ch.3
recovery
i got released from the hospital that monday. the 23rd. jared and leroy picked me up and helped me into the backseat. jared and i stay together for the rest of the month, until i was cleared to return to school and him to california.
”becareful please jem, i love you”. ”i will daddy”. jared kissed me on the lips, and i watched him leave the apartment.
every other day, someone from the home health agency came over to look at the skin graft and wounds to dress and clean them and to help me into the shower. the last on my leg was removed i was able to bare weight on it now and i didnt really have a limp.
i talk to nikki every day on the phone. she told me she had to wear a special helmut because of her head injury. she had surgery on sunday to remove the balloon or something they put inside her chest to reinflate her lungs. she has a big scar down her torso. ”i look like frankenstein”. ”i cant wait to see the scar”. she’s up and walking around now too, only the doctors want her to wear her helmut everywhere. she was released from the hospital on oct 5th.
”i am finally home, it feels so good to wear my own clothes and sit on the couch”. ”yeah same”. ”my legs kind of hurt if i stand up to long but my therapist was telling me to do my leg excersizes and i want to try to do some yoga”. ”me too my home health people come everyday, to check the wound and the portable monitor i have on me, i wear it around my waist like a cool belt belt jem. i am think about sitting outside in the yard later tonight to get some sun and fresh air”. ”that sounds so good nikki i am so glad you home”. ”when i am upto it i am going to come uptown and see you”. ”please and same”. ”alright well i am going to go, this t.v wont watch itself”.
getting back to school was sort of different. everyone looked at me strangely. i felt like they felt bad for me. i didnt really pay attention to the girls or kids in my school as i walked down the hall holding my books, in one arm and my cane in the other. i walked to my locker to put my things away. they told me some of the kids that went didnt make it back.
in my locker i check my phone. i got a few message from jared and one from nikki, a picture of her dressed up with the message that said first day of school. i text her back and said ”you look amazing have fun”.
then i looked at jared’s message. ”the video looks so good, were going to be on mtv, tomorrow baby. i miss you i love you i will see you at the halloween party”. ”i love you too and ill see you then”.
i text nikki, ”feeling up to going to jared’s halloween party”. i put my phone back into my purse and closed my locker.
after school, i carried my books and purse on my shoulder out to the car. leroy was waiting for me. ”hi”. ”hello hello”. in the car i sit back put on my seatbelt. nikki is feeling well enough to come uptown to see me tonight, i am excited i am going to make dinner for us.
were going to do our homework and nikki is going to show me her monitor. i bought so movies for us to watch and some games for us to play.
nikki arrived at five pm limping through the door to the elevator, her back pack on her shoulders along with her purse. ”well well well if it isnt the girl in black back on her feet”. the door man said letting her in. ”rose from the dead too like the phoenix”. ”welcome back nics”. ”hi”. everyone greeted her as she walked through the lobby to the elevator.
we sat at the glass dinner table and ate our food, did our homework and talked. ”they told me in school today that not everyone came back, some kids didnt make it”. ”yes they told me too” ”they told me there were little kids there too”. ”i know all we can do is pray and figure out how to help those people who lost their kids and loved ones”.
”oh jemma i have some ideas for costumes for the halloween party”. ”ok great lets hear it”. ”so for me i was thinking, vampira, or morticia addams and for you i was thinking a bouncy ball or a muppet”. ”a bouncy ball”. ”yeah i can make the coustume” ”oh my god that is so funny a bouncy ball”. ”why not we already have the limp, actually i might be the muppet”. ”i dont think there are any dark muppets”. ”there will be if i make it”. nikki countered, ”this i have to see”. ”ok bouncy ball”. she and i laughed so hard at this idea. ”ok muppet”.
jared’s halloween parties are legendary. they take place every year in either new york or l.a whereever he happens to be and this year it was going to be here because we were not cleared for travel yet. the party was going to be held at the 21club.
jared got in the 29th, while i was sleeping. i crawled into bed next to me and kissed me on the cheek. ”hi my baby”. ”hi daddy”. i whispered back to him, i rolled over to look at him. ”i missed you”. ”i missed you too baby”. he held me in his arms until i fell asleep again.
but right now on the night of halloween he has all this party make up stuff everywhere. he is going to be a spooky skeleton, and shannon his brother who i have never really sat down with is also here. bout of them are laughing and giggling. nikki is texting me tutorials on how to do cat eye make up because i want to be a kitten. i am wearing a catsuit with a tale on the end of it, i have a head band that has cat ears on it. i did my foundation like my normal make up. nikki told me to use the dark eye brow pencil to paint the dots on my face and the whiskers and how to make the dot on my nose. i brushed my hair and put it in a pony tail. now i was putting on the boots nikki let me borrow, and getting my things together for the party. i am bringing a little clutch kind of bag, that only fits my cell phone and the debit card in it. i grab my caine that a friend of mine in the theatre department of my school bedazzled for me.
i open the bedroom door into the living room and foyer. i take a few steps out, reach up to turn off the lights and shut the door behind me. in the kitchen jared is put the white make up on shannons face. i smile for a moment, i dont think i have ever seen them together like this.
shannon stops and jared looks over his shoulder. ”wow you look great, my little kitty cat”. ”thanks, you look good too”. ”are you ready”. ”yes i just have to get my coat”. i limp and hobble over to the coat rack and put on my coat.
jared and shannon follow me, and put on their coats too. ”is nikki meeting us there”. ”yes they are on the train right now, she is bringing michael”. ”ok let’s go”. jared is driving tonight, we walk to the garage and get into the car. i sit in the front seat next to him and shannon is in the back seat. ”jemma can you hand me my cigarettes, they should be in the consul in front of you”. ”sure”. i hand them to shannon in the back seat who cracks the window. ”what is nikki going to be”. ”a muppet”. ”oh i cant wait to see this”. jared says getting the car started. i have my clutch in my lap, my caine next to me.
jared pulls the car out of the garage and now were driving on the main street. theres a toll road on the way there. ”can you get me 5 dollars for the toll”. jared asked, i pull open the middle compartment, where jared and leroy keep the toll cash. ”did you say five jay”. ”yes”. he says as we pull into the toll booth.
once were through the toll, it takes us about 30 minutes to get to the 21club. jared and shannon are talking to each other while i read my texts from nikki. ”jemma we just got off the train we are a few blocks away how far are you guys”. ”how far are we”. ”bout 15 minutes”. ”ok were going to go inside then”. ”ok ill see you there”.
”jared, mom is already there”. ”oh ok tell her were almost there”. ”ok”. i am looking out the window at the lights on the builings. the streets havent been cleared and most of the are blocked off so we have to take a detour. i am quiet and mostly let the guys talk. ”your so quiet” jared says in a lone voice, he reaches for my hand and kisses it. ”i am letting you talk to your brother”. ”i want to talk to you too”. a sharp pain shot through my legs. ”oww”. i i stretched my legs and look down. ”are you alright”. ”yes this random pain shoots down my legs”.
jared parked the car, when shannon handed him something from the backseat. ”oh yeah”. he opened the small baggie, that had 3 pink pills in it, he gave me one, he took one, and then gave the other to shannon. ”whats this” xtasy”. i shrugged my shoulders and put the pill in my mouth and swalloed it down with a bottle of water we shared.
shannon got out of the car first. jared however grabbed my hand and said ”wait”. i sat back for a minute watched jared take off his seat belt and kiss me roughly. ”tonight with that x is going to make you so horny, when we get home i am going to fuck you”. my cheeks blushed a little as he got out then came around and opened the door for me. he helped me out of the car, and smacked he hard on the rump. ”jay”. i said as he took my by the hand.
in the busy 21 club, i looked around and saw nikki. i waved and made a bee line to her. she was sitting next to an interesting looking man in a very elegant pinstriped suit. i hugged her and sat down next to her. ”jemma, this is my friend crispin glover. he’s an actor”. ”hi crispin”. ”nikki was telling me about you”. ”really like what i asked”. ”well that you too a close friends and spend alot of time together”. ”your costume came of great”. ”and yours too such a clever way to hide the helmut”. ”i know right, i covered it the the top of a foam ball, and then went from there”.
”nikki do you want to dance”. ”no not until they play the time warp but you go ahead”. crispin left us alone and i scooted closer to nikki. ”where is michael”. ”over there he met some dark haired model girl and they started dancing, wheres jared”. ”oh he’s over there with shannon and his mom, in the car car they gave me something called xtasy”.
she made a face, and giggled. seems like someone is trying to get fucked tonight”. ”he also said that too”. nikki laughed, ”well good lucky cos x is the way to get there, do you want to dance”. ”no, i am going to sit here and wait for jared”. ”ok, ill be back”. nikki went into the crowd to dance with crispin and another guy. thats when jared came back over to me. ”hey baby”. ”hi daddy”. ”do you want to dance with me”. ”yes please”.
during the dance to michael jacksons thriller, i think that xtasy must have kicked in because jared pulled me closer to him tightly. ”i need you to kiss me right now. he got me off the dance floor and to someplace quiet and dark, where he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. he had a hand on my neck kissing me roughly and holding me into position. ”i want you right now”. he said pulling me back through the dance floor and out the front door. we get into the car. ”home is thirty minutes away”. i say as he looks at me with lust in his eyes. ”there’s a hotel over there”. ”fuck, ok come on” he says, opening his door and then comming around to open mine.
we walk across the hotel. i wait on the side for a minute while jared gets the room. once they hand him the key he grabs my hand and takes me to the elevator. the door closes and he gets me in the corner kissing me feverishly. when it opens on our floor he grabs my hand and pulls me through the hall to our room. i go inside at first and wait for for him for a minute when he closes and locks the door. then he grabs me roughly and pushed me up against the wall. ”kiss me”. he demands as he crushes his lips to mine, our tounges dancing in unison. then he picks me up and carries me into the bed area. ”i want you to suck me now baby”. he pulls down the jumpsuit hes wearing and lays back on the bed, ”dont take that costume off kitten, come up here and suck my cock right now”. he demands, so i climb on the bed between his legs and just like i read in the book i take his cock into my mouth.
i hear his breath catch in his throat. ”look up at me kitten while your suck me”. i roll my eyes up to look at him while i struggle to fit my mouth around his girth.
”yes kitten, my sweet baby girl. suck me”. he demands again, hes moaning and panting getting so turned on watching. i hit the right spot because i feel him tense, ”oh yes baby thats it right there, suck dady’s cock like a good little girl”. this talk is also getting me turned on, i can feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter by the minute. ”oh yes baby, stop please stop i dont want to cum up”. i stop and then i wait. ”how do i get this off of you”. it has a zipper in the back”. jared pulls the zipper down but he cant wait to touch me. he runs his hand down the suit, touching my breasts and then my pussy. i moan his touch is kinda of rough and feels so good. ”is that pussy nice and wet for daddy”. ”your my little fuck toy, my sweet virgin bride”. he says kissing me again roughly and biting at my neck. he pulls my suit down until its at my ankles.
i kick off my boots and kick off my suit. ”that good baby come here”. jared sits me on top of him. i reach back and stroke his cock. ”no baby, were going to fuck right now”. he rolls me over, hes on top of me now. he holds my hands over my head and roughly kisses me again. showing his tounge all the way into my mouth. placing a hand on my check the way we like it, he spreads my legs, and pounds into me. this time he is fast, very fast. its not slow and calculated this time i am wet and also turned on but jared is so big and isnt giving me time to get used to him.
”your my sweet baby girl” he moaned with every thrust. ”yes yes daddy or ill spank you”. the first time i dont say it, but then he spanks me hard with his hand. ”say yes daddy”. ”yes daddy”. ”good, good baby girl girl who likes to please her daddy”. ”yes daddy, i like to please you”. still holding my neck tightly he leans down and kisses me again. fucking me harder and harder. the sensation is making me arch my back. i am in pure delight feverish and frantic. ”dont you dare cum before your second orgasm”. ”ooohh daddy”. he spanked me again. ”what did i say”. he spanked me again. ”i asked you what i said”. ”say yes daddy”. ”thats right baby, say yes daddy when i am fucking you”. ”yes daddy”. i can hardly stand it my orgasm is so intense. i want to cum so bad, i am trying desperately to hold on to control myself. ”dont cum yet baby, i told you do you dare”. ”yes daddy, it feel so good i cant help it”. he spanked me again. ”control it, hold on until the second orgasm”. i bite my lip and moan, jared forces his tounge into my mouth, kissing me. he lets go of my neck and puts my arms over my head again, with with only one hand. while the other he rubs on my face. ”suck my fingers baby”. ”yes daddy”. he spanks me again. ”i didnt hear you”. ”yes daddy”. he’s going so fast my orgasm is so intense, i feel the urge to cum to let go”.
”oh i wish, we werent on the pill i’d get your pregnant tonight”. this kind of turned me off. ”what how can you say that”. he spanks me twice this time. ”what did i tell you”. ”say yes daddy”. ”thats my good girl, my sweet little baby girl. my sweet virgin bride”. he says in hurried kisses again.
his hand goes back to my neck and he increases his speed faster and fast now, and ever more rough. ”daddy i am going to cum, i need to cum”. he spanks me again and says ”do you dare cum or daddy will have to punish you and spank you”. ”but i cant hold on any longer, and i come”. ”’oh yes daddy” i cry out in pleasure. he knows i have come. he spanks me hard again and pulls out of me. he reaches down for the belt on the floor. ”you disobeyed me when i said not to come before your second orgasm. he rolls me over onto my belly and spanks me with the belt.
”let try again this time dont come until your second orgasm, now be a good girl for me and what do you say”. ”yes daddy”. he was more aggressive this time, choking me and fucking me even harder. ”oh yes daddy, fuck me fuck you baby girl”. i moaned in pleasure. ”yes your my girl, my sweet baby girl, taking all of my cock so good”. ”oh yes i need it daddy, i need your cock inside of me daddy”. ”i am fucking my baby girl, my sweet girl”.
spreading my legs even further, jared fucked me even harder. ”yes baby, yes baby you make daddy feel so good”.
this went on for hours our rough fucking. after about 2 am. i couldnt hold on any longer, i came hard on the bed. jared came so hard inside of me and let go of my neck but kept on kissing me. ”you have worn me out baby”. carefully he pulled out of me”. my legs were so sore, so was my torso and pussy.
i caught my breath and got out of bed. i went into the bathroom to clean myself off. the bite marks on my neck make it look like i had been bitten several times over by a vampire.
”baby, come here and lay down with me”. jared pulled the blankets back for me. ”i want to fuck you like this all the time”. ”yes daddy, it felt so good”. ”there are so many things i will teach you if you willingly become my sub”. ”sub”. ”my submissive, that means you let me do things to you in the bedroom”. ”like what”. ”tie you up, spank you. use the vibrator on you, hand cuffs and nipple clamps that sort of thing” ”yes daddy i want to learn how to please you”. ”remember i told you about the rules, well these are the rules you have to follow, to learn to submit to me in the bedroom”. ”yes daddy”. ”hey werent we supposed to be at the party”. ”yes but i wanted to fuck you like this all day”.
jared pulled me in tighter to him. he pulled the blankets over and we we fell asleep. we didnt wake up until 11 am check out the next morning.
in the middle of the day light crossed the street and went back to the car.
in the car, i check my messages. ”hey where did you get off too did you and jared leave, oooohhh call me later”.
i text nikki and said ”yeah we went to the hotel across the street”. ”oh my god girl, yes did you remember everything i told you”. ”yes it was so good, we finished at three and just woke up right now, how was your night”. ”kinda of nice, crispin kind of had a moment, i dont know but whatever i am happy for you, see you later enjoy your time with your dude”. ”i will bye”.
jared was fumbling around in the middle compartment looking for something. ”baby i got you something, i wanted to give it to you last night but i forgot”. he opened the blue tiffany box, my new wedding ring. he placed the ring on my finger. ”dont loose this one or i will spank you”. ”do you promise”. ”i do promise”.
walking into our apartment jared closed and locked the door. maria was off on the week ends. i went into the bedroom and started taking off my things. ”leave it on for me”. jared said standing behind me. ”i am going to teach you how to be my submissive, i dont want that kind of patriarchy bullshit, i want you to be my submissive to like pain the way that i like pain, but i also want to teach you how to control your body”.
i sit down in the large chair with my legs open. i sit back and say ”how do i learn that”. jared walks over to the vanity. he pulls something out of a drawer. ”you learn with discipline and control”. calculated and with though jared walks over to me he’s holding something shiny.
at first i am not sure what to think of this, i am still figuring this whole thing out as i go along. now jared is standing in front of me. he holds out his hand to allow me to see the shiny object. its made of stainless steel its about 5 inches tall and has 2 inch metal balls on it. i am confused as i hold it. ”what is this”. ”these are balls”. jared said choosing his words wisely. ”what do you do with them”. i asked carefully, jared clicked something in his hands, and the balls starting pulsating. the sensation startlet me at first, but then it started to tingle.
”these go inside your pussy dear”. i drop the on the floor at my feet, jared leaned down and picked them up. ”this will teach you how to control youself during and orgasm, and not to come until i tell you too”. ”what your going to do, is every morning before you leave for school this week you will wake up, go to the bathroom and come out naked, ill be sitting right here on the chair. you will come and sit on my lap, you’ll kiss me, then you will get up slowly and walk to the edge of the bed, i want you to lean forward of the edge putting both hands on the bed and youll stand with your legs spread. i ll come over to you, put a gentle hand on the small of your back, ill run my hand over you ass, i give you a hand spank first and then ill put them inside of you, you will go about your day with them inside of you. when your on lunch. you will go to you locker and text me, when your text me i want you to say yes daddy. then when you come home your going to repeat and i will ask you how man times you came, and for everytime i will spank you. do you understand me”. i was titilated, and said ”yes daddy”. ”good baby, now come here and kiss me”.
after things have calmed down a little bit from our sexual excitment. i changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. i sat on the couch next to jared, resting my still wounded and stitched legs on the ottomen. i held my phone in my hands reading the text messages and emails. shannon comes out of his room, wearing only a pair of jeans, with his arm around a girl i have never met. ”hey hey there you are, what happened to you last night were did you too get off too”. jared crossed his legs in front of him and said ”the hotel across the street, how was the party”. ”oh man you should have been there, ”you need to call your friend because she got into an argument with her brother last night and took off, but other then that it was a great party”.
i send a text to nikki. ”hey shannon told me you had a fight with your brother are you ok where are you”. ”i am at the hotel across from the 21, i will not go home”. ”geez what happened, come over here please”. ”no jemma i cant impose on you and jared, i know you have a house full”. ”your still recovering from the attack you have a massive head injury you need to be somewhere you can be safe, but tell me what happened”.
on the dance floor in my muppet costume, i danced with cripsin the best that i could, until i looked of at my brother michael, he was surrounded by a bunch of people, then i saw 2 big fat black guys(not racist just an observation)comming in behind him. the black guys, had something in there hands. they then stood in front of my brother toe to toe and started to beat him up. the crowd on the dance floor seperated and i hobbled over. ”leave my brother alone”. i screamed swinging my cane, but shannon grabbed me. i kicked him away and went back to the dudes attacking michael. ”get back this is not about you”. they warned but i went crazy and started swinging and trying to get them off of michael. but one guy grabbed me and the other grabbed michael and dragged us outside to the parking lot.
”you stay back he owes us money”. one guy screamed in my face. ”how much money”. ”5 grand little girl”. ”for what” i screamed again. ”heroin stay back”. he then started hitting my brother again and again. it took a minute to process, in the whole fog of the night. ”i have money ill give you the money but leave him alone”. ”the guys stopped and looked up at me”. ”ill give you all the money i have but please leave him alone”.
”what do you have on your right now”. ”i have cash, and my cards”. i took out my wallet and gave them all the cash i had on my person, 200 in cash. ”how much more do you have and long can you get it”. ”i can write you a check see”. ”how do we know its good”. ”put it in the bank and find out it takes 2 days for a check to cash”. i put the check book on the top of jared’s black ferrari. i wrote out the check for 4,800 dollars signed it and gave it to them. they got michael up off his feet and stood him up against the car. ”dont ever think you can get away with that from us again”.
michael was now wiping the blood off his face. i on the other hand was so pissed off. ”you shouldnt have done that, that is your money”. i was so angry trying to not make my condition worse. ”how long has this been going on”. ”what”. ”heroin michael, how long”. ”i dont know, like a year or so”. i cleared my throat, ”i didnt almost die to be caught up in this shit, michael this is why i left cali. i dont want to do that ghetto shit here and yet here you are, this explains everything. maybe it would have been better if i did give up and died you dont care about me”. ”nikki dont say that i am your brother, i love you. your the only thing i have in this world”. ”you dont care about me michael, how could you do this to me”. ”i am sorry it just got out of control”.
he reached out to try to hug me. ”dont touch me michael, you know i dont fuck with heroin, i will not go back to the lower east side with you, you can go home by yourself”. i walked back into the club, and sit down again. my chest hurts so bad, its hard for me to breathe. i fumble with my bag to find my inhaler and meds. ”fuck”. i say as crispin come back over to me. ”nikki, who were those guys”. ”drug dealers”. ”are you ok, can i help you with anything”. ”can you help me open this bottle please”. i hand him my pill bottle. ”here”. shannon comes over with a closed bottle of water. other celebs are there too, they all come towards me. selma hyack, helps me open the bottle of water. jennifer conally is wiping the sweat off my face. crispin takes the helmut off the top of my head, so that i can get some fresh air. ”can we help you with anything”. ”no i am just going to go”. ”i put the helmut back on and stand up, i take some wobbly steps outside the 21 club, i go across the street and check into a hotel.
”oh my god, where is he now”. ”home i guess i dont know”. ”nikki why didnt you tell me this earlier”. ”you were busy and its ok i am going to figure something out”. ”shannon will leave tomorrow come here”. ”i cannot come up that way i have to stay close to the lower east side, because of school jemma”. ”what’s going on is she ok” jared asked looking at me. ”shes at the hotel across from the 21club, michael was attack by drug dealers over heroin”. ”thats sucks”. ”to nikki its the vilest drug on the planet”. ”is she going to come here”. ”no she has to stay close to her school”.
”ok, do you want me to make a call i can get her something nice”. ”no she doesnt like that sort of thing to owe something to someone”. ”ok”. jared left the issue alone and left me to finish our convo. ”ok well stay safe please and ill see you later”. ”k bye”.
”i am just going to say goodbye to shannon baby ill be back”. ”ok”. i turned the t.v on and sat on the bedroom floor. i got a really sweet email from my sisters, jana, jill, jessa and jinger. ”we love you jemma, when are you comming for a visit. we miss having girl talk”. i opened the email browser and sent the following.
”hi sisters, i wont be able to come to for a visit, i am not cleared for travel because of the recent terrorist attack. however as soon as i am cleared i will let you know. miss you all so much cant wait to see all of you”.
walking shannon out to the car where leroy was waiting for us. i said ”hey i need a favor can you come back here and pick me up when you are done”. ”of course, whats wrong”. ”nothing is wrong i just have to run an errand”. ”ok ill see you in a few minutes boss”. i watched him drive the car away before i walked back into the apartment building. i took a deep breath in the elevator, it dinged on my floor and i went back inside.
jemma was sitting on the hard wood floor, in the bedroom watching t.v. ”everything ok jay”. ”yes, hey listen i just have to run an errand really quick, it wont take me very long leroy will come back this way to pick me up”. ”oh ok, is everything ok”. ”yeah baby just some unexpected business that popped up”. ”oh ok, hey my sisters sent me an email do you want to see it”. ”yes”. jemma gave me the phone. ”thats nice, maybe you can invite them over for thanksgiving in los angeles”. ”can i really”. ”yes they are your family, i am sure your sister would have a good time in the pool”. ”yes jared it will be so nice to see my sisters again”. ”yeah see, invite them over for thanksgiving i would love to host them”. ”thanks daddy”. jemma kneeled and kissed me. ”good baby, leroy is here ill be back in a while lock the door i have the key”.
”ok see you in a little while”. ”bye baby”.
i opened the email browser on my blackberry again to write to my sisters.
”girls, jared and i would like to invite you to have thanksgiving at our house in los angeles, i will include the address shortly, love to you and everyone and to mommy”. i sent the message then put my phone back down on the floor next to me face down. the thought of seeing my sisters again for thanksgiving made me so happy.
”take me to the house on st. charles”. i said to leroy who turned serious, he and i both had experience there. ”girls drugs, guns, money and sex, the people who we used to be.i havent been to that house in over 10 years, i left it behind me when i made the effort and choice to be an actor and change my life. when i was on the come up i remember the deal i made, i paid off my debts and got power and privledge this time was different. i wasnt going to get drugs or girls or guns or money. this time i come as power, and privledge. i come to settle a debt and score and to make it know this is my issue.
i could not let this happen. ”you want me to go inside with you boss”. ”no leroy i can handle this myself”. i unlocked the car door. there was alot of foot traffic comming in and out of the house.
at the front door the bouncer says ”well well well if it isnt jared leto”. ”hey i need to speak to darius”. ”he’s inside holding court”. i did the secret hand shake with the bouncer as i walked into the smokey house.
”well well well, i never thought i’d see you in this house, whats it been 10 years”, ”just about”. ”what can i do for you, you needs girls, you need guys, drugs, guns whats your pleasure”. ”i am not here for that man”. i sat next to darius who passed me the blunt. i took a hit and said ”my party last night”. ”yes it was a great party i saw you and that fine looking young thang”. ”thats my wife”. ”congratulations man, now tell me whats on your mind”. ”your boys last night manhandle my girl”. ”are you talking about the the girl dressed like a muppet”. ”yes that one, shes one of my girls”. ”that wasnt about her man, her brother owes us alot of money”. ”she’s my girl, and i dont like my girls mistreated by anyone”. ”i told you it wasnt about her, she got in the way”. ”she give them any money”. ”200 in cash and a check”. ”i want it back, with an apology”, ”cant do it man”. i pulled out a large wad of cash from my pocket. ”how much is here 5k now give me back the money she gave you”. ”sure brother were all cool were my sincerest apologies”.
”dont ever come near my girl again otherwise i might talk in my sleep”. ”yeah yeah yeah, she was such a pretty girl too”. ”i dont like for my girls to be mistreated”. ”we just roughed her up abit”. ”still, stay away from her”. ”and the brother”. ”he’s fair game, dont touch my girl”. ”you got it”. he shook my hand, and i left.
i got back in the car. take me to the hotel across from the 21 club”. ”sure boss”. ”dont call me boss, how long have we known each other”. ”14 years, ”then call me jared”. i said as i took off my long coat and put it on the seat next to me.
leroy pulled the car to the curb, i got out and went inside the hotel. the man at the frost desk remembered me from last night with jemma. ”hello mr. leto back so soon”. ”listen i need to see nikki glacier”. ”i am sorry we cant give out that kind of information”. i took out a 100 dollar bill and slid it across the counter to him. ”right away sir ill get you a key”. ”thank you”. he gave me the key, i walked to the elevator.
on her floor i looked down at the room number, finding her door i knocked. i didnt get an answer until i said ”nikki open the door its me jared”. nikki opened the door for me. ”can i come in”. ”sure”. she moved back from the door and faced the window. ”did jemma ask you to come here i dont need help i dont like to owe anyone money”. ”you wont owe me any money, i want you to come and live in the apartment with jemma”. ”i cant because of school”. ”i can take care of that”. ”but why would you help me you dont even know me”. ”because i know what its like, and i know that jemma would be so happy to have you there and i kind of like you too, oh here i got something for you”. i reached into the pocket of my jeans, and took out her cash and folded check, i handed them over to her. ”how did you get this jared”. ”i know a guy”. ”wait a minute, those guys were already at the party, do you know them”. ”let me just say i invited them”. ”did you know what they were going to do”. ”no and i am sorry nikki, have you talked to michael”. ”no and i dont want to, i dont fuck with heroin addicts they steal and lie” ”i know but he’s still your brother and its a disease”. ”no jared, a disease is something i have with my asthma, he chose to put that needle in his arm and i wont set foot back in that house ever again its why i left home”. ”come now nikki, get your things let’s go”.
she grabbed her jacket and put it on, along with her fuzzy covered muppet helmut. ”the car is waiting downstairs”. i watched her grab her caine, and walk towards me. ”thank you”. i said to her helping her into the elevator.
”jemma and i really care for you, i just want you to be happy and have a good life. i can tell your a really good person”. ”what the fuck jared, dont make me cry when i am dressed like a dark muppet”. ”come on nics lets go home”.
”honey i am home”. i yelled in the apartment, helping nikki inside. jemma came out of the bedroom. she saw nikki and threw her arms around her. ”i am so happy your here, come on i am watching sabrina the teenage witch. ”oh hold on”. jemma said nikki was still wearing her costume. ”i got some jammies you can put on”. jemma took her into the bed room i gave them a few minutes before i went back into the bedroom. i took of my shoes and sat on the floor . the girls came back into the room, both sat on either side of me. ”my sisters sent me and email nics look”. nikki took jemmas phone, looking down at it carefully. ”wow is that the first time they sent you an email”. ”i think so, nics just wait til you meet my sisters i miss them so much”. nikki made a face and said ”ok ill meet your sisters”.
nikki said good night to us as we laid in bed together. jared cuddle me in his arms, i rolled over into my favorite position facing away from him. eagerly awaiting our new morning game.
the alarm sounded at 5am, i felt jared get up. i heard some noise in the bathroom. i didnt have to wake up yet until 6:30 am to get ready for school.
”baby, i am going for my morning run”. jared said kissing me roughly on the mouth. i moaned as he left the room. trying to stay asleep but so excited to play his game.
when the alarm sounded, i sat up in bed and looked around. i went into the bathroom, sat down on the toilet for my morning pee. i washed my hands and started brushing my teeth, as i began to undress. i put my tooth brush back into the cup on the sink. i took of the t-shirt i was wearing and lastly i took off my panties.
i open the door, there is jared sitting in the chair his eyes focused on me. i dont say anything, i just walk sloly towards him, i sit in his lap place my head on his shoulder, i put my lips to his, he holds me like this for a moment kissing me several times, then i stand up and go to the bed. ”thats right baby”. jared proclaims, i put of my hands on the bed and spread my legs. i feel jared put his hand on the middle of my back. the other hand and moving over my rump. ”that’s my good baby”. then he slaps my ass hard on both sides. ”is that pussy wet for daddy”. i didnt reply as i felt him touching my pussy. ”good baby your nice and wet already for me”. then i felt the cold metal pulsator inside of me.
jared helps me up. ”can you feel it”. ”yes”. ”god this is going to teach you how to control yourself”. ”kiss me”. i put my arms around him, ”now get dressed baby”.
at school, i was on my way to lunch. i walked fast to my locker, the metal beads kind of hurt inside of me. i find my phone and text jared ”yes daddy”. i dont really feel anything until when i was in science class, i almost fell of my of my chair. i cross my legs and bit the bottom of my lip. it felt so good and nice. i wanted to take a minute to moan. but there were to many people around. ”are you ok”. the teacher asks looking at me. ”yes i am fine, may i please get a hall pass”. she hands it to me and i hurry into the bathroom. i lock the door and hold on to the wall. ”oh, oh, oh my god yes”. i said as i tried to breathe through it. however i couldnt hold on i knew i had to come. i felt the release i felt so good as the pulsating started over again.
walking into the apartment a few minutes before nikki, who told me not to wait up she was going to the movies. ”i am home”. i put my backpack on the table in the hallway. i walk into the bedroom where jared is waiting for me. in his hands is a leather paddle. ”hi baby”. i lean down and kiss him.
”get into position”. jared stands up from the chair, i lean over the bed. ”take off your clothes now baby, not your panties”. i take them off the way he says, then i lean over the ledge of the bed with my legs spread. jared run the leather paddle down my back and to my ass. ”how many times did you come today baby”. ” 2 times daddy”. the paddle hit my ass hard the first time, then the second time. ”tomorrow try for 1 ok baby”. ”yes daddy”.
jared went back to california, and nikki and i were alone now in the apartment. its the begining of november. ”jared wants you to come to thanks giving too”. ”of course”. nikki is focused on her homework sitting next to me in the kitchen.
”nics i am so excited to see my sisters for thanksgiving”. she took a deep breath and sighed. ”jemma listen to me, are you sure about them comming for thanksgiving, how do you think jared is going to handle it”. ”he asked me to nic”, ”jemma thats not what i mean, heres the thing see”. i turned and looked around the room, getting out of her chair she goes over to this purple photo album i brought from arkansas. she sat down next to me and opened the book. ”this is what i mean jemma, look at them and look at you. you have changed and become more wordly, you wear jeans and do your make up and your wearing jared’s band shirt. the god squad over here is going to start putting things in your head and its not that way”.
i got upset how could nikki say this, these are my sisters and i love them. ”how can you said that nics i thought we were friends”. ”hey are jem, i am on this trip too, i have my messed up shit i see me therapist for but you’ve made such progress to have this trash sweep into your life”.
”nikki you’re just jealous that i have my family”. ”jemma that’s not true, i am telling you this because i can see this happening”. ”i cant believe you nics i thought you were my friend”.
”jemma and man who can touch his child, and sends them away for tempting them is a piece of shit at the bottom of hell and i will not be respectful to him at all”. ”i know nikki what he did but he’s still my dad”. ”dont you dare jemma, dont protect him he deserves to rot in jail and so does your mother for not believing you”. nikki had made me so angry i was crying now. i put away my books and stormed out of the kitchen in a huff.
nikki folded her arms, and took a heavy sigh following me into the bedroom. ”jemma i am not jealous all i am saying is that i just think you need to make sure you are ready for this, this is going to be your home and if you family cannot and will accept that, that is there problem” ”its just my sister nikki they are comming to thanksgiving, i just want you to be happy for me”.
”ok jemma if thats what you want then ill be happy for you, ill be right there when you open the door and hug your sisters for the first time ok”. ”thank you nics”. i hugged my friend tightly.
”nics i want to show you something”. i went over to a place where i kept some of the handwritten letters i’d recieved, from families and people who were in the tower with us. they had gotten my name from the news.
”whats this”. ”this letter is from a women who’s husband worked in the tower and did make it out”. i swallowed hard, i had gotten some of these letters too.
”dearest jemma,
i hope this letter finds you well. i have to say how proud of you, that i am. you have reached out to us like your friend nikki, you have been concerned about us and our families and wanted to know how to help and if there was a way to help. me and my kids are doing fine however there are so many families who have lost income and wages and have no where else to turn and its for them that my heart breaks. i dont want you to worry about me and my kids. i want you to know that i wish you well and happiness and that fact that you have sent us letters and emails as to your progress has me astounded. i know your a teenager and may not fully understand the ways of life yet, but its so nice to have someone to talk to who understands. as always i look forward to your next letter me know how you and your friend are doing.
yours
amelia
i sniffed loudly and wiped the tears from my eyes, jemma hugged me and rubbed my back. ”ive gotten so many of them jemma”. ”i have too, i keep them in a box in my room, i take them out and look at them when i feel sad or hurt jemma, this is something we will never forget and we cant let the world forget about it either”.
on november 20 2001 nikki and i boreded a plane to l.a.x. a few days before we were set to leave, nikki went into the city to whole foods to get some snacks and food we could eat with us on the plane. ”are you excited to see jared”. ”so excited i miss him like crazy when he’s gone, are you going to see your mom when your home in los angeles”. ”yes and i am going to see crispin too”. she gave me a look and smirk and it kind of made me feel bad, at the time i wasnt so in touch with those feelings. the actual feeling being jealously. ”whats wrong jemma”. ”nothing, i cant wait for you to meet my sisters”. ”i am so excited to see them jemma”.
when we got to the airport, nikki hugged me and said she would meet me at the house, because crispin was picking her up. ”wait arent you going to say hi to jared”. ”ill say hi when i get back in, have a good time”. nikki screamed over her shoulder as she ran off towards the exit. in a huff i dragged my luggage out of the baggage claim, and then looked down at my phone. jared told me to come to the car. when i got outside i saw jared in the car in the front, he got out of the car and said, ”who did nikki get out with”. ”crispin, she will meet us at the house later”. ”ok, how are you baby”. jared hugged me tightly before opening the car door and helping me inside the car.
”daddy i am doing well how are you, how did that thing go”. ”good baby, not as good as i am with you but i need someone to take care of me when your not here, how about you any boys trying to get close to you or any girls maybe”. ”girls, no what are you talking about why would say that”.
”i just did i mean you and nics are very close”. ”are you kidding me, my parents already punished me by having to marry you they would kill me if i went to the other side”. jared raised and eyebrow and looked at me. ”theres noting wrong with experimenting jemma, i have been around with a few guys, i used a condom i am not crazy but i am just saying to be a little more open”. ”i am very open jay, i am open”. ”then admit it, you have feelings for nikki”. ”of course i do but i would never act on it”. ”i am ok with it, if you want to explore and experiment baby, in fact i enjoy thinking about it, i might even join in here and there”. ”can we stop talking about it please jay, i do not have feelings for nikki”.
”baby i told you its ok dont deny it i already know and its ok with me”. ”can we not talk about this right now”. ”fine baby, but daddy is going to bring it out of you just wait because i can see it, and it kind of turns me on the thoughts of the two of you”. ”my family would freak out if they found out i had ever been with a girl, or thought about it”. jared smiled at me, he pulled over the car. ”why did we stop”. he took off his seat belt and reached across the seat, to kiss me deeply and passionately. ”good baby”. ”your going to see baby, i am going to make it happen because i want you to experiment and try new things”. jared kissed me again before we drove off.
i took a deep breath standing outside the leto house. i just sepnt several hours in a rather cool sort of threesome with crispin and the model coco. i opened the door to the house with my luggage on my shoulder. ”nikki”. jared says surprising me at the door. ”where are you guys”. ”in the living room, weer about to take some x and see where the night takes us”. ”ok”. i put my bags down on the floor, and sat on the couch, jemma was on the floor and had the pink pills all laid out, along with a plethora of other drugs. ”daddy wants us to take a pill first, then the second round will be a line”. i put a hand on jemma’s shoulder. ”ok i am in”. ”how is crispin” ”he’s doing really good, he took some pictures of me on his medical table i cant wait to see how they come out”. ”thats good neither can i”. i swallowed my x with a bottle of water, jared came over and sat next to me. ”would you like a glass of wine, i got so many party favors for us tonight”. ”ok sure”. i said as he poured me a glass and refilled jemma’s glass and his glass.
”how about some music for us”. jared gets up off the couch, careful not to trip on jemma. at the stero he puts on a cd. its nice and easy to dance too like 90’s music.
i start to sway and move my hips to the music, my cheeks are red and flushed i am getting hot, ive been hot and cooled down with crispin and coco in a naughty photo shoot.
all of us were dancing when the took over, i felt invincible like nothing could touch me. ”do you want another drink”. jared said, this time he was standing really close to me. ”i held out my glass for him”. then he caught me by surprise by forcing my kips to his, he roughly shoved his tounge down my throat. i didnt exactly pull away from him, but kind of watched as he pulled jemma in and then kissed her. ”good baby”. i heard him say ”is it ok if daddy kisses her again”. ”yes daddy”. this time jared put a strong arm around me and held me tight while he roughly kissed me. i could feel his large cock from his jeans the sensation of all of this was getting to my head when jared said ”come here baby, come kiss nikki, kiss her like i just kissed her”. jemma came over and put a hand on my neck and kissed me, deeply passionately, lovingly. it was in these moments i think i found my place and footing in all of this.
jemma pulled away and jared came back he kissed me again, trailing kisses all down my neck and my face. ”is that pussy wet kitten”. ”yes”. jared spanked me hard, turning me around to face jemma, he roughly held one arm behind my back while having my head in a tight headlock. ”no kitten, you always say yes daddy, and call me daddy now be a good girl and tell me what you say”. ”yes daddy”. ”thats my good little kitten”. i was taken a back in the moment, i had been in some hairy situations before but that was a little weird, however when jared saw the look on my face, he kissed me again. i stood for a moment watching his kiss jemma over and over again.
i’ll end this right here because what happened afterward left me feeling a little confused at first.
on thanksgiving i woke up early, went downstairs to the kitchen to start prepping everything for thanksgiving. jared’s mom connie had come over the night before as his assistant emma and were already in the kitchen wrapping the potatoes in aluminum foil. i took the turkey out of the fridge, i put it in a bucket in a bag with the brine the night before. i put it down ont he floor next to my feet while i looked for the roaster. nikki wasnt awake yet but all i could think of was the night the three of us were all together and had sex. i stopped for a moment and smiled when i heard jared comming down the stairs. ”good morning baby”. ”good morning”. he kissed me and then his mom on the cheek. ”is nics awake”. ”no not yet” ”ok, i am going to open the door for shannon”.
i tried to hide my excitment about seeing my sisters, everything was all set, i wired my mom the money for the plane tickets for my sisters. i got the confirmation she recieved it and everything was going according to plan, but at the time what i didnt realize is that my mom and dad would never allow my sisters to travel alone, at the time though that is what i was under the impression would happen. also at the time i didnt ask alot of questions, but still i should have known, because nothing my parents do is ever really for me or my siblings but you will hear about that later.
i took a deep breath, my sisters would be arriving at 8am. i just had to get through this until 8am when they arrived. i was also under the impression they would call me when they got here. ”what time do you sisters get here”. 8am”. ”are you sure baby, its 5 minutes after 8”. jared showed me the time. ”yes i am sure, let me check the airline schedule”. i went over to the computer to check the information. it looked to me like the plane was arriving on time with no delays.
i stretched and yawned waking up. i looked at the clock on the bedside table next to me. ”8:15” shit, i over slept i need to get downstairs to help jemma with her sisters. i took a deep breath looking myself over in the mirror, i wouldnt wear my helmet today, i would put on my beanie instead. i put on nice black jeans, because i figured we would be playing with them. i sat on the edge of the bed and put on my black sketchers sneakers, lastly i put on my new thirty seconds to mars shirt with the album cover on the front. i put on my make up the way i usually did, then zipped up my hoodie and went downstairs.
there seemed to be alot of chaos happening, everyone cooking. so i busied myself by putting all the beer in the cooler. then the doorball rang, i remember looking up for a moment and see shadows in the doorway. we all kind of looked at each other before jemma went to the door with jared, jared reached out and opened the door and to me outside i could see them. jim bob and michelle dugger, i cant even begin to describe it so i am going to give it a try. michelle had the biggest curly hair i had ever seen, the bangs were piled high on her head and the rest was in a ponytail, she was wearing the offal floral dress, it was white with pink flowers puffy sleeves and she was big, big i mean pregnant. jim bob had the weirdest hair cut i had ever seen, like if the ken doll was real and jim bob had his hair, then several kids ran into the house and passed me, at first i counted them, but lost count after 8 if i had to guess maybe there were 11 or twelve.
at the point, jared looked at jemma and she looked at me and i looked at them. then jim bob spoke and to this day he makes me want to puke sorry jem, but i still hate him. ”hey jared thanks for inviting us to thanksgiving we packed up the r.v and here we are”. i choked in my mouth a little, i could see jared’s anger slowly creeping up. shannon came and stood next to me ”should we do something”. ”not yet i wanna see how this goes”. both of us stood there are mouths wide as both jim bob and michelle came into the house.
”oh ..er. yeah come in”. jared made a face closing the door. his patience was on thin ice. ”this is such a nice, big place you got here”. ”thank you, i could fit your whole house in my swimming pool”. jared said behind gritted teeth. from that point on everything that came out of their mouth’s were so fake and meant to sting. ”let me introduce you to my mom connie” i watched them give her an akward side hug”. ”you know my assistant emma”. emma didnt say anything but they gave her an awkward side hug. ”this is my brother shannon”. ”and this is mine and jemma’s friend nikki from new york, she lives with us”. they gave me a fake awkward hug too, ”and lastly this is tomo, he’s in the band with us”. ”oh you have a band what intrument do you play”. ”the guitar”. jared made small talk.
everyone was sort of quiet for the most part unable to believe that the duggars were in our house after what they put jemma and jared through. but jared isnt one to back down from a challenege. ”jemma didnt tell me all of you were comming, we thought the girls were comming”. ”what kind of parents would we be if we let our girls travel alone”. jared took a deep breath looking at jemma. ”oh my gosh jemma what are you wearing”. her mom in that fake sticky sweet soft voice says looking at her daughter in jeans and t-shirt. ”um jeans and a shirt, why mom you dont like it”. then jim bob opens is stupid mouth. ”mama dont worry she no longer belongs to us she is jareds now and if this is how he wants her to dress”. ”belongs”. i wanted to punch him in his face so bad. ”uh jim bob, she’s my wife and i encourage her to do what she wants and feels, tell em babe”.
”oh yes, i am in school now and in the summer i am taking drivers ed. ”oh school now jared thats good, train her up to be really smart, before shes barefoot and pregnant”. jared almost had a heart attack.
”actually she and i use contriception we both agreed we are not ready for children”. jim bob and michelle looked at each other, like their heads were about to explode.
”you know god never gives us more then he think we can handle and in time you will see the value in creating life for gods army”. then emma stepped forward, ”jared, jemma can i talk to you for a minute”. ”yes”. they all went to the bar located behind door on the side of the kitchen.
the kids were running all over the house, with muddy shoes to boot. jared is a pretty relaxed guy, but i didnt think it was fair the housekeeper would have to clean up after them.
”nikki”. jared called for me holding the door open. i closed it behind me after i hurried in there.
”what the fuck jared, i didnt know the whole damn family was comming”. ”i didnt either, jemma did you know they were all going to come”. ”no jared i swear i didnt know”. ”we dont have no where near enough food to feed them all, someone is going to have to run to the store”. ”i think the stores are closed”. ”what do we do” ”we send them to the store”. jemma said as we all nodded. ”there are some stores open like wal-mart and target”. i chimed in standing in the huddle. ”alright we send them, but jemma listen babe i need you to keep your dad away from me, that crack he made about now you belong to me, i could have punched him in the throat for that”. ”i ll try daddy”.
on the way out of the room i went last and closed the door. ”mom, we need for you to go to the store, because we werent prepaid for all of you to come”. ”oh dont worry about we already stooped by the store and picked everything up”. ”oh thats so great”. jemma said trying to hide her displeasure.
”jemma whats that on your arms”. her father asked looking at the wounds from the attack. jemma snatched her arm away from him and said ”nikki and i were in the world trade center during the terrorist attack and i dont remember you even sending me a card”. ”well honey money has been tight and everything at the carlot has been very slow but you understand”.
”yes”. jemma then walked away to talk to her sisters, i remember thinking about how for being 11 through 7 they seemed very mature.
then i saw him, the boy who had a hand in the sexual abuse of his sisters and jemma. i sneered at this kid he was 13 years old and so smug about everything like he was a know it all.
”why is your head shaved, why are you all in black are you a boy or a girl”. he peppered me with questions. ”listen kid, i dont know you, and its not really any of your business why i am dressed like this and i dont really know i am, and i have my head shaved because i was in an accident”. then he continued. ”you know the bible says, hey can i show you something”. ”no thank you”. i walked away from him, he made me feel so uncomfortable.
”who wants to play in the pool with me”. jemma asked moving something out of the way. ”i do”. i said finally ready to move the hell on from this.
jemma put on a cute colorful bikini while the rest of them put on whole swim wear that was basically dresses made of swimming material.
jared sat at the head of the table, jemma to his right and his mom at his left, i sat next to jemma and the duggars were seated next to connie jared’s mom. dinner started off with them leading us in prayer, however after that it went downhill and fast.
”so jared how long are you going to wait before you and jemma start having babies, they are a blessing from god you know”. ”i dont know yet we havent really decided yet”. ”dont wait to long she is still in season, flowering just right”. jared slammed his fork down on the table, this got to jared. jemma put a gentle hand on his arm and this calmed him down. but as jim bob continued his anger grew.
”jemma do you like school”. ”yes of course i like it alot”. ”you know all that stuff they teach you in school isnt always acurrate”. ”i know so i use google alot to look things up or i use then encyclopedia’s”, did i tell you how nice the apartment in new york is”. ”oh new york, thats very fancy jemma”. ”are you going to study to be a mid wife”. ”no actually i was thinking bio chemistry”. ”theres good jobs there, but why not consider a job in the church, like maybe in the rectory or the iblp i know they have alot of great jobs for girls there”. ”no i dont want a job in the church, i think we might be doing work for jared in the summer or maybe we will get job somewhere it will be fun, plus i think jared’s band is going on a summer tour so they will need help there”. ”traveling, are you that is a good idea jared, she might get some pretty crazy idea’s am i right you cant have disobeying”. jemma’s eyes went wide, but then she kind of bowed her head, this man her own father was talking about her as if she is owned by jared. seeing this happen to jemma pissed jared off.
”ok listen i have dealt with this all day, but this is where i draw the line. i will not have you come into my home and disrespecting me and my wife in this way, if you dont like my life choices or the choices i have made for my wife then you can get the fuck out of my house”. jim bob and michelle looked at each other then to jared who was standing. ”its one thing to treat me like shit but when you come in here and constantly put jemma down i wont have it, get out of my house now”.
”man you cant do that, i was just asking questions”. ”i said get out now”. jim bob was standing now. ”i am asking you questions because we dont think you are adequately taking care of our daughter look at her”. ”i see her and all of this is because of me, the jeans the hair color all of it, get out now”. ”were not going anywhere until we discuss this”. ”you and i dont have anything to discuss, you did all the talking with my attorneys when you tried to claim i assaulted jemma, you made me marry her and i am glad i didnt so she could get the hell out of that crazy ass house”. ”
”she would be better off at home with us, with people who really love her”. ”oh cut the bullshit with the fakery you think i dont know what you did to her, i know about all of it the beatings, the rape, the backpack with rocks dont you forget that, one call to the authorities and its all over for you”.
”everything i have ever done was for my daughter, she had to be discipilined”. ”not that way you did to her and to me”. now jared moved from the table. ”i dont care if i have to spend the rest of my life telling everyone the truth about me and jemma, but as for you the next time you plan on comming you need to let me know first, because i dont think you are a good influence on my wife and have embarassed us enough”. ”were are we supposed to go”. ”dont know dont care, but you cant stay here allow me to show you to the door”.
jemma was crying now, i know how desperately she wanted this to be a happy day. instead these fools. i hugged my friend tightly as her mother with that fake sweet voice gathered all the children and left. jared slammed the door and locked it behind him. jared took a looka round the room and the table, where he came back to where me and jemma were sitting. ”i am so sorry about that baby, are you ok”. ”mmhmm”. she said wiping the tears from her eyes. jared hugged her and kissed her. he reached out and squeezed my hand. but i just sat silent my nerves were shot from walking on egg shells on day long.
this is was the first time anyone had ever really been on my side. had believed me when i told them the truth about something, had stood up for me, and who actively gave me a voice i could speak from. he gave me the confidence in my self to try the things i have always dreamed of. this was the begining. this was the begining of my seeing the way my parents were, they way they treated me and the first time i had ever heard any one say the things they did to me were not ok.
at this point i didnt tell nikki about the beatings, the rape she knew a little bout, she didnt know about the punishments like the rocks in the backpack. in the writing of this book, my heart hurts so badly thinking of doing these things to my own children. however after dinner that night, i was sullen and quiet inside of myself. this was the first time i had ever laid my cards on the table. i was and abused child i couldnt hide it anymore.
i felt like everyone at the table had eyes on me, like they were looking right through me. ”i am not hungry”. i said throwing my napkin to the plate and leaving the table. ”jemma”. jared called after me, but at this point i couldnt breathe and i felt so self concious.
jared was outside the door. ”jemma are you ok”. i didnt answer him as i laid on the bed in the fetal position. he came into the room anyways. ”baby”. ”i dont really feel like talking right now”. i felt the bed move jared was sitting down next to me. ”ok we dont have to talk, but is it ok if i lay here next to you and hold you”. i didnt answer him, but moments later i felt him pull me in closer to him. ”its ok if you dont want to talk to me. ill just hold you here in my arms”. ”you always make me feel safe”. i mumbled, jared had his fingers in my hair, idily running his fingers through it. ”i dont like what happened today, i want you to have fun and see your sisters and family”.
”how did you know about the rocks in the backpack”. ”when i was packing your things that night your left for new york, i found your notebook folded into your clothes, i saw the page where it had a count of all the days you were forced to wear the backpack with rocks, i closed it and put it back i figured when you were ready you will talk to me about it”. ”what do you see when you look at me am i broken”. ”no of course not jemma your not broken, you are here with me, i love you and nikki loves you. you are safe in my arms”.
we must have fallen asleep because, when i woke up jared was also asleep. the house was a little darker then normal, it was 6:30 in the evening.
i raised my head to look around the room. i had the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom, so i crawled down off the bed to go to the bathroom. when i came back into the room, i saw jared laying there sleeping, it seemed like the first time i ever really looked at him. he shifted in bed, then called for me, opening his eyes. i kneeled next to the bed and said ”i am not going to be joyfully available to you, or obey you”. ”i dont always expect you too, unless its here in the bedroom then i want you to obey me”. ”no not even then”. i said as jared pulls me back into bed.
the events of the night we all got fucked up, weighed a little on my head. i felt confused because while i dont mind experimentation or anything. neither jemma nor jared actually talked to me about it after that, and i didnt say anything because i just thought it might have been just trying things out.
so i made my appointments with crispin and coco and other suitors who wanted to spend time with me while i was in l.a. look i know what your thinking about me being fifteen, well i was very selfaware. i knew what i was doing. eloring and experimenting. i think its perfectly normal to do so at this age.
yet when i got back from seeing coco on that saturday, i came back into the house and put my bag on the kitchen table. i had no idea that the following conversation had already been discussed before, or part of it.
”hey can you come into my office”. ”sure jared”. ”the office”. i thought as i walked behind him wondering what the hell was happening. when i got to the office, jemma was already there smiling. ”hey jemma whats going on”. ”we want to talk to you”. i sit down in the chair kind of comfy. jared sits down behind the desk. ”hi”. he says focused on me. ”what the hell is going on your freaking me out”. ”jemma and i were discussing the events of the other night”. ”i see, that was kind of freaky but i dig it. i have fun”. ”as you should, but the real reason we were duscussing it is because”. jared stopped for a moment to look at jemma. ”jemma and i were discussing making this a threesome”. ”what like sex”. ”no, actually being in this realtionship with us”. ”oh wow i”. i paused for a moment loosening my collar. ”we want you to be our girlfriend, not just for sex but in our realtionship eclusively”. jemma said reaching over to hold my hand. ”but i hardly know you jared”. ”thats the thing, we can all get to know each other, to bring our bond closer”.
”so your saying that the both of you want me to be in this realtionship too so like a sister wife type of thing and what about sex and all that”. ”i was thinking we could all share the same bed”. ”i see, jared’s bed is pretty big, would there be access to money and leroy”. ”yes i would add your name to my bank account, you will travel with us during the summer and i would train you for the play room too”. ”what is the playroom”. jemma smiled and said ”you will see”. ”also one last thing, i want to make sure everyone has equal footing, i dont want to do something and be told i cant because i dont have an official title, oh and is this like a cult i have heard about them almost got recruited by scientology, but i refused to sleep in the bunk beds”. ”yes our on little love cult”. ”cool”. ”so what do you think nikki”. ”alright i am in, so are you and i going to go on dates and things”. ”yes”. ”well jemma come too”. ”sometimes, in the begining no we have to get used to each other”. ”ok i understand jared”. ”there are a few things though”. ”ok”. ”you will be given a list of rules that apply to your training for the play room, also whatever you have going on with crispin has to end, because now you are in this realtionship, ill give you a few days to finish things off if you know what i mean”. ”i do and rules, i am not so good with rules, i am already getting a rash from it”. ”yes there are rules but trust me when i say its for your pleasure”. i laughed ”ok then so what happens now, do i have to sign something”. ”no”. ”ok cool”. ”what kind of pictures did crispin take of you and coco”. ”i was modeling in a bikini in front of a car”. ”alright”. ”so what do i do now”. ”we make use of what little time we have left before you have to get back to new york”.
so we spent our last day together playing around in the pool, until dark. then we all went to sleep in the same bed. i liked it we didnt have sex, but it was pretty nice.
harliequinndom 