for 1 week every month, but i want you to learn about the world, to live in it and be a normal person. there is so much i cant do for you and i know that, i also set up therapy for you. i dont know what youve been through or who hurt you and its ok if you dont or cant tell me yet, but i want you to get help so that you can learn to thrive”. she was crying now, softly as she held the box in her lap. ”jared please, i dont want to go, i can learn. i promise i wont turn you away ill be quiet please”. ”no jemma its not that at all, i am doing this because i love you, and i know your dont truly understand love and its ok. you told me about the things they made you do and their beliefs but they arent mine and this is why i am doing this jemma”.
”jared please”. ”my apartment is very nice, in the upper west side of manhattan close to central park, my house keeper maria is waiting for you to arrive, now come on, ill help you to the car i want to be the one to take you to the airport”.
i patted her hand and stood up on shakey knees. she stood up next to me, more like an eager puppy following her master who is about to take her to the pound. i helped her carry her luggage, to the car. held the door open for her then closed it. the box still in her lap, she hadent even opened it yet,
”how will i talk to you jay”. ”i got you a cell phone i put it in your bag and took the other one away, i am not sure its safe i dont know where its from, my number is in it, so is shannons and my mom and emma, and maria”. ”ok jared”. her voice was so soft and childlike.
her long brown hair, unkempt and messy, she had my heart and all i wanted to do was stop the car and hold her. but after last night it was clear to me that this is what i had to do.

i parked the car, in the parking lot and helped jemma with her things. walking with her through the airport to her gate. ”wait here i am going to get your ticket”. when i came back jemma, was sitting down on the floor near the wall. i sat beside her and handed her the ticket. ”they will start boarding here in a few minutes”. ”when will i see you again”. ”august most likely, for 7 days and we can spend time together and walk around the park”. ”i’d like that”. ”i cant wait jemma, i want you to be happy and learn so many new things, you are so young you dont need to be tied down to me”. ”jared please”. ”why dont you open your present i got you”. jemma obeyed me and opened the box. ”oh jared its beautiful”. ”i am glad you like it, i will look very good on you”. ”ill think of you when i am wearing it”. i leaned forward and kissed her. then came the boarding call for her to get on the plane. i helped her to her feet. ”i am going to miss you so much, be good and promise me you wont get into to much trouble, and listen to me if you meet someone and they treat you good and you sleep with them, i wont be mad, because those are the things that come with life and love”. ”i could never jared”. ”you say that now, kiss me please before you go”. she reach her arm up around my neck and kissed me, i kissed her back deeply roughyly and held her tightly in a hug.
”ok go on now jemma”. she took her luggage, and walked with the crowd, at the gate she waved to me. i waved back with tears falling down my face.
i cried all the way home, i had never felt that way about anyone, and know i sent her away because i am the fucked up monster who agreed with her parents on this stupid marriage thing and all she wants to do is dutifully follow me everywhere, and i hapless and hopelessly want her too. but this was the right thing to do, to allow her to have her freedom in this way.
when i got home, i didnt really want to do much of anything. i went to my room, changed back into my jammies and closed all the blinds laid down in bed and closed my eyes. i had a massive headache, my heart broken and all cried out i just wanted to sleep.

sitting on the plane, i had to have a sign that read ”unaccompanied minor”. walking through the aisle i found my seat, next to a girl around my age also with the same sign pinned to her jacket. ”hiya”. she said as i sat down. ”hi”. i said back to her, she smiled at me and said ”my name is nikki, and i am going back to manhattan, to live with my brother in his house”. ”oh i am going to live in our apartment”. ”cool, where is it”. ”in the upper west side close to central park”. ”wow cool, my brothers house is in the lower east side, not a posh as the upper west side but still pretty nice”. ”i believe you, so what are you going to do when you get there”. ”run through the srpinklers, its fun”. ”it sounds like fun”. i took a nervous breath, thats when i noticed nikki had a bunch of magazines on the tray table. ”put on your seatbelt were about to take off”. ”my name is jemma by the way”. ”i like it, its very british sounding, oh man one day when i grow up i wanna go to london”. this is when i got a good look at her, she had a very pretty face, high cheek bones. long black hair, and a small figure. she was dressed in a way i had never seen, a lot of make up around the eyes, a long black dress, and a heavy black trench coat and heavy heeled boots. her skin was very pale, and her hair was piled high on her head. i think she noticed me looking at her. ”i know i look weird, its called gothic”. ”i dont think you look weird i like it alot, i even like how you did your makeup maybe one day you can come to the apartment and teach me how to do my makeup like that”. ”really you’d let me do your make up”. ”well yeah, and my hair”. ”well sure, do you have a cell phone”. ”yes hold on a minute while i get it”. i reached into my purse where the new white colored blackberry was. ”i just got this phone i dont know the number”. ”oh thats cool, here let me put my number in it”. i gave her the phone and watched her for a moment, god she was so pretty and attractive.
”i have some books if you want to read”. ”sure”. i said as she reached into her black bag next to her.
”this one is my favorite, its about a boy who find out hes a wizard and gets to go to a school of magic”. the name of the book was harry potter, and for years had been banned in the duggar house but now i felt darring.

the stewardess made her usual call and instructed everyone the flight would be taking off. i braced myself the last time i was on a plane with jared and he sat behind me. now i was alone and listening to the message. ”are you nervous”. ”a little”. ”i have xanax it will calm your nerves”. ”whats xanax” i asked as she leaned in closer. ”a pill for anxiety, and to take the edge off”. ”oh no thank you”. ”ok ill take one then”. i watched her take this pill with a large bottle of water from her bag. ”oh cool the inflight movie is going to be requiem for a dream”. ”huh”. i said looking at her. ”you’ve never seen it”. ”ok it has jared leto, man he’s so hot, and ellen byrnsten, just wait you will see”.
she put on her headset, and i did too. i knew jared worked in the movies and music i heard him singing, he sang to me. but i had never seen any of his movies or any movie really. after the movie was over, i was so confused and bewildered, jared was a different person on screen. so thin and pale riddled by a heroin addiction. the movie made me cry. when i put my head set back nikki looked at me. ”oh jem are you ok”. ”yes i am fine that was such a sad movie”. ”i know but it’s so close to real life addiction that i have seen, heroin fucks up peoples lives so badly thats why i dont mess with it or with people who do it, they will do anything for a fix including steel and i dont trust them”. i sat back in my seat, i will tell jared i saw the movie tonight. ”wanna see a picture of my brother”. ”sure”. she pulls out a photo album and flips through the pages. ”dassim my brother michael”. ”he’s good looking”. ”i know, he’s very tall, nobody believes were related because we look so different, but he’s my best friend, he is an actor, mostly indie movies”. ”i see, is it his house your going too”. ”yes, i cant wait to see him, you might meet him at the airport when we get there. he’s waiting for me. who are you going home to”. ”the house keeper”. ”oh i understand your parents work alot huh”. ”sort of”. ”ok ok keep your secrets, you’ll tell me one day, but if your not to busy in your fancy life come and have dinner at my house”. ”i would love too”. ”cool text me, and ill set a place for you”.

the plane touched down on the tarmac of kennedy airport. ”oh my god were here we made it”. nikki started gathering her things. i also started gathering my things, and hurriedly shoving them into my bag. ”well jemma dont forget to text me ok”. ”i wont nikki i promise”. then she hugged me and walked out the door together. i went to the baggage claim, then i stopped and looked around for a moment. i saw a man in a suit and hat holding a sign that said leto. i waved to the man, ”are you jemma leto”. ”yes”. ”maria and i have been waiting for you”. he hugged me and then i followed him outside to the parking lot. i saw nikki again hugging the tall blonde guy i saw in her pictures. ”bye nikki”. ”bye jemma”. she called back to me.

i just stared watching how happy she was with her brother, smiling and jumping up and down. the car she got into looked really nice too. i was so happy for her.

”jared how long are you going to sleep and not come out of your room”. my big brother shannon said after barging into my room. ”a month until i can see her again”. he took a deep breath and sighed. ”what did you think you could keep her hostage here”. ”no i just want to have someone of my own”. ”shes too young right now, and”. ”shannon can you just leave me alone”. ”no jared, you’ve been in bed for days now, have you even talked to her since she left”. ”i test her, and maria.. shes just getting settled in”. ”you cant hide until you see her again its not smart”. ”when is it going to be my turn to have the family i want”. ”jared shes only 15 you and i know that she isnt ready and her crazy ass family didnt make it easier for her, i dont really know alot about her, but shes in new york and has a chance at a real life now”. shannon pulled the blankets back. ”hey”. ”come on brother i’ll help you into the shower, i made fresh coffee and breakfast lets try to do something else today”.

walking through the door of the apartment, i was flabbergasted. it was so pretty and fancy. ”hello mrs. leto”. a chunky hispanic lady greeted me with a warm hug. ”i hope your hungry i made you dinner, everything is ready for you”. ”thank you”. she took my bags from me. only leaving me with my purse that i put on a table near the door. this was my home now, so nicely decorated and opulent.
the table of made of glass, a glass dinner table. i ran my fingers over how clean it was, oh yeah and the apartment was spotlessly clean, no dust anywhere. ”how did i get here”. i thought to myself remembering a trip with my siblings, kids crying, my dad driving, my mom heavily pregnant, my baby brother james crying and flailing in my arms, and the smell of urine and sour milk in the air, to this pristine clean apartment. sitting at the table in a moment of clearity i looked at the gold wedding band on my finger. i was lost in staring at my ring. i slipped it off my finger and put it into my pocket. ”i am going to wash my hands”. i said to the empty room, getting out of the chair to find the bathroom. when i found the large two sink bathroom fully stocked with freshly pressed towels, i stood and looked at myself in the mirror, i didnt like what i saw so i leaned down and washed my hands.

after i ate dinner, i let maria give me a tour of the apartment. ”this is your room, this is where jared sleeps too when he’s home, have a good night mrs. leto”. ”good night maria”. she closed the door and i sat alone on the bed. i looked at my phone, i had to talk to someone, so i text nikki. ”omg this apartment is so fancy”. ”of course it is fancy, your in the upperwest side”. ”you dont understand i come from a poor family and i have something to tell you i dont know how you will react”. ”what is it girl are you ok, i have no problem comming to the fancy side of town to kick ass”. ”can i call you”. ”yes please”. i pressed the green call button and waited for a moment until she answered.
”hello jemma”. ”hello nikki”. ”whats up girl, is everything ok”. ”yes, but this apartment isnt mine technically maybe you should sit down”. ”ok”. ”my name is jemma elizabeth leto, i am 15 years old and i was raised in the south in arkansaw, duggar is my maiden name i think they call it. my family is sort of well known for having alot of kids weve been on t.v like on good morning america, when i was in their studio there were celebritys and movies stars being interviewed for a movie, and one of them was jared leto, well see he kissed me on the cheek and held my hand and this made my super conservative christian parents angry and they threatend him, so he married me and now i am here how was that”. ”are you crazy, jemma you better not be lying to me”. ”i am not lying, do you think i could make up something like that”. ”no but its not hard to google it hold on”. ”ok”. i heard her open a door. ”i am going to look it up”. ”please dont tell anyone i am so scared”. ”why girl, if you are who you say you are you just got a major upgrade in your life, all the way to park ave”. i heard her typing something into her computer.
”wow jemma, i am sorry for doubting you, but i have so many questions” ”ok” ”jared is like 32 years old that make his 17 years older then you, and your parents were ok with this”. ”well yeah they made us get married only i was supposed to go back home with them but jared made me leave with him and i spent a month with him”. ”oh my god, i cant believe this are you ok, what should i do”. ”i am fine, the house keeper left a while ago i am alone in my room”. ”wow kid, what are you going to do”. ”theres a t.v in my room i have never been allowed to watch t.v at home”. ”rebel your a wild child now”. ”i guess”. ”listen nix i gotta go, cos my brother wants to take me out on the town but ill chat with you later”. ”ok i am going to my first day of school tomorrow so ill call you and tell you how it went”. ”ok bye jemma leto”.

it was so hard to focus on the words in front of me, the words i wrote to the song i had written. the song i wanted to write from jemma. i could hardly see straight and another migraine was taking over me. i went back to my room to lay down. as i covered myself in bed, i found my phone. jemma had sent me a few texts. ”jared, i am here now. maria made dinner going to eat and then watch tv”. i chuckled at how childlike she was. i took off all of my clothes, they felt restrictive. laying back in bed i kept looking at the message. thats when i decided to call jemma.

i was standing alone in the fancy kitchen. i found the whole foods brands microwaved popcorn. you cannot watch a movie with out popcorn. when it finished i pulled it out of the mircowave and poured the whole thing in a bowl. i took a coke zero from the fridge and and papertowel and walked to the bedroom. the bedroom was so fancy it didnt feel right so sit on the bed, or chairs to eat, so i sat indian style on the floor and turned on the t.v. i found a classic movie, to mules for sister sara, i couldnt stop watching it. i had the phone on the floor beside me. then it wrang, i looked down to see it was jared. i clearmed my throat and wiped my hands. ”hello jared”. ”hi sweetheart, how are you”. ”i am ok”. ”good i miss you”. ”i miss you too jared how are you”. ”my back is killing me and i have a bad migraine so i am lying down now”. ”oh i see, guess what”. ”whats that’ sweetheart”. ”i made a new friend, her name is nikki she told me her brother is in the movies, we sat next to each other on the plane”. ”oh babe thats great, tell me about her what does she look like”. ”shes so pretty, she has very pale white skin, she wears alot of make up, dresses in black and has heavy boots, she very very thin, thinner than me too, she and i talked after i ate dinner”. ”oh babe see you already have a new friend i am so happy and proud of you”. ”she is my age and i feel like i can talk to her about anything, she is going to do my hair and makeup”. ”oh sweetie you have to send me pictures”. ”i will, why are you naked in bed”. ”i just wanted to hear the sound of your voice”. ”jared whats that sound”. there was a pause on the phone. ”i am listening to your voice, its so soft and sweet and soothing and i am stroking my cock.
i was taken a back for a moment, i knew the basics of sex but i didnt know about masturbation, see i had always been taught it was dirty, but now i am here and things are different. so i jsut listen for a minute. i car hear jared breathing. ”babe dont stop talking”. ”what do i say to you jared, you sent me away”. ”i told you it has to be this way, i want you to learn about life and love, but i want you to finish school, learn a trade so you can have a career too”.
”it still hurts me because i feel like”. i didnt want to cry, but the tears fell from my face. ”there is so mich about love and sex you need to learn darling please trust me when i say its better for us this way”. ”jared can i talk to you about anything”. ”mhhmmm baby dont stop talking”. i was kind of miffed that jared was doing this on the phone. my cheeks were flushed and hot. i dont think i can tell him just yet. ”jared”. ”yes baby”. ”jared i gotta go now, i wanna finish watching t.v”. ”no please just a few more minutes i am almost there”. ”jared”. ”wait please”. i heard him moan louder, i got scared and hung up the phone.
i finished watching the movie, went to the bathroom and then laid back in the bed. i think i watched t.v tell 2 in the morning before i finally fell asleep.

”please dont hang up baby i am almost there”. i tense up at the feeling of my hand, stroking my large cock. ”jared please i”. ”baby keep talking”. ”i have to go now”. ”dont hang up mmhhhm i am almost there”. i pulled the phone away as i reached my climax and spilled hot cum all of my tummy. but when i looked down at the phone, jemma had already ended the call, i went to the bathroom to take a cold shower because i was so aroused i was afraid of what might happen next.

the next morning just after breakfast i called nikki, we made plans to meet at central park, to walk around and look at some of the shops. so i took a shower and got dressed in my nice pair of jeans jared bought me, and this stripey shirt i had in my closet. i put my long hair back in a pony tail and then put on my shoes and socks. ”oh senora are you leaving”. ”yes maria ill be back in a while ok”.
i opened the door to the apartment and walked to the elevator. downstairs i walked out onto the street. ”excuse can you tell me how far away is central park”. ”about 6.4 miles ma’am may i get you a car”. ”ok”. the door man went into the apartment at the front desk. ”jemma leto”. ”yes”. ”please have a seat inside where its warmer we have contacted your driver your car will be here momentarily”. ”i have a driver”. ”sure do mrs. leto”. just then a black car pulled up, the same man that picked me up from the airport got out of the car and opened the door for me. ”good morning madam”. ”good morning”. i sit down in the back seat. ”where are we going”. ”central park please” ”oh its kind of chilly”. ”i am meeting a friend there”. ”i see madam”. ”i dont think i caught your name”. ”my name is leroy mrs. leto”. ”can you please call me jemma”. ”yes jemma”. i leaned forward in my seat. ”leroy tell me about you, are you married do you have a family”. ”yes jemma, i have 2 girls the loves of my life”. ”i see and does jared pay you well”. ”oh yes ma’am, and when i am not driving him i am his body guard on the tour”. ”thats nice do you live far from us”. ”not at all”. ”i am on call 24/7 whenever you need me”. ”oh and do you take our car”. ”no jemma my car is parked in your parking lot, this belongs to jared”. ”oh i see”.
”leroy does this mean your also my bodyguard”. ”yes ma’am”. ”jemma can i ask you a question”. ”sure leroy”. ”i saw your family on t.v and i gotta seem it dont seem right jemma, to have so many kids in this world”. ”i know leroy i am learning about it everyday, are you judging me”. ”no ‘ma’am but i cn tell they put you through thangs, i can see the pain and hurt in your eyes, and as long as i live and breathe i dont want to see them”. ”i know since jared brought me here my dad has banned me and jared from the house”. ”well your better off, i saw that tiny house that is a fire hazard”. ”i know leroy, but its ok now because i am here, hey can i ask you a question”. ”yes ma’am where do you go when your not waiting for us”. ”home to my family ma’am”. ”ok thats good” ”we are here”.
i got out of the car and looked around for a moment, i spotted nikki sitting on a bench holding 2 cups from starbucks. ”nikki”. i ran over to her”. ”good morning jem, i got us some coffee is that your car”. ”yes”. ”oh cool can we use him to shop”. ”yes its my car”. ”oh this is awesome”. nikki got into the car first and then me.
”leroy this is my friend nikki”. ”hello nikki”. leroy said as nikki sat back in her seat and put her black purse on the seat next to her. ”this car is really nice jemma”. ”where would you like to go”. ”bergdorfs jemma have you heard of it”. ”no but sure let’s go”. ”bergdorfs leroy”. ”its one of the biggest shopping centers, and then maybe we can hit up macy’s and the big sears, oh and do you like your coffee”. ”i do, i have never had iced coffee”. ”i needed it i woke up at 5am to go to the boxing center with michael, he had such a good time showing off his baby sister to all his friends, but i wanted to get in the ring to box, so he introduced me to the guy who trains him and he agreed to train me”. ”wow thats cool nik i wish i could do that”. ”why couldnt you do that”. ”i dont know id be scared”. ”hey you can do anything you want to jemma, you are in a very unique position here, you have money and power behind you kinda like me and we need to learn how to stick together and not take shit from anyone”. she made me smile, and thats when i knew i could trust her with everything. ”will you teach me”. ”teach you what babe”. ”how to be strong and independant”. ”sure, where else are we going to learn it from”.
leroy smiled at me through the rearview mirror, i smiled back as nikki showed me all of the cool bracelets she was wearing. ”you can have this turquoise one, and this one too”. ”but i dont want to take your things from you”. ”jemma you are my age you could be my sister, sisters borrow each others things, excepts dudes i dont play that, its not cool”. i nodded my head in agreement nikki is so worldly more then i ever could be. ”by the way jemma can i say how great you look today”. ”thank you and you look so amazing, i wish i was as thin as you though”. i said sheepishly. ”no babe, see were not going to do that, i am trying to gain weight i am so thin, i was i was a little bitter, maybe when i start training, but listen i dont want you to be like that with me or around me”. ”ok i am sorry”. ”dont apologize jemma, theres to many women in the world trying to compete with each other and have what the others have, but not me i like what i have and i like learning things and walking around talking to people, otherwise how else are you going to learn new things”. ”you are right, nikki thank you”. ”anyways i want to get this new armani foundation i saw and michael gave me his creditcard and told me i can get whatever i want, have you ever been to bergdorfs”. ”no, but i have heard of it, i had pictures of it on my dream board at home of places i wanted to visit”. ”oh cool now you can cross it off your bucket list”. ”jared gave me his card too but i dont really feel right spending his money”. ”well he gave it to you to use it but i dont think you will have too, see here is the thing you are the wife of a big star, i am the sister of a known star most times, we get the special treatment where ever i go, i dont like it but at bergdorfs once they find out they treat you different. sometimes its kinda nice you know at restaurants to not have to wait, but other times it kinda makes me feel like im in a circus”.
”i understand”. i said looking at nikki in awe. ”ladies were here”. ”oh great”. ”nikki get out on the passenger side traffic is to heavy for you to open your door”. ”ok leroy”. nikki followed me out of the car. ”i am going to park the car, and then i will be right back, i need you both to wait for me”. ”ok leroy see you in a few minutes”. ”wait for him”. ”he’s also my body guard”. ”oh nice we get and escort”. i sit down on the bricks outside the store. the bricks on the fountain behind me. nikki stand with her arms folded. ”i also need to get new underware i am going to see what kind they have here otherwise ill go to wal-mart” ”you shop at wal-mart too” ”of course”.
moments later leroy returned. ”are you ready ladies”. nikki threw her coffee away in the trash then said ”oh yes”. the she took leroys arm and said ”an escort into a fancy place too”. ”leroy where do you come from”. she asked, ”harlem”. ”oh i love it there, have you been to that soul food place on mainstreet”. ”oh now, what do you know about soul food”. ”that its tastes so good and i cant find a good place to get jambalya and gumbo”. ”oh miss nikki you need to come to my place, i make the best jambalya with kiolbasa”. ”oh leroy dont you dare threaten me with a good time i am going to hold you to that”. ”can i come too”. i chimed in so excited also holding on to leroys other arm. ”sure miss jemma”.

inside bergdorfs, the door man recognized nikki. ”hello miss nikki how is your brother”. ”doing really good, did you see murder by numbers”. ”i did tell him i said hello”. ”will do, james this is my friend jemma leto”. ”hello miss leto”. ”hello james nice to meet you”. then jemma hugged him, he looked a little taken a back but i continued inside with nikki and leroy.
i stopped in my tracks to take in the big fancy store. nikki stood beside me, ”super swanky huh”. ”yeah, where do we begin”. ”the make up counter is over here”. nikki lead the way. ”hello nikki how are you everyone talked to her, ”this is my friend jemma leto”. the girls in the shop were eager to help us. ”what are you interested in today”. ”that new armani foundation”. ”this way”. leroy hung back observing us just incase something happened.
everywhere i turned girls, and swishy guys were comming over showing us things, perfumes, lipsticks, compacts, ”no thank you”. nikki refused a few things. she looked over at me and said ”i like to get alot of the samples too”. ”samples ill take samples”. ”well you heard her, she wants samples”. nikki said as someone handed me a paper bag and filled it with samples of various make up and perfume.
in the store we took our time browsing. nikki looking at clothing on the rack and me looking at the expensive handbags. i turned the price tag over on a really pretty dooney and burkes bag that was 350 dollars, i almost fainted, ”oh my god its so expensive” i wishpered to nikki, ”jemma look at this”. she said showing me a pretty black tunic covered in expenisve bead work. ”look at the pricetag”. ”oh my nope”. she put it back on the rack and we continued to browse. several girls aproached trying to get us to sign up for the store cards. ”ok i guess”. nikki said standing up at the counter paying for her things. ”oh you were approved for 1500 dollars would you like to put this purchase on your card”. ”sure”. then it was my turn to pay, the girl looked at the name on my card, ”oh jared leto i havent seen him in a while are you his sister too”. ”no i am his wife”. i said looking at nikki, the girl behind the counter raised an eye brow, and said ”would you also like to apply for a store card.” ”sure”. she asked me a bunch of questions and then just like that she gave me my approval. ”your cards will arrive in the mail in 3 to five business days”. ”thank you”. i said taking jareds card back from her.

nikki and i followed by leroy went back outside. ”maybe this week you can go into the bank and get a debit card printed in your name”. ”i can do that”. ”sure are you an authroized user on the account”. ”yes”. ”all you have to do is go inside the bank show them your i.d and tell them you want a debit card printed in your name”. ”really” ”sure, if they need proof they can call jared right”. i was floored, and while you are there you can set up your own bank account”. ”my own bank account”. ”yes jemma i have on, its my own. when michael get’s his paycheck from the movies he gives me money from his check for me to put in my stash i have a nice little stash saved up i call it my mad money”. ”oh wow your so independant”. ”i told you you cant realy on men to do everything, plus i kinda feel weird asking michael for money but he gives it to me anyways, and last summer when i got to help him on the set of murder by numbers michael signed a release for them to give me a check in my own name”. ”you work too nikki you are so wordly”. ”jemma, of course i work too, this summer i worked at in and out burger, but the check had to be in my mom’s name, she let me set up the direct deposit to my account”. then her phone rang.”can you hold my bags for a moment”. ”yes”. she reached into her large black handbag and took out her flip phone. ”its my brother michael”. she picked up the phone. ”hi bro, oh yeah were done at bergodorfs were are you”. ”oh yeah were in midtown, oh hold on”. ”jemma michael wants to know what you want for lunch”. ”me, oh i dont care where we eat anywhere is fine”. ”michael she says shes cool for anything”. ”ok where at, hold on. leroy do you know where the smith is” ”yes miss nikki”. ”ok the driver know where it is we will meet you there”. ”come on girl were going to the smith”.

”the smith is a brunch restuarant in midtown, the decor inside is pretty nice.” said to me inside the car. she put her bags on the floor next to her legs. ”your about to meet my brother michael, you will like him he’s really chill, and very tall”. ”i cant wait to meet him”. nikki nodded and smiled at me, patting the top of my hand.
leroy pulled the car up to the front door, where a tall blonde guy stood. nikki waved at him, ”thats my brother michael”. she said waving to him. when the car was stopped i opened the door and he took my hand and helped me out of the car, then helped nikki out of his car. ”wow look at this car” ”i know right super fancy, michael this is jemma my friend from the plane”. ”nice to meet you nikki wont stop talking about you”. ”likewise”. ”well ladies shall we go inside”. ”oh we have to wait for leroy the driver”. i said as we stood on the sidewalk, michael lit a cigarette and said ”did you get everything you wanted at the store”. ”uh huh and they signed us up for store credit cards”. ”oh i see”. ”i also give michael a fashion show when ever i buy something new like makeup or clothes”. ”she leaves her make up everywhere too, i have to tell her all the time to put them away”. this made me laugh and nikki shook her head. ”oh come on now, jemma’s going to let me do her hair and make up”. ”cool i cant wait to see it”. ”i told jared about it last night he asked me to send him pictures when we were done”. nikki looked her brother and said ”shes married to jared leto”. michael looked back at her then me, ”its a long story”. ”oh i understand, well is jared here too i havent seen him in a long time”. ”no he’s in l.a”. he looked at nikki again then back to me. ”ill explain it to you later bro”. just then leroy came back and joined us, michael finished his cigarette and we went inside. ”i am going to order the smith burger and fries it my favorite thing on the menu”. nikki said as we walked into the restaurant.
the decor is really edgy and modern, very nice and clean place. we were seated at a booth over in the corner, michael scooted in first then nikki on one side and then i slid into the other side, leroy however asked to sit somewhere else. ”no come and sit with us”. nikki and i pleaded as she slid in beside me. the waitress handed us our menus. ”get what every you want ok jemma i am buying your lunch today”. ”thank you michael thats so sweet”. ”your welcome”. he said as i read the menu and deicded what i was going to get. once i put my menu down, i looked up and looked at both michael and nikki, you could hardly tell they were siblings, they didnt look alike at all. michael had blonde hair and nikki’s was jet black. ”nikki where are you going to be going to school”. ”oh i am going tomorrow i was already enrolled i really dont know the name, i was home schooled most of my life, this is my first time in a real school”. michael again looked at his sister then me. ”homeschooling, wow what was that like”. ”ok i suppose i dont really know what i am missing i guess we will see tomorrow”.
”well my school is a public school, but its close to you so maybe we can see each other for lunch”. ”that would be nice if we could, i dont have any friends here apart from you”. ”you will like school i know it, i kinda like it but i kind dont but i have to go”. the waitress took our menus and seemed kind of overwhelemed, the place was kind of busy for a sunday.

after we finished our lunch, michael left us alone to finish hanging out. ”leroy let’s go back to my house on the lower east side”. nikki said as we got back into the car.

michael got back to the house a little after us, but nikki and i were talking in the kitchen. ”here sit down”. she sat me down in a salon chair in the kitchen. ”you have a barbers chair here”. ”yes i do hair and makeup for my friends and girls who live on the block here, for their proms and quinceras and things so michael got me a chair for the kitchen”. michael came into the kitchen, i watched him from the mirror, grab a beer and 2 cookes from the fridge, he put the cokes on the counter. ”for you”. jemma said popping the lid and handing me the open one first. i took a sip then put it down on the table beside me. michael sat down at the kitchen table behind us. ”what are you guys going to do after this”. ”i dont know, jemma what do you want to do”. ”i am proably going to go back home because i have to get ready for school tomorrow”. ”so do i”. ”ok well if you need anything i am going to be in my room. michael stood up and gave over and gave his sister a hug, a real frontal hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek. ”see you nik”. ”bye michael”.
once he left us i felt a little more comfortable to talk girl talk with nikki. she put a smock over me and closed the back of it then came around to look at my face. ”ok i think i know how i want to do it”. ”nikki can i talk to you”. ”of course”. ”i mean can i talk to you about private things”. ”of course jemma”. ”ok, has anyone ever touched you”. ”touched me, people touch me all the time jem, what do you mean”. ”like has anyone ever touched your privates and you knew it was wrong”. she turned around to face and said ”who touched you”. ”promise me you wont tell anyone”. ”i promise jemma”. ”swear it”. ”i swear”. ”when i was 10 my dad asked me to come into his room he made me sit in his lap and put his hands down my pants, my brother does it to”. jemma leaned down and said ”they call themselves men of god, hypocrites. let me tell you something, you can have that on your heart its going to get in the way of you have a deep and meaningful realtionship with jared or any lover after that”. ”jared and i were kissing and making out one day, he sat me in his lap its felt so good and nice, but when he put his hands on my crotch i freaked out”. ”did you talk to jared about it”. ”no i couldnt he would think less of me”. ”jemma i dont ever want to hear you say that, being molested isnt a joke, its serious did you tell someone”. ”i told my mom but she slapped and told me not to make such claims, then i got sent away to a labor camp”. nikki was so angry she put down her make up and sat down in the chair beside me. ”let me tell you something men like that are trash and what they did will come back to them 10fold believe that and when i meet them ill keep a ready clip”.

from that day on nikki and i were in seperable, she spent the weekend at my apartment and i at her house and this went on until aug. i had completely forgotten jared was arriving, because i was so wrapped up in playing with nikki. i was teaching her to play the violin, in the bedroom, while we listened to the new britney spears cd she burned for me.

i was so elated to finally see jemma, a month had passed and now it was august 6th, a friday night. i showered and dressed i wanted to look nice for her. shannon drove me to the airport. ”kiss jemma for me”. ”i will all night long”. shannon laughed at me, at the ticket counter. ”ill see you next sunday brother. he hugged me before walking back to the car.
i sat in first class, i took to valium and drank two whiskey sours i was so happy and nervous to see my young wife.
i was brimming with excitment when the plane finally reached laguardia. i had leroy pick me up at the airport, ”hi leroy how are you”. ”good sir”. ”i am not that old leroy, how is your wife and girls”. ”good, they all said hi”. ”thats great”. ”ill bet your excited to see the little lady”. ”so excited leroy i have missed her so much”. ”shes so nice and sweet jared, her and nikki, i like her too”. ”so you’ve met nikki”. ”yes she really funny, most of the time jemma and i stand aside and watch her, shes likes to make us laugh”. ”thats good”. i chatted with leroy, until we got to the apartment, where rick the door man greeted, and helped me get my luggage out of the car. he helped me inside, i said hello to the receptionist then headed to the elevator.
i got the keys out of my pocket when elevator stopped on my floor. in a hurry and so excited to see jemma. i unlocked the door, where maria greeted me. ”aye mr. leto welcome back”. ”hello maria how are you doing”. ”i am good sir”. ”hows the kids”. ”getting big everyday”. ”good tell them i said hi ok, and take the rest of the night off”. i said putting my coat away on the hanger. i heard loud music comming from the bedroom, followed by the sound of laughter.
i took off my shoes and put them away in the closet before i opened the door of the bedroom. where i sat my wife jemma, wearing one of my old shirt’s and a pair of ripped jeans, leaning down to the black haired girl holding the violin. ”jemma”. i said as she looked at me she smiled happy and ran to me, jumped into my arms. ”jared”. she screamed as i held her tightly to me kissing her deeply and passionately. i put jemma down and held her hand, ”jared this is nikki my friend i told you about her”. ”so nice to finally meet you nikki”. ”nice to meet you too finally jared, listen jemma, i think i am going to head out so i cant give you too some alone time ok, remember what i said and remember the book i gave you”. ”i will, by nikki have a good night”. ”i will”. she said gathering her things, she hugged me and kissed my check as she left. ”bye jared”. ”bye honey”. ”bye maria, dont forget to use that foundation i told you about”. i heard nikki say as the door closed and the elevator chimed.

”i missed you so much babe”. ”i missed you to jared, i am learning so many new things”. ”thats good i am so happy but i am even happier that i get to see you”.

nikki and i were having a good time. ”didnt you say jared is comming home today”. ”i did, i cant remember what time though i am so excited to see him”. ”he’s going to be so shocked with everything you learned from that hot sex book we bought”. ”i cant wait to try out some things i have wanted to try”. ”and remember what i told you, its ok for him to touch your clit, he loves you a real love not that fake shit like your piece of trash father you dont have to be afraid of jared”. ”i am not afraid of him i cant wait to be alone with him”. ”good then call me and tell me everything”.

jared sat beside me on the bed. he pulled me down to sit on his lap. i put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him. he looked at me surprised, i continued to kiss him. he put a hand on the middle of my back, and rubbed my back soothing me. then in a violent wave, he started to pulled off my shirt and jeans, then my bra and panties. he kissed me again and then i moved back for a moment, he took off his clothes then pulled me to him.
he pushed me back roughly into the bed, then slowly crawled on top of me. i tried to adjust myself but jared held my hands up over my head, and looked me deep in the eyes, he kissed me roughly crushing his lips to mine.
using his knees he spread my legs and took a hand and slowly ran it down my belly to my crotch. he watched my reacting as he rubbed his hand over my tight virgin pussy. i let go of my inhibitions and took a deep breath, the next minute he moved his head down between my legs to my pussy. the sensation of his licking and biting me sent me so far over the edge, i had to start grinding my hips into him. a soft moan escaped my lips as he continued, his hands holding my hips firmly in place.
the sensations are taking over my body, it feels like i am going to loose control. my cheeks are flushed, i am so hot and overwhlemed but the sensation feels so good. finally i feel like i have to pee, and i let go the release is warm. jared comes up and looks at me. ”bad girl, i didnt tell you to come”. ”sorry daddy”. i say as he roughly pulls me down further. i watch him closely. he leans down and kisses me roughly again. before he spreads my legs even wider. ”my sweet virgin wife”. he says looking down at me. ”yes daddy, isnt that what you want me to call you when were alone”. ”always baby, ill be your daddy, and your everything”. jared roughly kisses me and now hes so much closer to my pussy. ”i want you to want me jemma, to tell me when your ready to fuck”. i wait for a moment, to let this moment sink in.
”now daddy i want you to fuck me”. with that he takes the plunge and plows hard into me. instantly i feel the tear, i arch my back and whimper in pain. ”hush baby, i just want to hear you howl for daddy”. he said as he began to roughly plow into my virgin pussy. ”yes daddy, fuck me”. i pleaded as the pain quickly took another direction, an incredible amount of pleasure.
jared put a hand on my neck, ”i like to choke when i am fucking baby”. it wasnt that tight, i was able to breathe. i bit my bottom lip and cried out ”yes daddy, fuck me please”.

2 hours later both of us collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed, after hours of our bed sport. jared roughly kissed me and said ”i love you so much, i really missed and i am so happy you let me be alone with you tonight”. ”i love you too daddy and i missed you so much, i am really happy your here, and i have been learning alot since ive been here including how to please you and make you happy”. he grabbed me and said ”i will teach you those things in due time, but i am very pleased with this right now, with you and laying here next to you”. ”thanks daddy”. ”i just want to spoil you the whole time i am here precious as long as you continue to take care of me like you did tonight”. ”of course daddy”.

after our long beautiful fuck, and pillow talk i held jemma in my arms, she faced away from me, i draped and arm and leg around her in a protective way as we fell asleep. i am so happy and pleased right now, the love in my heart has increased. the love i feel for her is like no one ever before. it feels right and unconditional. laying here beside her i can smell the citrus in her hair and the smell of our rough fuck. i kiss her neck as she sleeps before i relax enough to let myself fall asleep. this doesnt seem real, i am afraid to close my arms and she’s not laying beside me anymore.
in the morning, i am sleeping happily, before i am jolted awake. when jemma wakes up and gets out of bed. ”babe where are you going”. ”the bathroom daddy”. i yawn and stretch and sit up in bed for a minute, i look at the time, its 11 am. i get out of bed, and got into the bathroom with jemma. i pull up the seat and take a leak. jemma is stand at the sink washing her hands, brushing her teeth. i start the shower, jemma is brushing her teeth now. i kiss her forhead and run my fingers through her long hair. ”i am going to hop in the shower, and then start breakfast for us ok”. jemma nods at me, still brushing her teeth.
i close the shower door and let the hot water wake me up. the water wakes me up.
off in the distance i can hear jemma, talking to someone.

while jared is in the shower, i made some coffee nikki and i bought at the market. maria is doing her usual dusting. ”you want me to make you something”. ”no i am waiting for jared he wants to make breakfast”. ”ok”. ”maria why dont you take the rest of the weekend, and ill see you on monday”. ”ok ill see you later”. ”bye”. ”bye maria”. i say to her as i locked the door, and go back to the kitchen, i pour myself a glass of juice as jared comes out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. ”who were you talking too”. ”maria, i told her to take the weekend off”. ”ok”. jared kisses me again on my mouth, allowing his tounge to penetrate my mouth.
”pancakes”. ”yes please daddy”. ”alright i am going to get dressed and then ill get breakfast going”. ”i am going to get in the shower”.
in the bathroom i took my phone and text nikki. ”is it normal to bleed after your first time”. ”yeah, so you fucked him”. ”yes”. ”how was it”. ”amazing”. ”how long”.”about three hours”. ”omg girl, yes you bleed after your first time and if he is really hung”. ”yes jared has a big cock”. ”stop it i am blushing jemma where are you”. ”about to take a shower”. ”ok remember what i said ride him if you get a chance the pleasure is so amazing, bye now”.
i turn the water in the shower on, i can hear jared in the kitchen getting all the pots and pans together. i wait for the water to be the right temperature. while i wait i have a flash back to when i started reading tracey cox book and the first chapter is on masturbation. i think of the freedom i felt by the touch of my own hand, the freedom i felt in that orgasm and climax. then i think of me and jay last night. how i squirted and he spanked me on my rumped, then asked me when i was ready for him. i think of the pain and how it felt for the first few minutes, excruciating. his hard cock inside of me. tearing my virginity, before turning to undeniable pleasure. i remember them moment jared moaned and increased his voracity into me, asking me to call him daddy until he came. then came inside of me. i think about having taken my birth control pill, i am to young to have a baby now.
i get into the shower and feel the warmth on me, its then when it hits me how badly my father and brother treated me when they touched me and then punished me. and punishing me now. they rarely call me, i dont see them. they put these crazy ideas into my head about having to keep sweet and be joyfully available to jared whenever he wants me, but nikki told me part of being confident is saying no and that its ok to say no, if i dont want sex or be bothered by anyone. to say to jared if i feel like hes being a jerk to me and not to go along with everything he does. i cried a little as i washed my hair and body.
when i was done and got out of the bathroom, i stood looking in the mirror, i saw the marks on my neck from where jared choked me and gave me hickeys the night before. i giggle a little as i go back into the bed and put my clothes on. i put the dirty clothes in the hamper to do laundry later.
i dry my hair, and brush it, then walk out into the kitchen. ”hey babe, how was your shower”. ”good, breakfast is almost ready”. ”thanks daddy”. i say leaning my head on his shoulder. this was our life for the week.

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the foundling epilouge

epilouge..
after the birth of our son we nicknamed danny, sam’s father nicolas and her brother officially came to live in brooklyn with us. now our days are filled with the sounds of laughter and cheers.

everyday i look around the house and i see sam and the babies, sam with her father and brother and i just think to myself wow i actually did it, this is real and it happened. none of us know what is in our future but if you take a minute and actually look around and let yourself feel happiness you will be happy. i thank god everyday for me finding jemma. she’s my guardian angel, because if it hadent been for her maybe my life wouldnt have turned out this way. i mean i know i would still be an actor and on telly and movies but i dont think i would have actually expressed my true love for sam or that i would actually be happy.

finding jemma that day opened so many doors for me, it helped me uncover a plot of a secret cult that was hurting girls and women under the guise of relgion. still able to thrive today in this culture. i know a lot of things in this world are messed up, thats fine but i can never really understand why that is. all i can do is sit back and watch the years go by.

lastly, the queen my grandmother passed away recently in 2019, the code had been london bridge has fallen down. there was a huge scramble in the palace because as it turned out my father charles who was second in line ended up abdicating to my brother william. now wills is the king. i am so proud of my brother and all he’s accomplished.

as he once promised me and our brother harry. he reinstated our mother’s hrh. now all of her memorial plaques read her royal highness diana princess of wales.
not a day goes by when i dont think of my mother and wish she would be here with us right now. i think of how she would get on so well with sam, kate and meghan, and how all of her grandchildren would adore her. i think she would really like living here in america with us, my dad and camilla seem to like it.
all that aside things are great here and i hope you have enjoyed this book.
in the begining of this endeavor, i set out to write a novel. however it turned into our stories. the story of life, love, heartache, friendship and devotion and that is all i could ever have hoped for……

love,
his royal highness, the duke of sussex
Dan Stevens

 

p.s the queens dragon disappeared and the kids are on the hunt to find him, if you have seen him we would really like to have him back!!!!!

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the foundling ch.9 dan’s story

ch.9
Dan’s story

 

 

i took sam back to brooklyn and we have settled into the house. in a nice routine. we make time for each other. right this moment sam is in the library on our home in brooklyn with me. ”what are you doing”. ”printing the pages for the book publishers”. sam got up and walked over to me, she kissed my cheek and said ”would you like me to help you”. ”sit next to me here and put the chapters together for me right over here”. ”can do”. i chuckle, i love samantha’s mixture of a southern drawl mixed with a midwestern accent, her voice is sweet most times, a take a minute to really look at her, shes not wearing any make up, i can see the redness of her sunkissed cheeks, her freckles in a few places, hidden behind her loose bob like hair. she catches me looking and i smile.
”why are you starring at me”. ”i am stareing at you, because your so beautiful and i am so lucky”. ”oh stop your highness your making me blush, hey wait a minute”. ”what” ”you didnt tell your story, you cant end a story with and they lived happily ever after”.
”my story i think everyone knows my story”. ”no think about that little girl or boy who is seeing this on t.v or in a bookstore or library and they say dan stevens hrh, from beauty and the beast or legion, they are going to know you from there or from abbey they wont know your story unless you tell it”.
”i suppose your right poppit”. ”here you sit here next to me and ill type your story”. sam and i switched seats. i put my hands on my lap for a moment, thats when she turned to me and said ”are you sitting comfortably…. then ill begin”.

i take a deep breath and lean forward a little so that we are incredibly close, i cant hold her hand because she is typing. but i rest a hand on her leg and begin.

i was born on october 10, 1982 i arrived to kenisington palace in the early morning hours of oct 17, i slept most of the way. i remember mummy saying that i was asleep when i arrived in a moses basket. the air was cold and i was wrapped in a thin blanket. mummy and daddy met me in the foyer, i was placed on a table under neath neath the flowers. ”oh my gosh, my baby boy, charles come look at the baby”. mummy came over took my out of my basket and lifted me into her arms. she checked all my little fingers and toes. she said i opened my eyes big and wide and looked right at her. ”oh my gosh he’s so handsome, i cant believe he has finally come home to us”. next my father held me in his arms next to the window. he and i allegedly stared at each other, we couldnt figure the other out.

i know about my birth mother, her name was lizzie she was about 16 when she had me. lizzie stevens was a worker in the palace, apperently some kind of scandal happened when a male member of the spencer family was caught with her. 9 months later i was adopted by diana. i only know that from my mummy telling me about it. i didnt really care much about it because i loved my mummy and daddy. mummy especially made for me and william to be very close, william and i are about 5 months apart in age, and yes we did get on very well.
however ever since i could walk, i ran. i ran and rebeled from everything. i always felt there was a part of me missing. not love or anything like that but a void that needed to be filled like, yes i looked the part of a handsome young prince but i wasnt one, i wasnt the girl my father had always wanted, but i was the son my mummy always wanted. the story goes that william was going to be the heir and for charles and that me and my brother harry were for my mummy and yes i think we were. the 4 of us were so very close. her hugs and kisses are what i miss the most.
”when you grow up i want you to marry for love and happiness, not because you have to or think its your duty. promise me you’ll remember”. ”i promise mummy, i will. i love you”. ”i love you too darling”. i remember her voice and the way she would bring us sweets at school and how when i was five she got a note from the teacher reading ”daniel needs to calm down in class”. i was always the kid up and around, playing with toys and reading the picture books.

i loved it when she took us out to places like the water parks, mcdonalds. she desperately wanted us to know real life as well as the inside the palace walls. she taught us about human pain and suffering and how the things we felt were real and it was ok to feel and cry and not be sure of things. ”mummy do you think that it would be ok to one day find my mother”. ”if you’d like too, but i dont think you will”. ”why”. ”its a long story my love, i do know one thing i will help you the best i can when the time comes, please give it about 3 more years, when you are 18 you can make the choice then but until now, just be a teenager and have fun”. ”mum was very big on fun and making sure we had plenty of it. she taught us how to cook and tidy. ”i want my sons to know how to do all of these things you never know when they will come in handy”. ”we had chores of course, i liked doing to washing up and the sweeping and mopping the kitchen, william did the bathrooms, and harry the making beds and so on.
”i want to make sure at least one of my children has their own identity”. mummy argued with royal advisors who insisted that she drop my surname because of the adoption. ”yes my lady however your son is the prince he doesnt require to have a surname”. ”i know but, dan is different, he deserves to know the truth. i have never kept it from him”. ”diana, he is the prince he has no time for such nonsence”. ”if you think i am going to allow you to cover up the truth of what happened in the walls of the palace your crazy. i wont keep it from him”.
”thats so sweet dan, she was always your biggest advocate”. sam chimed in, looking at me.

ill never forget it thought how could i. the camera’s always following us everywhere we went. calling our names, trying to get us to wave at the camera. i always thought, they were a little strange following us around but mum was adamant to let them film her and keep us hidden as much as she could.
i remember how much she loved everyone. no matter of your status or social standing. she took us to the charities with her, we saw her kindess and compassion.

the divorce wasnt easy for us, but we had know for a while it was comming. mummy and daddy could hardly be in the same room together, he made her cry alot and that hurt me. because mummy was always so vibrant and full of life but when she cried it was dark, like the world was going to end and swallow us up alive. she knew about camilla, when she reffered to her she would say charles lady, she asked we treat her with respect if we were with her but to express our dislike in other ways.

i remember when i finally met dodi al fayed. he made mummy smile alot. they were affectionate. he invited us to his house in france, to his boat we spent time together. it wasnt a major issue we did as she told us.

then it was august it funny how you never expect how the things you say and do can be your last. the morning of august 31st mummy was still away in paris with dodi, she called and spent a lot of time on the phone with william, but being a teenager and kinda going through growing pains i didnt feel like talking to her so much. ”hi my son, my sweet angel how are things going”. ”good mummy, when are you comming home”. ”a few days my son is everything alright”. ”yes mummy”. ”how is your father”. ”ok i guess”. ”you know i was thinking before you and will go off to uni, that maybe when i come home we can make a day of it just us we can all go to the cinema, and the harrods for you school kits, and we’ve got to do something about your hair, you really need a haircut”. ”no mummy my hair is fine”. ”just a little trim please son”. ”alright mummy as you wish”. ”thanks precious, alright let me talk to harry”. ”harry its mummy do you want to chat”. harry was playing with our new favorite toy, and did feel like talking to her. ”not now ill talk to her tonight”. ”he’s not ready to talk he’s playing mummy”. ”alright baby, its fine let him play, i love you three so much my big strong boys”. ”i love you too mummy”. ”read the books i sent you darling, have a good day”. ”i will mummy, talk later”. then i handed the phone back to someone and went back to harry.
harry and i have always had that bond, i have it with william but not as close as harry. i remember looking back at the phone a moment and thinking i wanted to tell her to be careful but went back to harry. ”look i think i got it” harry proclaimed handing me the video game controller.

i had a hard time sleeping that night, i kept tossing and turning. i kept hearing a screaming and shattering of glass. i got out of my bed for a minute to sit by the window. william and harry were asleep, i tried to calm myself in the bathroom. then our governace a nice older lady came into our room. she turned on the light. ”wheres your brother”. i heard her ask as she came into the bathroom. she pulled me out of the bathroom and sat me down on williams brother. her face was soaked with tears, she sniffed loudly and said ”boys i have some bad news to tell you, its ok to cry and be upset”. she took a deep breath and william trying to be grown up said ”tell us whats happened”. ”its your mother, there has been an accident and i am afraid she didnt make it”. at first i didnt react, it didnt really sink in. ”what”. william said holding both me and harry’s hand. ”your mother is dead”. she said plainly as i saw my brother harry breakdown in tears, sinking down on the bed. i threw my arms around him and cried too, william enveloped the both of us in his arms and the three of us all sat there on floor crying and crying for hours.

the palace and royal advisors, charles and the queen all scrambled this had never happened before. would she get a state funeral. what about the boys. what is going to happen. our father however, having a bit of my mum rub off on him said ”our sons should have a say as to funeral proceedings”. dad became our advocate, he and the advisors put together a state funeral. there would be no open casket, however we were allowed to open it and have our moments with our mummy. ill never forget seeing her in the box, her face cut up from the broken glass, her eyes closed, her pretty pink collared dress on. we each wrote her a later that was ontop of the coffin as it made its way to her burial place.
me, william, father, grand father and my uncle and harry all walked behind the coffin to witness the burial. the service was broadcasted on tv, elton sang candle in the wind. people threw flowers at us as the coffin made its way through the streets of london.
none of us were ever really the same after that. it was so hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other, i went into therapy first because i just couldnt handle it, me and harry couldnt handle it. the void i had been missing just got bigger and bigger until one day……….

 

”we have to get back to kensington palace”. an advisor said to me and my brothers. we were finally comming home from university, my brothers from the military and myself from university and doing acting in various plays.
comming back to kensington palace was hard, its where my mom lived. we were surrounded by her things. but i tried to keep a brave face, and get through it for will and harry.
mrs, banyon was waiting outside for us, behind her was a small girl, short in stature, plump in her body, what real girls looked like. the girl had a pleasant smile and a mess of long brown hair, pack in a sassy ponytail. ”boys this is samantha she joins us from america, she will be working in the gift shop and our room service server”. ”welcome to kensington palace my lady, i look forward to seeing you”. she struck me almost imediately in a way no one ever did. moving along i couldnt take my eyes off of her. she seemed to be a little out of her leauge and i hoped to have a minute to speak to her alone. but in those first few months our paths only crossed in the library.
”who is that dan”. ”that is samantha she works room service camilla”. my step mother looked up at me. ”she is very pretty”. ”shes american”. ”oh very nice, look shes having trouble why dont you go over and help her”. camilla gave me a hard push away from the table where she and i had been reading about buddism, i wanted to share some information with my friend benedict cumberbatch.
”hello samantha, why dont you let me help you”. ”oh no, i can manage thank you”. she seemed to think of it for a moment the curtsied to me. ”your highness”. ”you dont have to bow to me, which book are you reaching for”. ”constalations and i dont need any help”. i looked up and grabbed the book.
she snatched the book away from me, offended. ”i told you i didnt need any help”. then she stomped over to the table at the end of the stairs and sat down.
”what was all that fuss”. ”shes impossibly stubborn”. ”i like her already dan, she’s going to keep you on your toes”. ”i dont know camilla, shes american”. ”you should as her to sit with us”. ”no”.
but since that day, sam and i had this great realtionship. i would see her in the gift shop when me and benedict went in to get things for friends and people who asked us for things.
”oh hello your highness and friend”. ”my name is benedict cumberbatch”. ”cool name just made my bunny slipper run for cover, just these things today”. ”yes i am afraid so sam, does your name tag say sam i am”. ”uh huh like the dr. seuss book, green eggs and ham. i hate green eggs and ham i am allergic”. ”duely noted sam, i will remember that. hey what are you doing tonight”. ”i am off early, i am going into the city for fresh air and to play in picadilly circle”. ”would you like to join us, for a bit of cheeky nando’s and maybe a dance at the club”. ”i am not a club kinda girl and i dont like nando’s”. ”whats in the circle”. ”some of my friends who are servers are throwing a big party there. but maybe next time boys”. ”please sam, i would really like it if you came along with us”. ”i am not supposed to be hanging out with the young royals i could loose my job”. i reached up and touched her arm. ”please i wont tell anyone”.
”well maybe we will see where i end up tonight, bye boys, so nice to meet you ben”. then sam went back to helping a little girl find the perfect shirt for her brother.
”i like her alot dan, do you and her have a thing”. ”what her no, she would never look at me that way”. i looked back at the smile on her face, she was so beautiful.
”come on i want to get to nandos before all the window tables are taken”.

 

that night, we walked through picadilly circle. ”sam look at you, you look so pretty”. ”thanks tamzin, i tried to throw together an outfit, i got my cotton candy and drink”. i held it up while we walked towards the bonfire. tamzin looked exactly like matt lucas’s created character vicky pollard, even wore the same pink jacket and track pants, she was chubby and cute and had blonde hair. she and i walked all over picadilly together. ”let’s go to nandos right there”. ”what we just ate tam”. ”i know but i want chicken”. ”alright i guess”.
she went inside first, but i was struck by a man on the street playing god save the queen in a slow melodic way.

 

”mate come on we’ve been here nearly three hours, let’s go”. ”calm down dan its only 9pm the club is just opening, the hot girls will just be arriving”.

”samantha bloody hell get your arse in here, its bloody cold outside”. tamzin screamed for the door at me. ”go on and get us a table ill be in a minute”. ”you can hear god save the queen anytime let’s go i want chicken”.

from their table at the window benedict looked up and saw sam outside the window. ”dont look now here comes your girl, who is that shes with”. ”what who”. ”sam”. i stood up and said, walked outside to her side. she didnt notice me, she was transfixed on the man playing. ”thats so beautiful”. she put a five pound note in his case. ”sam come inside its freezing”. ”sweet baby jesus on a cupcake you scared me”. ”sorry love, come on”. ”what are you doing here, i thought you’d be at the club by now, and what is this jacket your wearing its really cold outside”.
i pushed her through the door, admist stares. ”its my hoodie i like it”. i wrapped my jacket around her shoulders. ”there you are, i have been waiting for you what are you going to get”. ”we just ate, i had so much cotton candy and junk at the fair i am not hungry”. ”ok dont say i didnt offer”. ”tamzin i am going to find us a table”. ”alright”. she waved me away as dan and benedict pulled a chair up for me at their table.
”i thought you boys were already at the club”. ”we were waiting for you dear”. ”whatever, this is my friend tamzin”. i said as she came over to the table with her tray. ”oh hello boys”. she couldnt help herself being slutty.
”well i am going to leave you three alone now, i have to head back”. i say getting up from the table. i give dan his jacket back. boys guys are kinda perplexed as i make my way to the door and outside.
”wait, hey wait please come along with us”. ”i told you i cant i have to work in the morning i am serving you and the queen and its”. ”please”. ”no, this is where i catch my train but you three go on and have a great time”.

this is how our friendship was, shutting me and everyone else out of her life. devoted to work. i would watch her when i could and touch her without being to obvious when she served me. when she saved my cat i took her to the infirmary and waited for hours until the doctor said she would be alright and didnt have cat scratch fever.

then came downton abbey, my first big acting break. sam and a valet came along with me. ”this looks alot like althorp”. sam said snapping a picture from where she stood behind me. ”i am so glad you taking this trip with me, this is going to be fun”. ”yes but i am not going to cuddle with you, i am sure there are plentt of chicks who will happily oblige you here”. sam made me giggle, i squeezed her hand and watched her walk away to explore the grounds.

”your sweet on her, but you try to hide it”. dockers caught me starring at sam, who was dancing around in the garden so happily and blissfully unaware. ”yes does it show”. ”yes and it gives you away, i have watched you stare at her all day, when she talks to you your eyes and demeanor softens your listening intently”. ”i cant even get her to really notice me long enough to ask her out”. ”oh i see, i am afraid she only sees you as a royal and would rather not engage”. ”but i want to engage”. i whispered walking with dockers in between takes.
i could still see sam, now talking to a crew memeber, she was smoking a cigarette. wearing a stripped white shirt, jeans, and a denim jacket. her messy hair was up in a messy way that framed her face. dockers waved her over.
”your highness, madame dockery”. sam greeted the both of us. ”hi samantha how are you doing”. ‘well, hey did you know the garden has fresh rosemary, look sniff”. she held it up in her small boney fingers. ”i did see that”. ”i took a little for home, to put in a nice soup i am going to make later”.
”that will be lovely, i am sure. are you enjoying the set”. ”oh yes, i have never been on a fancy set before and these clothes are amazing”. ”i can arrange for you to have any piece you’d like”. ”i doubt anything would fit but its a nice offer, i am going to go back now, i thought i saw a lake”.
”i wouldnt swim in the water sam it’s ice cold”. but it was too late because she was already swinging on the vine and had jumped into the cold lake, followed by a few of the other crew members and cast. ”its freezing but feels so good, come on dont be so uptight jump in”.
”the water is freezing”. dockers and i protested as i lost sight of sam. i looked around for a moment. ”where did she go”. ”i, dont know i didnt see her get out”. ”sam” i called her name. no answer. ”this isnt funny anymore sam”. i paniced now took off my jacket and went into the water, diving under to see if i could see her.
”i didnt actually think he would get in”. ”sam, that was a cruel prank you really scared him”. ”michelle you gotta live a little, he’ll be alright”.
sam waited a minute soaking wet, until i popped up out of the water and saw her laughing her head off. ”see all is well”. dockers looked at me perplexed as i grabbed my jacket and walked away.

”do you have any idea, what i went through”. i screamed in her face. ”huh dan calm down”. ”dont you ever do that to me again”. i slapped her face and several people pulled me away i was so angry, no i would never ever raise my hand to her again. but she was angry she said ”it was a joke man i am sorry you have no right”.
”sit down and calm down”. several people pulled us away from each other.
”are you alright”. ”i am fine dont make a fuss its ok”. sam dismissed my behavior. i on the other hand regretted it almost imediately and cried. in a fit of anger and rage i attacked her.
when we were alone i took a minute. ”you really hurt me today sam, you frightend me. i was so worried about you, that being said i am so sorry for hitting you are you ok”. ”i was being a jerk i am sorry i didnt know i scared you”. ”yes, but my behavior is not ok. i didnt mean it i am so sorry”.
”your highness please”. ”no let me finish, violence is never the answer and i promise you tell the day i die i will never ever hurt you again like that, will you forgive me”. ”yes of course”. i cried again, this time i was surprised she cuddled me. ”there see i am alright, there is no scars or marks its just a lesson learned i wont tell anyone”. i grabbed her tightly cuddling her for a few minutes before i let go.

 

then came the day i found jemma at the gate. by now i was becomming bored, so many girls flaunted themselves for me. i didnt pay attention to them, i didnt care for all their drama. my eyes could only see sam, today she was serving tea and standing in the shade away from us. she was close to the gate, when i found jemma, i yelled for help sam came to me almost imediately. ”support her head”. sam said as i wrapped the blazer i had been wearing around her shoulders. the rain was pouring, it was very dark when she and i pushed through the doors of the infirmary.

 

the death of this girl set off this wicked chain of events, sent me on a search for answer for her. thats when i leaned over the railings, and saw sam standing below, speaking to a co worker on her way back from lunch. ”sam, sam can you spare a minute”. ”sure your highness come in”. she took me to the back storage area where i laid out all the plans, and filled her in on everything i wanted to do. but i needed someone who knew alot about america. ”you are crazy, this is a crazy religious cult. you dont understand once you go in you may not come out alive. these people opress and repress women like in the handmaids tale”. ”i have never read it, but dont you want some adventure in your life sam. i need someone to come with me who knows america, who wont stick out with me please say you will come”. ”yes ill come along, but you have to swear to me you wont drink the kool aid, and you will tell the queen we need some kind of protection”. ”i have immunity and i cant be prosecuted and you’d be protected to because you are acting with me”. ”alright what do i have to do”. ”well these people are big into marriage and kids, we would have to pretend we were newly married”.
”what, no way i cant married were to young to get married”. ”it wouldnt be real, just the rings and you would say you have my last name”. ”i dont know about this”. ”sam its going to be ok”.

i knew she packed the gun and the bulletproof vest. i knew she had it in the cabin with her.

when we arrived at big sandy, i felt like the air was ripe with bullshit. the men were all arrogant and hardly spoke of their wives, they all mostly talk about how many children they had. i never once saw any on the men actually assisting the wives with the children or anything.
so i tried to be different from the begining i cant help but be an english gentlemen. on sunday just after a miserable session of church, me and sam decided we needed to make a trip into the city for a few things in the cabin. ”we have to go together to make it look real”. ”i know, can you drive an american car”. ”no”. ”alright, ill drive its fine”. on the way back, i unloaded everything. i noticed a lot of the men looking at me like i was a damn fool or something.
at night that first night together. ”we are not sharing a bed, now pick one, the bed or the couch”. ”ill take the sofa bed”. i choose, i wanted her to be happy. ”will you watch a movie with me”. ”yes”. only sam didnt sit beside me on the couch the first night, she sat on the floor on the far left of me. ”will you sit beside me and cuddle me”. ”ok, i suppose will you teach me”. ”yes come on sit next to me”. sam sat down beside me, awkwardly far. ”come over closer to me”. sam moved in closer, inside i was screaming. ”now you put your arms around me like this, and rest your head on my shoulder, like that see you got it”. ”is this supposed to make you feel good”. ”yes, its relaxes me, my mum used to cuddle me when i was nervous or scared”.
”are you nervous and scared”. ”yes, a little i dont know whats going to happen and i am very upset. i didnt like how the men treated you earlier”. ”thats their way i just ignore them and try not to get worked up”. ”they pretend to be men of god but their rules are so stupid”. ”they thinking they are doing gods work your highness dont get worked up”. ”i cant wait to get the files and get out of here, this is becomming to much”. ”i am kinda having fun. its nice to actually spend time together like this. i dont think we have ever been this close before”. i looked at her. ”its very nice, we have never been this close. i do rather like it”. ”dont get used to it though because we also have rules to follow and i dont think the queen wouldnt be very happy for her grandson to be cavorting with an american and a non practising catholic to boot”.
”rules are made to be broken sam, this is very nice”. then i let go and i kissed her. a soft gentle kiss on her lips. she didnt exactly break away, for the first few minutes. then she pushed me away. ”i am really tired i think i am going to go to bed a little early”. ”sam wait”. ”we should talk about this”. ”no i know its for show its ok, good night your highness”. she closed the door in my face.

i was sound asleep on the couch, slowly waking up. i could hear sam walking around the cabin. in the kitchen, in the living room, outside in the yard. i finally opened my eyes at around noon. samantha was outside in the yard, smoking a cigarette. i yawned and stretched a little bit. sam was facing away from me, when i slid the door open. ”your highness”. ”good afternoon what are you doing”. ”smoking, i made some breakfast in the kitchen are you hungry”. ”yeah in fact i am”. ”ok ill heat it up for you”. ”thanks”. ”sam tonight is the night we have to go to the main office and see if we can find anything”. ”yes i agree there, i dont think i can take much more of this, i went swimming in this offal dress”. ”yes its terrible to hide that beautiful body”. ”you need to quit that isnt nice, i am a real lady now. i dont have to dance anymore i have been reformed”. ”what”. ”nothing its a different story ill tell you about it later”.
”why are you so self deripcating, i complimented you”. ”because it doesnt work like that where i come from. its not so easy for the girls like me, to many caddy bitches around, i dont have time for the drama and stupidity of it”. ”here let me help you”. i walked into the kitchen and stood behind her for a moment. ”were all black tonight”.

 

”theres snipers on the roof, i have to tell you something”. sam said as she and i went around the bedroom changing into our black clothing. sam was in the closet. she grabbed her bible where the gun was hidden. ”what sam”. ”there only one bulletproof vest, i need for you to wear it”. ”no way, you put it on i will be ok”. ”i am afraid i cant let you do that your highness, they will write books and movies about you not me, so put it on under your shirt, we have to keep you safe”. ”i dont think i like this what about you”. ”i can manage, if anything does happen just run, dont look back at me ok”. ”i wont leave you”. ”dont be a hero dan, you can leave me”.

we walked carefully out of the cabin. it was so dark we had to hold hands. sam was directly behind me when we got to the administration building. the doors were left open because they trust people. we got in alright, and found the office. ”ill keep watch, you find the file”. sam faced the door and stood near the window. ”ive got it let’s go”. ”shit someone is comming get down”. sam came over to me, i pulled her under the desk with me.
we heard a man’s voice talking to what sounded like a young girl. ”have you been keeping sweet for me like i asked”. ”yes sir”. ”were alone now you can call me daddy”. my eyes opened wide, we controlled our breathing, we could see legs, a long dress, and then the crying and scream from the young girl as the men forced himself on her. then the man knocked something off the desk, i guessed he finished with her because we heard the sobs, but now we were face to face with bill gothard, we were caught. sam pushed out the chair giving us a few seconds to get out of the room and begin running. i hid the file in my shirt, sam ran behind me, out the side door. it of course was raining heavily and made running through the dirt hard,
my shoes were all muddy, then we heard the gun shots. i heard sam scream and fall, i went back to her. ”keep running dont look back”. she yelled i kept on going, i heard a few shots and then reached out and pulled sam up. she had managed to crawl through the mud towards me at the tree line. ”ive got you, your ok”. ”we have to move the place it lit up”. ”can you stand”. ”yes”. i found us a cave like area. i carefully put sam down. i didnt think she was hit until i saw the blood on my hands and heard sam choking a little. ”sam, your bleeding”. i unzipped her hoody and saw the blood seeping down her shirt. ”my shoulder it hurts alot, i feel the blood dripping down my clothes”. ”its ok i got it i am going to apply pressure”. ”no it hurts to much”. ”i have to, you’ll bleed out”. ”i dont think i am going to make it your highness i am so cold”. ”sam dont say that and yes you will make it i wont let you die”. sam reached up and grabbed my shirt, she could barely talk now. ”i wont make it, please burry me facing the palace so i wont be late for work”.
”i need you to stay awake, talk to me please”. ”it hurts to talk”. ”dont fall asleep”. ”i am so cold”. ”here i am going to cuddle you, its ok i’ve got you”.
sam kept dozing off and i kept jolting her. ”your highness”. ”no sam, you cant fall asleep, i have your phone i called for help they should be here soon”. samantha reached up and grabbed my shirt, ”you must go with them ok. i dont want you with me in the hospital crying or crying if i dont make it, you will have a good life promise me”. ”no sam i wont promise, i promise your going to live i wont let you die on me, your going to do great things we will do great things together, when this is all over ill take you to picadilly and we can run around at the fair and ride the ferris wheel but i need for you to hold on just a little longer”. sam rested her head against my legs, she closed her eyes and stopped moving for a few minutes. thats when i heard the sirens and saw the flashlights on us. ”please we called, my girl is hurt”. ”oh dear come on”. i helped lift sam onto the stretcher, then followed along holding her hand getting into the back of the ambulance.

at the hospital, sam and i were seperated by police who questioned me about the shooting, i told them everything but they didnt listen to us. instead when i got back to sam, i noticed she was handcuffed to the bed railing. ”i demand you remove these handcuffs at once she wont run”.
”she is being charged, for murder, theft and tresspassing, we have to keep her in custody”. ”she didnt kill anyone we were running for our lives”.
this is when the officers explained to me what exactly was going on. the church wanted to press charges, because of the serperation of church and state, and the fact that one of the men who had been chasing a high ranking church elder was killed when sam started shooting and kicking her feet to get the dog off of her.
”she is with me, i have diplomatic immunity”. ”really sir just who might you be”. ”i am dan i am the prince of wales”. the men i could see were laughing, but when i showed them my royal certifications they didnt think it was so funny. ”this protects you not her”.

when the palace advisors arrived and shuttled me away. they explained to me the severity of this situation. i would not be able to leave america, i confessed that it was me who did these things. i wanted sam to be able to go home but with this on her record she wouldnt be allowed to enter the uk again.
the queen however wanted us both to return home and didnt find this whole thing funny at all, she declared marshall law on the u.s and threatend to go to war if we were not returned.

 

sam wouldnt let that happened and days later she surrendered herself to the police and was dragged away from me.

 

”oh there there brother, please she will be fine, i have every ounce of faith this will be resolved quickly and sam will return home to us”. my brother william tried to console me. everyday she was gone i went to bed with a heavy heart, i had to keep the secret file safe. i had to carry on but it was like a piece of my heart was gone. she was away from me for about 6 months until her lawyer, decided to finally listen to her when giving her testimony. he arrianged for her to be under the witness protection, and we arriagned for her to be under our protection because she had important information in reguards to the church and what was going on.

 

i threw my arms around her in a tight hug, when sam came back. ”your highness, your highness please your touching me”. ”i know i know you will have to deal with it sam, i missed you so much i am so glad your home, i wont leave you”. ”your highness”. ”i am staying right here with you, we have to do this together”. ”do you like my ankle monitor”. ”no its dreadful sam, come and sit down i want you to tell me if your ok”. ”i am fine please dont make a fuss”. without warning i gathered sam in my arms and kissed her.
”dan”. she paused pushing me away, but when i kissed her again she didnt fuss.

 

”come and cuddle me please poppit”. i asked just before our bitter break up. ”i dont know how to cuddle”. ”here come and lay beside me, and ill show you”. sam walked over to me, she crawled into bed beside me. i wrapped my arms around her. ”now rest your head on my chest or shoulders and relax”. we went on like this for two weeks, until it didnt.

”hmm come here sam and cuddle me”. she obeyed again and laid with me. i kissed her, with out her kissing me, and then i said ”i love you sam”. but this scared her, she jumped off the bed. ”dont say that to me, it will never work between us, were so different. i think you need to leave”. ”i dont want to leave you sam please, i am sorry maybe its not what you want to hear but its the truth”. ”thank you for comming your highness”. she handed me my jacket then sent me out the door.

afterwards she didnt return my calls, or text messages. ”please talk to me, i miss you”. i pleaded with her, in a message. she wouldnt let me come and visit with her at windsor or see her at any given time. she ghosted me.

it had been about 3 months at that point when susie came to visit the palace again. i have to admit she was very attractive and i got caught up in the seductive game she played with me. that first day she visited she and i made out on the stairs of the palace. followed by a night of hot steamy sex and a molly ridden night.
but when i woke up alone in my room. i didnt feel better. i had a terrible headache and i wanted to see sam. yet she still wouldnt reply to my messages. so i went back to windsor castle. i banged on the door. ”sam its me, let me in i want to see you”. then a security person came over, ”your highness please, miss cortez has requested you not come here for the time being”. ”i want to know if shes ok, or scared of cold, please”. ”i am sorry your highness i cant let you in, especially when you have showed her extreme violence in the passed”. ”what i would never hurt sam”. ”i know that, but she wants to be alone right now, please honor that”. the guard walked me back to the car and watched me leave.

i pulled over when i could, i broke down crying hard. was this how it was going to end, she would be in my presence, serving me touching me and i would be with someone else.
susie came to the queens garden party and we did the same, kissing in the stair well then sex in my room. i should have said it then that i didnt love her but i guess i got caught up in the whole being wanted and needed and the sex to know the difference. because the next thing i knew it was our wedding day, and everyone was watching. that was the night hiddleston interrupted the wedding and pulled me to the back, but i didnt listen to him. ”as long as samantha cortez walks this earth you will never be truly happy”. his words still ring in my ears now sometimes. still i went ahead with the wedding as planned.
i sent sam one last text message from the reception. ”i really miss you sam, i wish you could be here dancing with me and fussing at me, to sit up straight oh wont you drop in for a spell so i can see you”. then came a reply. ”i cant go anywhere i am on the monitior, so happy for you and susie congratulations dont worry about me i am just fine”.

almost a year later, at the st mary’s hospital lindo wing i held my first child, we named her diana williow diana like my mother and willow like the unbreakable tree. sitting and holding her for the first time gave me o many emotions, it was the first time i met a blood realitive, someone made from me that looked like me and had my eyes. i didnt know how easy it was to fall in love with someone you just met, yet here i was in tears holding my daughter for the first time with tears in my eyes. i wished my mum was there and then an even uglier thought. i wished this had been the child i had with sam.

a year afterwards, a headline in the daily mail read ”benedicts horror, as he and girlfriend rush their new baby to the hospital”. he told me they had adopted a baby together, from africa. she was a little girl and had grey eyes and he named her saffron, like the rare expensive flowers. he told me sam was doing ok and loving being her mom. he didnt say exactly the extent of their realtionship which as it later turned out was really sexual because he knew that we were still in love.
in 2012 susie gave birth to my son aubrey, man what a kid a big baby weighing 9lbs but such a looker. holding him in my arms and being with willz made it all more special even though susie and i were fighting almost daily. finally after the birth of our third child i just moved out of the bedroom entirely. i spend most of my time with the kids, and on set with them, the loneliness of it all was just to much.

then finally the divorce. the queen aproved and then it was over. i took the kids back to the ul with me while she moved her things out of our house in brooklyn.

 

benedict and i rekindled our friendship after my divorce. ”well mate i am glad your back for a spell and i know how happy the palace makes you”. ”yes and your awards ceremony next week you deserve it ben you really do”. except benedict came down with a nasty bout of the flu and couldnt make the ceremony and instead sent sam in his place.

watching saffy dance around happily in the library that day, and then taking her back to the nursery just as her mom came out that door. it really only took one look and there it was all crashing back down on me, that insane and crazy love and uncontroable desire for her.

we rekindled our realtionship slowly, by taking walks through the gardens. talking about our lives and playing catchup. ”legion shoots in new york and i have to go back, but i dont want to go with out you. please come and live with me”. ”what will the kids say”. ”they will have to get used to it, please”. ”ok if you are sure then i say yes”. ”iam very sure honey more sure then i have ever been about anything i dont want to loose you”. ”i dont want to loose you either, but hollywood is such a fickle place, i am sure many women have their eyes on you”. ”but none can please me half as much as you do”.

so we moved in together, i officially proposed at disney land, and that brings us back to this moment, sitting together in my office just before i need to leave for the set.

”see daddy, it wasnt that hard to tell your story”. ”no popit i am afraid not, but how are you this morning”. ”good i feel good, the house is cool and i am standing”. ”ok i just want to be sure, did you make that appointment for the doctor today”. ”i did but its going to be when your on set so, i am going to do that and then run over to the office for a bit because i am having a meeting with disney pixar about the release of the incredibles 2”.
”sounds like a fun day, i am going to pick up the babies early, is benedict going to saffy’s school meeting”. ”yes i think so, i told them your going too so just pop over if you can if not it should be fine”. i kissed her forhead and said ”dont forget date night tonight popit wear the tunic i bought you”. ”i will”. ”great ill see you then, do you want a ride into the city ill drop you off”. ”yes of course, i have to get my sweater”.

i drove the pretty black jaguar given to me as a gift for doing a promotional video and comercial for them. ”call me and tell me what the doctor says”. ”i will bye becareful”.

i have been pleading with sam to see a doctor, she has been having the fainting and dizzy spells for a while now. fatigued and tired almost all of the time. the ability to doze off anywhere. sam kept brushing it off and telling me she was stressed from work and need to drink more water and electrolytes in the gatorade. i know that isnt really true because benedict wont allow her to over work herself or get stressed about anything. he shoulders half of the burden too.

 

”ahh good morning darling how are you”. ”good ben, have you met the disney team already”. ”yes we were awaiting your arrival, what time is the confrence at the baby’s school ”3:15 shes excited about having you and dan there”. ”great”. i take a deep breath and exhale before getting ready for the studio execs who i have to charm.

”hello mrs, stevens how are you”. ”doing good, the kids are doing good too”. ”what brings you by today”. ”i didnt want to come, but husband is sure there is something wrong because i have been so dizzy lately and falling asleep everywhere and falling down and fainting, i admit i am from texas but the heat is nothing compared to texas”. ”well i still need you to pee in the cup and all that jazz, ill wait for you here”. ”i guess”. i say taking the cup from her”.

she does her exam on me and then leaves the room for a few minutes. i check my phone to see my messages from dan. ”i love you, i miss you. how is the doctor i am on set but you can text me and ill check when i am getting the kids”.

when the doctor returns she says ”well congratulations are in order you are pregnant”. ”what”. i say shocked. ”i have been smoking and drinking are you sure”. ”yes i am sure how long do you think”. ”i dont know been married about 6 months now”. ”we can do an ultra sound and see how everything is”.

”your about 20 weeks the baby is measuring fine, what are you drinking”. ”a glass of wine or 2 before bed and smoking, how will that effect the baby”. ”the wine should be fine, but take it easy on the smoking the baby could have a lung issue but otherwise the baby looks fine”. ”can you tell if its a boy or girl”. ”its a boy, i trust the duke will be happy”. ”you have no idea, thank you”. i say as i take the sonogram pictures and leave the office.
i take the train back to brooklyn to our home. the kids are already home. benedict and dan are talking in the kitchen. ”my missus”. ”hi boys what are you all getting up too”. ”talking about you darling how did everything go”. ”good, i got some vitamins and told to drink a lot of water same old same old”. i wasnt ready to say this in front of benedict just yet.
”well the disney people love you and cannot wait for you to attend the premiere darling, i am going to go now i am meeting sophie for dinner, tomorrow i am picking saffy up early were going to the park, call me later”. ”i will”. ”bye” we say as we focus on the kids and enjoying our time playing with them.

”alright love dont keep my in suspence what did the doctor say, let me see those vitamins”. ”well she said the usual, like i am fine, i need to drink more liquids, rest more and…. she also gave me this”. i thought of an elaborate way to break the news to dan. the best thing i could come up with was a card, a greeting card with the pictures inside. ”you got me a card popit”. ”yes its really special, but before i give it to you, promise me you wont scream and wake the kids up”. ”i wont scream, hey i thought we were having a glass of wine before bed”. ”well we are but i can only have a few sips but here you go”. i handed him his glass of wine, i he took a few sips before i gave him the card. i sat back in the large arm chair. i was already thinking of an article i would like to publish on the junket website.
dan pulled the ottoman over to where i was sitting and positioned himself in a place where he was comfortable to read the card. he opened the blue envelope with a birth announcment card that had a baby being carried by a stork and balloons. that read ”i cant wait to meet my new parents”. then inside the card was the five pictures of the 3d ultrasound. dan looked up at me and said ”what no way, i didnt think you had gone off the pills”. ”i told you i did its what you wanted right”. ”yes i do i wanted this a, baby how far along”. ”20 weeks”. ”oh my god, i didnt even notice what kind of”. ”its ok i hadent even felt a flutter until earlier when she was giving me an ultrasound”.
”this is great let me see, let me feel”. i moved so that dan could sit in the chair and i could sit in his lap. he put his hands on my mid section. ”i cant believe i hadent noticed it”. ”well with all the fucking weve been doing i hadent noticed either”.

laying beside him in bed that night cuddling he kept a gentle hand on my belly. ”what shall we name him”. ”well i think the prince should be named after his daddy, you know having a second in line to the throne”. ”all that royal stuff is so much bother, i cant wait to put together a nursery for the baby”. ”you really like it when they are baby’s and crying”. ”i love it, its the best part and the holding him and rocking him i have wanted another son for such a long time and bonus its your this time”.

 

the royal annoucement through clearence house went out and all was well with the world. at 6 months pregnant you can really hardly tell cos my tummy is a little big but its because i am naturally chubby, but walking into the office the next day red cheeked and no makeup with a bunch of papers on my desk to figure out, ben stood at attention with sophie. ”whats going on what are you 2 doing”. ”congratulations are in order”. ”shut up its nothing”. ”well it is something, p.s i am taking saffy to the park tonight let you and dan have 1 less kid to worry about ok darling”. ”sure thing ben, but becareful she is still kinda of sick if she has trouble breathing call me and ill take her her inhaler”. ”ill take it before we leave darling, i dont want a trip to the e.r like last time. we all cried so hard that night”. ”i know”.
since saffy was placed in my arms, she has always had problems breathing, with her lungs and respiratory system. we dont know why or how, or when it delveoped all we know is its not asthma or bronchitis it never flares up, shes always running and jumping and playing, she just gets shortness of breath, the doctors think its a heart murmur or something to that effect but ben and i refused to let the doctors operate on her at such a young age was simply out of the question. yet when she had trouble breathing and developed the crupe at about 2 years old, it sent me and benedict into a tailspin and mirage of questions in the busy london’s great ormond street hospital. when we burst through the doors. ben carrying her in his arms as she gasped and struggled to breathe.
the questions ranged from how do we know the child, to prove we are her parents. such is the way i suppose when your skin color is different. still after all of that, they got a breathing treatment and we went home.

 

in my office at home, i waited for sam to get home. i held the instructions to the baby’s crib in my hands and went about looking for the tool box. ”tell me straight daddy amd i getting a baby brother, or a baby sister”. my son said with a gentle hand on my thigh. i giggled and said ”baby brother are you excited”. ”a baby brother, can i hold him and play with him”. ”yes of course you can”. ”can he sleep in my room daddy”. ”when he’s a little bigger but now he has to have his own room so he can sleep in his crib and get to know his surroundings”. ”ok he is sam’s tummy”. ”yes”. ”can i feel him, can you feel him how big is he, can i see him”. my son was so full of all these questions”. ”yes and you will have to ask sam when she gets home, where is your baby sister”. ”playing in the kitchen, hey daddy”. ”yes son”. ”daddy, what are we going to name the baby is he going to be my brother”. ”huh, where on earth did you ever get that idea he’s not your brother”. ”no where daddy i just asked because he wont have the same mommy like we do, saffy’s mom is sam and she is our sister so will this be our brother”. ”yes of course and it doesnt matter who your mum is, sam loves you all so much and yes this baby will be your brother”. ”ok good thats all i wanted to know i am going to go to my room right now and pick out some toys i want him to have so we can play together”. with purpose and gusto my son stomped off to his room. i went to the kitchen and picked up my 2 year old eden from where she had been playing. i put her in this high chair and scooted it across the floor so that i could assemble the crib while she ate.

”hi dan, i am home where are you”. ”bedroom popit”. dan had all the kids playing on the floor in our room, he laid on the bed with our 2 year old in his arms. ”i am so exhausted popit, the kids are driving me batty”. ”are you sure you want another one”. i said comming in and taking eden from his arms. ”yes i am sure”. ”ok well 5 soon we will be out numbered”. ”come and lay with me, see if we can get them all to nap”. ”sure ill put them down, you relax a bit and ill be right back”. ”come on babies let’s get ready for a nap”.

returning back to the bedroom, i take off my shoes and lay back. ”i am so glad your home i missed you”. ”i missed you too daddy, are you on set today”. ”no tomorrow today is my day off”. ”oh ok cool we can do whatever youd like”. ”lay down for a spell, popit my back is killing me from sitting on the floor. i set up the baby’s crib today”. ”did you really, are you excited another boy”. ”i am very excited popit, i am excited for you being here and having my baby, your going to have so many more”. ”huh”. ”yes all of my babies, i want a bunch more with you i love you”. ”your so goofy your highness”. ”i am not i know what i want”. ”i know baby, i know, i am excited to see you filming on legion, and then you are going to come and see me on set with ben right”. ”yes of course”. ”great, oh dear, feel the baby is moving”. i placed a hand on my belly, dan pulled my shirt up and pressed his ear to my belly. ”hi son, my new baby boy i am so excited i cant wait to meet you”. ”oh he moved did you feel”. ”i did, he’s a swimmer”.
i faced my husband who smiled at me. ”we’ve come such a long way havent we”. ”we have and i looked forward to many more distances and journeys we can follow”.

 

saffy was sitting in the nursery at the american cumberbatch house. happily playing with her dolls while hal and christopher also played in their corners. saffy had been feeling it for a while but was afraid to say something knowing her dad might get upset or scared for her, so she hid her inhaler in her dolls house and only took a puff when she felt she needed it. taking large deep breaths, saffy kept on playing and playing. her brothers looked back and noticed her for a moment. they noticed she seemed to be looking a little paler then normal. christopher at 4 years old went over to his sister, ”saffy are you ok, your face is all white”. ”yes i am fine chris just go and play”. chris went back to his corner, and looked back at his sister. ”your not to leave the nursery until i come and get you”. he thought of his daddy’s words, but this was different he thought something was wrong with his sister”.
so christopher stood up tall, and climbed over the baby gate, a feet he had been proud of and ran down the hall, everydoor he could reach he opened. ”daddy, daddy” he called out for his father.
running as fast as his little legs could carry him, he found his dad in the livingroom having his usual nap. ”daddy daddy wake up”. he said climbing on the couch and bouncing on his dad for a minute. ”hey buddy what are you doing out of the nursery”. ”um daddy i think you should come and see saffy she looks a little funny”. ”huh” benedict carried his son back to the nursery. where saffy was playing, her face was now even paler then before.
”saffron, where is you inhaler come here let me see you”. ”i dont know daddy i am fine”. she pushed ben away from her. ”no let me see you”. her head felt a little feverish. ”where did you put your inhaler”. he asked again as the little girl shrugged. ”if you dont know we will have to go to the hospital”.
”no i dont want to go to the hospital they give me pokeys daddy”. ”where is your inhaler”. saffy went to her doll house and got her inhaler. ”you have to take your inhaler precious”. ”i dont want too, i am fine”. ”yes but we dont know what is wrong”. benedict held the inhaler while saffy took in a breath.

our son daniel jonathan stevens was born in april of 2019 a few weeks early due to complications. he was happy at 6lbs 21inches long, he had the perfect hands and feet anyone could love.

while i wont end with and we lived happily ever after i will say this, we lived and we are happy……….

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the foundling ch.8 coming (back) to america

ch.8
Comming (back) to america

 

dan left a week before me and saffy left. my therapist told me to be careful and not to let family get into my head and now being back i should visit my dad, he deserved to meet his grand daughter.

 

on the train in new york to the city with saffy sitting next to me. we walked a few blocks before we caught and uber to get over the bridge. it was dark outside when we arrived and no traffic on the bridge when we arrived.
”is this our new house mummy”. ”remember i told you were sharring a house with the duke and the children”. ”yes mummy i get to play with them”. ”no pooks its way passed your bedtime, you are going to have a bath and then bed time”. ”ok do i have school in the morning”. ”yes”. ”mom this is apposed to be a vacation”. ”saffy”. i said as the uber man, was about to get out and help us when the door opened. ”hi, i am so glad you both are here”. ”thanks your highness, saffy shall we”. ”oh mummy thats the prince, is this the american palace”. saffy said running up the stairs.

”we just started dinner, i hope you both are hungry”. ”that would be great”. i say rolling my things up near the door. ”come and meet my kids”. ”samantha, saffy these are my babies, my oldest daughter willow, my son aubrey, and my youngest eden”. ”hello babies, i am samantha and this is saffy”. i said waving to the three children. ”hello”. ”samantha and her little girl saffy will be staying with us for a little while, why dont you set a place for them”. the oldest girl pulled up a chair. ”thank you”. i said awkwardly touching the top of her head. saffy took pleasure in being pushed in by dan. ”willz didnt i tell you to put the books away we are trying to have a nice dinner together”. ”but i”. ”please, put the books away so we can bless the food before we eat”.

wrangling 4 children into bed after baths and story time was no easy feet. his smallest baby kept waking up and playing in her room. ”she misses her mum alot”. dan said excusing himself to try to put her to bed. ”listen, why dont you help her get settled i am going to put our things away”. ”ok, i have a nice bottle of wine chilling in an ice bucket on the bedside table, when dont you pour us a drink and ill be there shortly, its just back there”.

i poured myself a glass of the blush wine, in the bucket. normally i am not a white kind of girl but this wine was a little sweet i think he was trying to go for something lighter then a traditional red. i put my suit case on the bed, then began to unpack. putting my things on hangers in the closet.
i put my girly things in the bathroom in the bedroom, and a few framed pictures on the dresser. while i was at it, i got a little ocd and put some of the random coins and things in a little jar i randomly had in my purse.
next to the bed and ice bucket was the baby monitor. i turned it on just to be safe to see saffy in with dan’s oldest girl willow. saffy was sleeping soundly with her doll as was the other girl.

sitting now on the bed with my glass in hand, watching the last few minutes of james cordon. dan came back into the bedroom and closed the door. ”i am back darling i am so sorry”. ”is the baby ok”. ”yes, she had a little cry, i laid with her for a while i hope she will sleep through the night now, are you alright”. ”yes i’ve had a glass now and i am tipsy and watching cordon”. he poured himself a drink, ”normally i like a harder red, but this was left over from when my ex wife was here, i thought i finish it”. ”its not a problem it tastes good”. ”ok if you like it then i like it”. he took off his shoes and socks. ”did you put your things away”. ”i did, i must say this is kind of like the cabin, i havent shared a bed with anyone for a while”. ”well not just yet, i am going to take a quick shower, then ill be back”. ”ok”. i said getting comfy, and leaning over to watch cordon.

”sam”. dan said comming out of the shower. ”are you still awake”. ”yes, for a moment i wanted to see you before i dozed off i thought it would be rude”. ”i dont mind really”. ”no i wanted to wait for you”. ”well i am here now, in my silk pajamas”. ”i like them they are cute, like mine”. ”i do, you always look great”. i put my glass of wine down on the table and turned off the t.v. the lamps in the bedroom were still on. ”i havent shared a bed with anyone since my ex shut me out”. ”that makes 2 of us, come on get in bed”.
”will you cuddle with me”. ”yes, what if the children see us”. ”they will eventually”.

the morning was crazy train, everyone woke up at 6am to get dressed for school. first i helped saffy she and i could get ready in fifteen minutes. but i noticed dan needed help wrangling all of the kids together. ”willz do you need help getting dressed”. i asked while saffy now went to the kitchen for breakfast. ”i can do it myself”. ”ok fair enough”. i followed behind saffy, as dan came in to tend to his daughter. his son was already sitting at the kitchen table eating his cereal. ”good morning aubrey”. ”good morning sam, like sam i am green eggs and ham”. ”yes exactly i like the way you think little man”. saffy sat beside him and said ”where does your grandma keep the dragon”. ”huh”. ”your grandma the queen”. ”oh its in the dungeon i think, they wont ever let me go in a play with it, but i named it fyrian”. ”i like the name fyrian”. ”me too, are you comming to the same school with me today saffy”. ”yes i think so”.
i put a bowl and spoon in front of her and poured her milk when all of a sudden a very sleepy and cracky toddler came into the kitchen. ”hi sweetie whats wrong”. ”wheres my daddy”. ”with your sister but here eat”. i put her in a high chair, with saffy’s help. the little girl fell asleep in the high chair, but i left her there for a few minutes because if it aint broke dont fix it.
”listen i am going to see if you dad needs help with your sister”. ”ok”. the little guy said as i walked calmly down the hall. from the bedroom i was just in i heard crying hysterical crying. ”dan i came to see if you need any help”. i opened the door, to see this girl having a full out tantrum crying and yelling. dan was frustrated and angry. ”calm down, go into the kitchen i’ve got this”. i said tagging myself in. ”she gets really loud and crazy”. ”no no its ok”. i say going to the little girl on the floor.
i raised and eyebrow, ”willz”. she stopped for a moment to look at me. ”can you please get up off the floor”. ”no i want my mummy”. she threw something across the room. but i persisted, ”please get up i know you’d like to see your mother, but having a fit like this wont help. i just came to help you get ready for school”. ”i dont want to go to school i hate school”. ”you dont hate school its such a strong word willz, i just think you dont like being in new york and you miss the uk but this is not cool”. ”go away”. ”i am sorry i am not going away, listen what would it take do you want some candy”. ”as a parent sometimes you need a back up plan”. ”candy”. she shot up like a rocket. ”sure snickers, twixs, you name it you can have it for breakfast if you let me help you get dressed and into the kitchen”. ”where is it”. ”in my bag in the other room, but you have to stop crying and let me get you dressed”.
finally after about 20 minutes, we were dressed and ready for school. ”sit down and wait”. i said making her sit and eat her cereal first before she could have her candy. ”sam i am”. aubrey was a cute little guy. ”hi yes i am back little man what you got for me”. ”do you want to hear a joke”. ”maybe later bud the bus will be here any minute”. ”ok were offically ago go”. i said taking saffy by the hand.
”hey you said i could have candy”. ”i did”. ”you can have it when you get home”. i said focussing on saffy. ”here is your money for lunch during the week its 20 american dollars for the account ok”. ”ok mommy bye”. saffy hugged me tightly as the bus pulled up down the road.

afterwards, i caught up with dan who poured himself a cup of coffee. ”how did you manage to get her to calm down”. ”candy, i have to go to the store”. i said sitting down for a moment. ”she misses her mother so much”. ”when will she see her”. ”with her mother its hit or miss, she was supposed to see her this weekend but she canceled and it was so hard to break it to her”. ”i am so sorry shes being this way, maybe you should let me watch the kids tonight and you and here go do something fun”. ”sam are you sure”. ”yes i am sure, i think she needs a little reassurance that you arent leaving her either”. ”yes”. ”its so quiet now, funny how when they are little you want them to learn to crawl and walk and talk and now you just want them to be quiet”. ”saffy is very quiet”. ”yes very quiet and shy”.

dan poured me a cup of coffee as my phone began to ring, with news and things from work. ”listen i am not at the office at the moment can i call you back in a hour or so”. i say calmly putting down my phone to enjoy the quiet moments. ”is it work do you need to take the call”. ”they can wait i just want a few minutes to have my feet firmly on the ground. dan walked over to the kitchen table and pulled his chair out to face me. ”i am so happy your here with me now, did you sleep well”. ”yes i slept very well, my head is still buzzed from the wine last night”. ”drink your coffee dear, i should very much like to go for a walk before i have to speak to press and you will set up for work”. ”sure i can do that”.

the crisp new york air was fragrent with the smell of lillies as i sat on the stairs for a moment, putting on my gloves while dan locked the door over my head. ”are you ready darling”. ”almost”. i said finishing the art of taking 5 minutes to put on my gloves. walking calmly down the stairs dan came over and helped me to my feet. i took his arm as we begin to walk slowly.
”i missed you alot when you are away from me”. ”i missed you, will you promise me that anytime we have to be away from each other that you will miss me like crazy”. ”without a doubt darling, come”. he said putting a hand on my hand. ”i suppose your wondering about it”. ”about what dan”. ”the things she has said about me in the papers”. ”you know i dont read that shit, i cant i wont”. ”some of it is true i am a terrible husband”. i stopped walking for a moment and said ”while that part maybe true i have no doubt in my mind you would be that way to me and with me will you”. ”no of course not sam”. he came back over and we continued to walk together. ”what else did she say”. ”that i employed the use of hookers in her absence”.
”well i couldnt expect for you to not be pleased i mean isnt that what”. ”i only did it a few times for sex and cuddles, because i wasnt getting that from her, i didnt get much of anything other then my kids from her”.
i take a ragged breath from smoking, i know i need to quit but i am not ready. ”well your highness i dont know about sex, i have only read alot of books and even in my time during when i was pimped i didnt know much it was also beastly and quick but i am willing to learn, i willing to learn new things”. ”to be honest it was because no matter where i looked or try to think all i could see was you”. i smiled a little walking along. ”really you thought of me when you were fucking her”. ”it was the only way i could get it up because if i had been present in the moment i would have never taken off my coat”.
i chuckled and continued our walk. ”i must say you look a lot thinner since the last time i saw you, how much weight have you lost”. ”about 30 pounds and you look so amazing you figure is smaller you have lost a little 2”. ”only about 20 lbs i have never really been thin but i choose to walk around and eat a little bit lighter, only because i dont have the patience and dicipline it takes to work out”. ”i mainly work out in my home gym, running on the treadmill and taking vitamins. watch what i eat”. ”i remember you told me”. ”poppit, i wanted to ask about your father doesnt he live close by”. ”in chicago its a train ride away why do you ask”. ”i dont know, i thought perhaps maybe now was a good time to meet your family”.
”your highness this cool new york air has gotten to your head, my dad and his side of the family are batshit crazy. perhaps another time”. ”no no baby i am serious”. ”ok, ok if you want to meet my dad and that side of my family then we can go, but i dont want to take the kids just yet”. ”yes please”. ”ill call him tonight and we can go tomorrow or the day after”. ”that would be lovely princess, i cant wait to meet your family”. ”i think you can”.

we walked back to the house. and began our day. i had some many calls from everywhere on my phone. from oprah to reece withspoon about promos and tours for a wrinkle in time. to benedict wanting to know how everything was going. ”going great for my first few hours ben, how is everything up there”. ”good i miss you when are you comming home”. ”i dont know yet, but sit down for this let me know when your sitting down and have a drink”. ”shit hold on while i make a drink”. ”ok ok”. i say looking around the room. ”ok i have a drink whats up”. ”he wants to meet my dad and his family”. ”oh shit, not even i have met your dad, isnt that the family that treats you like shit”. ”yeah, i am going to need a whole bunch of valium, and a fresh razor”. ”dont you dare, dont you dare even try it sam, i will call dan right now and tell him to hide all the sharp objects in the house”. ”i know i am working on it but seriously i am so fucking nervous they have no filter”.
”well just smile and nod, i think its a great idea, you should embrace it. he has to know where you come from”. ”i hate ben, i hate you”. ”i know sam its ok because sophie and i love you and dan and saffy and we will see you all when you come home and p.s if you get pregnant while your there we will not judge you”. ”not a chance i am still on the pill”. ”you sam are no fun”. ”bye bye now”.

 

in the morning the following day the school thing was a little bit easier, even the littlest girl went off to a day school for babies. i dressed in a nice warm coat, my favorite jeans and my doc martin boots, as well as a blouse i got at tesco the british version of wal mart. i put on my long heavy jacket and hat, the weather in new york and chicago is cold.
”i am very happy and excited to finally be meeting your father, do you think he will like his present”. ”i do, i think he will like it comming from you”.
i take dan’s arm while he carries the large gift bag, next to him. over his shoulder is his man bag. i have my purse on over my shoulder to, i had to give him a crash course in pick pockets the night before.

we got on the train at grand central station, and found our seats. dan put the gift bag between his legs so it wouldnt fall on the floor. he reached for my hand, while i was undoing my scarf and taking off my hat.
”are you ok”. ”yes, i am fine are you ok, its going to be warm in here”. ”i am not taking off my coat poppit”. ”i know”. i took the bottle of tea out of my bag, the one i had just bought at the bodega on the corner of the house. i made a face trying it. ”want some iced tea”. dan took the bottle from me. ”its not bad, at all”. he said closing it back up with the top and giving it back to me.

the train ride to the chicago took about 90 minutes. ”next stop union station”. the announcment said as dan and i walked to the large exit. when the train stopped and we got off, i checked my phone.
”i am already here where are you”. ”dad we just got off the train, we are walking into the door right now”. i text my dad, who was on the other side of union station at the big staircase.
”i think he’s on the other side of the station”. ”let’s look at the map here”. ”no dan i think its this way”. i said taking the gift bag in my hand and begin to walk. ”wait for me please sam”. dan said catching up to me.
i held his arm while i tried to talk to my dad on new cell phone. ”where are you”. ”walking through the station now dad where are you”. ”downstairs you remember that entrance you came in through that one day”. he asked me something that happened about 12 years prior. ”dad i need for you to stay in one place, because i dont understand you”. my dad started getting excited and yelling on the phone. ”dad, dad calm down i dont understand you”. ”we are at the bagage claim area”. ”dad we carried on we didnt take the amtrack we took the subway train here were on the other side of the platform we will be there in about 20 minutes”. ”ok ok bye”. my dad said as we walked through the platform.

when we got to his side, i scanned the room for a minute until i finally saw him standing there, with his grey hair and glasses, wearing a heavy black parka his gloves and scarf, and nicely pressed grey trousers. ”oh there he is”. i waved to my dad and walked so fast to get to him and my brother. ”hi ma”. he said excitedly when i got to him i hugged him and concealed tears. i know i shouldnt cry but i am sentimental like that. ”hi honey how was the train my dad asked as i held up the gift bag for him. ”dad we got you somethings i thought you might like, come on i want you to meet someone”. dan stood back and let me have my moment with my dad, smiling and proud of me for reaching out. ”dad this is”, i looked up at dan for a moment who had his hand outstretched and said ”i am her boyfriend, my name is dan”. ”yes dad this is my boyfriend dan”. dan is so much taller then my dad he had to lean down to hug him and say ”i am very pleased to meet you sir, i have been waiting such a long time for this moment”. my puerto rican father nearly had a stroke, when he turned to me and said ”he’s white”. ”yes dad, i”. he wasnt angry just surprised i guess, see everyone in my puerto rican family on his side married black people. i had to be the rebel i guess.
”dan, is that short for daniel”. ”yes it is, sam has told me so much about you. i got you some things from the palace i thought you might like”. ”he’s from the palacio”. ”yes dad, i met him him when i was working at the palace”. ”oh ok, well your cousin tito is waiting for us on the street come on”. ”hey chris, i am glad you came we got something for you too, i put it in my bag ill give it to you in the car”. i said to my brother as dan reached for my hand to help me up the steep staircase.
my dad and my brother walked in front of us and i had a little trouble carrying my large bag. ”here”. dan took the bag from me and slung it over his shoulder then kept a gentle hand on my back continuing the walk up the stair case. at the door dan held the door open for me and my family. ”there’s tito”.
my cousin tito pulled his old white cadilac up to the street. ”hey cuz nice to see you again”. ”hey tito”. dan opened the doors for everyone, allowing my dad to get into the front seat, and i sat in the back with him and my brother.
”tito this is my boyfriend dan”. ”hey cuz”. tito said from the front seat. dan was sitting directly behind him and had to stretch his long legs over to my side of the car because my cousin had his seat all the way back to hang out of his window. ”what kind of work do you do dan”. ”films and television”. dan said running my un gloved hand now. ”oh ok cool cuz, like a director or producer”. ”no i am more in front of the camera, the name of my show is called legion”. ”oh yes, i think i saw it on t.v”. my brother chimed in happily. ”thats cool, and what about you cuz what are you doing now”. ”running a production company, we just opened an office in l.a”. ”didnt you used to work at the palace in england when you lived there”. ”i did work at the palace, thats where i met dan here”. ”oh ok did you work at the palace too”. ”sort of its kind of complicated”. ”ok well cuz were going back to my house cos everyone wanted to see you, dan you know i havent seen her since she was a baby”. ”they havent seen the adult version of me”. i reply settling down a little and sipping my tea.

we get to my cousin titos house in elgin, and he show us in. he has 2 nice dogs, rotweilers. ”you remember papito”. he introduces me to a kid i havent seen since i was little”. ”this is your cousin sam remember here, she left with me mom when she was 3”. ”oh yeah hey cuz”. ”hi”. ”this is my girl monica”. ”hey samantha its nice to meet you”. ”likewise”. ”cuz do you want something to drink”. ”oh sure, water, coffee if you have it”. at this point i am nervously skaing, i pat dan’s arm and show him my shaking hand, he takes it in his and rubs it gently, trying to sooth my nervous energy. ”your coffee”. tito puts the mug on the coffee table in front of me. then one by one my cousins, sandy, and judy arrive to the house. ”there’s judy she was your favorite, you used to sit by the day and waited for her, and say ”judy park”. i giggled as i hugged the cousin i havent seen before.
my cousin sandy brought her son matthew. her son calls my dad ”nicky”. ”how long are you staying”. judy asked as we stood outside, leaving my cousins house. ”our train leaves at 6 and we will be back in the city around 8, would you like to come and stay at the house with us”. dan said as my eyes widened. ”well yeah if you have room i would love to see the house”. ”then its settled come and stay as long as youd like”.
”sam, are you hungry. let’s all go to the golden coral”. my dad said i nodded and turned around to see who was in the house. ”ok, thats fine we can go have some lunch”.

my cousin judy drove me and dan, i sat in the front seat and dan sat behind me so i could look back at him. ”how long have you 2 been together”. ”on and off for a while now”. ”oh ok, kids”. ”i have three kids”. ”i have 1”. ”together”. ”no seperate but we are trying to blend our family together, would you like to see a picture of saffy”. at the traffic stop i showed my cousin a picture of me and saffy. ”where’s her dad”. ”she adopted judy”. ”oh ok i am sorry i didnt know why didnt you bring her”. ”shes at school”. ”these are my kids”. dan said leaning forward to show her his three. ”they look just like you, thats crazy”. ”thank you”. dan said settling back in his seat. my phone dinged and i looked down dan sent me a message. ”i like that little smirk you just gave”. ”ill bet you do keep it zipped your highness”. ”just wait til we get home and were alone”. ”dont threaten me with a good time”. i replyed putting my phone down for a minute, because i wanted to smoke a cigarette. ”can i smoke”. ”yeah sure roll down the window”. judy said as i lit my cigarette, i said ”whoa i have never been to white castle”. ”yeah your dad and i go on sunday, are you going to be comming back and forth to the city to see you dad and your brother”. ”possibly depending on work and such but ill be around”. ”thats good your here now, dont be a stranger”. ”i wont”. i was holding my cigarette loosely and reached back for dan to take a pull.

when we got to golden coral, i saw that now my cousin lilian the drug attack was there. ”dont put your purse down”. i said to myself while dan opened the door of the car for me and judy.
one bye one we all walked through the door, my dad grabbed the trays and pushed them down to us. ”are you getting a drink”. ”yes a sprite and tea”. i say as i looked at dan who went over to the front where my dad was speaking to the cashier. ”no no put your money on me, i got it dad”. dan took out his bank card and gave it to the cashier. my dad looked at me sheepishly and handed me the 2 hundred dollars in cash. i looked a little foolish because it made me feel like a kid or something. everyone walked through the line, dan took my tray and held it with one arm he was waiting for me, i on the other hand was helping my tia othilia, she was elderly and struggling to walk. i carried her tray for her. ”is this ok tia”. ”si si samantha, the ves mui bonita”. she said in spanish to me as i put her tray down. ”dont put my purse on the floor”. ”no tia its not, i have it right here on my shoulder”. i pulled out the chair for her. dan put our drinks down on the table. ”do you know what you want”. ”yes mija, i am going to look through the line”. me and my tia (tia is the spanish word for aunt) went through the line while my dad and dan put all the tables in our area together.
when me and my aunt got back to the table, i looked up to see dan, my brother and my dad all at the serving together. so nicely helping each other. when they sat down i took out my phone. ”tio, tito get in i want to take a picture”. i said as they all gathered together for my picture.
”very nice, you all looks so handsome”. i showed my tio chago the picture. he nodded happily. then dan who was sitting next to me said ”we should let him open his present now”. ”oh yes, dad open your present i want to see how you like it”. my dad put the gift bag on the table. dan was recording on his phone, while my dad happily opened his nice gift of a very nice heavy leather jacket bought from harrods, some things from the palace and a nice shaving set. ”thanks ma, i love it”. my dad came over and hugged the both of us.

back at union station on the train to new york, dan, my dad and brother were talking about some of their favorite things, like wrestling, the weather and politics. ”this guy in office is such a moron, calling our people rapist and murder, trying to take away the things that we worked so hard for, but in the end i am glad my kids are safe and they are happy”. dan was holding my hand the whole way. i didnt say a whole lot, i felt like they needed to bond and enjoy each other.

”this is our house, if you give me a few minutes ill have your room set up for the both of you”. dan opened the door for us. i introduced all the kids to my dad and brother. ”they are spending the night with us”. ”daddy this is my daughter saffy”. saffy jumped into his arms. ”grandpa”. ”hi honey”. my dad went crazy over saffy and the girls.

”i have the room already for you, theres a nice tv and the room is warm”. ”thank you”. dad went to his room and so did my brother, they changed into their jammies after a shower. we were getting the kids ready for bed.
afterwards, i went to lookin in on my dad and my brother who were watching the andy griffith show. ”hi ma”. ”hi guys, i just came to see if maybe you needed some extra blankets or pillows”. ”what no, i am fine you pa”. my brother said ”no i am ok its so hot in here”. ”you can open the window, or just wait a few minutes ill get dan to turn down the thermostat”. ”ok, are you going to bed”. ”yes i am going to bed, to watch some t.v i am very tired”. ”ok good night”.

dan was downstairs shutting off all the lights and locking all the doors. ”there’s a bottle next to the bed if you want to open it babe, ill be right up in a few minutes”. ”take your time, i am going to take a shower”. ”ok”.

i struggled a little to open the bottle. the cork broke and i had to reposition, after my shower. ”hi poppit”. ”hi” i said as dan came up behind me. ”alone at last”. ”i know it was a very busy day, and you were great with my dad”. ”thank you i really like him, hes a hard working fellow”. dan kissed me gently on my mouth, our first kiss in this house thus far.
”thats good”. dan sat down on the edge of the bed, and unlaced his shoes. he started undressing in front of me. i smiled, a naughty smile. ”do you like my darling”. ”i do, i must say”. ”do take it all in, i dont want you to be surprised on our wedding night my dear”. ”i will every second and if your good, i might let you see me”. ”yes please”. i poured him a glass of wine. ”tomorrow is saturday and i like to make breakfast for everyone poppit will you join me”. ”yes of course your highness i would love to”. ”come here and kiss me now poppit”. i scooted over to dan, who grabbed me roughly, i sat in his lap, he crushed his lips to mine and we kissed and kissed like teenagers.
taking the wine glass for me, i crawled to the other end of the bed. my love”. dan reached for me to cuddle, we were sitting up in bed, i had to to finish my wine. dan was just laying in his shorts, no shirt on barely dressed from the night before. i could see he had and erection. ”what’s this”. i joked looking down”. ”arousal, i have a hard on all day for you, but i made your a promise and i am trying to be good”. ”you dont have to i am not shy”. ”but i want our first night together when we are married, i feel like i owe you that much please”. ”i suppose babe, if you can wait that long”. ”ill be alright, dont be surprised if you get pregnant on the wedding night”. this made me laugh out loud. dan poured me more wine, then moved my face to his. ”kiss me, i like when your kissing me”.

 

my tipsy bubbled filled head made me doze off shortly there after as did dan. during the night i felt him cuddle me a little closer, we were spooing together. i took a deep breath and opened my eyes i had to get up to use the bathroom. when i got back into bed dan reached for me again. i felt safe in his arms.

i woke up before sam. she looked so sweet there still asleep. i kissed her cheek, before i put on my shirt and jeans to go down stairs. i had to walk the dog and get in a quick work out before breakfast, and before the kids woke up for the matter. i jotted a little note for sam on a post it. ”poppit, went to walk the dog, work out all before you wake. see you in a bit. love you- dan”. i put the note on the mirror.

”try this dad i think the toast is almost ready”. i heard the chatter comming from the kitchen with the dogs leash in my hand. ”aww good morning men, did you sleep well”. ”yes i made some coffee”. ”great dad, i am going to walk the dog and do something before i start breakfast, if you cant wait their is some cereal in the cupboard there ok”. ”ok i am just having some toast right now”. ”ok see you in a few”.
the morning air was cool and crisp and luckily the dog was ready for his walk. we walked for about 20 minutes until i was sure he was done. then walked back into the house. sam’s dad was watching the i love lucy show on the telly. i unleashed the dog and went upstairs i looked in on sam who was still asleep. i went into the home gym, and did a full hour of the insanity work out. sweating and breathing heavy i went back to the bedroom. sam was just waking up when i came in. ”good morning poppit did you sleep well”. ”yeah i did where di you go”. ”to walk the dog and do the insanity work out, i am about to take a shower i am sweating like mad”. ”ok, ok i am still asleep”. ”take your time dear its alright you dont have to be on”. ”ok”.
when i opened the bathroom door, after my nice shower. sam was just getting out of bed. she left the door to the closet open, i watched her get dressed for a moment when she caught me. ”taking a little peek are we, do you like”. ”yes i like it alot, come here ”. ”no, behave”. ”come here and kiss me”. i demanded as she closed and zipped her jeans. i kissed her a few times, before she went back to finish dressing.
before we went downstairs together, i pushed her up against the wall for a heavy make out session.
”good morning dad what are you doing”. ”i love lucy the one with the freezer”. my dad said with his legs on the ottoman. ”cool, do you want me to make you some coffee”. ”no i already did and i ran out really quick i got some doughnuts”. ”yummy, but dad save room theres going to be a fry up”. ”huh whats that”. ”dan going to make you the full english breakfast, you will love it”. ”yeah thats great are you going to watch with us”. ”yes ill watch for a few minutes, oh shit i need to get my phone from upstairs so i can check on work”. i ran back upstairs to my phone. i had a bunch of the usual messages, sandra text me about the promo posters for oceans 8, the art work for the dvd of a wrinkle in time needed approval.
i simply grabbed my ipad from the bedside table and sat back down on the couch. i put the ipad down for a moment and looked up at dan in the kitchen. ”do you want me to help”. ”no babe its fine, enjoy your dad ive got it”. ”ok great”. my dad however caught sight of my tablet. ”what are you doing”. ”look at the artwork for the dvd release of a film my company produced would you like to see”. i moved over closer to my dad, and let him see the photos on the tablet. ”is that oprah winfrey”. ”yes dad i met her when i visited the movie set”. ”is she nice ma”. ”very nice, she invited me to her house in moticito, me and benedict went”. ”who is that”. ”benedict cumberbatch is my partner at the production company, hes basically my boss he will be here in a few days and you can meet him when he comes by”.
”what do you do there”. ”well we produce films, the movies benedict stars in we did dr. strange, and the star treck movie and last year we produced coco in a joint effort with disney pixar and this year we did the incredibles and a wrinkle in time. were doing patrick melrose on tv, and soon i hope to begin production on the rough faced girl”. ”that was your favorite book when you were little”. ”yes and it means a whole lot to me dad”.
”i am so proud of you ma, making all the choices and having a good job”. ”thanks its pays well and the perks and benefits are fun. were shooting soon in chicago a remake of the blues brothers with girls, you can come and see if you’d like”. ”thanks ma but i dont know”. ”did you take your pills, remember i asked to look at them before you took them”.
”yeah there on the dresser in my room”. but before i could look at them princess saffy awoke and came running excitely down the stairs. ”saffy why are you running”. ”i have to show grandpa my dolly”. she said running passed me. ”grandpa grandpa i want you to meet melody my american girl dolly”. she said so excitedly jumping into my fathers lap. ”oh let me see, her shes beautiful like you baby”. ”thanks grandpa what are we going to do today”. my dad sat her down on the couch next to him. ”i love lucy”. saffy sat happily and watched for a minute. ”grandpa”. she said looking up at him. ”yes”. ”i like you” she said happily. now running into the kitchen. she climbed up onto the bar stool and gave herself a spin kicking her feet happily.
”hi your highness”. saffy said stopping to look at dan. ”hi princess did you sleep well”. ”uh huh, i sleeped very good, did you sleep good”. ”yes very well, do you want some cereal right now”. ”no i am going to wait for breakfast, hmmmm it smells really good”. dan poured her a glass of orange juice. ”thank you”. saffy said again spining on the bar chair. ”when can i start calling you my daddy, i mean you are going to be my daddy right”. ”yes, whenever youd like princess”. ”ok ill start now, daddy came i wear my rainboots today”. ”is it raining”. ”no put i wanna wear them”. ”there only for when it rains, but you can wear your regular trainers in the house”. ”ok, daddy when are you going to take me to disneyland”. dan giggled at her tenacity. ”well i dont know yet baby we have to work that out but usually we go during halloween”. ”i can wear my costume”. ”yes of course”.

then the other kids slowly began to trickle down the stairs. willow was a little sleepy still when she wandered downstairs. ”hi”. she said sleepily staggering into the kitchen. ”oh hi willz, how did you sleep”. the little blonde girl rubbed her eyes and climbed up next to saffy on the bar chair. ”ok i guess, when can i see my mummy”. ”i am not sure darling but if youd like you can call her after breakfast”. saffy gave her, her glass of juice. ”are you gonna be my sister”. saffy asked kicking her feet. ”what no, who said that”. ”if my mommy and your daddy get married we will be sisters”. ”i thought she was just a friend”. willow said putting both of her hands on either side of her face. dan took a deep breath and said ”well yes, in a way. but how would you feel if she stayed here with us”. ”dad”. willow wasnt having it, she was not cool with this. this would never happen if mom was around.
next aubrey came down carrying his baby sister. ”good morning miss sam”. he said lovingly kissing her cheek and stopping to look at her pretty pictures before he put his baby sister down to walk.
”good morning daddy, saffy, willz”. he said cheerily, putting eden in her high chair. ”hello my son did you sleep well”. ”yes daddy”. he said spinning saffy happily. saffy reached up to the counter and gave him some of the cars he left their the previous night.
”thanks saffy”. aubrey sat down on the floor for a minute, running his truck on the ground. . ”dad, daddy whos that man”. ”son that is sam’s father why dont you go over there and introduce yourself”. ”ok”. aubrey bless his little gentlemen heart came right into the living room. ”pardon me miss sam”. ”go on”. i said watching him stalk right up to my father, hold out his little hand and say ”jolly nice to meet you chap my name is aubrey but you can call me aubs, or audi”. ”oh my god arent you just a little dandy, nice to meet you little man”. my dad tossled his head, as aubs went back into the kitchen. ”he likes me i can tell”. i heard him say that from my spot on the couch.

living in america wasnt all that easy either, while the president has secret service, dan has royal advisors and security that constantly check in and saturday morning was no different. the palace security assigned to the house and dan watched like crazy and while they had been called off for the sojourn into the city. that was for a few hours. they rang the doorbell and my dad got up to answer the door, i may have forgotten to mention a few things because when he answered the door about 10 big guys all surrounded him. ”oh no dan, call off the guards”. ”gentlemen at ease this is sams father”. ”our apologies your highness and my lady”. they bowed to us as my dad stood wide eyed and shocked in the corner. ”samantha who was that”. ”dad can i talk to you over here for a moment”. i pulled him into the hallway, ”i might have forgotten to mention that dan is the prince, or the duke rather and those men are security for the house”. ”the prince, i thought there were only 3, wait what”. ”there williams, daniel and harry remember, diana’s sons”. ”oh wow, that one is diana’s son but he doesnt look like her”. ”they adopted him when he was 7 days old”. ”i saw it on t.v” my dad poked his head around the corner to look at the men. ”wow that is big, so you mean wherever we go they have to go too”. ”pretty much it will take some getting used to but yes”. ”this is so weird why didnt you tell me earlier”. ”we didnt want everyone to go crazy or make a scene especially in the city like that”.
that night when i told dan, how shocked my dad had been at seeing all the security, dan chuckled and said ”well what did he say”. ”that you didnt look like your mom and kinda stared at you sizing you up all day”. ”poppit, are you sad that he’s gone”. ”a little but it gives me a chance to miss him”. ”he can live here with us if you’d like, i dont mind”. ”no no way, you have no idea what you are saying because, then that would mean the rest of them would come here and if you want piece of mind and quiet then no way, he’s probly already told them and ill bet they are devising a way to ask us for money and sorry to say it but i wouldnt give them a dime, he can live here sure but everyone else will come”. the thought of it made my hands shake, and made me nervous. ”alright my love i just thought i would put it out there for you, i just want you to be happy with me”.

 

after the royal guards pounced on my father, and secured the area.
”come on the fry up is ready”. ”come on dad you have to try the full english breakfast”. dan plated everything really nice for my dad and i poured him a cup of coffee. ”this is a lot of food ma”. ”dad take small bites i promise it will grow on you”. i got all the kids to sit down at the table. ”let’ see if you can remember how i like my fry up”. ”how can i forget my fincky eater, dont like beans and allergic to eggs, i made them seperate”. ”you do remember”. ”how could i forget, i know almost everything there is to know about sam”.
i sat down at the table next to my dad and saffy, dan’s place is the head of the table. ”let’s bless the food ok”. we all held hands and said a quick prayer before we began to have what is now a tradional big weekend breakfast. on saturday is the fry up and sunday i do a tradional mexican breakfast.

before my dad and brother left that night, dan, my brother and my dad went outside. dan to smoke and let the dog frolick in the backyard and my dad to interogate him and my brother mostly because he wanted fresh air.
”i would like it and i know sam would like it if you came to visit us here whenever you’d like”. ”thank you, i havent been to brooklyn since i was a young man, i came here from puerto rico to work in a hotel”. ”i see”. ”then i moved to chicago and then elgin”. ”sir”. dan took a step backwards with my father. ”i shall very much like your blessing to marry your daughter”.
”my blessing, son what are talking about i am not used to this fancy talk”. ”oh, i just want you to say its ok for me to marry her”. ”oohh well do you love her”. ”very much”. ”does she love you”. ”yes”. ”can you provide for her, take care of her and that baby”. ”yes of course, i would die trying”.
”then yes, you have my blessing”. my father was a man of very many and loud words yet he was quiet and listening still.

 

”you too seemed to have a lot to talk about”. ”we did indeed mostly you my pet”. ”your pet, jeez your highness you really know how to make a girl feel special”. i teased playfully nudging him in the ribs. ”well i wanted to talk to him alone for another reason”. ”oh”. ”but i am not going to tell you that right now”. ”ok keep your secrets your highness i am going to be over here”. ”no come here, cuddle me”. i put my arms around him resting my head on his shoulder until i fell asleep.

 

from kensington palace. i spoke to my brother william on the phone while sam was out with a realtor looking for location for the brooklyn office.
”hello my brother, how are you is everything well in brooklyn”. ”aye of course, i am doing well, sam and the kids are all well”. ”well then what news have you, are we planning a big wedding what are we doing”. ”not just yet mate, i havent even proposed. i want to give her something that belonged to mum”. ”a ring or jewel perhaps”. ”yes, i was thinking of the pretty pink diamond she was wearing when she passed”. ”kind of morbid really, i dont think that one, how about the emerald or ruby, the small square one”. ”yes that one, and perhaps the spencer family tiara”. ”i think the earl has it, oooohhh to be married at all thorpe”. ”i dont think sam would like that very much all thorpe isnt friendly at all, but how are the children”. ”great growing like weeds”. ”thats awesome i am so proud”. ”when are you getting back this way brother”. ”i dont know yet, but do you think you can drop that ruby into the post carefully for me, i want to custom make her engagment ring from it”. ”yes yes of course, do you want to say hello to kate”.
”darling its dan from america”. ”oh hello dan what news of sam is everything alright”. ”yes sam is fine she is looking at office spaces today for the american office, this was the only free time i had before she gets home to ask for the jewels for the engagment ring”.
”skip the engagment, and take her to the registrar”. ”she deserves to have her moment, as do i. i want the whole bit. the down on one knee, really romantic, candlelight the whole bit”.
”dan you are such a hopeless romantic”. ”oh shh, its sam be quiet”. ”hello darling”. ”hello dan, how are you”. ”good my love did you find an office yet”. ”i saw some places ill have to get with ben and crunch the numbers but, anyways how are you getting along”. ”good i am here waiting for you to get home because i miss you”. ”william and kate who were on the facetime on his laptop were swoonging. ”ooh your highness ill be back soon, uh just one thing”. ”yes darling”. ”on the jag, you know the car right, umm i cant figure out how to take off the emergency brake” ”you have to put it up first and then down and please becareful with the car”. ”oh i see i got it, ok cool love this car, love you be home soon, oh one last thing do you want shrimp for dinner tonight”. ”yes yes that sounds wonderful my dear, love you”. ”love you too bye”.
”aww your so sweet”. ”i almost forgot sam is not the best driver and she has the nice jag oh dear”. dan said hoping she makes it home in one piece.

 

in the morning when i got dressed in my nice fancy dress, i did my hair and make up and put on my glasses i wanted to look super smart and spiffy to meet with the realtor to look at offices for the american branch of sunny march films. ”my love i must say i am breath taken, i really like this look”. ”did you just take a picture of me”. ”yes i did, thats going to be for when i am alone”. ”weirdo”. i say brushing my shoulder length hair. dan came up behind me at the vanity, he got in close and said ”are you going to drive there”. ”no i was going to take the underground”. ”nonsense you need to take the car”. ”i am not sure about driving in the city”. ”i am not sure i want you walking around alone in the city, and dressed like that to boot. come on ill get the car warmed up for you”. ”i am not sure about this i”. but before i knew it dan opened the garage door to show off the beautiful black jaguar the new expensive one with the nice 4 seats, it smelled new. ”wow this is a nice car”. ”yeah, other then the house and kids its the only thing i own out right do you like it”. ”yes but i am scared to get it out of the driveway”. ”ill get it out of the garage onto the street for you babe, just go back inside and get ready”. ”ok”.

when i came back a few minutes later, i stood on the porch putting on my long coat. ”alright my love its ready, becareful when you brake its really gentle you dont have to put your foot all the way down”. ”ok i will” i say getting out my phone for the address and g.p.s.
sitting inside the jag, was so cool. its so nice and such a smooth and easy drive.

i found a few locations i really liked but, before i could go ahead and lease the space i would have to talk to benedict and get him to have the final say before i went ahead and went in. the one i really liked was the cool kitchy warehouse type of space that i thought looked so unique and strange for what we did, but the price was a little over budget by about 20k and the realtor was trying to talk me into it. ”i have to speak to my business partner and crunch the numbers and he will have to sell the american house and so on”. i joked knowing that ben would love it and would let me get it, but i had to include him in the scouting of the location.
i took a quick video on my phone and sent it to him. ”oh my god benedict i love this place this is the one i want”.
afterwards i went to the store, for the shrimp and things i had in mind for dinner. carefully and slowly i parked the car back in the garage and closed the door. the door that leads into the house was off to the side, inside the garage. i propped it open and brought the groceries inside.

to my surprise the house was quiet, being this quiet i thought dan might be reading or something, so i put everything away in the fridge for lunch then walked up the stairs. ”your highness what are you up too”. i said looking around at the top of the stairs. our bedroom door was open slightly, when i got closer i could hear what i thought was heavy breathing and moaning. in those moments in the shadows you have that doubt in your mind that this is when the bucket of blood drops, you set fire to the house, and you hear your mother shriek ”their all gonna laugh at you”. i took a deep breath, as i pushed the door open.
i expected some hot young thing to be in there, except dan was alone, he was laying on the bed, naked, writhing in the throws of an orgasm. ”dan”. i asked with my eye brows raised. ”baby come in and close the door”. i closed the door and went to him. ”what are you doing”. ”the sexual tension, my love, kiss me please”. after the long kiss i put my hand over his but he pushed me away. ”please dont, please i am trying to get through this”. ”let me take care of you, ill make you feel so much better”. ”just kiss me and cuddle me”. i took off my coat, and crawled into bed beside him, i put my arms around him and began to kiss him with fever and passion. this made his orgasm so much more intense that with in a few moments, he was groaning so loudly and came hard. breathing heavy, he let his shaft go. ”why are you putting yourself through this, if you want sex just come and get it”. ”its so much more then that, i want it to be really special but i want it to be where we first me in the palace and”. ”you want it to be a fetish you sick little puppy”. i joked kissing his cheek. ”you make me this way you drive me crazy, looking at you dressed like this and that smile and hair i cant myself want to do very bad things to you”.

 

the ruby arrived at the end of the week as promised, i found a jewler in the city and went there while benedict and sam, ben who came in to see the office. i told the jewler how i wanted the ring to look as well as submited the welsh gold for our wedding bands. ”i want it to be special and a surprise”. ”alright your highness i can have it ready for you, by friday afternoon”. ”great just great, thank you”. ”thank you”.
while i was waiting for sam to get back to the car, i went to have a nice shave and get my hair trimmed a little.

”i am at the car babe where are you”. ”walking back now, i went for a trim on my beard”. ”ok, ill just wait for you here”. ”ok babe see you in a few minutes”.

 

when i got the rings back, i cried a little. they were all so beautiful.
i chose her band to be gold as well as mine be gold. the engagment ring however, was so exquistivley beautiful.
staring at the ring, still at the jewler. my phone was buzzing in my pocket. ”susie flased across the screen”. ”susie”. i said picking up the phone. ”hello dan, i am back in brooklyn, i would like to see the kids this weekend”.
”susie, how many times are we going to go through this, everytime you say you are going to come the kids get so happy and excited they miss you, but when you dont show up, they hurt, i hurt for them”. ”this time is for real, i need to see sam”. ”i dont think its a good idea, susie”. ”please, i want to see my kids, and i want to see sam”. ”listen susie, i am sort of in the middle of something right now”. ”dont close yourself off to me, we have 6 years together”. ”susie, dont”. ”dan i have to see sam”. ”ok where are you”. ”sitting outside the house right now where are you”. ”ill be there in about 20 minutes please dont bother sam”. ”i am just going to ring the bell and we are going to talk”.

 

i had my feet on the ottomen, when the bell rang. i took a deep breath and went to the door. i opened it to see susie standing in the doorway. i stopped dead in my tracks for a moment, we just stood and looked each other over. ”susie”. ”sam, i am sorry to bother you but i wanted to talk to you”. i clicked my tounge at her, ”dan isnt here and the babies are at school”.
”i have had a lot of time to think about all of this sam, and i am sorry”. ”huh”. ”i am sorry because i took something from you, with out even asking because i was selfish”. ”is this going to be the part when you admit, you didnt tell him i did call him back that day”. ”yes, i just knew that if he heard your voice, that i didnt stand a chance of being happy. i was so greedy and selfish then. i wanted to nice clothes and the title and all of that”.
”you broke my heart, you broke his heart when you knew that he wanted to talk to me”. ”i know what i did to you was wrong and what i did to him was wrong, it drove a wedge between the 2 of you that is just getting back together now and”. ”you dont understand what its like do you susie”. ”what i”. ”girls like you, have it so easy. men flock to you. they come in droves everything you do and say they hang on every word, but nah girls like me. were always the charming best friend, one of the guys cos we can buy our own diamonds right, yet you knew because you had seen it before your eyes that with us things were different, susie i have always been surrounded by girls like you my whole life, jealous, caddy, and triffiling”. susie took a step forward to me. ”i came to give you this”. ”i dont want it”. ”no, you dont understand what i took from you”. in her hands was a large velvet bag.

”can we sit somewhere please”. i closed the door behind me, and sat beside susie on the wooden bench, i halted the officers who looked pissed.

”ok i am sitting is this the plan to keep from killing you”. ”i knew youd be angry with me but please listen”. i try to remain calm, from the velvet bag comes a pretty tiara. ”this was supposed to be yours, when the box arrived. it had your name on it”. ”huh”. ”all of it, the dress, the tiara it was meant to be yours, i wont be angry if they give you my title”. ”i dont want your title or any title for that matter other then wife”. ”its what i thought i wanted but, then when i did have it, i couldnt even handle royal duties, i hated the traveling and never being alone”. ”what did you expect from diana’s son”. ”please take it”. susie got up to leave. ”i dont want your tiara, or anything from you. i dont need it. i just want you to come and see your kids too”. ”i cant see them”. ”why”. ”they should have been yours”. ”wow thats lower then low, they are children”. ”they are better off with out me”. ”i truly hope you find happiness in your life”. is all i can get out watching her leave.

dan pulled into the drive just as she sped off. ”are you ok, where is she”. ”she left, she tried to give me her tiara like it was supposed to be alright”. ”oh”. ”did she say anything else”. ”come inside i have to tell you something”. dan took my hand and followed me into the house. i closed and locked the front door. ”i need you to sit down please”. ”sam what is it”. ”ok remember that night at the castle when i sent you away after we kissed”. ”yes i remember it. ”ok so a few days later, you gave me space and time, well i called ahead and they warned me susie was there. so i back off a little, i called your personal number the one you gave me and she picked up. she told me that you had gone and not to call again, i tried to reason with her”. ”what”. ”i asked her why she would do this to me, she said that she would see to it that she was a duchess way before me, then she called me a name and clicked the phone”. ”what name”. ”a spick”. ”thats what you call someone who is mixed with several latin cultures like me”. ”why did you wait til now to tell me this”. ”because i didnt want you to be angry with me or her”. ”you called me back what were you going to say”. ”that i was wrong and sorry that i did want to see what could happen with us”. ”i would have never married her had i known”. dan got to his feet, and hugged me tightly. ”my sweet sam i am so sorry i love you so much”. ”hey where were you”. ”i had to pick something up for our holiday next week”.
”oh the disneyworld trip we havent even told the kids were going yet”. ”its better to wait for the night before”. ”if you say so”.

 

”are you sure she has no idea about this brother”. william said as he and harry came into the house. ”she has no idea about this. not even close”. ”dont you think we will get noticed at disney”. ”yes but i have already talked to them and they are willing to make sure we are accomdated and the security will come along too”. ”so this is it huh bro, your finally going to have you epic moment”. harry said patting his brother on the back. ”yes i am even going to wear a nice suit too, i got her this dress i want her to wear for dinner, everything will come together”.

”disney world is going to be so much fun ben you and sophie need to cancel your plans and come with us, the boys will love it”. ”someone has to over see this office while you are having fun”. ”its going to come together weather we are here or night, i picked out all the furniture, the computers everything is done”. ”wow really”. ”yes, i told you i had everything under control, seriously how do you like the office”. ”i like the space, sam you did a great job”. ”thanks dr. strange i am very proud”. ”i am proud of you sam you have transformed this production company from a barely afloat to now having a second office”. ”yes and if things continue the way i hope maybe a third office in l.a and i can spear head that one too”.

 

”alright kids, were all packed for the holiday”. i said double checking everything, making sure i had the tickets, the plane tickets, the rings and my phone. everything was nicely in the bag around my shoulders. ”i feel like were forgetting something”. sam said putting her purse down and going back into the house. ”no no, we have everything we packed ahead remember”. ”are you sure, i feel like i am forgetting something”. ”your sanity my love, now let’s go, we dont have much time, if we hurry we can just miss our flight”. we piled into the large uber van, to laguardia airport. then ran to our gate, needless to say i got detained through customs for a moment they had to do a quick search but then everything was fine. i was so happy they didnt make me open the bag with the rings in it.

”come on babe”. ”they didnt make you check your bags”. ”no they asked for my green card and visa”. i nodded as we boarded the plane. the ride wasnt to long, we played with the kids mostly. just with little things we planned for the plane.

i booked the nice cabins, inside the disney world resort for our lodgings they had nice big rooms, a large king sized bed for sam and i, and a cojoining room for the kids.
we settled in for the night with the plan of starting early the next morning, begining with the magic kingdom.

”i cant wait to get my mickey ears with my name on it, a dole whip, and orange whip, mickey shaped waffles yummy”. sam said rubbing her belly. ”we should call this trip eating our way through disneyworld”. ”i’d rather not, do you have the wet bands for us”. ”yep in the cooler chilling, with the waters and juices its fine, i even have the cups ready”.
saffy and the girls kinda pushed me in the direction of the frozen and princess rides. while aubrey and dan chose. the dumbo rides and space mountain. ”meet up for lunch at cinderella’s castle darling”. dan text me as me and the girls continued our search for the hidden mickeys all around the park. ”were running a few minutes late, honey the lines for haunted mansion was kinda long, so go ahead and get started we will meet you there” ”alright my love see you in a bit”.
having been to disneyland in annaheim the year before, disney world was way bigger, by a lot there was so much to do that why you have to be there at least a full week.
”mummy, oloaf”. saffy found olaf and we almost adopted him, because saffy wouldnt let go of him during her hug. ”come on pooks we have to meet dad at the castle for lunch are you hungry”. ”belles castle”. ”no cinderella’s castle”. anytime i mentioned food to saffy she was there.
the girls ran next to me, holding the little ones hand. so excited, we got there late. ”ok willz go find your dad and brother, and sit down i am going to get me some more water i am so thirsty”. i sent the kids off keeping one eye on them as i put ice in my cup.
then i saw little man aubrey come over. ”come on sam were waiting for you”. ”aubs wait for me”. ”i swear for a little guy he’s the exact image of his dad. he’s even tall like his dad, aubs is 5 years old but looks like a 7 year old.
after i made it through the crowd with him and got to the table, the kids were already happily eating. ”my love”. ”i am so hot i needed more water”.
dan patted my hand, then took a napkin and wiped the sweat from my face. ”better”. ”yes thanks”. ”we waited for you”. ”thanks did you guys have fun”. ”yes sam we rode space mountain and got splashed by the water”.

settling the kids down for their naps and our too. dan turned to me and said ”dont make plans for tonight missus, cos i have made special plans for us”. ”what how late i dont want the kids being out to late”. ”they arent comming, i got a sitter tonight you and i are going to have a special dinner date”. ”really, do i get to dress up”. ”yes infact you do, but i took the liberty of getting you a dress i want you to wear”. ”oh your highness are you a little randy”. ”very”.

 

i put on the dress, he picked out for me. it fit nice like a glove. i had room to move and run in it. i checked myself over in the mirror and put on a little bit of makeup nothing to fancy because i know dan doesnt like it to much.
its when i am dressing and look up at the mirror i noticed this whole time he has been watching me. ”how do i look”. ”amazing my love absolutely amazing”. ”great shall we go on then”. ”yes darling, why dont you wait for me at the door for a moment i just have to grab something”. ”ok ill see you at the door”.

 

i went and got the ring out of the drawer. ”i am ready now”. i take her by the hand and opened the door. ”we will be back at around 10pm no later”. sam was instructing the baby sitter”.

”where are we going”. ”cinderellas castle”. ”but the park is closed now”. ”yes i know but there’s a place there were we can be alone and sit together for a little while”.

 

”wow this place looks so different at night”. sam said standing at the door of the castle. i had the special key in my hand that i reached for and opened a special door. ”come darling”. sam looked up at me then reached for my hand.
in the elevator i couldnt take my eyes off her or stop smiling. ”your making me blush, why are you looking at me like that”. ”because i love you so much”. i lunged towards her pushing her against the wall of the elevator, putting my whole body against hers. i roughly kiss her, holding her in place with a hand on the back of her neck.
”your highness whats going on”. ”darling, were almost there”. the elevator dings, sam and i walk hand in hand to the private apartment inside the castle. ”what is this place, its so beautiful”. ”the apartment disney created to live in while he oversaw the park but this is where we are going to have some alone time”.
”i like it your highness, but i think your castle is far better decorated”. sam smiled that smile that kills me, makes me go week at the knees and blush.
”whats the matter you look a little pale dan are you ok”. ”i am fine”. i gather her in my arms and give her a big hug. ”are we just going to sit here and kiss and touch or what are we going to do your highness”.
”i brought you here so we can sit and talk and cuddle in a fancy place before we go to bed”. ”oh i see i love it here, i want to sleep under the bed”.
everything fell perfectly into place, now all i had to do was to get her to stand right where i wanted her to stand so i could take a knee.
”ok great, shall i open the champagne”. ”yes my darling please”. she was standing in the right spot now, her back turned towards me, working the cork off the bottle. i saw her wince a little when the cork finally did pop out of the bottle.
during the pop is when sam turned around. holding both glasses in her hand, i took the small pink velvet box out of my pocket. sam put the champagne down on the table. ”dan”. she said rasing a hand to her mouth. ”samantha, you and i have had one heck of a crazy wild ride, i made so many mistakes, and you have made so many mistakes. the first time i married was for show, to get over the feelings i had for you. only they never went away and in that time i felt a void a large void in my heart and mind. then there was this one magical night when you came back to the palace and gave that wonderful speech and it only took a few minutes for me to look at you and go week at the knees again the way i had before. i knew it for sure in my heart at that moment that i could never leave you, i want you to be by my side always, Samantha Elizabeth Cortez will you do me the honor of being by my side and marry me”. i placed the ring on her finger and waited for a moment. ”yes,yes your highness i will marry you”. i get back to my feet, i hug her so tightly. we both chug down the champagne then hurry back to the hotel to settle in for the night.

 

the news reached clearence house in the morning, when prince charles a woke to a message from his son. ”dad she said yes, she will marry me”. ”brilliant, have you seen your brothers this morning”. ”not yet, but i will soon, i am in the bath right now, i didnt want to wake her up”. ”jolly good lad, very well i shall make the announcment right now and i will inform your granny at once”. ”thanks dad”. ”come home now so we can have a nice wedding”. ”oh once this trip is done we might pop over for a wedding who knows”. ”ill make the announcments at once”.

drawing up the official announcment read as follows.

 

his royal highness the duke of wessex and samantha cortez have announced there engagment. we would like to congratulate the couple on their upcomming wedding..
the official announcment was then placed on an easel in front of the palace. next the queen would have to give her approval, and then finally a date would be set.

our official engagment photos were taken inside buckingham palace straight after our return from disney world. followed by a meeting with the press in which we were asked a bunch of questions.

the queen approved the marriage, the date was officially set for that september because we didnt want to wait that long. plus it would be the time i was free from filming. afterwards we returned to brooklyn to prepare for the wedding.

”i am knee deep in wedding nonsence”. i said looking at sophie who came into the office for a visit. ”i need to see the dress love, whats it going to look like”. ”i am not sure, i have met a few designers but nothing really tickles me”. ”how many more are you meeting”. ”victoria beckham and stella mccartney”. ”wait is that ebay what are you doing on ebay”. ”oh i am in a bidding war over a board game i want to get for the girls to play with”. ”ill bet the dress you do pick will be beautiful, you always know how to pick such nice clothing”. ”yes, i was also thinking of something colorful”. ”what and break tradition the dress always has to be white”. ”oh really who says”. ”the queen and all of england will be looking at the dress”. ”well to hell with tradition its my wedding and ill wear what i like”. ”to che, but what about for after the wedding”. ”omg come here, torrid sent me a whole bunch of cute, cute lingerie for the wedding night”. i showed her a few pieces from the rack. ”oh my god, your going to make him have a heart attack on your wedding night”.
”he’s waited 8 years for a piece of this and i am pretty sure he will have his inhaler”. ”i am going to have a heart attack if he doesnt these are all so nice”. ”i already have my eye on the one but i have decided not to share it”. ”ok keep your secrets, what about your something old, something new, something blue, something borrowed”. ”blue will be the chimise, something old havent gotten, something new is the dress, and something borrowed will be the spencer family tiara”.

 

returning to the palace the week of the wedding was surreal. ”sam we missed you”, kate and meghan came over hugged me tightly. ”i missed you two so much what have you been up too”. the girls filled me in on what was going on in the palace and what i needed to do. ”did you find your dress”. ”i did and stella mccartney designed it, and victoria made my ball gown for the reception”.
”is it different”. meghan, gets me. shes knows i am different. ”oh, yeah i chose to add a little bit of colour and flavor and explore my mexican heritage”. ”i cant wait to see how it turns out”. ”the girls dresses are going to be smaller versions of mine, girls i cant believe its going to happen i am actually going to get married”. ”me too, are you going to be fully tradional and not let him see you before the wedding”. ”yes, but to comprimise we are going to try the wedding cakes together, this afternoon”.

”i need to make sure he comes, can you please please meet him at the airport, i dont need my furture father in law stuck in customs”. ”brother, please sit down and relax”. william said taking the regins and sitting dan down in the chair in the library. ”i just want everything to go well, i want sam’s father sitting in the front, i need this to be perfect”. ”it will be perfect, everything is going to be just fine, now lets talk about the suit what suit are you going to wear”. ”i think i am going to wear the pink one”. ”the hot pink one, from the pictures”. ”yes, i know my girl i am sure she picked something equally as colorful”. ”oh dear you have only been in america for 5 years and now your wearing suits of bright colors”. ”yes the hot pink one, i like it sam likes it, the girls like it and it feels good on me”. ”what are we going to wear”. ”your military garb, i hope please”. ”yes of course brother, now wills made me swear to not say anything but i think we need to have a talk”.
”a talk whatever for”. ”your wedding night, now i know you are very excited, but sam is a gentle girl, a real lady. try not to attack her too badly on your wedding night”. ”please let that be the end of your speech, i couldnt care less what you do with your wives but me and sam will be just fine”. ”i know, i am just worried you might hurt her is all”. ”dont be sore, because i am bigger and more gifted then you harry”. dan, william and harry all began to laugh at this, having a grand time smoking cigars and talking together.

my bridal shower, now in full swing was getting crazy. ”have another drink and lets have a talk”. ”i dont need a sex talk thanks girls i think i can handle that part”. ”i know but listen you are going to be a wife now and”. ”kate if you finish that sentence i will shove that flute down your throat”.
”dont take off your dress until you are in your room and dont let those handmaids in either”. ”i wont meghan, are you finished”. ”yes but more seriously, are you on the pill or maybe and iud”. ”i was on the pill, but as i promised i went off it 3 weeks ago you know”. ”oh i see, that soon huh”. ”yes i believe so i mean how long does it usually take”. ”it seems all will has to do is touch me and i am pregnant”. ”ok, i am going to sit over here and not take off my coat”. i take another swig of my pink champaigne when camilla finally arrived.
”oh darling i am so sorry i am late. i just spent a dreaful hour at harrods picking up your wedding presents”. ”i thought i said no gifts”. ”this one is different darling its for the house”. ”oh alright thank you”. ”your welcome”.

sneaking away from the library to the smoking room. i wanted to say good night to sam before i went to bed. knocking softly, camilla cracked the door. ”you naughty boy what are you doing here”. ”i came to say good night to sam”. sam was hiding behind the door. ”good night”. ”good night my love, i will see you tomorrow”. ”yes ill see you there”. camilla turned me away.

”i never thought i would ever see the day”. came a chamingly raspy voice from the doorway. i look up to see michelle dockery standing in the door way. ”lady dockers, what are you doing here”. ”do you bloody well think i was going to miss this wedding, sammers and dan finally getting married”. ”no but i am so glad to see you, how have you been”. ”i am very well and i bought you a gift”. ”i am almost afraid to open this box”. ”you should be darling”. michelle hugged me in the most tightest of embraces. i popped the lid on the box, moved the tissue paper to find a leather whip and other things of the nature”. ”oh my sweet baby jesus on a cupcake”. ”you should have seen what i gave him”. ”tell me”. ”a pair of furry handcuffs with the note that said ”dont let her get away, and use in case of emergency”. ”oh dear, that hilarious. did you go by and see him”. ”i did, he is so nervous and jittery and i love every second of it”. ”thank you so much for comming dockers, it really means alot to me”. ”i dont know if you are aware, but i remember pulling dan aside and telling him he’d be a damn full not to chase you, i even saw it back then when the 2 of you would play around on set, the way he would look at you i think we all knew it then”.
”stop your going to make me cry and i am saving my tears for tomorrow”. ”nonsense its your party cry if you want too”. ”did you meet saffy”. ”i havent yet met your little one, i am sure i will meet her tomorrow”.
the rest of the night was so lovely, me and all the girls were hanging out in the smoking room. drinking pink champaigne and eating. we moved all of the furniture aside had a mental dance party. then settled on the floor to watch the princess diaries. we played lots of naughty games, then went off to our rooms to go to sleep for the night because the next day would be no rest for the wicked.

 

 

”girls arent allowed in the stag party”. williams and harry scoffed as michelle pranced through the doors. ”dockers, what are you doing here”. ”i came to witness the magical wedding and to bring you a present”. ”oh dear i shutter to think of what it could be”. ”i think you will laugh and enjoy”. michelle gave him the primly wrapped blue box. ”make sure she stays, but to be used in an emergency”. ”oh dear, what have you done”. dan popped the lid on the box and laughed so hard. a pair of furry pink hand cuffs. ”you shouldnt have”. ”i bloody well should have, its about bloody time too. dont ruin your moment”. ”i wont dockers i promise, have you seen her yet”. ”i am on my way now, but i thought you would like this present so enjoy”. ”i most certainly will”. ”great dan, tomorrow will be the day you will be so happy and ill see that smile on your face again”. ”thank you dockers for comming”. ”dont thank me until after the wedding tomorrow, now get some sleep you will need that energy for the wedding night”.

 

the alarm sounded at 6am, the palace was on high alert. everyone was rushing around making sure the people who were in the wedding knew where they were supposed to be. i was jolted by meghan and kate. both helped me out of bed, into my dressing gown. ”stella is here with the dress and hair and make up is ready for you”. ”oh well let’s get to it i am getting married today”.
meghan, kate, and sophie along with stella, helped me get into my dress. ”oh my gosh i dont believe it”. ”its amazing isnt it”. ”you fit the color with the white so perfectly”. stella and i argued about having my dress be colored. she said the white was traditional. i said i wasnt a virgin and that i needed color. so she and i came to a comprimise. ”what color”. ”eh well i thought red but then i thought”. ”oh bloody hell, pick colors that mean something to you”. ”well how about the colors of fiesta, orange, baby blue, pink”. ”fiesta”. ”its a 2 week long celebration that takes place in april in my home town of san antonio”. ”can you find me some pictures so i can see”. ”yeah sure, what do you think”. ”sam is this the dress you like”. ”yes stella, its beautiful, it feels like its me”. ”alright, if you let me have carte blanche, i will find a way to incorparate these colors into the dress for you”. ”really”. ”i have an idea in my head, it will take several fittings but i think i can do it”.

i wouldnt actually get to see the completed dress until today. ”oh my gosh stella i cant believe it”. ”i told you i would do it for you”. ”oh my gosh, it looks amazing. stella’s comprimse with me, too the plain white dress to a whole other level. around my waist she attached an orange sash. on the hemlind of the dress was hot pink. the sides had a redish tint and the veil had purple lacing along the edges along with the fifty three flowers representing the common wealth, and lastly the light electric blue was around the bust and cleavage area. ”stella”. she stood behind me and said ”its looks so beautiful on you, thank you for allowing me to make it for you”. ”thank you so much”.
”lastly, its time for your tiara and then the veil, the veil went on over the tiara that diana once wore.
sophie took a deep breath taking a photo of me on her phone. ”i am going to send it to benedict”. ”ill bet he looks spiffy in his suit”. ”i havent seen him yet but i am so happy”.

now came the time to get into the car and get to the church at windosor castle. getting into the car with kate, meghan, stella, and sophie i hope i didnt cry to much and that my makeup didnt run.

 

dan and his brothers on the other hand, had already arrived to the church. the press, the camera inside everyone was waiting to see the dress, what kind of dress would it be different from anything we had seen before.
the press was already buzzing over the hot pink suit dan was wearing. they may have mentioned downton abbey and his film work. but mostly everyone waited with bated breath would this be a repeat of the last time.

this time tom hiddleston and his son now a grown boy of about 8, walked together hand in hand through the doors of windsor. everyone wondered if he would interupt again or if he would sit quietly and happily.

first prince charles arrived to the church, followed by sam’s father. then then prince of endinburgh and the queen.
heads of state, the current american president oprah winfrey arrives as a guest. the beckhams, the mccartneys, jennifer saunders, dawn french, tom ellis, meghan openheimer, followed by kate and the children, then meghan and her mother also arrived as guests.

i had a moment to myself, nervous and shaking this was it. there was no going back tomorrow i would officially be a countess or whatever my title would be. there would be a new set of rules and protocol to follow. i wasnt scared of the new rules or anything, i merely was scared of the fact that this was finally real after 8 years of torment and hurt on both of our parts, both of us to afraid to speak up and stand up for what we wanted and believed in.

my brothers and i, arrived to the church. both of them congratulating me and walking beside me. i had been to the abbey since the day my mother died, now i was about to marry the love of my life here. i wasnt nervous in the slightest, in fact i was anticipating watching that slow beautiful walk down the aisle and the moment she and i would be face to face and i can stop grinning like the cheshire cat. i wondered what she was doing right now, i know she is about to get into the car, and be here soon. truth be told i missed her sleeping beside me this whole week. it seemed like since we had announced our engagment and put the wedding together then came back to the u.k she and i had been taken in seperate directions.
while we couldnt see each other both of us did cheat in a way by texting each other constantly through out the day. now this was our day the day we would finally be able to really be together.

 

i lifted the skirt of my dress,careful not to step on it. i took a step up into the maroon rolls royce and sat down. this is it there is no going back no stopping it. ”whatever you do dont cry”. i gave myself a peptalk as stella, and sophie helped me sort out my veil. ”royal wave”. stella gave me a quick tutorial, and i waved to the gathers on the lawns and the path to the abbey.

”the royal wedding continues, samantha cortez has just left windsor castle where we just got a look at the veil”. sitting in the car holding my bouquet i had a flashback to diana’s funeral. i thought how proud would she be for her son in this moment. i thought about my own mom would she be happy would she be here with me right now. i thought of the little girls watching me at home. i thought of our little girls whom i would see in a few short minutes. i thought of saffycakes and how pretty she looked in her little pink dress. i had the flash back to myself as a little girl, so scared and confused with the world around me and how i was always worried at school. i thought of the ritalin pills i used to take. i thought about how cutting and other actions almost made me miss this moment. but mostly i thought of dan, and the time we spent together and how one look over that railing set us on this path, this path we would have never gone down had he not looked down at me that day. i thought of the day we first met in the chilly hours of morning outside kensington palace, when he shook my hand. i thought of all the times i served him how he asked me to cuddle him. i thought of the silent quiet glances in the library, how he used to read excerpts of his favorite books to me. lastly i sigh i want those things to continue with us.
”going to the chappel and were gonna get married”. i sang to myself in my head.
”today is the day we’ll say i do and we’ll never be lonely anymore”. i smiled as the car pulled up to the abbey. stella got out first, then sophie who took my hand, several royal valets i worked with all bowed in front of me, crying ”your highness”. i smirked and took a deep breath. the ne also helped me out of the car. then i stopped and stood still for a minute. flashes of light and the clicks of camera shuttered all around me.
then slowly i walked up the stairs, to the door where my dad was waiting, crying but wearing his best blue guyavera. i took his arm, then paused in the doorway. thats when the wedding march began. the walk to the alter was a solid 150 steps forward. from the door way, the sun and light from the abbey shone on me so brightly i couldnt see dan at the alter.

 

william, harry, and i saw everyone arrive. then the doorway blocked as sam stood beside her father, only i couldnt see her just yet. but already i could feel the tears welling up in my throat. ”she was there, she was comming towards me, i am ready for this. i have dreamed of this moment since 2006 when our friendship began, since 2010 when we took that trip together. i always thought how nicely sam fit next to me. how she seemed to go along so well with everything.

we were walking now down the aisle of the abbey, my vision was clear i saw dan and his brothers they all looked so handsome. i had a few tears already falling down my face. my comfort was seeing that dan too had also been crying.

i am at the alter now, my father took my hand and placed it in dan’s he stopped for a minute and looked at the both of us before giving my hand over to dan then patting the both of us. i smiled through the multicolored veil i switched at the last minute.
dan smiled at me, i could hardly breathe at this point. then he pulled my veil back and broke royal protocol and tradition by looking down at me. ”you look amazing, i love you”. he kissed my forhead and the ceremony began. through out the ceremony, we faced each other, stole glances where we could. we said our vows for better or for worse, then both of us exchanged rings.
then in another breaking of tradition. the archbishop said ”i now pronounce you husband and wife”. now normally you save the kiss for your official presentation on the balcony of buckingham palace. only dan pulled me in very close and kissed me at the alter. i giggled, as the two of us remained close for the walk out, to the carriage.
dan was such a gentlemen helping me into the horse drawn carriage for the procession to the palace. once i was safely inside sitting down, dan pulled the children in with us and had them all sit across from us.
inside the carriage now, all of us. we held hands and leaned back waving, this happened. its real.

 

at buckingham palace our photographer got everyone together for the official photos, before the introduction and kiss on the balcony. we posed with the queen. i might have made small talk, i cant remember much because i was so happy and full of love and energy. that being said i see the pictures now and think wow, i hardly remember it. i remember the ceremony more.
”may i now present, the duke of wessex and the countess of leciester”. we had the kiss on the balcony and waved.
after that twenty minutes it was time to change into my dancing dress and have fun at the reception.

 

”mummy mummy”. saffy came running into the room where i was changing. ”hi princess, are you having fun”. ”am i a real princess now mum”. ”oh yes ma’am the princess saffy, now you also have siblings your sisters and brother”. ”i have a family now”. saffy giggled eating her snack. ”i can eat wedding cake too mummy”. ”a small piece princess, are you ready to go”. ”i am ready mum are you ready to see the prince”. ”i am”. saffy said looking at the band of gold around my finger.

the reception was a different matter, mostly we went over to alot of the people we knew, we mingled we danced, we had fun with everyone. we did the bouquet and garter toss, then decided to finally retire just before midnight, where the palace nannies took the kids off to a different part of the palace. hand in hand we waved to our friends and new family before dan turned to me. ”go back to my room and wait for me there please”. ”ok”.
holding the door opened for me, i left first and took that long walk back to his room.

i tried to be cute, getting into his room. by laying awkwardly across the bed. but i didnt feel cute, so i changed positions. i laid back for a minute but it made my dress cadywampus, then i just sat up at the edge of the bed and put my hands in my lap. i could hear myself breathing now, just as the door opened. ”poppit”. ”i am in the bedroom”. i called out to my husband. he came in and knelt between my legs, reached a hand up to my cheek. ”hello darling, are you alright”. ”i am alright, i cant believe we are married now”. ”yes we are married now, let me see your ring”. dan said messing with my hand and fingers. ”it suits you”. ”this is what we have been waiting for”. ”i am so happy right now darling”. ”where did you go why did you leave me”. ”i ordered the champers for us”. ”oh i see is that the begining of your plan”. ”yes poppit i wanted us to be alone, so that we could have a moment to cuddle and get to be together for the first time”. ”your highness, your making me blush”. ”come here”. i stood up from the bed, dan hugged me tightly before he moved me over to the mirror on the vanity. ”this is us for the rest of our lives”. ”where do you want to start dan”. ”first i want to get you out of that dress, and into something more”. ”you should see what i am wearing underneath”.
”can i unzip you and watch you undress for me”. ”yes please your highness”. i pushed the chair out for him to sit down. reaching to the back of my dress, i pulled the zipper all the way down my back carefully letting the nice dress fall to the floor around me. ”yes that’s it poppit, turn around for me”. ”are you pleased”. ”very my love”. dressed in my very sexy lingerie, i walked over slowly to the chair, i leaned forward for a passionate kiss. thats when dan took my hand, poppit will you cuddle me”. ”yes of course, is that what pleases you”. ”yes i love it when you let me hold you”. ”its going to take sometime to get used too”. ”poppit dont please, its ok cos were married now”. ”thats not what i meant, i meant waking up here and having all of my friends see me in your bed”.
”let them be so jealous because this is so right, now kiss me please”. i leaned forward, pursed my lips. ”we did it popit we are finally married”. ”i know can you believe it sweet face we are finally married”.

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the foundling ch.7 darkness

ch.7
darkness

 

walking into my therapist office together with dan, i must admit made me a little nervous. she had been asking me for a while if i would have a session with him, now that we were trying to work on things between us so that we could have a realtionship and life together, here we sat together.
dan had to fill out paperwork because he wasnt apart of the clinic yet.

i remember when she called us in. ”please the both of you sit down next to each other”. dan held my hand and smiled at me. i smiled back kind of nervous at what this session might do to us and for us.

”i am so happy i finally have the both of you here in my office, would you like some coffee or tea”. ”yes please”. dan shifted letting my hand go, while she poured the tea for us.
she then sat back in her seat and began. ”i am glad we have the both of you here today, it seems you both cant figure out how to be together, yet pine and miss each other terribly when your apart”. ”yes its a work in progress”. ”sam, why dont you face dan, and dan face sam”. we turned so that we could be face to face.
”dan why dont you start by telling samantha how much you have missed her and what her absence from your life has been like”.

”my life has been lacking with out you in it, its cold and empty, dark again a dark i havent felt in a long time. it brought that loneliness i havent felt since the death of my mother. the only way to surpress it for me was with my kids, there wasnt a day i didnt wonder or think how much my life might be better if you were with me”.
”sam why dont you tell dan what your life has been like without him”.

”dark, my head has always been a very dark place to begin with but, its strange because when i was with you or around you, you didnt give me dark thoughts you made me feel good, but apart its so scary like i am here but now here, like i am going through the motions. i cut myself to dull the pain i felt inside that i could never control to begin with”.
dan was idily stroking the scars on my wrist. i pulled up my sleeve. ”oh samantha why would you cut yourself like this how long have you been doing this”. ”longer then before i had met you, my wrists and throat were the means to the end, but i have been a cutter since i was 10, it started with small cuts on my stomach”. i pulled up my shirt, a little to show a few of the scars.
”it continued well its my time at the palace, because i never felt like i fit in and thoughts in my head were always racing. i was already ready for the bag to drop and be disappointed, its a constant in my life being disappointed by friends and family”.
”disappointed how”. ”i was 18 when my mom died, she morbidly obese, she never took care of herself, not in the ways your supposed to. she was agoraphobic and hated leaving the house always afraid of something, that someone was going to get her or me and my brother, she never really worked jut god money from some disability i never saw. i hated her for a while because i blamed her for the situation we were in, i blamed her because she never did anything to make sure we had nice things, we never had a phone it was always disconnected, food was a luxury not nessaceity, her realtionship with my dad was terrible, i didnt understand how they met and fell in love or had me and my brother, i never understood anything. from the time i was ten i was doing things kids never should have to do, it was so hard yet when i was 18 and it was all over, my brother went to live with my dad and then it was just me. i never had freedom before then and when i had it i didnt know what to do with it”.

dan squeezed my hand, ”you think that i dont understand pain and darkness sam but your wrong, i feel it too, i feel it everyday of my life. i felt it when my mother died in paris.
being raised in the palace isnt easy mummy wanted us to see life outside the palace walls and i admit she did teach us so much, but from the day they brought me home i rebeled, against everything. about my royal life and duties, about my fancy schools about being a prince. i rebeled i got suspended from school because i was different, i was adopted there are no conditions for the adopted children of monarchs. i dont want to be king, i never did, i dont want to be the prince or duke, i just want to be me. its why i have chosen to be an actor where i can be whatever i wanted to be, its why i use the name i was born with. i have never tried to find my birth parents, only enough for satisfy my curiosity. but nothing more because i loved my mom.
when she died, me and harry took it the hardest, i broke down, i broke down i cried and cried, granny could rouse me, father couldnt help me, wills couldnt either, he and i could be twins were five months apart in age yet, i was the one who lost so much more. i wanted to die, i wanted to feel the pain instead, i became so unruly that dad had to send me to a boarding school. the hurt me the most he didnt know how to help me. now i am grown. i would never do that to my kids. you asked me how i could have three children and not love their mother. i did love the idea that this was my duty to have children, when i held each of them in my arms i looked into their faces, they were mine. i created them. my first ever blood realatives. they looked like me, they take after me. they are everything i couldnt be”.
”dan i am sorry about the loss of your mother, the world knows she was a good person despite her flaws”. ”its hard for me to talk about that with anyone because i didnt see that, she was our mother, she loved us”. ”i understand that, when i had to speak to the undertaker who handled my mothers creamation i snapped at him for calling her, the corpse and the body. ”she was a person damnit, her name was josephine she lived, she gave birth to us. i couldnt have my nervous breakdown then because i had to be strong for my brother and work, so i think when i had my nervous breakdown that also was apart of it”.
i wiped the tears in my eyes, while dan took me up in his arms and hugged me tightly. my therapist had also been crying i knew she felt that pain.
”i dont want you to cut yourself anymore sam, i want you to be able to talk to me”. ”ok but your highness, you have to be more apt to listen to me”.
”i do listen please dont be so formal with me, i am just dan”.
”sam why do you call him your highness”. ”habbit i guess, used to being a server and giving into everyone else”.

we left that session with a better understanding of each other. ”where would you like to go”. ”i dont know, where ever is fine”. ”we can go to the cinema or”. ”no i am really tired would you mind if we called it a day, saffy will be home soon and i want to catch a nap before she gets home”. ”ok sure, would it be alright if i text you through out the day”. ”sure dan, ill see you later”. he hugged me tightly, i have to learn to get used to be hugged and kissed i never really liked it from anyone.

 

i laid in bed, in my jammies, dan text me. ”i really think we had a good session, i for one now know how to approach our realtions from now on”. ”me too, do you think maybe one day you can teach me the art of cuddles”. ”i would love to sam”. ”ok going to nap now, ill text when i wake up. ”ok , i am going have a workout and ill wait for your text”. i put my phone down next to me and fell aslee until the timer that said saffy is home woke me. i went to the front door, after getting dressed to meet her at the bus stop.
”mummy look i painted you a picture, what did you do”. ”well i went to work and then i had lunch with a friend and then went to see another friend, you what did you learn in school”. ”i learned about the queens coronation and the order of succession do you think the prince will ever be king”. ”i dont know but did you know that when the queen dies, the palace will go on lockdown and the code will be ”london bridge has fallen down”.
”do you think charles will release the dragons”. ”maybe never know about these things, the dragon has the special job of lighting the fireworks on christmas and guy fawkes day”. ”i knew it”. saffy said climbing on the bar stool and sitting down. i made her a pb and jelly sandwhich for a snack while i got dinner ready.
my phone was on the counter, in between making dinner and listening to saffy play tea party with melody her american girl, i text dan. ”how was your workout”. ”hello darling, grueling i hate working out”. ”i had a thought do you still eat biscuits and ice cream in bed still”. ”i cant now, i cant have the things i used to love, what about you how are you”. ”i am great the princess is home and nap was so good, i was kind of warn out from the dr. today”.
”yeah me too, it made me work out harder, hey if i may ask how is your shoulder”. ”doing well the stitches come out next week dan”. ”what it be to formal to ask if i cna go with you”. ”id like the company, sure you can come. what about you work wise, what are you working on”. ”i am in between dinner with my babies and trying to write an article for the junket”. ”oh i have seen that site, i like it alot”. ”i created it with ben and a few others”. ”its very informative, what will the article be about”. ”how social media has changed the way we are”. ”oh well i am not giving u my facebook or instagram”. ”i wouldnt ask you too”. ”alright well ill be right back i am making dinner and trying to enjoy the princess”. ”alright me too, talk to me before bed tonight”. ”sure thing”.

after bath, bedtime and a story. i laid in the nursery fully dressed in my jammies, just before i sent sam a text message i got a notification on my phone. she posted a new picture. in the picture, she was laying in the hospital. ”#throwback thursday, once upon a time darkness over took me and i made a choice, i know you might not understand why i would post these pictures, but i confess i am a cutter, its something i still struggle with. my way of copping with pain. it hasent been an easy battle, but it does happen. this was the worst of it when i was ready to die. i slit my wrists and throat and bled out for over and hour before i was found, i was taken for a 72 hours physc hold, the hardest 72 hours of my life, because once you are there their treatment is far worse then i can even tell, but i am happy to say that now i hardly have time to thing about doing it, to want to do it because i am trying to channel my pain, anger and frustration into other things, like music, my work, and my child. my point is i know it feels like its an easy way out, but its not, soon ill make a video on youtube and ill take about it in depth, dont ever let the darkness win…..” my heart sometimes cant bare the realness.
i text sam, ”are you alright”. ”yeah i am just laying in bed watching a movie and having a snack why”. ”i just saw your picture of the gram, do you want to talk about it”. ”ok”. ”whats wrong are you ok”. ”yes just today got me thinking alot about why people do the things they do, and how our actions cause a ripple effect, how i cant feel love yet, when it does find me i reject it or i approach it from the wrong way, can i tell you a secret”. ”yes please”.
”ok this is something that no one knows not even my therapist because i am so ashamed of it”. ”its ok tell me please sam”.

”when i was 18, after my mom died, i moved into an apartment a really ghetto apartment complex, and i made friends with these 2 black women, maureen and jamie were there names. i was so green and naieve i had no idea what they were up too. i was having my bipolar episodes and thought i could trust them. there used to be this website i frequented looking for company because its what i thought i wanted, and one day they came over and got on the site with me. talking to guys and men and showed me how to use one of those call lines where you record a message and say what you want and are looking for mostly for hook ups and booty calls, they showed me how to do it for money. they pimped me out and i let them. i only wanted to do it for a while til i got a job but the money was so easy and good i made a lot, and when i got hired at the hotel i missed that money and wished i hadent stopped. when i found out what they did, i cut them off i didnt want to see them. i was so ashamed of myself to be used in that way that i went so totally nuts and burned my arm badly, its the scar on my arm i said was from something else but thats where its actually from”.
”oh sam, my heart i am so sorry. but all that aside your ok right”. ”yes i am fine, i got tested a few months ago for my insurance, i am lucky because they both got hiv from using dirty needles, i never took drugs in fact i despize them”. ”thank god i am glad your ok, i was worried about you when i left today”. ”you dont have to be worried about me dan i am alright, i am with saffy and i love my job”. ”i know but i was worried about the cutting thing and then the picture you just posted, do you still cut”. ”i wont lie i havent done it in the last 2 months, the last time i did it was on my legs and its almost completely heeled”. ”why sam, what triggered you”. ”i dont really know anymore loneliness, boredum perhaps, i dint know. i jyst know that everyday is a struggle”,
”sam i want to see you, i wish i could hold you right now. to tell you its going to be alright”. ”i know i thought we agreed we would work on our realtionship and communication before we did all of that”. ”yes and we are, but i still want to see you, would it be alright is i came over in the morning”. ”yes please”. ”ok ill come after i take the kids to school, ill show you how to cuddle”. ”that will be great”.

i woke up at 6 to get saffy breakfast, and ready for school. i did her hair, and got her dressed he looked so cute. i walked her to the bus stop, i waved to her and then she was gone. 8 hours i needed to pass the time to work, to find something else to do with my life.
i wasnt comfortable sitting on the couch for and hour. i crossed my short legs in front of me a few times. i smoked a cigarette. i text ben, who wanted to see me and saffy for dinner. then the doorbell rang. ”its open”. i said as dan opened the door. ”hi sam”. ”hi dan”. he came to me instantly. kneeling between my legs, he reached up and hugged me tightly. ”are you alright”. ”yes i am alright, i was waiting for you”. ”i wondered if i should have come last night to hold you”. ”you know i dont like being touched, its going to be hard at first”. ”i know, but its like that night when you and i were together, you told me you were cold do you remember that”. ”i was so cold, shivering i couldnt get warm, you held me so close, i could feel your heart beating”. ”i worried i might loose you that night, i kept shaking you every few minutes to make sure you could wake up”. ”thanks for the shake”. ”come on”. ”where are we going”. ”cuddle”. ”what”. ”i am going to teach you how to cuddle”. ”ok”. dan took off his heavy jacket, his scarf and then his sweater. ”lay down”. ”yes, i can lay down”. dan pulled back the blankets, while i took off my wedges. ”get in”. i laid back i wasnt sure where to move. next he got in next to me. ”get in closer to me”. dan said pulling me into his embrace. ”this is how you cuddle, you just give in and let me hold you tightly like this, were safe here, your in your bedroom in your apartment. its just you and me and nothing bad will happen to us here”. i took a deep ragged breath from that cigarette. ”its just you and i, would you like me to rub your back”. i closed my eyes and said ”yes that would be great”. to do this i had to move in even closer. ”just let everything go, close your eyes”.
i felt so good, i fell asleep i think dan did too. when i woke up i was peaceful. i wasnt tired or angry, or frustrated. dan was awake facing me. ”how did you sleep”. ”good i feel so refreshed”. ”thats good, thats how you cuddle, thats how its supposed to feel”.
”i am so relaxed right now, dan what time is it”. ”half passed 2”. ”shit, saffy will be home in a few minutes”. ”oh ok do you want me to go”. ”yes, no, yes”. i said as dan held me once again. ”they will have to see us together at some point”. ”yes baby steps please my heart is so full dont ruin it”. ”ok, ill text you when i get home”. ”bye”. i said getting up to comb my hair and make sure i looked ok.

 

dan and i made a date to drive in the country just a little time together after a fairly busy week, for the both of us. me with working overtime on the oceans 8 release, the release of a wrinkle in time dvd, and dan doing something in america for the television show legion. we found time on saturday after noon while our kids were busy having sleeping over and doing other things. the 2 of us stole a few hours together driving.
”i missed you when i was gone”. ”i missed you too, but i got a lot of work done and did an interview with oprah in my office you would be proud of me i spoke clearly and articulately”. ”thats great, i had fun with james cordon, and i got my hair trimmed too”. ”i saw that too, you shaved off your stuble, just when i was getting used to seeing you like that”.
”i am sorry love i”. ”dont be sorry i like it either way, and i must say this denim looks great on you”. ”i am glad you like it, you always look so amazing, and you have your hair back, thats how i like it out of your face”.
”dan, while you were gone i had a relapse”. i said bursting it out. ”huh”. ”i cut myself again, i was cold and shaking, i cried myself to sleep”. he took a deep breath, and pulled the car over. ”where”. ”on my legs”. ”sam i told you to call me”. ”i know but i couldnt, my crippling fear of the telephone and the blood”. ”let me see it”. i turned my whole body towards the window, and lifted the leg on my leggin. ”sam, i am so disappointed we have to work on you talking and opening up to me”. ”i hate it, its so ugly but i just couldnt stop”.
”i want you to talk to me when you feel like this, i want you to know that i am here for you no matter where in the world i am”. ”i know its so hard i cant get the words out all the way and when i do i feel like i am never understood”. dan restarted the car and we kept on driving.

our little escape was so nice. but i didnt let him kiss me, i wouldnt let him kiss me just yet, i wanted those moment to be special and between the 2 of us.

dan came with me to the clinic, i was getting the stitches and staples out on my shoulder. dan sat beside me holding my hand tightly. the procedure didnt take very long and i was out of the clinic within the hour.

dan took me back home, we sat together on the couch, our feet on the ottomen, both of us holding hands and messing with the sleeves on my shirt. ”will you let me kiss you now please, i need to”. i turned my face to let him finally kiss me. he put a hand on my cheek and was ever so careful with me.
then like a kid i said something i have never said before ”will you teach me how to please you”. ”yes of course, but i want to wait until after we are married for sex i feel like the 2 of us need to find common ground, but will you tell me how the thing with ben and sophie began. ”yes”.

 

”ben, i have the script ready for a wrinkle in time where are you in casting” ”its comming along, let me see the finished script”. ”sure”. i walked over to ben’s desk, i stood next to where he sat down. i put the script next to him, along with the locations of shooting and a full schedule of what had already been picked. ”what are you staring at ben come on look”. ”i am starring at you sam, you look very pretty today”. i giggle like a school girl because benedict compliments me everyday. ”you say that to me all the time”. ”but today you look especially beautiful the way the sun hits your face, it really makes your eyes pop”. ”you ben are cheeky and randy, go home and fuck your wife, speaking of which how did that thing you both were trying working out”. ben crossed his legs and pushed his chair out. ”it didnt work out quite as well we had hoped because the girl in question was just interested in me not the both of us but”.
”i told you didnt i say, you had to be more careful about that i know how you and sophie like to try new things sexually but, some random girl you thought was cute wasnt going to work, what was going through your head”.
”let’s not talk about that let’s talk about you sam, did ellis go back to america”. ”yes he went to l.a cos of lucifer the show got picked up and its just as well, he was a whole lot of trouble”. ”really its not to late to call the duke”. i giggled and snorted and said ”and what do i say”. ”sorry i made a mistake lets get together”. ”i am teasing you sam, i am just playing”. ”it wasnt very funny benedict”. ”anyways, i was thinking if maybe you’d like to have dinner and quiet time with me and sof tonight”. ”yes i would love that”. ”great”. ben said as i went back to my desk and sat down.
i had been working on adapting a children’s book into a film.

 

i wore my favorite outfit, a nice pair of jeans and a blouse for dinner. saffy wore a cute disney tea collection dress from target, when we arrived for dinner.

”this wine is brilliant, what year is this”. ”2012”. sophie said pouring me another glass, i was tipsey now sitting on the couch. the kids were asleep and now it was adult time. ”i told you this wine is the smoothest i have ever tasted”. sophie said giggling as ben came back into the room, smoking a cigarette. ”some music to set the mood”. he said putting on some nice jazz music on his phone. ”remember that night at the palace i served through phantom of the opera”. ”that was the night when the count spilled the wine down your white shirt”. ”it looked like i was bleeding out, and worse i couldnt change til after the event and everyone saw me, i was so embarassed”.
even in my drunken state i have to admit the ptsd, kicked in too. the sounds on the gun shots is something you never forget.
”sam are you alright”. ”yes cheers sophie here is to being such great friends to me”. i say clinging my glass with her. but then she turned and started kissing benedict, i watched intrigued a little but when i started to feel a little like the third wheel i was going to move. ”no stay”. ben say pulling me in closer.

 

”thats what happened”. ”ptsd, you didnt tell me about that”. ”yeah i still freak out when i hear fireworks, running through the rain that night with the gun wasnt as easy as it seemed”.

”i know, it wasnt easy for me either. i am glad we made it out though”. ”yes me too,hey this whole darkness and anxiety is making me sad, i dont like being sad what do you want to do today”. ”the ferris wheel in piccadilly circus”. ”ok let’s go”.
i think we spent most of the after noon there. ”i have only ever been here once”. i said sitting next to dan on the ferris wheel.

”i really want you to meet my kids”. ”me too, i want you to meet saffy”. ”i met saffy at the palace, she is so sweet”. ”well arent you clever, how do you want to plan it”. ”i am going back to new york with the babies soon and i would like you and saffy to come, i thought you can come and stay in the house with us and see how things go”. ”you mean live together”. ”yes thats what i mean”. ”wow, thats a big step, but yeah we have to learn to be together”. ”i say yes”.

it was sort of hard, getting everything from the film company together to work from home in new york. i even left with the plan to possibly open and office there and in l.a.

”are you sure about this sam”. ben asked as i packed my clothes and saffy’s. ”i wont know if i dont try”. ”i am going to miss you like crazy”. ”i never thought id be back in america, and now iam about to go back”. ”yes brace yourself”. ”i know here we go”.

 

 

 

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the foundling ch.6 Susie’s story

ch. 6
susie’s tale

 

the cracks in the mirror i supposed have always been there. i think i knew it on the day we were married, the day we were nearly interupted by hiddleston. the girls shun me, kate, and meghan hardly speak to me unless its in front of the camera or a royal function. benedict and sophie dont like me and only speak to dan and see him when i am not home. i suppose thats my fault for being such a bitch, for comming on so strong.
yet here i sit 8 years later in 2018, we have three wonderful children and to be honest i dont really even know how. he and i no longer share a bedroom. i kicked him out for being clingy and childish, always perfering cuddles then sex. the times we did have sex its was usually very quick and not very passionate, like it was his duty to father children. he’s great with our children i know he adores them, he adores and perfers their company to mine.
i inclined myself to continue this way, this was the way it happens once we are married, he takes a mistress and spends his time away from me only in this case, he chooses the children plays with them, reads to them, cuddles them, then we have dinner and retire to our seperate rooms. i dont know what he does in his room, i know he spends alot of time on the computer or browsing his phone. i suggested he get a hooker or someone to take care of his needs but his words to me were cold ”no, i dont want whores, i want you to take care of me. you made it very clear you dont like kisses and cuddles”.
i am not stupid, i do know that on occasion he has been with a few scullery maids from the palace but nothing long lasting. being in the public eye as a royal and the wife of an actor in america isnt easy. from meeting heads of state and having to ”appear”. together as a united front i could see that dan was only going through the motions, he was there but not present.

i know now, the cracks in the mirror have made it shatter worse. today i needed to get the credit card for netflix. it wasnt on there and i had to update it. dan leaves his wallet on the dresser in his room. i went up and got it, brought it down to the kitchen. i opened it and paused for a moment, i saw the pictures of our kids, so lovely all look like him. but instead of a picture of the 2 of us together, i was shocked to find a photo of samantha cortez, dressed in her black and whites, taken at the palace. the words on the back in dan’s hand read.
”sam, a few hours before the trooping of the colour, buckingham palace 2010”. i put my hand over my mouth and face. it was the hard and bitter truth that he never loved me, that i made a mistake when we got married, that this whole thing was a sham that should have never happened.
”shit what will i do, i dont know much. i dont really have a lot of skills. i dont have the heart to take the children away, or to say much of anything. only being stunned because i think i have always known that he really loved her more then he loved me.
i put the picture back, paid for netflix and then put the wallet back. i knew that we were over for a while, we had been over long before it had even begun.
today he is on set, filming his television show legion i knew he would be home soon. he gets off at 3 right in time to pick up the children from school.
i went upstairs to my bedroom, i packed my suitcases, and sat down for a moment to think if i should wait for him or just leave. i lit a cigarette and waited until i heard the kids come in and dan chattering with our oldest daughter willow. and our son eden, he also picked up the baby aubrey from day care. i waited for a moment, before i grabbed my bags and walked to the front door. ”mom, where are you going are we going to disneyland”. my daughter asked excitedly. ”no sweetie we are not going to disneyland. ”i am going on a trip alone”. ”alone you mean with out us”. ”yes honey, dont worry ill be back listen why dont you take your brother and sister outside i want to talk to your father”.

dan put down his bottle of water, he didnt look at me the way i wanted him to look at me. ”i think we both know this whole marriage was for convience, a way for you to run away from something you left in the uk”. ”what are you talking about susie i am trying, i’ve been trying to get close to you but you just dont”. ”i am just not her, and i know that i am me, i thought in time you would forget her, get over her, being here in america would dull the pain, but i know its made it worse hasent”.
he didnt answer me so i continued. ”yesterday i went to your room, i need your bank card for netflix, i saw the picture dan. i am not in any of them”. ”that is my wallet have some respect for my things susie” ”i do, i didnt think it would matter but the truth is it does”. ”alright susie you win, i still love her, i love her so much and not a day goes by that i dont look around here and wonder and think what could have been”.
”i think we should divorce, ill give up my title i wont attend royal functions, ill have the children with me for 6 months til the summer and you can take them until christmas”.

 

i left the house that day, i called a lawyer who handled the american things, but caught a plane back to the uk to meet with the palace and their lawers and finally the queen. i had hoped she would protest, try to save me, try to talk to her grandson except she did the oppesite and signed off on the divorce and settlement.

 

Samantha
2018

 

 

i never fussed over not being a duchess, to be honest after everything i didnt really give a proper resignation to the palace or the queen. instead i returned from paris and spent sometime with ben and sophie in the lovely country house. accepting the job with the production company, presented a new set of challenges and i am happy to say i faced them head on. like getting to make an all female version of oceans 11 that would be out that summer with sandra bullock.
patrick melrose, ben’s project did well with its showings in america as did the avengers and dr. strange projects we produced for a wider scope. yet as far as being female driven. i got my wish to put together a female version the blues brothers starring rebel wilson and anna kendrick. for british audiences a female led cast in ophelia that shakespeare play.

i wasnt lonely at all because i took the time to fall in love, but not in that sort of way. on a trip to africa with ben to scout locations for mowgli a film we also produced. we got to meet children in this little tiny villiage orphanage, there i fell in love with the sweetest chubby little baby girl i had ever met. she came to live with me in africa during our time and before i left i adopted her and now she and i have all kind of adventures in london. like brunch at harrods or a mosey down bond street to look at shop windows.
she goes to school, i pick her up at 3 and we do homework together, she tells me about her classes and now my life revolves around her, and work. they both keep me busy and benedict and sophie visit me often.
during a film premiere i didnt attend because it was a royal function and i new dan would be their with his wife and their children. i saw pictures in a magazine. i wont say it doesnt hurt, it does sting alot, and so does my shoulder for that matter.

on todays agenda, a meeting with rebel wilson, followed by brunch with her, me, jennifer saunders and miranda heart. i just cast rebel and anne hathaway in a film called the hustle about female con artists. the script was so good and read like a book.

”good morning ms. cortez”. ”good morning emma, hows everything”. i say as she hands me my messages and other things that have just arrived for the day. i am dressed in nice dress, my hair is hanging down on either side of my shoulders. ben is already in the office, the t.v is so loud when i walk in holding my coffee. ”did you see the news this morning its bloody everywhere”. ”i cant watch the news ben, its so depressing, why whats going on”. ”the duke and duchess of wessex are getting a divorce”. i put my coffee down, and my coat, and coffee. ”oh”. ”how do we feel about said news”. ”its gonna be like diana all over again, no matter who takes her place she will never have love and respect and so on”. ”i dont know about that, anything can happen”. ”oh yeah when was the last time you spoke to him”. i asked standing next to ben’s desk. ”thursday, he told me about something in los angeless that i should come up and see him, i asked if she would be there and when he said yes i said i wont be attending”. ”well there you go, it looks like hes going to have a lot of free time on his hands now and she wont be around so i say book a trip you and sophie have a great time, ill take the boys i love my nephews”.
”i love my saffy where is she this morning”. ‘school learning about british history she has a test today”.
”i do so want to take saffy to america with me this next trip”. ”oh where”. ”the american girl store, you where they make those dolls from the books”. ”she would like that we can plan it for later on but i have brunch with rebel now so i am going to go”.
”what shall i tell dan this time if he asks about you”. ”whatever you want ben, ill see you later”. ”alright girl, becareful its cold”. ”bye”. i said hurrying out of the office.

at brunch it was all anyone could talk about. ”well he should have said no when hiddles interupted i mean, the whole thing was a travesty from the get go and that god awfal, awfal dress not to mention the way she treats people she wont be missed”. ”can we please stop talking about the duchess, i thought we were supposed to be talking about our film”. ”oh really sam, there isnt just a tiny part of you that is rooting for dan, after all that happened between the 2 of u and your closeness”. ”rebel i havent seen him in 8 years, i have child now, i can go all over the world with a child and beside no i dont. i have other things to do in life then to chase a man”.

 

 

H.R.H
Dan stevens

 

i wasnt shocked by the divorce, i thought it would have come sooner. susie and i were so wrong for each other. where i craved kisses and cuddles and to be in the moment and bask in love she wanted money and fame, and rough sex.
i wasnt into the rough sex part, it felt cold and loveless to me. when we shared a bed, i tried to be intimiate i let her take the lead. some how i got the erection to perform but it was never long because i never actually felt the love i craved. the love i got from our children. i never met a blood realitive before, my kids were born. they all look like me and act like me and i love them so much. a deep profound love they say comes when you have children. yet the love for their mother never came, i thought it would after she had the children, but nothing close to it.
we fought and argued all the time and i suppose its my fault. i still think about that day, when tom said his piece, his words to me. ”you will never be happy as long as samanta cortez walks this earth”. they cut me then and cut me now, i am not happy, i miss her so much. i miss her face and hair and her voice. i miss seeing her when i go home to the palace for royal functions and she isnt there. i miss her at film premieres when i think of what she would have to say about my movies and what i had been up too.
i thought just knowing what she was doing would have been enough for me, but stalking her instagram and face book and twitter doesnt really give you a glimpse into the soul. i know she has a little girl called saffy, i have seen her pictures on instagram, saffy is so adorable, and motherhood suits sam. i have seen her pictures from various locations around the world, even from disneyland where she is smiling and happy.
on youtube i watch her channel under a fake account, i watch all of these pages under a fake account because i am scared if she saw me like a photo she would block me. she has done a good job so far of making sure she never sees me again. yet everywhere i look i see her face, i hear her voice.
i cant let go, i cant let her go, and yes during the sex i do see her, but only for a few moments because when i want to scream her name, but then i realize she’s not underneath me, shes not near me. i wont look up from the library and she will be there.
i have a very heard time at buckingham palace, because samantha is so loved and engrained and missed by all there. shes still in the gift shop, he organization skills and methods are still used to train new cashiers. the servers and waitstaff, also miss her too. she used to be a big part of our lives and now the void she left behind her haunts us all.

i hoped she would attend royal events, we sent her inviation via ben. but never, ever has she ever come. i am begining to think she doesnt feel anything for me the way i feel for her. i guess i am going to have to learn how to deal with this is some way because the thought of it hurts me to much to bare. yet i get to be with my children and alone for a while. i am ok with it because i am filming and the kids make me happy.

i’ve started seeing a therapist, we talk about my mother, we talk about sam, we talk about susie and my kids. but when she asked me point blank ”dan if you had just one chance, to see sam again to be a presence in her life what would you say to her, knowing that she doesnt riciprocate your love”. i took a deep breath and swallowed. ”i would ask her how she has been getting along, i would ask about her daughter. i would say how much i have missed her company”.
i brushed a tear from my face as the therapist said ”dan i know you miss her alot and you love her so much, heres what i want you to do, i want you to go back to the palace, spend a few days there. i want you to write all your thoughts and feelings down like in a letter, when your finished i want you to hide it away somewhere in the palace, somewhere no one will find it. once its done i want you to let it go away with that letter, to try and never have another thought of her again”.

i went back home and wrote the letter, but it didnt work because instead it made me crazy horny and aroused.

Dear Samantha.

Its me Dan, i miss you like crazy. i miss the sound of your voice, the smile of you face, the way your hair is always messy. i miss the way you awkwardly stumble around the castle and the way you would say my name the times you did say it. but mostly i miss being able to look over and see you, to know you were in the same room with me.
i miss the intimacy we shared. the other day i thought of our time in the cabin, where we put on the facade we were a young married couple. where we kissed and i didnt have to ask you to cuddle me.
yes i was married, i have three children 2 girls and a boy, they all look like me. i adore them sometimes i look at their faces and i feel so loved, they love me they need me, they dont want to be away from me.
even when i am with them i think of you, i dont know why you have ghosted yourself from me. or why didnt give me a chance to prove myself to you. pomp and circumstance aside.
when i am alone in my room at night, alone because we no longer shared a bedroom after susie called me childish for wanting cuddles and to be fairly normal. all i do is look at your pictures on instagram, i cant breath when i see you smiling and happy.
still not a day goes by that i dont wonder what we could have beem like.

 

 

my therapist always asks me how i am doing, if i am moving around, keeping myself in the moment and actually finish things i start. ”samantha i really think you should keep a journal”. ”i have one”. ”i want you to start a new journal, i want you to write down your thoughts and dreams and everyday i want you to write and when you come and see me i want to read them and talk about them.

now i write almost everyday, when i take it into my therapist and she reads each page she says ”i see you and saffy had an exciting week but tell me about the run in with someone who worked at the palace.

”oh i was on the underground, i saw mrs banyon my boss from the palace she embraced me and hugged me tight, she told me she liked my dress and how good i looked so grown up. i showed her pictures of me and my daughter. ”dan is back home in the palace with his babies, you would love them they all look just like him. look”. she showed me some pictures she had taken of them. i was a little shocked to see they all looked like him. ”have you seen him recently”. ”no i cant say i have the company and benedict keeps me busy, mrs banyon as does my daughter, tomorrow i have to bake 300 cupcakes for her school”. ”thats lovely perhaps i could assist”. ”oh no thank you, i can manage. sophie will help me, saffy too she likes to come into the kitchen and help me cook. she always asks me to make her real mexican food”. ”oh how sweet its great your teaching your daughter how to cook, girls now a days are so wrapped up in phones and the internet”. ”yes i know”.

”how did this run in effect you”. ”it kinda made me feel sad, that feeling of melaise and dizzyness. but then i wonder if i had chosen this plan would i have made it or would crippling panic attacks prevented me from going forward”. ”panic attacks”. ”yes and anxiety like everything is going wrong, when iam fine and my feet are firmly planted, i know being in the spotlight like that isnt easy, it wasnt easy for me when i was there, because even though i was going through it. i felt like i was on the outside looking in”.
”do you think its from the ptsd from the shooting and your breakdown”. ”perhaps, but i was melaised before that too, perhaps from the effects of my own life and not having any family with me and the family i did have driving me crazy”. ”what family”. ”my dads side of the family, his nieces and nephews”. ”its funny before i came to the u.k when my mom died and i had to rely on the city of san antonio to help me creamate her, i remember a discussion with my cousin lilian begging me to come to chicago. ”we love you and your brother here, you know we would take care of you if you came this way”.
”samantha why is it that you are distant from them”. ”because its all bullshit, every single word, in the time before that no one ever called us, called to talk to me or my brother, sent me a card for my birthday or gave a damn about us, so i saw this gesture as being fake and besides my cousin lilian is untrustworthy. she would sell you donw the rivers for crack money and i am just not down with that life, i have always wanted to be better then them”.
”i understand but now you have a child, how is your realtionship with your dad”. ”its ok, we hardly speak, i talk to my brother though. he misses me, and i miss him too, but hes with my father and i would just rather not deal with the whole situation for my sanity”. ”samantha, would you ever consider going there for a visit, to let your daughter meet your father and family”. ”i do go there every now and then and my dad is so sweet to saffy, but our relationship is strained due to my mothers influence”.
”tell me how”. ”my mom used to say they practiced voodoo or santaria and would put the bad luck on us, she never allowed me to send pictures to my dad and i dont think its true but its hard to shake i wont send any pictures to my dad of saffy.
she took a deep breath and said ”tell me about your mother”. ”whats their to say about my mother, i miss her sometimes but you thinked i am fucked up now if she were alive i would be so much worse. the best thing she ever did was die”. ”what was your childhood like”. ”i didnt have a normal childhood, i didnt have many friends, i was a fat kid then too. kids at schooled teased me, but when i was 10 i did find solace with a girl in my class we both loved hanson, oh my god i still love hanson remember them they sang mmm bop”. ”i do they were really popular then”. ”we were dirt poor, my mom was disabled and couldnt work, she got a check from social security about 500 dollars, with that she had to pay the mortgage on the house and bills, buy food, see with her it wasnt like now, where if food runs out or you need milk or bread you just go get it, no if it was out that was it there was no more until the first of the month and to a kid on the 7th of the month by the 12 when it was all gone that was it you ate at school and then no more”.
i stopped talking i was crying hard now, my throat was starting to hurt because i had been crying. ”my mom wasnt like me, i am driven, if this were me i would do anything and everything to make money to feed my kids. its why for such a long time even in the palace i didnt have things of my own because i felt guilty spending money on things i thought were frivolous, like clothes, shoes, i felt like those things were not important, like the things i needed were personal idems like girly things you know”. ”why would clothing not be important you need to dress and get out”. ”i always felt like i wasnt going anywhere special enough to need nice clothes, in the palace i only had a long maxi dress, a pair of jeans, a few t shirts a sweater and leggins”.
i think i may have struck a chord with her because she brushed away a tear and came over and hugged me tightly, she didnt say anything but i think she finally really understood me. after the hug, she clasped my hand in hers for a moment. i stayed staring at her for a moment.
”next week when you come in i want you to write about this week, i want you to go out with your daughter and i want you to buy yourselves something nice and something you have always wanted and tell me about it”.

when i got home that night, saffy and i were in the kitchen, knee deep in cupcakes. ”come on baby time for a selfie”. i say holding my phone, we both put a little flour on our noses to make it look like we were working hard when we were just using a mixer and betty crocker.
”mommy there almost done”. ”i know dont touch the oven its hot, pooks, use the oven mits”. i said as she helped me take the cupcakes out of the oven. the ones we had already pulled out, i grabbed to the assembly area.
”did you ever bake cookies with grandma, mommy tell me about my grandma”. ”she was a nice lady and no i never did, she was agoraphobic”. ”agoriphobic mommy what does that mean”. ”she was really melancholy, she mostly stayed inside and watched t.v she was kinda sad saffy”. ”mommy when i get sad, i have a tea party with the mad hatter”. ”me too, i like tea parties”. ”i know you used to have tea parties in the palace, mommy whats the queen like”. saffy made me smile. ”very nice, very funny to you would be surprised, the queen drives around on the palace grounds, she can shoot a gun and kill anyone and not have to go to jail shes a badass”. ”i know mommy, is it true the queen doesnt need a license”. ”that is true, because drivers license are issued in her name, and she doesnt need one, but the princess and princes do”. ”mommy did you know princess diana”. ”no pooks, diana was before my day, she died before i went to the palace. but i know the palace library has her portrait, she was a very nice lady. she had compassion and kindess for everyone no matter who you were”. ”we were learning about her in class mommy”. ”oh i see maybe one day we can drive up to all thorpe and you can put flowers on her grave”. ”really mommy”. ”sure can”. ”that would be cool, then can we go to the palace”.
”no sweetie you have to be invited, or live and work at the palace you cant just drive up and pop in for tea”. ”how do i get invited to the palace”.
”you have to do something really special to get invited to the palace”.
”what about the princes, are they really handsome in person”. saffy made a swooning motion, shes like me we were a little boy crazy”. ”yes all of them so handsome you can hardly stand it, you giggle alot and act kinda daft, but they are so nice, and so down to earth. you can talk to them about anything, they learned how to cook and clean from their mother, who taught them about the real world”.
”mommy will you play me candle in the wind, the song for diana”. ”sure saffy”. i put it on my iphone. saffy blinked listening to each word carefully.
then she said something the really surprised me. ”mommy did you know princess willow just enrolled in my school, i got to see her at recess”. ”oh really did you go over and say hello”. ”no shes head girl and in a different class shes 8”. ”well remember to be very nice and say hello”. ”mommy i am kinda of scared too, shes so different then me, your different then me too”. she said holding her arm up to mine. ”how do you mean saffy”. ”some girls in my class called me an oreo”. ”what, how do you mean”. ”its cos they said you have white skin and my skin is dark”.
i could see this made her feel kind of badly. i stopped what i was doing, and sat her down on my knee. ”saffy at the end of the day the colour of our skin makes no difference. were both girls, i am your mom and yes you were adopted when you were a baby by me, i may not have carried you in my tummy, but i carried you in my heart, you were going to be my saffy and i was going to be your mommy, you tell those kids that love is love no matter what colour it maybe, do you understand me pooky”. ”yes mommy, i do”. ”ok come on then pooks we have to finish these cupcakes and then all thorp and maybe a movie”. ”can we watch beauty and the beast mommy so i can wear my princess dress”. ”of course”.
i made a call before we left for all thorpe, the earl owed me a huge favor, and left the gate open.

 

”do you have your flowers”. i said to my daughter as i pulled the car up onto a clearing near dianas burial place. ”i have the flowers and the picture i drew”. ”ok great come on”. i said taking her little hand, saffy skipped excitedly next to me. holding her forget me nots and the picture she drew.
”see mummy this is me in my princess dress and crown, this is you right here, and this is diana i am giving her flowers”. she said showing me her picture as she laid it nicely on the grave marker. i snapped a picture of my whimiscally wonderful baby. who surprises me everday.

the next day, i popped in to her school. to speak to her teacher about what saffy had told me.

”ms. cortez, i understand your trepidation but..”. i folded my arms. ”however the stark differences between you and your daughter, as well as the other children from this school is vastly different, while the other children are mostly white she is the only black girl here, to be honest if it were for you she wouldnt be here”. ”ms. jones, how dare you, how dare you say to me the difference between me and my daughter, shes a little girl my little girl and just so you know, this skin maybe white but on the inside is brown, i was born to mexican parents in america and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, myself, the cumberbatches, and the duke surely would be so dissapointed in you and this school for allowing hatered and rascism of this caliber”.
she turned on me and said ”with all due respect to you ms, cortez, saffy is a great girl however i believe she would be more suited for a school with children like her”. ”you know your absolutely right”. i turned on my heel walked to the administration office, i must have interupted something because i saw some palace officials i recognized. ”samantha cortez”. ”hello arthur, excuse me for a moment, i am about to have a come to jesus moment”. he made a motion for me to come forward.
”mrs, o’keefe i need to speak to the headmaster now”. ”he’s in a meeting right now miss cortez”. ”is the duke in there”. ”no ms, cortez another parent”. ”are they important, is the meeting important”. ”well yes of vital urgency”. ”well so am i, call him out here now”. ”i am afraid he wont be disturbed”. ”very well, arthur advert your eyes i am about to go off”. ”madame”. he said stepping aside as i opened the door to the headmasters office.
”ms. cortez”. he said seeing me, his face was stunned. ”headmaster, how dare you, you call youself a christian, you put on ayres i thought this school was so much better then this”. ”i am afraid i dont understand you”. ”the hell you dont, i just talked to my daughters teacher ms. smith and frankly i am appauled at how you let this racist ass bitch into this school and around our children”. the woman who had been sitting down gasped clutching her pearls. she was about to speak when i hushed her. ”you keep it zipped or ill zip it for you”. ”well i”. she said taking a deep breath, then arthur spoke. ”madame please calm down you dont want to cause a scene”. ”i’d do anything for my daughter arthur, now head master i guess my money isnt good for you so ill make it very easy for you, you have 20 minutes to get me my daughter, i am forthwith withdrawing her from this school, i want back all the supplies i purchesed for her and her class as well as all the money i have paid for her tuition”. ”oh now hold on ms, cortez i am sure we can come to an arraigment”. ”no, i have heard enough, my daughter told me some children called her an oreo, a cookie, but i may not have been born int he u.k but i know what they meant”. ”ms. cortez please say the names of the children who said such words we do not condone such behavior”. ”oh really this teacher seems to allow it and called me out on it too, so yes just get me saffy please and ill take all our things imediately”.
the woman who had been sitting down, looked up at me with astonishment, arthur crossed his arms in front of him. ”the outrage, the scandal, how dare you headmaster allow this to happen”. ”please ms. cortez let me help you right the wrongs to your daughter”. ”no because then it would be fake, i would rather her be in a school that truely teaches her the things she needs to know”. ”do you think the duke would be pleased to hear of this”. arthur spoke up making sure the headmaster was backed into a corner.
”very well ms. cortez sylvia will you summon saffron please”. ”thank you, and my money”. ”shall i write you a cheque”. ”that would be appricated, also know, hal and christopher cumberbatch will also be withdrawn”. ”as well as the duke’s children”. arthur said as we all exited the office.

”sam i must say you were brilliant in there”. ”thanks arthur, and you are looking so well”. ”i thought i was going to retire this year mum, but when the duke returned to the palace i vowed this would be my last children”. ”i know you and the duke are very close, i am sure he’s pleased”. ”yes very madame i also know he would like to see you”. ”well i am very busy arthur, send him my condolenses about the divorce”. ”surely you dont mean that samantha”. ”i do, divorce is hard for everyone”. he reached out his hand for me to shake, and then to my surprise he pulled me into a warm embrace. ”if i could speak frankly madame”. ”sure arthur”. ”it would have been a pleasure to have served you as the duchess”. ”arthur you slay me, pipe down now. but meet saffy”. i said as i saw my baby skipping happily down the hall with the administator. ”mummy”. ”hi pooky, i missed you”. i said picking her up in my arms. ”saffy did you bring all your things”. ”yes mummy but where are we going”. ”a new school”. but saffy was momentarilly breath taken. ”mummy whos this”. ”oh this is arthur, he’s a royal advisor, which is code for butler, hes hear to see the dukes children”. ”nice to meet you, i am saffron joesphine cortez”. she said reaching out a hand to him. ”hello dear”.
”sam shes so beautiful, motherhood suits you”. i saw tears in his eyes. ”ok pooks say bye bye to arthur”. ”can we get invited to the palace arthur”. she asked before we left. ”what you dont need”. ”ok we have to go now, bye”. i said carrying her out the door.

returning to the palace, arthur found the melancholy duke sitting in the library. ”your highness you will never believe who i ran into today”. ”whom, arthur”. ”samantha why didnt you tell me her daughter is black”. ”oh it never occured to me, is that wrong”. ”where was she,how is she”. ”upset it seems there was a racial issue reguarding her daughter at the school, and why didnt you tell me samantha was hispanic”. ”i didnt know arthur what difference does it make”. ”none to me sir, but her daughter is absolutely charming”.
dan took a deep breath to keep from crying. ”tell me about her”. ”she was wearing a pretty pink dress, her hair was in fluffy pigtails and i dont care shes adopted she looks like her mother”. ”i know i have seen her picture, you said a racial issue what happened”. ”it seems the girls teacher made some comments and encouraged others to do the same”. ”oh dear, what do you purpose we do”. ”well your highness be heading would be nice, perhaps death by firing squad or a public hanging”. ”arthur no, we wont stage a coo, how do yiu think we should handle it, did they say what they would do”. ”no your highness”. ”will you find out who it was please, and ill will deal with it on my own terms”. ”gladly your highness, would you like me to fetch your tea”. ”no thanks arthur, i am fine”. ”very well your highness, i am serious about the options”. ”no arthur no hangings”.

 

”uncle ben”’. saffy screamed running into his arms, when we arrived home. ”theres my sweet baby girl, how was school today”. ”mummy says i am going to a new school she camed to get me early, now i can play tea party”. she said coloring randon papers on the coffee table. ”huh what happened”. ”benedict can we talk about this over here”. i said taking him into the kitchen. ”yesterday saffy told me some girls called her an oreo and told me about the differences in our skin colour”. he put his hands over his mouth. ”i took her out of that school i spoke to her teacher and she condones it, i dont understand people”. ”shit, sam i am so sorry, you know ill take the boys out too”. ”i know i told them you would too, arthur was there too, he said the duke would do the same”. ”so i see, sam the trip to america is comming up soon are you going to let me take saffy”. ”yes of course i will, i know she will be alright”. ”you dont have to worry, but i am glad you are home i missed you”. ”i missed you too, i am so exhausted”. ”i know, how is your shoulder”. ”hurts badly”. ”are you going to have the surgery”. ”i dont know its going to put me out of work for 8 weeks and i dont want to be laid up for that long, and plus i want to be able to still do things with saffy”. ”well it wont help if you can barely stand or carry her with your shoulder”.
”i know i know”. ”perhaps you can book the surgery, while i am in america so that way it wont be too much for you to handle, and you can work from home at your own pace. surely i can handle everything while your out”. ”you would help me ben”. ”of course, sophie and i adore you and saffy and we’d be honored to take her”. ”i know, i know about are you sure you can manage”. ”yes i am sure”. ”ok, ill book the surgery”.
that night i posted a picture of me in my tank top facing backwards the caption read. ”my shoulder is killing me, going to get the surgery that will help me, i am so scared. my whole life i have been afraid of doctors and trusting others but i know that this will help me”.

trying to be coy, in his room after the kids had gone to sleep. the duke brushed away a tear reading about the surgery. ”damn it sam, i could just scream”. he remembered yelling at her. ”dont fuss over me, i am fine your highness”. ”you are not fine sam, this is serious, this would be a quick surgery, health is important for a good life”. ”yes but i am far too busy and besides, i cant get time off work”. ”ill talk to everyone i know they can accomdate you. please do this it would make me feel better knowing you were feeling better, plus it would give me an excuse to serve you”. ”i am grown i can take care of my self your highness, i dont need anyone to take care of me”.
”sam i didnt mean it like that, i mean. i would help you”. ”no i dont need your help, i dont need your sympathy or pity, i can manage”. ”sam no see reason”. ”no your highness drop it, i dont want to hear of it any more”.
”damn it sam”. he whispered seeing how bad it looks now. if she had done it earlier it wouldnt be like this, but shes stubborn and doesnt listen.

 

”mummy, i go now”. ”ok pooky you are going to have so much fun at the plaza, like eloise” ”yes and the hello kitty store, and american girl, i want get one mommy”. ”yes pooky do you have my number”. ”yes, i know the number”. ”ok pooks, heres your prepaid card, remember i taught you how to use this”. ”yes i swipe, mommy”. ”ok once you use all the money there is no more, dont get too crazy ok, and no kitties or puppies we dont have room in the apartment for one”. ”i know mummy”. ”ok pooky have a bunch of fun”. saffy hugged and kissed me then went over to sophie.
”call me when you get to the hospital, ok”. ”i will ben”. ”bye sam, we love you”. ”bye ben have fun”. ”we will”. ben hugged me, as did sophie.
they waved at me as they drove off to the airport. i turned around went back into the kitchen and sat down with a cup of tea.

i chose to have my surgery at the royal hospital. the wards there are open and i wouldnt be alone. i would have my own room, the nurses and doctors would come in and check on me every hour. i would be released after a few days.
i had to check in before 10 am. i packed a few things i might need,then took an uber too the hospital.
”are you visiting someone”. ”oh no, i am having surgery, on my shoulders a few years back i got shot and that tore some muscles and ligaments in my right shoulder, but i put off having surgery because of work”. ”oh man, i felt that i am dreadfully sorry dear”. ”dont be miss”. i said talking to the lady driver who was very nice, she told me about her life and her husband and son. ”well becarefull deary, and do dress warmly it will be cold in the next few days”. ”bye”.

i checked into my room, the doctor came in and spoke to me about the procedure. he explained to me what they were going to do and how it would make me feel better.
the drugs, were so good and strong they put me to sleep and dream quickly.

 

i was walking through the palace, idily minding my own beeswax. i thought about the library, but outside seemed more inviting.
i held my camera in my hands, as i went into the tea garden. its were dan’s cat muppet played. he came over to me and pressed up against my legs. i tickled his ears fast before he tried to swat and hiss at me. me and this cat had a love and hate realtionship, he hated me because i liked dogs and not him. i did think he was cute and annoying. i started taking some pictures in the garden when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eyes, one of the ferrel fat cats jumped out of the bushes and started attacking muppet. it was so loud, i watched for a moment, but when muppet wasnt fareing so well, i reached down and grabbed muppet up in my arms and pulled him out of the fight, but both cats jumped out of my arms and scratched me on my arms, the ferrel cat bit me when i kicked him after grabbing muppet again. ”go away”. i screamed kicking him again. i didnt even realize, i was bleeding, i was worried about poor muppet. his ear was bleeding and his eye was bleeding. ”muppet, you poor thing”. i carried the car inside, to the bathroom and used a piece of toilet paper with water to clean his wounds. i had animals cats and dogs as a kid never thought about being bit or scratched ever. so i pulled down the sleeves on my shirt.
”your highness here take your cat”. my sleeve rolled down and dan saw it. ”oh my what happened”. ”oh i got scratched when i pulled the cats apart”. ”oh dear let me see, they look serious it could be infected, you might have cat scratch fever”. i giggled at him, ”this isnt funny, come along”. ”where are we going”. ”the infirmary”. ”why”. ”cat scratch fever is serious”. ”ok ok jeez i thought you meant the song”.
i spent three days in that damn infirmary, sweating with a fever i dont think i have felt as sick before in me life, like i had the flu, my whole body ached, not even when i got shot did i feel the same way.

this time when i woke up i wasnt in the fancy palace infirmary i was in the hospital. my shoulder arm and shoulder bandaged and in a sling. i was sent home a few days later. ben’s parents came over and checked in on me as he asked them too.

”hi mummy”. ”hi pooky”. ”are you feeling better mummy”. ”yes princess, how is the plaza”. ”good i just finished eating, look mommy my american girl dolly, i got melody mummy, she is from 1964, she likes music and going to church look she came with a book to, i have been reading it”. ”good baby i am so proud of you”. ”she hasent left my side since i got her mommy, i took her to the park with me, we played on the slide together, she ate dinner with me, except ice cream, i wouldnt share”. ”oh pooky i cant wait to meet her, she looks like a fun girl”. ”oh do you like my new dress”. ”i do baby i do”. ”oh look, i also got to meet some of the nice people from the abengers, and look i gotted all these toys too”. ”oh cool beans pooky i cant wait to meet all your new cool little friends”. ”i miss you mummy but i am having so much fun”. ”i miss you too pooky, i love you”. ”i love you to mummy”. then saffy handed the iphone back to ben. ”hi babe, how are you”. ”aswell as can be expected, how are you and sophie”. ”good were having a nice time, i am worried about you being alone. maybe we should go home earlier”. ”no no i am fine, dont come home on my account”. ”are you sure”. ”very sure”.

 

i felt melancholy sitting awake in the nursery. i loved watching my babies sleeping so soundly and peacefully. yet here i was holding my phone stalking sam’s instagram like a freak. a new picture i couldnt stop staring at. an update on the surgery. if you really want information on her facebook page, she posted the same picture and said ”had a lovely time facetimming saffy and benedict, she spent a lot of time introducing me to her new american girl doll, and asking me about her toys here, i told her i am in good form and counting down the days until she comes home. damn this parenting this is fucking hard i miss her like crazy”.
it took so much to not comment, lest she think it might be me or someone close to me. i wanted to tell her shes not alone, that i could be over shortly if she wanted, i wanted her to need me to want me. even her not being here drove me crazy.

 

finally ben and sophie came home. i was much better now, not as many bandages and no sling now. when saffy came home. we spent hours playing in the nursery together.
benedict had put together a nice presentation for press and the like, for charity that was booked for the palace, however the day before ben got sick very sick.
”listen sam, i dont think i am going to be able to make the confrence today, i am going to need you to go in my place”. ”no no way, i cant and besides saffy isnt in school again yet and i dont want her to be around all of that”. ”i need you, you have to go”. ”i am not strong enough yet, and if i do i am scared i wont come back”. ”you will, you will come back i know it but you will be changed”. ”alright fine, i hate you”. ”no you dont come here i have everything ready for your speech, wear something nice”. ”shut up”. i said playfully punching my friend.

”saffy come here i have to talk to you”. ”yes mummy”. ”would you be upset to go to work with mummy”. ”no, i want to go where are we going, what can i do”. ”well we have to go to buckingham palace and you can carry my folder and tablet”. ”really mummy, the palace ill be right back i have to wear my princess dress, should i be bell, or cinderella”. ”pooky i think bell looks adorable on you”. ”mommy i am i going to meet the prince”. ”perhaps”. ”i better where my nice shoes”. she said excitedly running to her room for her pretty shinny mary jane shoes. ”slick your hear and wear you buckle shoes”. she sang the opening part of all that jazz dancing with her melody.

i wore a nice dress, and put my sling back on, wincing as i felt the pain and got used to it. ”are you ready saffy”. ”yes mummy were ready look i dressed melody for the palace too”. ”very nice”. ”can i carry your purse”. ”yes baby”. i said as she slung it over her shoulder and ran out the door. ”tale as old as time”. she sang along the way twirling and swaying singing the music from beauty and the best.
in the backseat saffy was quiet, i could hear her playing be our guest. ”be our guest be our guest”. ”does the silverware dance at the palace”. ”sure do, you have to be in the right spot though to actually see it”. ”cool, are mermaids real”. ”yeah, we saw them at disneyland”. ”uh huh and peter pan he’s my favorite, memer we sawed him on once uponed a time”. ”i do, my favorite part of the show”. ”yes me too, he was so evil but i liked him”. ”yeah a new retelling of peter pan”. ”mummy where does the queen keep her pet dragon”. ”in the dungeon”. ”really” ”sure, she doesnt want them to singe her corgi’s”.

pulling up at the door of the palace i had to take a deep breath, the press was already waiting and now i had to give the speech and presentation. ”do my eyes decieve me, is that samantha cortez”. i heard a woman say as she rushed towards me. ”mrs, banyon no they dont i am here to give the presentation for the company”. ”indeed and who is this”. ”oh may i present you princess saffy”. mrs. banyon curtsied playfully to saffy, who giggled with delight. ”saffy this was my manager when i lived and worked here”. ”are you going to show me around”. ”no princess”. then arthur came to the door. ”hello”. ”hello princess”. he leaned down greeting saffy. ”arthur will you show saffy around i have to set up”. ”ill take her to the nursery with the other kids”. ”oh sure”. ”bye mummy”. saffy said happily running off to the nursery.

”this is the portait of the queen”. ”this is so awesome arthur”. saffy said skipping happily. ”would you like something to eat or drink”. ”can i have some tea, mummy gives me tea when i have butterflies in my tummy”. ”sure miss saffy anything else”. ”oohh no maybe later”. arthur lead her into the play area, where prince george, princess charlotte, prince louis, princess willow, prince aubrey, and young princess eden, duke thomas, and duchess esther were all palying happily”. ”children this is missy saffy, can we please make her feel welcome”. charlotte and willow went to her quickly”. ”hi saffy i havent seen you at school”. ”i go to a new school now”. ”is this your dolly, may i play with her” charlotte asked as they all went to a corner to play together.

 

by now the palace was a flutter, with the news of sams return. camilla, kate, and meghan were getting ready together, when a young handmaid or lady in waiting came in with another girl. ”that girl must be pretty important her wog is in the nursery”. ”what did you say”. meghan asked as the girl looked away, ”the girl from the film company is here and her wog is in the nursery”. meghan, kate, and camilla hurried to the nursery, where they say the girls playing together in the corner with the sweetest looking little black girl they had ever seen. ”what wait isnt that”. ”saffron cortez”. arthur said comming in with her cup of tea. ”saffron cortez”. camilla said ”sam’s little girl where is she”. ”getting ready to face the press”. camilla lead the girls to the meeting room. sam had her back to them arrainging things on the table.
”the duchess has returned”. meghan said being the first to make sam turn around. ”oh hello ladies, no not a return more like a visit”. meghan, kate, and camilla hugged me tightly. ”you look amazing, and your hair is longer”. ”thanks i have been busy”. ”we saw your baby in the nursery shes a doll”. ”thank you, she my pride and joy”.

i forgot to mention she’s a wanderer. she climbed out of the baby gate when the other girls were not fussing over her and went on a little walk. looking at all the pictures in the hallway. she happily walked around and around, but now she lost her way and forgot which way she need to turn to get back to the nursery, she stood there for a moment. ”i feel like my heart says right but i really wanna go to the west wing”. she said thinking of beauty and the beast. the left lead to the big library where dan was alone reading off in the corner in his favorite chair.

now saffy found herself in the big library, her imagination soared as she looked at the large insignia in the middle of the floor. ”tale as old as time” she said starting to spin and twirl, playing with her yellow dress. then she saw the large portrait of princess diana, she put a finger to her lips excited, kinda sad, and full of wonderment. ”shes beautiful, look at my tiara”. she said showing off her plastic tiara. thats when dan had looked up for a brief moment after being lost in his book.

”this minds me of the castle from beauty and the beast”. saffy said as she started singing to herself again. ”tale as old as time, true as it can be, barely even friends, then someone bends unexpectedly”.

seeing this little girl happily spining and dancing made dan smile. he rose from where he had been sitting. ”hello there”. saffy stopped spinning and was shy for a minute. ”hello”. she said as dan knelt down to her level.
”did you get lost”. ”no i meant to walk around i just dont know how to get back to the nursery, hey whats your name”. ”my name is dan”. he said giving her a hand to shake, saffy gasped at first the curtsied. ”your the duke, your highness”. ”you dont have to bow to me, and who might you be”. ”i am princess saffron, do you like my dress, its from your movie”. ”i do like you dress, its very nice”. ”where is your mommy”. ”giving a demonsterization or something, i was in the nursery and wanted to walk around”. ”oh i see, whats your mom’s name, i can take you back will you tell me about your life”. ”ok, if you show me where the queens dragon is”. ”in the dungeon but you cant go down there its too dangerous”. ”oh ok, does the silverware really come to life”. ”yes of course it does”. ”i knew it, do you think mermaids are real”. ”they are real your highness who told you they arent”. ”my teachers at school, they say there fairy tales but i know better”. saffy skipped happilly, ”of course, and when i was naughty a witch turned me into an offal beast”. ”i know, i saw you, you were wearing makeup”. ”i did”. ”wanna see a picture of my mommy and me at disneyland and bells castle”. ”sure”. saffy took her moms phone out of the pocket of her play dress and stopped to find the picture.
”my mouse ears have my name on it”. then saffy handed him the phone and there it was, how could he have been stupid. this is saffy sam’s little girl. ”very nice, do you know where your mom is”. ”nope, but hey theres the nursery”. dan picked her up in his arms for a moment. ”thanks for walking be back”. he said as he starred into her eyes for a moment. his broken heart stitching itself back together. ”bye bye thank you”. she said as the girls all went back to her, he watched her for a moment as arthur reappeared.
”shes beautiful isnt she, right where she deserves to be”. ”i know, do you know where she is”. ”giving her speech right now, she will be done in a few minutes”. dan stood and watched for a few more minutes, he watched his own daughters playing with saffy, like they should be. ”the first ever african princess in the palace it feels so right your highness”. arthur said as he opened the baby gate and stepped inside, he couldnt help himself to dote on saffy.

sam, did a great job giving her presentation. dan stood outside the door away from the press, this was the door she would come out of. he had to take a deep breath at first because he wasnt sure he could control himself.
then the door opened, people started to trickle out and passed him. ”i let her steel to my melancholy heart, its more then i could bare”. he whispered sininging the song evermore from beauty and the beast. ”ill fool myself, shell walk right in and be with me for evermore”. then at the very end after everyone had gone. sam opened the door, her head was done and she looked as if she were going to stumble, carrying her bag with one arm, dan offered her a hand. ”i can manage”. sam said as she flung the bag on her good shoulder, the other still in its decorated sling.
”hello sam”. thats when sam moved from the door that had been sheilding her face. she moved her long messy hair out of her face to see me. ”your highness, hello”. she smiled and curtsied to me. ”sam dont be so formal”. ”well isnt that how you greet a duke”. ”sam will you come and talk to me”. i checked my watch, ”sure i have a few minutes”.
i put my bag and the small rolling cart near the door and followed behind dan for a moment.

we found ourselves in the smoking room. i took a deep breath, i supposed this talk would need to come eventually.

i put my hands on my lap, i didnt want to look upset or pretensious.
”how are sam”. ”i am doing well i cant complain work and life keep me busy, you, i am so very sorry about the duchess i hear she was very nice”. ”well you heard wrong, it seems that she discovered a deep burried secret”. i swallowed hard, this is to moment when things get real.
”we all have secrets your highness, only i fear mine need to remain burried”. ”i know everything about you sam”. ”no you dont even really know the half of it”.
”sam”. ”no wait, please let me gather my thoughts. its been so hard trying to figure all of this out. figuring out how to let love into my life and to not question things and let them be. i have always had a hard time with it because i never saw it around me, i dont know how its supposed to be. but i realize now it was right in front of me and i let it slip away because i didnt know how to handle it and i am sorry i hurt you”.
”sam tom was right when he told me i would never be truly happy as long as you walked the earth and i wasnt, i tried to convince myself that i would be, that i could be. but instead all i got was a loveless marriage and three beautiful children. i am sorry i came on too strong i should have told you that i could help you figure everything out”.
”dan its ok, i understand it now. i understand that the anxiety i feel is real and”. he was holding my hand in his now.
”sam i would really like, to work out these things together, and try to figure it out together”. ”ok, i dont want to speed head long into anything just yet your highness”. ”ok sam, ok, where would you like to begin”. ”tomorrow, we can talk tomorrow afternoon, over lunch”. ”ok great sam that would be fine”. ”great ill see you tomorrow at around noon”.

 

 

i tried to hide my excitement, by throwing myself into work. ”what is wrong something happened at the palace didnt it”. ”no ben i, nothing happened”. ”ok sam, ok so what time is he picking you up”. ”ben its not like that we both have some issues we need to work out”. ”so something did happen”. ”we just saw each other and now we are having lunch and talking thats it”. ”ok ok well see, anyways how did everything go last night with the presentation”. ”well hey speak about miracles your not sick anymore”. ”yeah i slept well through the night and i feel better, are you going to tell him about us”. ”maybe, i mean its on the table with his three children and my saffy i am sure he can take the truth about us”. ”well whatever happens, between the both of you we respect your realtionship”. ”i know ben, now i have to go get dressed and figure out what i am going to wear”.

 

 

nervously i dressed for lunch in my room at the palace. the kids were off at school. ”your highness you look so casual”. ”yes arthur, i dont want her to be so formal with me. i just want to be dan and samantha you know”. ”i do know, shes very formal, however you need to look respectable”. ”stop it i look fine, just a nice pair of jeans and a shirt and jacket, nothing formal”.

i wore a nice tunic, and pair of dark leggins. i chose to go to a quiet spot where we wouldnt be recognized or really seen. i wanted it to be quiet enough we could hear ourselves speak, but i also wanted a place where the food was in expensive and tasted good.

i walked to the restaurant, stopping when i had already seen dan was there. i wanted to be a few minutes late, i ducked around the corner for a moment and walked into a drug store. i browsed the shelves slowly then looked down at my watch. i took a breath and bit the bullet. ”fuck it lets do it”. i walked out into the cool london air and crossed the street.

”hello ms, cortez the usual table”. ”no not today i am meeting someone here, ill just go through”. ”absolutely”. i walked through the dinning room, to the table.
making my way to the table. i saw dan stand up for me. ”sam, you look so beautiful”. ”you your highness look great too, you always look great”. ”i wore this to not be so formal sam”. ”shit i am sorry”. ”its ok sam, here let me get your chair”. ”oh ok”. i sit down and wait for a minute. i watch dan sit. ”i ordered a nice glass of merlot for you”. ”thank you”. ”how are you doing this morning sam”. ”i am doing well how about you”. ”i am doing very well i have been preparing for this all morning, i wanted to dress casual to make a nice statement”. ”i see that and the facial hair and stuble i like it”. ”you samantha i have to say you leave me breath taken you look so amazing”.
”why dont we order”. ”ok sure, my favorite is the steak frites”. ”that sounds great but i think i am going for the filet”. ”good choice”. the waitor came to the table, we placed our order and sort of sat in silence until our food arrived. even then we ate in silence.
”sam there is so much i want to say to you but i dont want to talk here, i thought maybe we could”. ”theres a park not to far from here, its a zen garden”.

 

”can i hold your hand on our walk”. dan was so polite in asking”. ”yes”. i replied clasping my hand in his. the walk was serene and peaceful and felt really good actually.
finding a quiet place to sit and face each other at the park. ”i dont understand how you can love someone and have three children with them”. dan looked down for a moment. ”i thought i could love her, i thought that i had to fufill my duties to have children and that intime i would feel for her but i didnt. because the whole time i thought about you, what our life would have been like if we were together”. ”with all due respect, unless there adopted you must have felt something for her”. ”i did and she didnt for me”. dan repeated holding my hand in his. ”what about you did you try to fall in love”.
”my journey has been sort of bumpy, i had a nervous breakdown when i came home from paris, see everything kind of hit me all at once and i just went crazy, i hurt myself i hurt ben and sophie and i lost my head. i didnt know how to get myself out of that darkness. i turned to therapy and meditation”. ”what kind of darkness what did you do”. i left the sleeve on my shirt, ”i slit my wrists and throat”. ”why would you hurt yourself sam, why didnt you talk to me”. ”its always been my secret dan, this darkness this lonelieness i have felt my whole life and with the stress of everything that had happen i just couldnt bare it anymore, and yes i did take a chance on love”.
”what happened to them”. ”tom went to america, he broke up with me because i wouldnt go with him and well the other part is sort of complicated”. ”complicated how”. ”well if i tell you, you have to promise me you wont get upset because i have never done anything like this is my life”. ”i wont”. ”tom went to america, i would go because he was already married and had children but the other half is sort of different”.
”what happened are you married too”. ”oh god no i would never but”.
”what is it, its ok you can tell me”. ”benedict me and sophie had a threesome for a while and their besotted with saffy, i told him i was going to tell you”. ”oh i know about that”. i pulled my hand away from him. ”how did you know”. ”he told me, he told me because he said whatever happened between us, he would respect our realtionship. i am not angry i am just surprised at you with the married man”. ”to be honest i didnt know it at the time until she called me and asked who i was, then he asked me to go with him to america to escape it”. ”i dont want to be someones second choice you know”.
dan took my hand in his and said ”you were never my second choice, not a day went by that i dont think of you or wish you were with me, look”. he took my picture out of his wallet. ”me in my black and whites i didnt know you had this”. ”i have several pictures of you”. he said showing them to me, ”oh my god i remember this day, it was so damn hot, mrs, banyon almost died of shame because i had my sleeves rolled up”.

”i think we need to work on our realtionship together sam, i would like for us to go to therapy together”. ”all right but you have to swear to me, that you wont be scared because the darkness is not something everyone can handle”. ”sam, if their is anyone that knows pain and darkness its me”.

 

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the foundling ch.5 sam’s tale

ch.5
Sam’s tale

Samantha Elizabeth Cortez was born in chicago ill. on june the 23rd 1986, she lived her life in san antonio texas mostly as a poor child that is until she was 18 years old when she got her first job at the st. anthony hotel.

i messed up a lot, a whole lot at the hotel. they had so many stupid rules. i began there as an ordertake in room service answering the phone, saying a speechm then writting down the orders. i worked with several servers and day after day i listened to them bitch and complain that they werent making a lot of money. hate is a strong word so ill say that i strongly disliked one such server she was fake, fake hair, fake tits, she was pretty and thin and had this evil fake laugh that just pissed me off. in a nale dominated industry, guys looked at her like she was some kind of trophy. in the begining too, i also had a problem with another server who i cussed out during a meeting with my manager. but after that we understood each other and became friends so i didnt give her a lot of bullshit, she trained me to work the over night shift and her and i got a chance to talk about our lives and i also think that helped too. plus as it turned out she was a gemeni and i usually get along good with gemeni’s pretty good. that is until one day when our manager came into in room dining and said this.
”a position has come up over seas and they are looking for a server to work in the uk at buckingham palace, the hotel will pay for your passport and visa and the palace will pay for you to live and work on the grounds provided you get up and go”. the fake girl, ill call marie, jumped in trying to talk over everyone. ”i think i should go i know what rich white people like”. she said this based on her fake tits, and her sugar daddy who she kept breaking up with and telling everyone she broke up with yet kept driving his work truck.
my friend the other server said she she go based on her bar tending abilities. in my head i wanted to go, but with these 2 chomping at the bit to get to the palace and with marie wanting to literally fuck and trap a prince i thought good riddance to bad rubbish, so i didnt put in the application.
”samantha can i speak to you for a moment”. our operations manager, a swell older man javier segura who saved my ass so many times, and told me it was ok to be myself just do the best i can, and helped me one day by paying for a tow truck to tow my van when the exhaust clamps fell off and my exhaust was hanging down. ill never forget that he paid for the tow truck for me, no questions asked and nothing but my best asked in return.
”yes javier, would you like some coffee”. i asked as he escorted me to the office. ”yes i would love some coffee”. he said waiting for me to put the tray together for him. once i had finished i held the tray server style and followed him to the front office.
”come in sit down let’s talk, are you going to have some coffee too”. ”no, i have my tea my tummy hurts”. he took a deep breath looking me over, as he closed the door. ”so how are things going over there are you ok”. ”yes i am fine, as well as can be expected i am really like the over night shift”. ”have you heard of the position opening up at the palace”. ”yeah, but those 2 want to go so i didnt put in an application”. ”really, why didnt you”. ”well marie, says she knows what the rich white folks like and well the other ill call her gertie, gertie thinks she can go cos of her bartending skills and to be honest i think they will get it, i am not stupid javier i know how this game is played. they keep them around because there arent any women in room service, and because they are thin and cute and pretty and attractive to men”.
”if you think for one minute that i would be like that sam, i thought you were better then that because i dont know if you know but i have the final say as to who i am sending that way being that we are paying for the passport and work visa”. i sat up a little straighter in my chair. ”you have something they dont, thats smile in your voice, everyone can hear it, i hear it all the time”. i smiled, my voice is nasaly i cant help that.
”i am afraid i dont understand what you are saying”. ”i am saying i had hoped you put in an application, because i wanted to keep it on the cool, but i already have picked someone to go”. ”you have”. ”i picked you”. ”me why me”. ”sam i love that smile in your voice, i like that enthusisiasm you have and that zany lust for life, but because i have heard you talk about what you wanted to see if you ever got a chance to go to the u.k and i think this would be good for you”. ”wow i am speechless, this is better then being employee of the month”. ”so what do you say are you intrested in going”. ”yeah, hell yeah i am interested in going”. ”ok here are the papers for your visa and what you will need for your passport, and my credit card to pay for them”. ”wait sir you trust me with your bank card”. ”well yeah, i mean”.
so i filled out all the paperwork got my passport, waited for weeks for my visa, before i got my clearance to leave for the u.k and the whole while i didnt say a word to any one. that is until the official announcment was made.

me, marie and gertie were all on the shift together. ”sam do you know when they are going to announce who is getting to go to the uk, i have my outfits all picked out i am going to wear”…… ”but i cut her off with her fakeness, otherwise i would have lunged forward and given her a lobotomy.
”no i don’t know, but i think i heard there would be an announcment today”. i replied as the manager michael manning who hired me came into our office. he was from new orleans and in the closet but i kinda already got the gay vibe from him because of the way he was acting, he was so over the top and loud and dramatic, and sometimes he pissed me off but other times i thought he was so hilarious. ”i heard this might be your last week”. michael said as i turned around and nodded my head, this had been my little secret and i didnt want to share it with anyone. gertie stepped forward, ”what your leaving, but you cant leave i thought you were going to take my place”. ”well it became official a few weeks ago, but i am waiting for the dust to settle a little”. i said as i turned around to answer the phone.
in the lobby of the hotel at that moment, our operations manager javier segura, and our general manager david simmons had posted my picture, along with a letter of my impending trip that read.
”congratulations to Samantha Cortez, she has officially been chosen to represent us in the united kingdom to work at buckingham palace, her last day at the st. anthony will be on friday june 7th, congratulations and have fun we know you will be great and please come back and visit us anytime you’d like”. the picture they had taken of me was me in tears holding my official paperwork and a certificate of recognition, my hair was a mess in the photo and my eyes were all red from crying hard and ugly.
”that bitch i cant believe that fucking fat bitch, is getting to go to the united kingdom and work for the queen, she doesnt even know anything about how to serve”. marie was pissed and tried to talk to javier, talk him out of everything.
”its final i have made the choice, i know and hope she will do well i have faith in her as should you, maybe you can take a page out of her book and be humble”.

this was my cinderella moment, my moment to shine and leave san antonio and america behind, my mother had passed away the year earlier, from complications of morbid obesity, kidney faliure, and cancer, but on the death certificate they put morbid obesity. at the time of her death it made me change a lot of things like walking more and wanting to be a little more healthy despite being heavy. i changed the way i ate and tried to keep it down to once a day with snacks in between and nothing after a certain time. it worked i managed to maintain a nice 185 and not let it go up. thankfully i didnt have diabetes or worse.

i was nervous though as i packed my clothes and things from the tiny apartment i shared with my room mate on that day, because even though i had always dreamed of living in the u.k, i was worried about being home sick and how i would fit in over there. see in america i always felt like it you were thin, and cute, and pretty and you threw yourself at guys they would like you, but seeing the games girls my aged played with guys turned me off to the whole dating thing or wanting to be in a realtionship, i thought this meant i might be cold or asexual, or not really wanting love and affection. but in my heart i knew i was nuturing and caring and that in a partner i wanted someone who was intelligent, who read alot of books like me, who wanted to travel the world and learn new and exciting things, to shake, hands and kiss babies, who liked dogs and cats, and someone i can have an intimate conversation with. so like any girl or rather like me, i just never acted the way other girls did around guys, not to say some at the hotel didnt pay attention to me, one of the cooks who was about 6 years older, did pay attention but he was a horn dog and just wanted to stare at my tits and i was like ok fine but get the hell away from me.

needless to say, things like cuddling and sitting close to guys was not in my vast knowledge of things and i thought it might never be.
i was ok with those facts too, i was ok with the fact that my cheeks were red with freckles, that i didnt wear make up, that i was chubby and short, i was ok being me and being alone. yes one day i would love to have kids but i never saw myself as getting married or having a husband or anything like that, but i did see kids in my life. i always knew i would have kids.

sitting on the long flight, from texas to new york and then changing planes with a 4 hour delay to get to great britan was so tiring.
yet i was excited, i wondered what everyone was like. ”what kind of things does the queen like, ill be the princes are really nice they seem really down to earth as does prince charles, will i like camilla after all those nasty things diana said about her, i loved princess diana, she was a role model to me just as much as selena and oprah winfrey.
i wondered about the food, would i like it, would it like me. i wondered what my room at the palace would be like. i wondered if the other staff would be nice or be very stiff and stuffy. what are the people of the uk like, there was so much to wonder about as the plane finally landed at heathrow airport.
once inside at baggage claim, i checked my paper work, a driver from the palace was supposted to pick me up. then i saw him holding a sign with my name on it. ”its me, i am samantha cortez” i said excitiedly waving my hand, ”oh hello love”. the man said very jolly and happy. i hugged this man who was stiff for a moment, ”oh”. he said as he helped me with my bags and walked me out to the parking area in the front to a large black rolls royce with all beige interior. ”wow this car is super duper fancy”. i said as he opened the door for me.

inside the car, i ran my fingers of the nice beige leather seats. ”its smells expensive and luxious too”. i said as the driver got into the car on the right hand side, not the left as cars in america.
i arrived to buckingham palace very late, about 2 30am. going through the back door, i met my boss mrs, banyon, a very nice irish woman with a thick brouge and her hair in a bun. ”hello Samantha we have been waiting for you, how was your plane ride”. ”good but i am so tired i feel like i have been smooshed into a box and shipped in the mail”. i said, the woman blinked a few times before she started to laugh. i forget that while yes they do speak english there, we have different words for things, like mail is post and egg plant is abergines and so on.
”in the morning, you will meet her majesty the queen and the princes, you will be introduced as this is there home and it is the royal family you will be serving. as a server there are many rules you are expected to follow the main rule being you are not allowed to fraternize with any memeber of the royal family, that isnt serving, you are not permited in any of the room if you are not delivering items or food, after your shift you will return to your quarters and remain there and so on. do you understand”. ”yes i do thank you”. ”lastly try to have fun, were not as stuffy as you might think”. ”i can have fun anywhere i go”.

my room at the palace was the size of a 2 bedroom apartment, in fact it had 2 bedrooms, with frills on a large canopy bed i slept in, and cold trimmed antique furniture i was scared to sit on so i mainly sat on the bed or the floor. i had very nice oriental rugs and very pretty artwork in my room. i also had a special door that was a tunnel of sorts, i followed it to another door that led outside, i supposed this is how people got out of the palace in those days.
in the large wardrobe, were my uniforms. 5 brand new navy blue polo’s for the gift shop, 5 pairs on black slacks, also for the gift shops. 3 plain white button down shirts for serving, 3 all black shirts for special occasions and 2 boxes containing my work boots. i cried a little this was so posh and nice and what did a little texas girl like me end up in such a super fancy place like this. also in my room was a large box wrapped in the prettiest gold wrapping i had ever seen along with a gift basket, with a card that read.
”thank you ever so much for joining us at bucking ham palace, look forward to making your aqauintence, sincerly charles, daniel, william and harry the prince of wales. i went and opened the basket to find so many lovely american treats inside like a bag of jiffy marshmellow, a 2 littre of coke, doritios and other things. the guesture made me feel so loved and special. next i pounced on the heavy box that i had to put on a chair to open.
i unwrapped the pretty ribbon and carefully peeled back the gold foil wrapping paper i wanted to save it in the scrapbook i was begining. the card read ”here are some things we hope you will enjoy during your time at buckingham palace, sincerly her majesty the queen”. the card was lovely and hand written too.
inside was a bunch of cool swag, like a royal blue zip down front hoodie that said buckingham palace, a few t’shirts with various designs, a key chain with the queen on it and a nice tote bag that had buckingham palace 04 on it. i was so elated that i put the things away nice in the wardrobe and settled in for the night.
the first day at 8am sharp i recieved a wake up call from the offical palace greeter. ”good morning madam cortez, this is arthor i am the offical palace greeter, your morning meeting of the staff is scheduled promptly for 10am in the kitchens, you will find a nap near the phone. also dress warmly for you first day its bitter cold outside, welcome to buckingham palace and please enjoy your stay”. ”thats awesome thank you”.
a few moments later as i was gathering my toilteries to head into the shower my manager mrs. banyon knocked on my door. ”may i come in”. i opened the door for her. ”good morning samantha, how did you sleep”. ”good thank you so much”. ”right dear, you must dress warmly, for the occasion its very chilly outside, you are to meet their highness’ prince charles, dan, wills and harry this morning followed by the queen at noon”. ”i am about to get washed up”. ”yes dear, when you are finished ill give you to protocol and salutations”. ”great”.

mrs, banyon stayed in my room. she made my bed for me and pulled out the clothing she wanted me to wear, my all black dress shirt, and my black slacks and boots, even my socks and underwear. as i was finishing up and drying off with my large towels i got from the sams club, i heard mrs. banyon say ”dear i am laying out your clothes for the evening where is your coat”. ”oh my coat, its the large grey hooie in the wardrobe”. ”good heaven child, this is not a proper coat, you need a proper coat its freezing out there you will catch your death of cold, ill be right back ill get you a nice heavy warm coat and a pair of gloves”. ”ok”. i said running the brush through my impossible messy hair.

let me tell you something right now, you have never felt cold in your life until you have felt londons winter chill. see in texas we are used to 2 seasons, spring and summer and hot in credibly hot, but in the uk, we have kinda hot, not even hot, a little nippy, the freeze, freezing solid temps raning at 30 below zero so cold your tears with ice up. then theres cold, really cold, so cold i cant feel my toes and then there is chains on the tires cold and lastly there is bloody hell its freezing cold, people in the uk are always wearing sweaters of some kind, but my little texas sweater wasnt going to keep me warm here. mrs banyon got me a nice heavy parka, that went down to a little below the knee, ”wear these heavy socks to keep your legs warm dear”. she taught me how to dress so that i would be alright.

”its very important here to follow proper royal protocol when you are meeting the princes, and the queen. if the queen arrives first you curtsey and extend your right hand, you say your name very clearly and introduce yourself, followed by her husband prince philip, then prince charles and so on, you always make eye contact with the royal family, speak clearly and slowly and never ever take your eyes off them while they are present”.
”remember this is their home so you must always be respectful of the property therein, never touch any artwork or statues or anything of value, if you see a memeber of the royal family walking towards you at any given moment during your shift, you are to imediately greet them and say your name, you never say things like ok, or alright always smile, use words like absolutely and certainely, please and thank you and remember you also live in the palace to, the second floor is off limits unless you are delivering food our other items at which point you will knock, state your name, ask for permission to enter the room, when you enter the room you will greet said person with your highness, and ask where they would like there items set up, when you leave you will say thank you your highness and leave the room, as such you know these are grown men and since you are a woman its required you prop the door with the door stopers just to ensure everyones safety”.
then she helped me into my new coat, i put my gloves in my pocket and grabbed my phone and somethings i thought i might need on hand like an altoid and a lighter. at 9 30 am we made our way downstairs where i toured the kitchens, found my in room dining office where i would be alone most of the nights and then to the gift shop where i would happily spend my days.
”come along deary we must take our place they will be arriving promptly”.
mrs banyon and me stand, with my hands folded in front of me, looking upright to watch the cars as they arrived. ”here they come”. she said proudly as one by one the pretty big black rolls royces, pulled up in a single file line.
prince charles and camilla parker bowles were in the first car. ”what do i call camilla”. ”duchess”. she said to me as prince charles smiled at her. ”hello mum, good day today the weather is just lovely”. ”thank you, your highness, i would like for you to meet samantha cortez she joins our team all the way from san antonio texas she will be our room service server as well as our lead cashier in the gift shop. i held out my hand and said ”good morning your highness”. charles surprised me and kissed my hand and said ”good morning m’lady”. i smilied so big and goody like as he turned around to his sons, i saw prince william first i think he looks alot like charles but with his mothers charm and demeanor, ”this is my son william”. ”your highness”. i said again entending a cold and shaking hand. ”pleasure to meet you samantha i look forward to seeing you around the palace”. i wasnt sure what to say at this point and said ”absolutely”. then i saw prince harry, who had this michievious look on his face. ”also my son prince harry”. ”your highness”. i said shaking his hand, ”very lovely to meet you”. he replied and then i was struck silly in my girlish ways when i saw dan, he was so tall, taller then even william and harry, he had very light blonde hair and the prettiest eyes i had ever seen in any man. ”lastly my son, daniel”. charles said as i looked up extended my hand, to which he also grabbed and kissed and said ”welcome to our home samantha, its an honor to make your aquantaince and i very much look forward to seeing you around the palace”. i wanted to giggle and jump up and down and every where because he was so handsome in person. even though he was adopted i got the feeling that he was the most like his mother diana, very shy and sensitive and very easy to get along with.
then i met camilla, my first instinct was to say something evil and wicked, because hello i am diana lover but i was blown away with how nice she was to me. she came over and shook my hand and said ”i am camilla”. ”hello”. i said taking my hand away. ”your cheeks are so red my dear, dont you have a scarf”. camilla said noticing how my cheeks get red in the cold. i frooze for a moment i didnt know what to say, she looked around at her step sons for a moment. ”daniel, daniel” she said to the young prince, he came over to where we stood and camilla said ”this poor girl is freezing to death”. ”oh my lady, my scarf” he said taking his off and wrapping it around my neck.
formalities aside, i had to wait while mrs banyon spoke to everyone, and camilla was still in front of me. ”where are you from”. ”san antonio texas”. ”oh yes, the home of the alamo. i have been there once its very lovely, do you like the alamo”. ”yes your highness i do”. ”please, call me camilla i dont like all those crazy formailites”. ”yes camilla”. then she broke royal protocol by putting her arm around me and walking inside with me. ”while you are here, i do hope that you will take advantage of our vast libraries we have some of the rarest books in the world”. ”thank you camilla i will take note of it”. ”also, i would like to say that, on behalf of all of us, if you see something you might like anywhere in the kitchens or if want want extra food for later please dont be shy help yourself”. ”thank you”. i replied as we gathered in the kitchen.
after the formalities, i began learning the register in the gift shop at around 1pm shortly after we broke for lunch. i was told i would be eating alone in the kitchen since the other kitchen staff would be on the otherside. i truly didnt mind this at all, i was used to being alone in life and it made things easier.
i took off my coat, gloves and my new scarf that smelled really good and put them on the chair behind the register, oh thats different too, the cashiers at every store are offered a chair to sit down, i had one a big one and its a pin to climb in and out of so most of the times i stand behind the counter. i dont really have to do to much in the shop, when its not to busy i stock shelves and do inventory. my first day is a few purchases, before mrs. banyon helps me close and lock the shop for the day. she gives me the keys and tells me i am going to be responsible for opening it.

after i get off work for the evening, i went back to my room to change my clothes. i put on a comfy pair of yoga type jeans, my favorite sneakers, and a long sleeves black shirt, underneath my sweater. i decided to go to the library, i wanted to see all the books and how there check out system worked and if i could keep up with all the books at all. the walk from my bedroom, to the royal library was damn near a mile, ”yes i am going to loose weight in no time down with calories”. i said posing to myself in the mirror. i put my marley beats head phones on and turned on my brand new heavy ipod. i created a royal place list, the first song being candle in the wind.

walking the mile to the library, i am struck by all the beautiful artwork of the kings and queens that went before her majesty elizabeth. i stare up at their paintings that line the hallways along with a brief desciption on they rein and their achievments.
when i get to the library instantly i stop dead in my tracks, thats were the portrait of diana is, she looks so lovely in her pretty white dress and tiara. i just stare and stare up at her, studying her features very carefully. unaware that behind me, his highness dan is watching me with interest.
i reach up a gentle hand and ever so slightly, graze the painting like she wasnt real. my headphones ringing with candle in the wind as i touch the painting. ”i would have loved to have met you i say, with my heart heavy and tears falling”. then i am startled when i see dan next to me. ”she would have liked to have met you too”. ”your highness i am sorry, i didnt see you”. i take a deep breath and wipe my face with the back of my sleeve. ”shes so beautiful its why i like comming into the library, i like to face the portrait and red to her like i used to when i was a boy”. he offered me a nice handker chief , i used to wipe my eyes and take a deep breath with.
”i am sorry to disturb you, ill come back”. i say moving to the door. ”no wait, stay its ok i dont mind the company, i was just reading the picture of dorian grey, have you read it”. ”no your highness i have not”. ”please sit down”. he pulled a chair close to him, i sat down and wiped my tears still. i put my ipod in my pocket and sat back in my chair, i could listen to his highness talk all day his voice is so calming and soothing that i found myself getting lost in his words, i closed my eyes lulled by it. then jolted awake when i felt myself slide down a little in the chair. ”i really must be going now your highness it was a pleasure to meet you”. i ran off back to my room i closed and locked the door. how could i have been so stupid i could get in trouble for that i thought to myself forgetting this was also his home and i should be more respectful. luckily i found a secret door that lead to the upstairs portion of said library. i spent hours in there after work, looking at old maps, spinning the globe and trying to decipher some of the books in french. i read this interesting book on henry the 8th and his wives. i read about marie atonette, and if she really said ”let them eat cake”.

one day on my day off, after a day of exploring the grounds and seeing where the secret doors lead too, i walked back into the library, dan and camilla were in there, so i crept around, against the walls except for the large portait of diana, i stopped to stare at her for a moment before climbing the large stair case. i spun the globe really fast as i struggled to reach for a book on a higher shelf. i looked around for a foot stool. no avail, i tried standing on tiptoes and barely touched the edge of the book. i moved back a few inches and looked over the rail, dan and camilla were engaged in a large book on world religions. i thought about asking for help but i dare not, i am too scared to ask for help. so in nervousness i spun the globe again and tried to reach for said book.
down below, dan happened to glance upward at the awkward creature, struggling to reach for the book on the high shelf, at first he thought better then to shout. then camilla looked up and whispered ”where are your manners, help her”. dan walked up the stairs and said ”help let me help you”. ”thank you, your highness”. ”would you like to sit at the table with us”. ”no no thank you your highness, i am fine” i say wobbling trying to carry the large and heavy book to the table on the other side of the stairs. the book i had been interested in was a book about the stars and consolations. i dragged the heavy book to the table and laid it down carefully. i opened its delicate cover and touched its yellowing pages.
the books pages taught me about how to spot the north star, how to actively use a compass, and about the interesting name of the stars and consolations. i liked the book alot, had a lot of diagrams and pictures. a little more modern of a book written in the 1920’s with full drawings.

i must say this weirdness continued for a few weeks until i felt comfortable to walk into the library confidently. ”good evening your highness, camilla”. i said as i walked passed holding a very exciting magazine. i jumped into one of the large oversized chairs off in the corner and read happily. i also listened to george lopez comedy albums, they made me laugh out loud so hard.
”what is so darn funny”. ”george lopez your highness have you seen him on t.v his albums are so hilarious”. i said at the begining of our friendship. ”i cant say i have but do come and sit with us”. my urge to talk and interupt and ask a bunch of questions, was so strong that day, as i placed my magazine on the table. i put my ipod back into my pocket.
i sat back in the large chair, my feet dangled happily over the edge as i read the article about angelina’s jolies house in malibu. ”what are you reading”. ”hello magazine, i just started a script”. i said forgetting this was american slang. ”subscription samantha”. ”please i like to be called sam”. ”alright then sam, its subscription”. ”yes, i am reading about angies house in malibu, look at that beach, have you ever been to the beach”. i asked as dan chuckled. ”yes i like the beach, have you ever been”. ”no the beaches in corpus, are toxic so you cant swim in the water, hey if you dont mind me asking, is there somewhere you can swim here like a public pool nearby i’d like to visit on my day off”. ”i dont know of any off hand but i can look for you later”. ”oh ok thank you”. i said going back to reading my magazine.
”what are you reading”. ”world religions”. ”you been reading that a while now, is it any good”. ”yes, i am doing research for a friend that is interested in becomming budhist i am reading about it delopment and history so i can tell him how i think its a good think do you like religion”. ”uhh i’d rather not say”. i said kind of sheepishly. this interested camilla, ”oh go on then say, we wont tell anyone do you read the bible”. ”uh no not recently, i was raised catholic but i know the queen is the head of the church of england and i respect that but i am afraid i wont be attending services much”. ”why is that do tell”. camilla scooted her chair a little closer to me. i moved upwards a little and in a whisper i replied ”the bible scares me alot, i have tried to see reason, i have listened to several preachers and atteneded many services, however i cannot stand by a book, that represses women, hates gays and condems others religion, if god is real and merciful and almighty why would he condone such hatred and retoric, i am also against people using religion to control others like in some cults”.
”those are some valid points i have never thought of it that way, dont worry we wont tell anyone but please the church of england welcomes everyone we would love for you to attend at least one service”. ”i will have to think about it your highness”.

that was the start of our friendship that continued as such for a long time, until the day the girl was discovered at the gate of kensington palace.
that day was cold and raining, i was serving everyone inside a little earlier. the rain had cleared enough so that we could go outside for tea. we had set everything up under a nice canopy. i was having fun chatting away to everyone. the palace and its grounds people and the new royal families are very nice and chat to everyone, weather or not your of status or not. so it was no surprise that when dan took that walk with his tea in hand, to the gates i was pouring camilla her tea. ”sam you have to try that cream i told you about, it will help with the redness of your cheeks”. she said running her soft hand on my cheek. ”i will try it”. ”i have a new one, i brought it for you ill bring it to you later”. ”thank you camilla”. i said as i moved over to her majesty the queen who also is very funny and very nice. ”sam you never did finish telling me about your family in america you parents”. ”your majesty my mother passed away when i was 18 shortly before i moved here, and my dad lives in chicago with my brother who is disabled, i send him letters and post cards he calls me alot.”. ”thats good family is important sam, what about a nice young man for you, someone who challanges you i am going to find you someone to occupy your time”. ”your majesty i am fine, i think i can manage besides i like being alone”. ”oh nonsense dear, theres always time for love”.
”oh my gosh, help some one call an ambulance”. i heard dan yell, i put the tray down and several of us ran towards him. i went first and saw the girl, i wrapped the jacket dan put on her around her shoulders and held her head. i saw her hand dan something.
i helped carry her inside the house. we laid her on a bed in the infirmary. i stood next to kate middleton and dan who grabbed my hand. ”oh poor thing i hope she makes it”. ”then i saw all the doctors and nurses stop, the closed the curtain on us, i knew it then she had passed away. i didnt know how this girls death had a profound effect on his highness.

i went back to my post at the gift shop and was kind day dreaming about the day his highness told me about his acting work and how america was interested in him after downton abbey. i saw his transformation go from a nice figure to really thin around 2013. dan came home from los angeless and at first i didnt recognize him. ”its me”. ”whoa you look so different what happened to you”. i said putting the union jack flags on the shelf. ”huh what do you think, the new svelter thinner me”. ”its different, i mean why though”. i said really taking a look. ”well i had to have my shirt off and all better to look really good”. ”i thought you looked good either way, far be it from me to say that you shou;dnt cave into the pressure to look a certain way, its why i dont wear make up”. ”i just lost a little weight but i am still me, its dan, please dont be upset”. ”i am not upset, i am disappointed because i always thought you had more confidence then this”. dan hugged me and tried to sooth me. ”your highness your touching me”. i say sternly pushing away. ”oh i am sorry sam, will you cuddle with me in the library”. ”no, i am not your cuddle service, i am not that kind of girl, look i am very busy i think you should go”.

that night, i was in the late night dinning office. sitting by the phone listening to my audio books on audible. the phone rang to dan’s room. ”good even thank you for calling in room dinning this sam how may i assist you”. ”hi sam, its me dan listen i am really hungry whats good tonight”. ”we have the red pepper soup, turkey sandwhiches and salads everything on the late menu”. ”oh i see, i want the soup and ice cream, what kind of ice cream tonight”. ”we have the same ice cream we always have dan, really”. ”i know will you do it the way i like it”. i rolled my eyes and tried to be nice ”of course”. ”thank you”. ”great ill see you in a few minutes”.
i stood next to the cook, in the kitchen waiting for the hot soup, and made up the bowl of ice cream super nice. ”its the same thing everytime. ”sam did you make these cookies, no your highness there chipsahoy out of the box”. i said putting the cookies on with sarcasm. ”sam be nice, hes the prince”. ”its always the same you know, guys thinking they can control the world and trying to repress women”. i said trying to focus because i was sheeting and shaking with anger.
”the soup is ready”. i put the soup on the tray, along with the ice cream and cookies, and the tea kettle and cups. i grabbed the soup spoons and napkins from the office.
i knocked softly on the door it was kind of late. ”hi its sam with in room dining”. i say softly as dan opens the door. my gosh he so gorgeous in person. ”your highness may i come in”. ”yes please”. he held the door open for me as i stumbled into the room. ”where would you like for me to play your tray”. ”over on the bed”. he said jumping around and then onto the bed. ”are you still upset with me sam”. ”a little, i just thought you were better then that hollywood mess”. ”i am better then that but i have chosen it as a job and i really like it sam, you should see my house in l.a”. ”nope rather not”. ”why not dont you want to go home for a visit”. ”no, i have news too, i am studying to take the citizenship test so i can be legal and pay taxes and so on”. ”oh really thats nice, but wouldnt you like to have both”. ”no, id rather forget america, they dont treat me nicely there, the uk is my home now, this is my home the palace is my home now. god save the queen and what have you, plus everyone is so much nicer to me here and did i mention i get free healthcare”.
”yes i suppose your right sam, do you want to see the pictures from the movie set”. ”i only have a few more minutes your highness”. ”oh please it wont take a minute”. ”sure” say as he shows me several picture from his phone, with his shirt off and acting goofy. ”your so cheeky, i have to go now”. ”sam”. i turned around, to face him ”your highness”. ”wont you stay and cuddle with me”. ”your highness you have asked me this everyday for the passed ten years and what do i always say”. ”no but, i thought this time might be different”. ”good night your highness ill see you tomorrow”.

”i am sorry she didnt make it dan, she seemed like a really nice girl”. i said standing next to the open hole in the ground. ”i promised her i would tell her story”. ”i know you will you always keep your promises”. i squeezed his hand and stood back a moment.

i was walking into the gift shop as usual during my day shift. i liked to stand outside and greet guest in the palace during the day and times the palace is open to visitors. the shop was full the day i saw dan peer over the large wooden railings. i thought i heard him say my name.
at the register i was cashing guests out, when dan ran inside. i saw him pause for a moment to catch his breath. ”your highness”. i said as the tourist all got excited. ”do you have a moment i need to talk to you”. ”yes let me settle these accounts, why dont you wait for me in the back storage area”.
i finished cashing guests out, and locked the front foor for a few minutes for security.

”ok your highness whats going on are you ok”.
”i need your help, going to america and finding information about jemma, a religious cult of some type that is very big on men and women and so forth involved in the bible”. ”theres just one problem dan, i am catholic”. ”i know that its ok i dont care about all of that but you and i would have to appear as a couple”. ”i dont know about this, dan you have no idea what these religious cults are like, scientology has their own prision, who knows what kind of craziness this has, this might have some sort of totalitarian society like the handmaids tale”. ”i am aware but i am a prince and remember whatever happens i cant be prosecuted”. ”i am not a citizen i could be deported and i dont want to be sent to prision”. ”as long as your with me samantha you are safe”. ”ok if your sure this is what you want to do then ill go with you”. ”thank you samantha i promise you, god will keep us safe”. ”oh wow i am so thrilled its going to be an adventure so where are we going”.
i gave her all of my notes, ”wait we have to pretend to be married, oh man”. i whispered looking at the very handsome tall prince. ”where a pair of misfits i think they will figure us out and we will be killed our worse”.

the day after, i went about my normal day of walking around the castle, looking around the garden. just to meditate and figure things out when i walked back into the house, dan was already awake and dressed. ”you werent next to me when i woke up sam”. ”i went for a walk your highness”. ”come here to me”. ”i dont think i really want to i think i am just going to hang out in my room for a while”. ”sam”. dan said as i ran up the stairs to my room. outside the door i heard him breathing for a moment. ”oh god please open the door and come to get me”. i thought as i heard him. ”i just want to see you can i come in”. i didnt answer and rolled over onto my side, then i heard the door open. ”sam”. ”please go away your highness we shouldnt be doing this”. ”i wont leave you sam, why dont you come and sit by the fire with me so we can talk”. ”my shoulder hurts its giving me a headache”. ”ill can give you a massage, see nice soft gentle hands around your shoulder”. it felt good made me relax and loose my head a little, that is until i felt something soft graze my shoulder then my neck. ”your highness”. ”dan, please call me dan”. ”dan please will you stop”. ”remember when we laid together in the cabin, both in our pajamas watching t.v. i really liked that night. you werent intimidated by me”. i turned around to look at him, he was straddling my wide hips. by his jeans i could see his erection. ”kiss me sam”. i shook my head no, but instead he leaned down and crushed his lips to mine. i was afraid of this moment the moment when this became real.
my breath caught in my throat and i swallowed hard. ”how many guys have you been with”. ”a few here and there, how many girls have you fucked”. ”since youve been in the palace three, but just a fuck not the way i feel about you sam”.
thats how i got to this moment. this moment when there was no more pretending, no more acting. when we were just 2 people, alone in this castle.

”your highness with all do respect i am nothing more then a server, i serve you and your family”. ”sam it doesnt have to be that way, there is no denying that after everything we have been through you dont feel it too”. ”i am not allowed to have or act on the feelings dan, girls like me dont marry prince charming, instead we stand behind the gates setting up the reception areas and watch as the handsome prince rides away, with the tall smart, pretty british aristocrat”.
”why cant you see me, see who i really am. i wasnt born into royal blood i was adopted, i am daniel stevens, yes i have a fancy title because i was raised in the palace but i am just dan and i love you”.
i got up from the bed, i nodded my head ”. dont you dare, you dont get a chance to tell me who you are, it would never work out between us. i am not going to live my life thrust into the spot light, having to be around other people wondering when the curtain will close and ill see myself on the other side, love is over rated”. i opened the door and said ”ill see upstairs you stay here and put these thought out of your head, i implore you to see other people”.

just like that i gave a hard push and he stepped back and away from me.

i testified in court, my protection orders were lifted and i returned to my work at buckingham palace. i made it my mission to ignore and be more professional when it came to dan, and not let my feelings cloud my judgement, i have been through enough.

in the storeroom with a coworker i carried the large heavy box out to the front before we opened our door. dan went back to america for a while to work on several movies like beauty and the beast, and others. i was happy he was finding success and was happy with something like that. it also turned out that he wasnt so lonely anymore, remember that girl susie i mentioned earlier, it turned out she was in america and they got close. pretty soon the palace and clearance house were buzzing with word from america of another royal wedding. i wont lie, i cried and cried and cried i tried to be ok.

”mrs, banyon i would like to put in for my vacation i dont want to be here for the wedding”. i said not realizing camilla was in ear shot. she and i had developed a nice realtionship, she did look out for me. once upon a time she too was an outsider. ”what no i need you, you are my best server”. ”listen with everythings thats happened i think i just need some time away from the palace to think about things, plus i thought i would travel”. ”this is not a good time sam you are my best server, i need you”. ”you can use frank, hes done this far longer then me and he has a repor with dan and susie, plus i dont think it would be right to have me around with everything thats happened”. ”well alright if its what you really want then yes, you can go”. ”thank you so much mrs. banyon”.

 

”kate, meghan, meeting now” camilla said getting the other wives together. meghan markle changed the royal family since her wedding to prince harry in may, i liked her alot she talked to me on the same level so nice.
”camilla, whats going on”. ”i just over heard sam, asking to go on vacation, she doesnt want to be here for the wedding”. ”oh man, i knew this would happen she should have told him how she felt”. kate said sitting down. ”sam the pretty server, i like her, i didnt know they had a thing camilla”. ”dont tell anyone i said this but he’s crazy about her, he talks about her incessantly to me. everyday when he calls he asks me how she is doing, i can hear the hope in his voice we have to do something we cant let him make a mistake and marry that girl”. ”camilla shouldnt we let him decide that for himself”. ”he did, he told me the truth he told her he loved her before the trial and she rejected him but i think it because she was afraid”.
meghan was interested. ”so what do we do”. ”i dont know but we cant let this wedding happen it would be a travesty, kate maybe will can talk to him”. ”i dont know if that will work”. ”what about harry”. ”ill get him to have a conversation with dan but i am not sure that will work”. ”we cant let her leave, if she leaves the wedding will happen, all he has to do is see her”. ”camilla how do we do that”. ”i dont know ill think of someone, we cant let this wedding happen”.
i packed everything into my suitcases, i decided to go to paris, the first place i would ever be outside of the u.k. paris is nice and warm with lots of coffee and cute boys i am sure i can find a few to keep me company. i think as i put my things away.
i rolled my suitcase into the elevator and to the kitchens where the backdoor was. ”hes come home, he’s home sam dont you want to say goodbye to his highness before you go”. jane one of the little maids asked as i put my coat on. ”no, my car is waiting i have to catch my plane”. i said putting my handbag on my shoulder. the shoulder was still tender and stung a little. as i pulled my suitcase out to the car.
”think your going to leave without saying good bye”. ”camilla, yes i was trying to leave”. ”nonsense, now i am going to miss you”. ”nah you wont you have a new girl to interogate and intimidate now, i am sure you will make it worth while, and grill her like a cheese sandwhich for me”. ”you know he asked to see you just now what shall i tell him”. ”paris is sunny this time of year right”. i put my purse in the car, had one foot inside when meg and kate came running out. ”wait we wanted to say goodbye too”. ”oh you girls, i am going to miss you both so much, and the babies”. ”why are you taking a vacation now, stay and eat cake with us”. ”no i dont think it should i may like her and end up staying, but listen i need to catch my plane now”. the driver opened the door for me.
”ohhh oh not right now”. ”camilla”. i said as she leaned on the car. ”its my back dear, help me inside”. ”just a moment” i said to the driver who nodded while me meghan, and kate helped her inside. i sat her in a chair. ”ok i have to go, bye bye you guys ill be back in 2 weeks with lots of treats and goodies”.
”damn it, i thought that would work”. ”what do we do now”. ”we have to keep trying”. camilla said watching sam in the car speeding down the long steep path.

”i tried kid, she just left”. camilla said standing in the library under the picture of diana. ”i know, i left her a voicemail earlier, i dont know if she heard it”. ”i dont know either”. camilla said as she eyed the blonde girl next to him whos eyes were wide. ”when i am the duchess, she will no longer have a job here”. susie said making camilla step into her face. ”i really dont think thats up too you madam, listen i would stay longer but present company is”. dan chuckled he knew his step mother was tempestuous. ”see you later camilla”.

”shes offal”. ”i hate her snide remarks”. meghan whispered behind her teacup to kate and camilla. ”she is so terrible with charlotte, she wants to be the center of attention and what is she wearing”. ”girls i miss sam, i miss her so much”. meghan said putting down her teacup. then kate put down her tea cup. ”what is we go to paris”. ”who going to stay here and put this girl in her place”. the girls looked at each other ”id be honored”. camilla said tipping her hat. ”go get the duchess”. she said as both women took off running towards the house.

 

”camilla, how many ponies do you still have in your stable. ill bet the hunting is at its peak right now”. susie said putting down her tea cup. camilla grinned and said ”i have several ponies, polo ponies and show ponies, i would love for you to be my guest at the house you’d have to see them”.

 

 

in paris, i sipped my coffee in a small cafe, a bistro. they served the most delicious pasteries, and bonus it was a hop skip and jump away from the eiffel tower. i got to see the lurve, which was fun. i saw some nice operas and my hotel room was nice. i walked the bordello at night and took the elvator up the tower and saw the top it was such a long way down.
royal wedding fever also hit paris like a tornado. i saw their pictures everywhere. on sweets, and in shop windows.

 

”hurry kate”. ”i cant run in these heels”. ”oh i think thats her here she comes”. suddenly meghan noticed sam was busy on her phone. thats when she moved in front of her so that they would collide. the collision made sam spill her coffee. ”oh my gosh watch it geez”. ”so sorry madam i”. ”meghan, kate, what are you girls doing here shouldnt you be getting ready for the wedding”. ”yes but er”. meg looked kate then kate looked at me and said ”we had to come, we’ve been looking for you everywhere”. ”why whats happened, is it the queen has london bridge fallen down”. ”er no the queen is fine, its the shop”. ”what happened with the shop”. ”oh they miss you so terribly”. ”i just talk to matt he said everything was under control, girls whats really going on”. ”ok ok you caught us, we thought we should have a girls weekend you know just the three of us”. ”girls, shouldnt you be with susie, shes about to be one of you now”. ”shes with camilla, we didnt want to be around the polo ponies they bite”. ”oh you just have to tickle them under there chin they like it when i do that”. ”where are you staying”. ”the hotel, over there its really nice they have a tea room you can tell me about susie”.

 

in london at camilla’s and charles country home. susie was wadding through the mud and muck, dressed like a full on rider and in very expensive shoes no less. camilla held her gun and whip in her hands. ”fine morning for riding isnt it”. ”yes but i must say i had no idea it would be like this”. ”oh how dreadful perhaps some riding boots would have been more appropriate attire”. ”i can manage where are we riding”. ”over there, the big ride down the hill and around the bend”.
camilla chose her most stubborn horse for the oscassion. ”this is clyde and seymour my babies”. she said as both began to rear up and buck. ”oh my word”.
dan was in the kitchen with his brothers, checking his phone. ”are you checking your phone again”. ”yes i am worried about sam, she hasent spoken to me or said anything at all to me, did she say anything to kate or meghan before she left”. ”no, afraid not did you call her”. ”i did i left her several message but, i get no response i am so worried”. ”why are you worried, not getting cold feet are you”. ”no but i like sam alot i just want to make sure shes ok, and not cold or scared or, she gets cold easily”. ”paris is sunny this time of year dan shes a big girl i am sure she is fine, she just didnt want to get caught up in the wedding hype, its alot to take in and with harrys wedding last month its just a little to much right now”.

walking through the paris bistro, the girls were chattering away incesantly while i casually played off checking the messages on my phone. ”please call me i am worried about you sam, we have never not spoken like this. i need to hear your voice that your ok with this wedding”. then i heard someone chattering, their voice was different. ”hi sam, girls should you be getting ready for the wedding”. ”huh no i am not going to the wedding”. i said hiding my phone in my purse next to me, i looked up to see benedict cumberbatch not sitting at the same table with us. ”yes i must say i was a little miffed to have not recieved an invitiation to the last one but my invitation came and i must say i am a little confused i just thought the names would be a little different”. ”i for one have no idea what you are talking about, i said with eyes wide taking a sip of my coffee”.
”sam i am surprised you taking this so well”. ”how should i be taking this ben, i a dont understand”. ”i mean no disrespect sam i just thought with” ”well you thought wrong and yes, yes i am fine with this the prince is a grown man and can make his own choices”. i snapped as meg and kate gripped my arm to try to calm me. ”i am sorry, sorry i am just tired of hearing about the royal wedding”.
ben patted me on the hand. ”i know i am not going”. ”your not going, but your dans best friend you have to go”. ”no i am not going, the soon to be duchess insulted my wife, at balmoral last week so thats us off the christmas card list”. ”what happened i was there”. ”she made a remark about the carpet, and broke a treasured heirloom and said something about dan, i told her she should leave. i dont like being insulted in my home”. ”where was i when this happend, ”inside like a good respectable girl sam the whole thing is outrageous”. ”i am sorry ben i like sophie, she talked me through tosca that one evening”. ”she likes you too would also like it if you joined us, at the house next week”. ”sure when i get home i will pay her a visit, i am sure the duchess is going to be lovely. i mean i like camilla and i was sure id hate her”.
kate and meghan choked on their tea, for a moment. ”camilla has her moments but she isnt that bad”. ”well anyways, i just want this wedding to be over so i can go home and be myself again”. i said finishing off my coffee. ”would you like to spend the week at the house with us, sophie and the boys love your company”. ”no thanks just a visit, i am sure the duchess will have plenty to keep me busy with”.

kate, and meghan, went home. i stayed in paris. ben and i had dinner together on night. ”sophie i am with sam she on holiday doesnt want to be at the god offal wedding say hello”. i waved to sophie at home in britian on face time. i came over and sat in closer to benedict. ”oh darling come home, we miss you so much come spend the week with us, come watch the wedding with us”. ”not on your life sophie i am going to enjoy my vacation i am going swimming tomorrow in the ocean i have a nice bikini you would just die how cute it is”. ”yyyasss were it send me pictures wont you”. ”will do darling bye”.
”thanks for walking me back to my room”. i said to ben who let me hold his arm on the walk back. ”ahh your welcome sam, your so sweet, so what do you think your going to do when the duchess arrives”. ”fired proably, but i hear camilla and charles need staff maybe ill work at clearance house or maybe ill take all the money i have save and buy a house in the country somewhere, are there any places for sale over in your parts”. ”i dont know i can check for you, you know sophie and i would like it if you came to work for us, you know ill pay you well and you can travel with us”. ”thanks ben thats sweet ill keep that in my bonnet for when i need it, good night”. ”good night sam and think about it ok” ”i will good night”.

 

the royal wedding was about to begin, i watched from bbc france in my room. i sat on the floor and watched as people like the prime minister arrived, american celebrities and other heads of state arrived. on the side of the screen a timer counted down the hours and minutes before the offical arrival of the queen and prince charles and everyone.
i kept my phone closely texting sophie. ”i see the fergie is back in the fold for how long i wonder”. ”sophie dont be cheeky she was at harry and meghans wedding”. ”i cant believe victoria beckham smiling for once”. she replied. ”my eyes i cant believe it either”.

 

”when they ask if we should know of a reason they shouldnt get married i am going to say something”. meghan said adjusting her hat with camilla and the kate and meghan were huddled together passing around a benson and hedges and a scrong mimossa. ”me too, we cant let them get married, any word from the real duchess”. ”not much other then she is watching for for us to behave”. ”we cant behave when we know the real duchess is in paris”. ”i know, i know”. behind them tom hiddleston was walking in with his young son, the boy named thomas whom he lovingly called tom tom.
tom was an outsider, but he too knew he couldnt let this wedding go on. after all not even dan’s best friend benedict cumberbatch wasnt comming and that was a travesty in itself. he wanted to be the one to speak to.

 

”oh my god here it comes, shes in the car sophie can you see the dress”. ”ill bet she looks like a right cow that evil bitch”. ”sophie be nice”. ”that was nice”. the crowd outside st james chapel went wild when susie got out of the car, dressed in her pretty white dress. she did look like a princess.
just as sam was about to text sophie, a message from dan popped on the screen. ”please talk to me, this is my big day and i miss you, i wish you could be here right now”. i put my phone down and took a few breaths and the replied. ”i just saw her enter the church she looks beautiful i know you both will be happy, i have to tell you now that i am leaving kensington palace, ben offered me a job and i am going to accept it. i am sure you and your duchess will be very happy, i wish you the best”.
”haha she tripped did you see that”. sophie text me as i saw dan appear on the screen, the look on his face, to me i knew he was angry. i could see it as he stood at the alter with will and harry. one by one everyone filled the church they took their seats and waited.

tom was seated behind camilla, kate, and meghan, the three woman were holding hands their pacts sealed as the made their plan.

”damn that train is so big, and she i cant even believe it get a freaking blow out” sophie said as she and i face timed, i had the sound on the t.v turned down. ”i put in my resignation and i think i am going to take you up on the offer sophie ill come and work for you”. ”what really”. then ben grabbed the phone. ”not for us, with us, i am going to need someone to help me run my female driven production company, its going to be a six figure salary and they are selling the house next door”. ”i accept ben, i cant wait, plus i am going get to play with the babies and the dog”. ”yes, then sophie and ben paused”. ”whats going on”. ”are you watching the t.v”. ”yeah why” i looked up to see tom hiddleston, standing up talking, along with meghan, kate and camilla.

 

”we are here to witness the marriage of his royal highness daniel, to susie harriett, if there is anyone who knows why these 2 should not be joined in lawful matrimony speak now or forever hold your piece”. the archbishop said as tom stood up and said ”because this isnt right, he doesnt love her”. then camilla stood. ”this was all wrong from the begining, he doesnt love her, you have mistaken his kindness for marriage, while the duchess is away in paris. this whole thing is just wrong”. camilla said as tom moved forward handing the baby to kate. ”dan please, you know this isnt right, your best friend and best man isnt here and the girl you love isnt here. instead she’s off somewhere else. sometimes people do the things they think are right, that will make them happy. when in truth those things are wrong dont make my mistake. you helped me, sam helped me, they all got what they deserved dont let this wedding cloud your judgement. i implore you in the name of true love to not do this”. dan wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at tom. ”i ve made such a mess of things, what do i do”. ”not this, a wedding out of spite in not love, its year of anguish and turmoil, please do the right thing”.
the royal guards, pulled dan aside to the back of the church.

 

”your highness”. ”we must proceed acording to plan, tom will retired from the service.
tom had also been taken to the back and said ”dan i am warning you now, as long as samantha cortez walks this earth you will never be happy”. its as if his words rained down a heavy curse upon dan and his new bride to be.

dan righted himself and took a deep breath, ”we will continue as planned”. then proceeded to walk back to susie who was waiting at the alter. camilla, kate, and meghan would not see their duchess or rather sam for that matter.

 

”oh there was a hiccup it seems, they just said their vows and are married now”. sophie said to me via text message. ”its just as well they deserve each other with all that pomp and circumstance i am happy for them”. i said trying to hold back the tears that maybe i missed my chance to say the truth, to not lie and push him away from me. it is what i wanted. beside susie was far more equiped to handle royal life and meeting heads of state. with my big mouth i am sure i would have pissed someone off.

 

 

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the foundling ch.4 Jemma’s tale

ch.4
Jemma’s tale

 
arriving back to buckingham palace, his highness was taken to the infirmary at once. checked over before his grand mother the queen came in.
”granny where is sam, i would like to see her”. ”i wanted to tell you she surrendered, they took her back to america”. ”what granny no”. ”she asked me to give these to you, funny she wouldnt let me press the war button even though i wanted too”. ”granny what will happen to her”. ”i dont know, but we are going to do everything we can for her, you better hope these files can help her too”.

 

in america i was hog tied, handcuffs around my wrist and shackles around my ankles as i was taken off airforce one. they threw a bullet proof vest over me as we made the walk through the airport to the federal prision in florida.
even though i was going to give up my american citizenship i couldnt open up the u.s to attack from not just britian but other countries who had beef over america. whatever was instore for me facing these charges was worth it if it meant it could help the girls trapped in this cult.

the investigators interogated me for hours, i told them what i knew, i told them we broke into the office for a file, but that i had not read the contents of the file”. ”where is this file now”. ”under protection of the queen so do your worst boys”. they put me in solitary confinment, alone except for 1 hour a day when i was allowed time to be in the yard for fresh air other wise the same four walls were my home. i ate in my cell, drank, and so forth.

 

”please jemma, give me something i can use”. dan said opening the file. inside the heavy large file was a photo, of jemma in her long skirt that looked like something the american women of polygamy wear. her long curly brown hair hanging around her head and her eyes wide, as if she knew she would never be going back home.
”female, age 18 years old cleared for the breeding program on loan to scientology”. he read at first.

 

jemma was very scared when she and the other girls were loaded into the back of the van, driven up the pretty rolling hills of the valley. once arriving at the location she was made to change her clothes into a pure white dress, a bonnet type of hat. ”welcome girls this is your first official day of training”.

 

in my cell i laid looking at the padded ceiling, i thought about my room at the palace and how it was very big. i thought of my dog and my comfy pink pashmina, i thought of my walks through the grounds of the palace taking in its beautiful artwork and statues. i thought of the sounds of the children playing in the gift shop with their union jack flags while the spice girls played on the radio over my head. i thought of sticky toffe pudding and royal functions. i thought of the late night calls to his highness who was always lonely for company. i thought of the happy look on his face when he opened the door in his robe, waiting for me to come in. ”i have your ice cream and cookies i hope your excited”. ”i am will you stay and eat with me please”. ”your highness i cant i have to get back to my post, you know i am not supposed to be in your room either, were not allowed to fraternize with royals you know the rules”. ”oh bullocks to the rules its completely innocent”. ”i know your highness but the queen wont think so, now finish up and you have a nice rest and ill see you in the morning ok”. ”ok fine go on then”. ”good night your highness”. i said closing the door and sighing, ”poor poor thing hes so lonely for company”.
i even thought of hooking up a friend with him only the date didnt go so well and i found out the friend was power hungry. something his highness wasnt about. while his whole life was about pomp and circumstance, his highness never acted that way, even though he had been adopted by diana and charles at 7 days old, and raised as a royal child he never felt like he was. his mother certainely never treated them as such, she wanted them to know life outside the walls of the palace to be normal children. to play sports and eat at mcdonalds.
his mothers death was hard on him and his brothers, and then there was camilla neither of them were ready to accept her, and while he did now he didnt reguard her as a mother all the while he did respect his father prince charles for having the gusto to actually marry the love of his life.
even though i never got to meet his mother the princess diana, her memory was all over the palace, from books, to paintings, her dresses and the spencer tiara all on display at buckingham palace. in my cell i thought of her, i thought of what she would be like. i wondered if she would be as down to earth as her kids, i wondered what she would say and think of me, of her son daniel. ”would she like me, would i like serving her in the house, would i be apart of her royal court and servers like i am at home. i wondered how the lives of dan, william, and harry would be different. i wondered if they would have turned out to be such great and strapping men, with families of their own now.
then i couldnt help think about dans sweet smile, the way he held me when i was cold and how we would so close. i thought of the moment he told me i was attractive. i never get attentions from guys like that because of my red freckled cheeks and sun kissed skin, or because i am not exactly easy on the eye. i wipe a tear from my eyes and roll over to face the wall in my cell.

 

 

”david miscaviage arrainged for jemma to be assigned to cruise in california”. dan took a breath trying to get his mind off of samantha for a while.

 

”this one, what about this girl tom”. david said in jemma’s scared face. ”yes i like this one she is very pretty”. ”is this the girl you want”. ”yes”. tom said taking jemma by the hand and rubbing it gently. ”then take her, and be fruitful and multiply she was chosen especially for this”. david miscaviage the leader of scientology said as tom dragged jemma along with him.

jemma was selected for the breeding program to assist men like cruise who had no biological children yet, she was chosen for her age and ability to bare children. she would be at his every whim.
her first days with him didnt go well, she spent her first 7 days being yelled at, shouted at, beaten slapped, and raped for days. this was her life now, that isnt until she became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl, a baby girl known to the world as suri cruise. they set everything up to look as if katie holmes gave birth to her, even katies name is on her official birth certificate.
after the safe delivery of that child, jemma was moved to new york city. the broodmare for beyonce and jay z who shut down a whole floor of the hospital so that no one could witness the birth. that child also a baby girl known as blue ivy. after that jemma was moved under ground to the u.k delivering a boy for ronan keating and his wife yvonne, aswell as a baby for robie williams and his wife aida. after that bill gothard ordered she be killed, except the man she was with had fallen in love with her, and refused to kill her.
people from the uk institute found the man and took jemma with them. deciding she was good for one last baby she was placed in the home of the actor tom hiddleston and his wife the american singer taylor swift who became insanely jealous, of her realtionship with hiddleston who fell hard for her. after the birth of their son, taylor made her stay in her room. chained to the radiator, alone for days on end until tom returned home and found her barely breathing, emaciated. he threatend taylor who turned vengeful and hit jemma over the head with the large heavy edge of the candle holder. hiddleston went to jemma. ”taylor stop we have to get her help she could be dying”. ”let the bitch die, get away from her, you love her more then me”. ”taylor stop this please, i dont want her to die”. ”choose her or me”. ”her, now stop”. taylor throw the large candle holder to the ground, grabbed jemma by the hair and said ”look at your whore now all the blood, draining from her face”. ”please taylor let her go, we wont tell anyone just let us be alone”. ”no tom you either love me or no one” she threatend throwing jemma down the stairs. ”nooo taylor”. ”you stay there like the dog you are hiddleston ill deal with her”. he heard jemma whimper as taylor threw jemma into the basement.
that night as tom cried himself to sleep, taylor went down to the basement, carried jemma’s 75 lb body out to the car. she drove for hours trying to decided where to leave her but when her car veered off the road somewhere near buckingham palace, taylor put jemma in the trees just outside the gate. after that taylor managed to get the car back on the road. when tom went to find jemma and said she was gone. in a fit of rage and anger he took there son and left the family’s home. breaking off all contact with taylor.
in short that was her story. just like that jemma was gone, found by the prince in the city burried under the tree in kensington, no word to the public, everything handled by his highness.

 

in the palace it was so hard for dan to try to sleep, following the path of jemma the foundling, wasnt easy pouring over all the offical documents. wanting to tell her story and how it ended how would he present this and who from the church was implicated.
feeling cold and lonely and wanting a snack the prince called down. forgetting he would never hear the sweet voice again or see her smiling face again. dan remembered the day that samantha told him in the shop she got her driving license and she was officially now going to learn how to drive and then proceeded to back into the baby jesus of prague statue in the courtyard.
or when during the wedding of william and kate, during the reception when samantha was pouring water at the table. ”would you like to dance sam”. ”i cant im on the tick tock”. ”come on dance with me”. ”no your highness behave”. she protested pouring his water water and tea, while he put a gentle hand on her back.
then at christmas when everyone in the palace came together, to open gifts and that year he accidently on purpose got her name during the grab bag, he bought her the pretty vanity set with her initials ingraved on the ivory handle, that was a sweet gift. she smiled at lot playing with the mirror. ”show me the best”. she joked shaking the mirror. ”my magic mirror is broken, this is supposed to be a palace”. ”how is it broken”. dan asked kneeling next to her looking at their reflection. ”i cant see my reflection, i am a vampire”. she said putting the mirror down and focusing on everyone else.
”i got a part in a television mini serious”. ”cool now your going to be a big famous movie star and then i can come to hollywood and clean your house”. ”no you can come and visit me”. ”yeah ill come and visit you with the queens detail, and serve you tea in the open hills of hollywood, and you can introduce me to jared leto, i like jared leto”. she said sighing and smiling. i giggled ”i like jared leto too wanna hear bout the show”. ”ok but make it quick its almost time for the changing of the guards”. ”well i am playing an aristocrat who is the only heir to”. ”whats it called ”downton abbey”. ”id watch it”. she said nodding her head leaning on the wooden display case in the gift shop.
”do you want to come to the set with me”. ”i cant come as your friend, not while i am supposed to be here but you go on your highness and you come back and show me all the pictures”.
when i came back dressed in my suit from the show so everyone could see me, i made sure to stop into the gift shop. samantha was behind the counter chatting away to snobby american tourists, with one eye on me she gave me a thumbs up and nodded in approval.
”no way i am not staying here today is my day off, and i have to go to the imigration office”. ”imigration”. ”i need to update my lisence and work visa”. samantha said closing the doors to the shop. ”can i come with you”. ”no your highness remember we are not suppose to be seen together, i could loose my job and i need and like my job”. ”fine ill stay here”. ”i thought you had to work today anyways arent you supposed to be on set”. ”i dont work on set today, how long do you think youll be”. ”all day probably it takes a while, anyways god save the queen ill see you later”.

night time alone at the palace now was hard, the gift shop even felt lonely now too. another young girl had been hired, a jamaican girl. had been hired and to be honest now dan never went out there or left the palace much lately.
”your highness i would like for you to meet the actor tom hiddleston”. ”oh yes a great fan of your work, how are you”. dan asked as he shook toms hand. ”doing well you”. dan walked around the grounds of kensington palace with tom, who stopped dead in his tracks fell down to his knees and wept at the grave of jemma the foundling. ”did you know her”. dan asked as tom moved forward, and said ”i didnt know i swear i didnt know, she told me she got you help i”. ”you know what happened”. ”i can explain”. tom said as dan stopped the guards for a minute.

”do you know what happened to her”. ”she was so beautiful the bluest eyes you have ever seen, i loved her so much i wanted to be with her”. tom said in between tears. ”did you hurt her”. dan said with a stiff upperlip becomming angry, that he and samantha had been lashed for stealing this file. ”no i would never hurt her, i followed the rules, i didnt step in when she was hurting her”. ”who hurt her”. ”taylor”. ”what rules”. ”the program, it was so silly really but she thought it would be easier then her having my baby, but once she saw that we were becomming closer and closer she was relentless beating her, choking her. i had to go on location to film and left her with the baby our son, i thought she would be ok. but when i came home. she was chained up like a mutt, chained up like a dog no one wanted, she was so thin and shaking. i broken the lock and freed her, she could barely stand up. i took her to the kitchen i asked her when the last time she had a bite had been she couldnt answer me she looked so sick, she couldnt keep anything down i begged taylor to let me get her help, then she hit her over the head with candle stick”. ”murderer how could you, slavery is illegal what rules who are these people”. ”i dont know but taylor heard about then through beyonce and they put this whole thing together”.

 

a date had been set for my sentencing. the official charges were unlawful tress passing inpersonating a parishioner and pre meditated murder. my laywer was paid for and to be honest i dont think he believed me when i told him i just started shooting and i didnt know who or what i was shooting at, but then he asked me what i saw in the office. ”dan and i were under the desk trying to be quiet, thats when we saw bill gothard the elder of the church, he was there with a young girl i had seen in the commisary earlier. ”what did he say to her”. ”he asked if she had kept sweet for daddy, then he put her on the desk, we could hear then kissing and giggling, then when it got real she started screaming for him to get off of her, ”no no stop”. she pleaded, ”are you saying you witnessed a rape, why didnt you say this before” ”i did i told the god squad, but the police in the town are all in on it they make money from them, some of their officers high ranking church officials so it was kept quiet”.
”this changes things”. ”what”. ”we have something to bargain with”. ”i need you to get me the tapes from that night in the office”. he told a paralegal in the room with us. ”whay else did you find there, why were you in the file room”. ”to get a file, the file of jemma duggar, the foundling who was found at kensington palace and burried, no one knew who she was. his highness asked me to help him. he wanted to find out why she died to put her birthday and death day on her grave stone”. ”where is this file now”. ”safe with the queen and prince daniel”. ”do you think they would turn it over to me”. ”nope, he wont turn it over to anyone else there was something in it for him”.
”sarah i need the prince on the phone now”. he demanded as the guards came and took me away back to my cell. ”ill get you out of here samantha, i promise”. ”listen dont make promises you can keep and they wont talk to you, they have imunity”.

 

”tom you have to go to the police and tell them what happened”. ”i am going to loose everything”. ”no you wont you didnt kill her, taylor did. please dont let her death be in vain”.

 

her lawyer james stamphill, got off the plane at heathrow airport. he had to see the prince, and the queen if what samantha was saying was true, this case was so much bigger then anything he could have even imagined.

”mr.stamphill got a minute”. ”sarah i am trying to get a cab”. ”its all over cnn, fox news and msnbc, they are saying that samantha cortez is telling the truth people are comming forward claiming to have been abused and molested by this man gothard”. ”shit sarah call the victims we need evidance we need statments from the people involved call me later im on the way to the palace”.

 

the queen will see you now. a royal advisor said as he was escorted into a large confrence room where the queen and the young prince were waiting. ”what news do you have is samantha ok, how is she doing”. stamphill took a sigh and said ”as well as can be expected shes a pistol, she told me the reason why you were in the office is it true about the file and where is it”. ”its true i have the file”. ”have you read the file”. ”yes, its full of names and dates, im sure you will be interested in”. ”great ill need to take it with me right now”. ”not so fast, we would like samantha cortez released imediately and placed under your protection as she is now a witness to a bigger crime”. ”i will do my best if i can get that file”.

dan turned the file over to the lawyer. ”will she be able to come home to me”. dan asked as stamphill said ”i dont know, she will be in federal protection depending on the contents of this file”. ”ok” he said resigned to the fact he may never see samantha again.

 

 

back in florida in my cell with no access to the outside world. the door to my cell opened, royal advisors, the head of the f.b.i and my laywer escorted me out of the cell. ”whats going on”. ”your being released under the royal and federal witness protection program, your being taken back to your home”. ”what back to the palace”. ”this case spans both side of the atlantic and we are going to need your testimony, but we have to make sure your kept alive and safe”. stamphill said leading me out to the official black royal cars. i was taken to the airport where an f.b.i. and several of the royal guards were awaiting next to the royal coach.
even the imigration officers came along. ”where am i going”. ”windsor castle, there are going to be strict rules, you are still in federal and international custody pending trial, you will not be allowed to leave the ground for any reason. you must always be attached to your ankle monitor, you will need to report via phone every week, an agent will have to come to the palace, you will be drug tested everyweek, and you are not allowed to have any visitors at all”. ”what about work”. ”you will be given a monthly allowance”. ”will i be able to see the prince again”. ”yes both of you are now under house arrested and federal protection, he wont be able to testify to what he saw in court, but it was the only way i can keep you alive and him from getting up from in front of the cars, and keeping him alive”.

 

at windsor castle there was no royal welcome or any thing like that. i was escorted through the door and to the common room. i was given a burner phone and told to stay inside. ”ill be comming by in a few days i am needed at scotland yard”. ”ok bye” i said sitting and waving him off, then i was alone for a few minutes. ”wow i did it whats going on, whats is happening, yesterday i was a murderess and now i am free i am home”. i thought as i turned the tv onto the bbc. ”breaking news, the death of a young women discovered on the kensington palace property has been idenified as jemma marie duggar 24 years old from america, the death is being labeled as a human trafficking case, and a famous actor is caught up in the middle as tom hiddleston was escorted out of a police station a witness to a violent and graphic murder”. ”what does that have to to with me” i wondered as i listened to the female reporter who also showed taylor swift in handcuffs, kicking and screaming.

 

”SAM” i turned to see prince charming. ”your highness”. ”i am so glad your home i missed you so much”. ”ouch y y your highness your hugging me, your touching me”. ”i know your going to have to take it for a few more moments, i missed you let me look at you are you ok”. ”yes yes i am fine, please dont make a fuss certainely otheres would love your attention”. ”nonsense i wont ;et you out of my sight, now that your home”. ”tell me whats going on did you read the file, why was hiddles arrested”. ”there is so much i have to fill you in on come along lets have some tea”.

 

”i need you to keep pushing”. taylor screamed as she, tom, and a midwife held jemma while she was giving birth. jemma was so weak, tired from doing this so many times, her body was worn and beaten down as the baby boy came screaming and crying into this world. ”oh my gosh, oh my gosh”. tom proclaimed as the midwife put the baby on jemma’s chest. tom kissed her forhead, and wiped the wet and messy hair from her face.
the midwife cleaned the baby up before handing the cleaned baby to taylor. ”hes beautiful, i want you to know ill be a good mother to the baby”. jemma had no passed out, her body writhing with pain and anguish wishing she could die.
once jemma had been cleaned up and was allowed to breast feed the baby, taylor became angry and enraged. ”i cant for her to be able to leave, shes so devious and evil”. tom on the other hand was so in love and besotted by his new baby son, with his little tuffts of curly red hair and his blue eyes, the baby looked exactly like him. ”my son, my little baby boy, hello son”. he said touching each of his perfect little fingers and toes, rubbing his gentle little head. so lost and in love with this tiny little angel. ”what are you going to name him”. ”thomas david hiddleston the third the first boys are always named after daddy”. he said to the midwife. jemma was sitting up in bed when tom came over. ”hold our baby, you look so beautiful right now, i love you so much”. he said kissing her hand and cheek.
taylor had to take a deep breath, this was her baby, her moment. ”give me my son, leave her alone and come here so we can pose for pictures”. ”i” ”be a man and face it”. taylor spat through gritted teeth and posted a picture of the three of them on instagram.
”i am going on location, but when i get back we will have to have a discussion how this is going to work taylor”. taylor sniffed, in her mind she knew he would come home to her and their baby and that there wouldnt be a place for taylor in his life anymore.
”jemma”. jemma was nursing the baby when he came into the nursery. ”remember i told you today i have to go on location”. ”yes i remember”. she said cradling the infant tightly. ”when i get back, i am going to tell taylor the truth, i want a divorce. i want to come back to you and our baby”. ”as you wish”. jemma said focusing her face back on the baby. ”no come here”. tom said pressing his lips to hers in a sweet kiss. ”i want to take you both with me, but your not well enough to travel right now”. jemma didnt reply. taylor had been on the other side of the doorway listening.

tom wasnt even gone an hours when taylor yanked the baby from jemma’s arms. taylor put the baby on forumula and handcuffed jemma to the radiator. it was cold in britian at the time, it burned the side of jemma face and hips. but just as tom was arriving back home after 2 months so excited to see jemma and the baby. when he opened the door and found her so thin, bones protruding through her sagging skin. his heart sank. ”jemma”. he said going to her quickly, trying to free her from her shakles, he sawed through the lock with small handsaw that took twenty minutes. once she was free. he rubbed her wrists. ”come on ill get you some water. your so thin jemma”. he said helping her walk on staggering legs to the kitchen. ”here drink”. he help the straw to her lips, but emma began to choke. ”slowly”. he said holding the glass still for her. ”ill get you some fruit”. but nothing worked she kept choking and puking it back up. ”your leaving me”. taylor said standing with the baby in her arms. ”yes, what have you done”. he asked taking the baby from her. ”i wont let you leave me”. ”she could be dying right now and you wouldnt have told me”. ”shes nothing but a broodmare a slave, a handmaid, to be honest i am glad, now she wont be able to take you away from me. shes a slut, shes been used so many times let the bitch die”.
”let me get her some help please”. taylor put the baby down in his pack and play. ”no shes not going anywhere, let her fucking die with dignity, she doesnt need you to fuss over her”. ”shes the mother of my baby”. ”no i am”. ”you said you didnt want to get pregnant, you wanted a surrogate and you followed jay after i told you i didnt want to do this”. ”we got our baby and now its time i finish her”. taylor reached for the large candle holder with the heavy wooden bottom, and flung it hard hitting jemma right in the head sending her crashing to the floor.
”my sweet girl, jemma”. tom got on his knees. he tried to stop the blood dripping into her eyes”. ”say goodbye to your bitch”. taylor grabbed her by the hair and threw her down the heavy stairs into the basment. ”noooo”. tom lunged forward put taylor pushed him back and said ”be a man and watch her die”.
”your fucking insane, i am taking my son and we are leaving you”. he grabbed the baby from the pack n play and locked the door in the bedroom. long enough to pack his clothes and a few of the baby’s things. taylor thought he had fallen asleep, she went down to the basement. jemma was still alive breathing and coughing up blood. ”fucking bitch”. taylor screamed in her face, grabbing her by the hair taylor wraped her in some old blankets and put her in the backseat.
then began the long drive into the city. the rain made the roads slippery and somewhere near kensington palace her small car veered off the road and into a revine. it wasnt damaged but taylor knew the police would come, she took jemma out of the backseat of the car and dragged her to the garden gate that lead to the palace.

 

”you told them what we saw, and now girls and women are comming out saying its true, they too were raped and abused by this man, plus the file even says names as to who she had been traffiked too”. ”what like who”. ”tom cruise and katie holmes, and beyonce and jay z”. ”i knew she didnt have that baby”. ”what will happen to hiddles”. ”hes going to take a plea and testify against her”. ”wow, we solved a murder and opened another case, but i saw on the news how people were saying that i shouldnt have messed with the church”.
dan then hugged me tightly and rested his head on my shoulders. ”uh your highness, your touching me again”. ”why are you so interested in the rules sam, we are alone no one will see us”. ”because i am a guest and i live on your property your highness, we as workers arent allowed to have sexual relations with any royal”. ”i am just any royal i am dan, and i am not asking for sex i just want a cuddle”. ”no we have to be professional about these things”. ”go on then, remember when we were alone in the woods together and you were cold and i cuddled you really tight against my chest”. ”that was different i am not cold now”. ”well i am cold and i need a cuddle, with you cuddle me”.
”fine just a quick hug and thats it”. ”ok” dan hugged me tightly at first, and then i put my arms around him. he rested his head on my shoulders. ”ok you can let go now”. ”i am not ready, lay and cuddle me please”. he pushed me back on the couch. and i gave in. ”ok i am done cuddling”. ”see its easy and nice to cuddle it makes people feel warm and special inside. my mom used to cuddle me when i was scared or when i was unsure”. ”your highness dont make this weird”. ”i told you to call me dan”. ”yes i forget because its so easy”. ”did they hurt you while you were in prision”. ”no not really, not apart from the average fights with some of the women in the yard but most of the time i stayed in my cell, what about you did you do anything fun while i was in florida”. ”i stayed in alot and watched movies, i worked out and red some scripts”. ”the sequal to beauty and the best, am i going to get to see you make out with emma watson again, she pretty”. ”she’s pretty sam and how is your shoulder healing”. ”nicely i must say, who is working in the shop right now”. ”a young jamican girl”. ”oh nice, is she cute do you like her, i wanna go to the wedding and eats lots of cake”. ”shes cute, and i like her but not like that”. ”your highness we have got to find you a girlfriend, what about someone like emma stone, that pretty red hair and those green eyes them would be some pretty babies”. ”they sam, they would be pretty babies and no, i dont want to be with emma stone”. ”what about that woman, what was her name the one from balmoral, or susie the african lady, she really wanted to ride space mountain i thought you both had a connection”.
susie was very nice, and very clingy i want a girl i have a real connection with, one i can sit and talk to and stare at for hours, one who doesnt want me for my status and title”. ”oh well what about a guy friend its the 21st century and it would be about damn time if a prince and another prince wanted to marry”. ”no no sam i am not into guys i like girls, and i really like you”. i pushed him away a little noticing that we were having a moment. ”i am not available and i dont think you should be wasting your time on me, i think you should find someone who makes you truly happy”. ”you make me happy sam, really happy i can be myself when i am with you”.
”your highness i know how much you have missed me but this is a crush, and infatuation dont let this cloud your judgment”. ”its not i know what i feel is real sam, and weather or not you believe or are open to it. i am glad your home i missed you and if you dont mind i would like to stay with you tonight”. ”ok but no more touching or sitting really close, you have to behave ok”. ”not even just a cuddle so i can fall asleep”. ”ok just until you fall asleep then you have to let go”. ”i agree”. ”ok great, are you hungry i want some hot chocolate”. i said finding my way around the kitchen.

that night i let dan cuddle with me, in bed. it felt kind of nice to be wanted, to have been missed to know that someone thought of me at the end of the day. i watched him sleep peacefully before i rolled over and fell asleep.

 

a few days later i was given clearance to be able to work again. i couldnt return to the public, but i could work the events in the castle and palace. ”my ankle monitor, so nice”. i showed it off to everyone in the kitchens. waiting to serve the tea, while the royals all talked and visited each other. ”go out with the sandwhiches now”. mrs bates said as i pushed the door with my back and wounded shoulder. i started with the queen at the head of the table then went around to everyone and served them, dan was at the end sitting on the queens left. i leaned down to serve him and felt that same gentle hand on my back, only this time he was rubbing it slightly. the sensation sent shivers down my spine it felt good and made me a little wet to be honest. i smiled and looked down at him for a moment before i went back into the kitchen to wait for the butler to clear the dishes.
after dinner, i walked back to my room at windsor alone. i turned on the t,v in the bedroom and watched the last part of gone with the wind. i must have dozed off because a while later i heard dan come into the bedroom. ”sam, samantha are you asleep”. ”yes i dozed off, i am sorry how was the rest of the night”. ”good, i missed you”. ”you havent seen me in over an hour”. ”i look for you when you are not close to me”. ”your highness please i am really sleepy”. ”i know but i want to cuddle please”. i held out my arms for him to get into bed next to me”. ”we cant keep doing this you know”. ”i know but i am so happy your here right now”. i fell asleep in his arms. when i woke up we were facing each other. i noticed he was only wearing a t shirt and his shorts. i knew nothing happened, but i still didnt think it was right for us to sleep together when there was no official engagment. so i moved to sleep in another room. i left the door open and had the large bed all to myself.

the day after, i went about my normal day of walking around the castle, looking around the garden. just to meditate and figure things out when i walked back into the house, dan was already awake and dressed. ”you werent next to me when i woke up sam”. ”i went for a walk your highness”. ”come here to me”. ”i dont think i really want to i think i am just going to hang out in my room for a while”. ”sam”. dan said as i ran up the stairs to my room. outside the door i heard him breathing for a moment. ”oh god please open the door and come to get me”. i thought as i heard him. ”i just want to see you can i come in”. i didnt answer and rolled over onto my side, then i heard the door open. ”sam”. ”please go away your highness we shouldnt be doing this”. ”i wont leave you sam, why dont you come and sit by the fire with me so we can talk”. ”my shoulder hurts its giving me a headache”. ”ill can give you a massage, see nice soft gentle hands around your shoulder”. it felt good made me relax and loose my head a little, that is until i felt something soft graze my shoulder then my neck. ”your highness”. ”dan, please call me dan”. ”dan please will you stop”. ”remember when we laid together in the cabin, both in our pajamas watching t.v. i really liked that night. you werent intimidated by me”. i turned around to look at him, he was straddling my wide hips. by his jeans i could see his erection. ”kiss me sam”. i shook my head no, but instead he leaned down and crushed his lips to mine. i was afraid of this moment the moment when this became real.
my breath caught in my throat and i swallowed hard. ”how many guys have you been with”. ”a few here and there, how many girls have you fucked”. ”since youve been in the palace three, but just a fuck not the way i feel about you sam”.